It was early the next morning when there was a knock on the door to their common room. They had both finished dressing – Regina telling Emma of her conversation with her mother from the previous night – and they were preparing to go down to breakfast. The other nobles would begin arriving by noon and throughout the day so there was a lot of work to oversee to make sure everyone was securely lodged in the castle and had what they needed.
Emma answered the door as Regina was still in the bedroom.
"Good morning Emma, I was hoping I could speak with my daughter in private before heading down to breakfast," Cora said.
"I don't think she is inclined to speak to you," Emma said.
"I take it she told you that she and I had a disagreement last night."
"She did."
"It's important that I speak to her so I can clear things up."
"I think it would be best if you left her alone," Emma said. "From what I can tell all you end up doing is hurting her."
"Yes much to my regret I do seem to do that," Cora said. "And I don't mean to upset her any further, but I must speak with her. I'm not leaving this spot until I do."
Emma didn't want Cora anywhere near Regina but she could also tell Cora wasn't about to move. She was still debating when Regina entered the room.
"Regina, I must speak to you in private," Cora said moving around Emma.
"We have nothing to say to each other," Regina said. "The only reason I'm not asking you to leave my kingdom entirely is because of how that would look."
Cora turned to Emma. "Would you kindly give me and my daughter a moment?"
"No she won't," Regina said. "She and I are the rulers here not you. I'm done with you dictating aspects of my life."
Emma went and stood beside Regina to show Cora that there was no conflict in who she supported in all of this. She noticed Cora giving her a surprised look as if she didn't think Emma would do that.
"I have no right to ask you, I understand that, but what I need to say to you must be done in private," Cora said. "If you don't like what I have to say then I will leave your kingdom as you wish. I can make an excuse as to why I must return home or I will feign sickness and stay in my room throughout the coming days until I leave with your father. That is the bargain I will strike with you."
Emma was a little surprised when Regina looked at her and nodded toward the doorway. Emma didn't want to leave but out of respect for Regina she did, although she stayed outside in the hall.
"Make it quick," Regina said to her mother.
"I know this all seems terribly unfair to you," Cora said. "And if I were in your position I would feel the same way, but you need to understand the choices your father and I have made have always been about what would be best for you."
"And how is that since you have never bothered to ask me what I wanted or what I thought would be best for me."
"Did you tell Emma the specifics of our disagreement?"
"No," Regina lied. "She doesn't need to know that her wife has an uncontrollable magic problem. She only knows that there have been issues between you and me in the past and they came to a head yesterday. She trusts me enough that she doesn't need to know the details."
Cora considered this bit of information. "It's good that she trusts you. It shows that your relationship with her is getting stronger."
"Is this all you wanted to speak to me about?" Regina said. "Because this hardly seems important enough to be exiled from my kingdom, but I will take you up on that offer."
"You need to learn to control your emotions better," Cora said.
"Get out," Regina said. "I'm tired of being told what to do by you."
"You need to learn to control your emotions better because that is what fuels your magic."
Regina cocked her head to the side slightly. "My emotions?"
"Yes. The magic is in you regardless but the degrees by which you can use it are – at least in the beginning – predicated upon your emotions. To learn how to control the magic you need to learn to control your emotions," Cora said. "The fire at that homestead, what were you feeling at the time?"
"Um … I don't know, I guess I felt bad for them. This kid was asking the mom where they were going to live and that's when it happened."
"You felt bad, you sympathized with their plight," Cora said. "So when your magic manifested it did so in a way that helped them. Now that is a very basic, simplistic example and the one thing about magic is that there rarely is a simple explanation. As I said last night the magic doesn't control you, you control it. But there are things you need to understand. I have always told you that magic is dangerous and it is but only when you use it in dangerous ways. If I'm going to teach to control it then you have to promise me two things – one that this stays between us, no one else can know. You can't tell Emma or anyone. Two you have to promise me that you won't go trying to learn to use the magic. I will teach you to control it but I won't necessarily be teaching you to use it – it's an important distinction that I have to make and you must abide by."
Regina could hardly believe what her mother was saying. "You will teach me?" she asked, needing the reassurance of what she had heard.
"To control the magic, yes. Do we have a deal?"
"Why now, what made you change your mind?"
