Anakin probably should have felt Ahsoka's approach, never mind the fact that he should have felt it as soon as she'd woken up. His breath was still coming fast, his fear of speaking to the Jedi not yet having abated. More specifically, he feared that they would make Sidious more paranoid than the Sith already was when they felt Vader's Force-signature and panicked; Anakin suffered under no delusion that he could hide all of his changes in the Force - his power was much greater than when'd he'd last been in this time. Yoda, at the very least, would immediately sense the difference.

Vader knew that Kenobi had already felt the changes, but the Jedi was too blinded by sentimentality to consider Anakin a threat - for now, anyway (and wasn't that amazing? How had he never noticed the attachment before? … or had he merely forgotten it?).

And Ahsoka …

Vader had never been certain concerning the fate of his former padawan. He had fought her on Malachor, where she had refused to leave him, instead intent on avenging Anakin's death; he could clearly recall the floor of the temple crumbling underneath his boots as he slashed downwards, his saber moving to end her life. He thought he had seen her disappear.

He had felt her Force Signature disappear.

He'd assumed afterwards that he had succeeded, and it was only cemented when Obi-Wan's body vanished upon the older Jedi's death. Yet now, in retrospect, Vader wondered if she had ever died at all. With his broken bonds, there was no way he could have known for sure without seeking her out.

Now all of his bonds were back, throbbing with life- Ahsoka reached out to him through their rejuvenated connection just after she spoke, and he felt tears begin flowing freely down his cheeks once again as the warmth and worry tentatively brushed against him. "Skyguy?" The tears blurred everything around him into streaks of color, and her bright orange and blue filled his vision as she neared him with soft footsteps.

"Ahsoka."

Padmé's arms tightened around him as he shuddered. Everything was so bright, so warm - after living in such smothering darkness for so long ... a black hole in the Force, a prison of his own creation - Vader felt like he was sitting on a star. It was too much for him; his current state was one of shock and disbelief, he knew. To be in the past, he may as well have been dreaming. Everything was perfect. Everything could change, and- …

He didn't deserve this.

He didn't deserve this!

Anakin had been crying on and off ever since he'd arrived in the past, but for the first time since he'd awoken as his younger self - in fact, the first time in nearly 30 years - an audible sob escaped him. He let go of the speeder that he'd bent out of shape, curling in on himself while his wife held him. The Force swirled around him, blanketing him with light and love, and his world dimmed as he finally allowed himself to sink into it - into a meditation that he hadn't experienced for over two decades.

He needed to ground himself. He needed Luke … his son had understood all that he now was, had loved him despite his past atrocities, though Force only knew he would never deserve it ...

Distantly he could hear Obi-Wan's voice, along with Ahsoka's and Padmé's, and he knew that they were probably talking to him. He couldn't listen. The Force cradled him, coaxing him to feel - to embrace it; he did so almost clumsily, reminded of his last moments with Luke as it wrapped itself around him gladly, surrounding him with the purity that could only come from unconditional love.

Then he wept.

Anakin didn't deserve Padmé. He didn't deserve Luke - or any of them. He knew he didn't. He knew that if there was anything he deserved, it was the very fate that they had all been subjected to. He didn't deserve love, and he certainly didn't deserve forgiveness. He almost wished that he'd been sent back farther, to perhaps spare them his presence completely.

Yet to feel Padmé again in his arms, to hear her voice, to kiss her, to love her- … to love them all … it was all he had ever wanted; it was everything he had ever dreamed about. The world around him was vibrant with life and love, and it was still unbelievable to him. He felt like he would wake up any moment to find himself in his suit once again. To see everything in shades of red through damaged eyes, and hear everything through the tinny receivers of his helmet.

There had been many moments where Vader had considered the suit a prison; he had known that Palpatine intended for it to keep him in constant pain. To keep him subservient. To feed his anger and power in the dark side. Yet Anakin had never considered the suit as his prison.

It had been his penance.

Now, without it, he felt almost naked. It awoke within him a feeling that he hadn't had since his childhood; the same feeling he'd gotten when he'd seen a swimming pool for the first time, or when he'd been told that showering wasn't a waste of water. To a slave born on Tatooine, where water