"You did," Cora said. "You think I am not sympathetic to what you are going through, but I am. It pains me to see you as I saw you last night. When the magic manifested in me I too did not know what to do about it, nor did my parents. They found someone to teach me how to control it and how to use it. This was before I met your father. I was young and I was naïve about the ways of magic. I thought it was something good, but then I saw it used for things so evil that I no longer wanted to be a part of that world. I never wanted it for you either. There are unimaginably dangerous things that magic can do, and your father and I, well we thought it best that you simply never learn to use the magic so that you are never faced with these terrible things. We wanted to protect you. But you are an adult now and you are making your own decisions. In order to continue to protect you, I see now you must be given some knowledge of this magic so you can be confident that you will not use it to hurt someone."
"But you are still trying to withhold knowledge from me by not teaching me to use it."
"I know," Cora said calmly. "Please Regina, I'm asking you not to ask that of me."
Regina took a couple of steps away from her, thinking this through. "If I agree to this, do you promise to answer my questions?"
"As long as they aren't questions that would lead to you using magic."
"But how can I learn to control it, if I can't use it?"
"There will be some using of magic – I can't teach you without some use, but my concern is with the use of advanced magical techniques."
"Are you … were you advanced at using magic?"
Cora sighed. "Yes," she said. "In another life I was. It's not something I care to think about, to be honest. I turned my back on that life and I haven't regretted it. If I hadn't I may not have married your father and I may not have gotten the chance to be your mother, and despite what you might think of me you are still the greatest gift that has ever come into my life. I will always love you, Regina, no matter what. Even if you don't want to take me up on my offer and you choose another path, I will still love you."
"I want you to teach me. That's what I've always wanted since the day I found out you too had magic."
"You are sure? You can live by the rules I have put into place?"
"Yes," Regina said without hesitation. "Yes. Thank you."
She hugged her mother and Cora held her daughter close knowing what it was that she was risking. She had to be right about her daughter though. She had never believed Regina was capable of using magic to destroy their world – until last night when she saw the hatred in Regina's eyes. She hadn't slept at all that night knowing she needed to do something to turn Regina from a path of anger.
"When can we start?" Regina asked as they separated.
"Not right now," Cora said. "You have obligations, lots of obligations over the coming days, but we will have to find some time. Now we should get downstairs before people wonder where their queens are. I suspect your wife hasn't gone far. She's protective of you, do you see that?"
Protective. Yes, Regina thought, that was a good way to describe Emma. She thought about how Snow had told how Emma as a child would run around the castle pretending she was saving people. A regular white knight Snow had said to her later after telling of one of Emma's more elaborate tales of saving someone from a dragon that was only a mean old cat that used to hang around the castle. Yes, she thought, Emma was a white knight – her white knight.
"She told me she loved me yesterday," Regina said.
"She did," Cora said smiling. "That's wonderful."
The prophecy, she thought, perhaps it didn't matter that she taught Regina some magic at this point. The seer said Emma's love would prevent Regina from doing this thing.
"I didn't say it back," Regina admitted.
"Oh. How did she take that?"
"She was understanding. I think it bothered her, but she would never say so."
"Do you love her?"
"I don't know," Regina said. "I like her and I care for her more than I would have thought possible a year ago, but I can't say that it is love."
Her mind flashed back to last night and her thoughts of leaving forever. If she loved Emma, would she even be considering such a thing? Or did she stay out of love? Or was it guilt that made her stay? Again she wondered if marriage was enough to keep Emma alive and again she hated herself for thinking it.
"It may be too soon for you yet, but you will get there," Cora said. Her heart was joyous that Regina was even speaking to her of such things. "I'm sure of it."
….
Emma had never wanted a day to end so badly in her life when she and Regina finally got to go to bed that evening. She had met most of the nobles that were now their guests before but now that she was a queen she had even more of an obligation to chit chat with them than ever before. And it was boring.
Regina was the one more cut out to be a diplomat. She had barely got the chance to speak with her wife today. Regina had told her what her mother had said to her, but that was about the extent of their talking – at least to each other. Emma had wondered why Cora was insisting no one be told about her teaching Regina. What did it matter, she wanted to ask.
And why the sudden change on Cora's part?
Emma didn't say anything to Regina but she was beginning to think there was more to this magic stuff than perhaps Regina realized. She would never stand in Regina's way of learning it, but perhaps she would take some time to urge her to be cautious.
They got into bed and Emma faced her wife, noting that there was a thoughtful expression on her face. "What's wrong?" Emma asked.
Regina shook her head. "I don't know," she said.
"Well, it must be something because you have this look on your face like you won't be sleeping anytime soon. What is it?"
Regina moved onto her side to face Emma. "Have you ever met King Midas before?"
"Sure I have, several times, why?"
"Do your parents get along with him?"
"I guess, I've never really thought about it. Do your parents not like him?"
"I'm not sure. I've been to every other kingdom except his. My father has been there, I know that, as Midas has always bartered with my father for our horses and I've never heard a bad thing said about him."
"So what is bothering you?"
"As I said, I don't know. I just got this feeling like he was watching me or observing me today and I didn't like the way it made me feel."
"He didn't do anything to you, did he?" Her voice made it clear that she was prepared to act if he did. Emma didn't care if Midas was a king or not if he did something to her wife.
"No," Regina said quickly. "He didn't do anything. I barely spoke to him outside of our initial greeting. I can't even say for sure he was giving me any sort of special attention. I saw him looking at me a couple of times and … I didn't like it. It's hard to explain and maybe kind of pointless. Forget I said anything."
"It's kind of hard for me to forget something like that," Emma said. "But I will tell you what, tomorrow, I will be more observant and if I catch that old man eyeing you too much, I will have a private conversation with him."
Regina gave her a small smile. "It was probably nothing. I admit my focus wasn't on him much. My mind has been reeling since this morning. I still can't believe my mother relented. And now that she has, what kinds of things is she going to be teaching me? I dreamed of this, but now that it's here I have so many questions."
"It must be a load off of your mind to finally learn to control your magic."
"Yes, it is. Although I wish my mother would have been willing to also teach me to use it," Regina said. "I don't know why she is being so secretive about her using magic. I mean what does it matter?"
Emma didn't know either, but she still had the feeling that they were missing something about all of this.
"You said your mom hinted that she had seen magic used in evil ways, maybe that's it, maybe it is hard for her to talk about it because it was really bad," Emma said.
When Regina first confessed to her about the magic they had sat one night and talked about what each knew about magic as far as stories they had heard growing up but as it turned out neither had much knowledge to go on. Emma knew of her parents having a brush with magic through true love's kiss when her mother had been put under a sleeping spell, but Emma didn't know anything beyond that. She always tended to enjoy stories of action.
The story about her parents was only interesting to her because her father got to fight a dragon.
Regina's knowledge was even more limited as it turned out. She too had heard of the true love's kiss that Snow and Charming shared, but she didn't know the story behind it, she admitted. She didn't even know it involved a dragon. Emma at first thought that since Regina's upbringing involved a lot of serious studies that perhaps she was never given opportunities to indulge in fantastical stories. Now she wondered if this was more of her parents trying to keep her away from magic.
"If that were it I don't know why mother didn't tell me years ago. If there is some hidden pain there on her part perhaps I would have been able to understand better," Regina said. "I am happy that your mother has finally decided to teach you some magic, but I think you should be cautious," Emma said.
"Of my mother?"
"No, well, maybe, but I meant be cautious about the magic. Maybe there is a really good reason for all of this," Emma said. "I just don't want you to get hurt is all."
"I won't. The whole idea is to learn so I don't hurt others," Regina said. "I can't go through that again."
Daniel, Emma thought. Regina was referring to Daniel and Emma wondered, not for the first time, how deep Regina's feelings had been for this stable hand.
"I trust that you won't hurt anyone," Emma said and she kissed her wife. Regina kissed her back, pressing into her a little more and Emma pulled her in even closer. Their kissing had gotten more intense as their anniversary had gotten closer and Emma had hoped that meant that soon they would consummate their marriage. She was ready, although nervous since she had never had sex before.
Their kissing was heating up even more and Emma brushed her hand up Regina's leg, pulling the nightgown up some along with it. The action made Regina pull back.
"Sorry," Emma said quickly.
"No, I'm sorry, I … I'm not ready. It's not that I don't want this, want you like this, but it's been a long day and the next couple of days are promising to be just as long. I just think we should wait."
Emma wanted to say they had waited for almost a year and the last month of waiting was killing her, but she didn't. She exhaled. "No, you're right. It needs to be special when we take that step."
"Exactly," Regina said, the relief in her voice was evident to Emma. She gave Emma another small kiss and bid her good night. Emma said good night back but then rolled back over on her back. She closed her eyes, but she didn't figure sleep would be coming quickly.
It was always like this with Regina. It was as if Emma made progress just so far and Regina would put a wall up. It wasn't just with their physical intimacy, it was everything. Even after all this time she still found Regina to be guarded about things.
She couldn't help but wonder if Regina would ever totally open up to her. And if she didn't, where did that leave her and her feelings for the woman beside her?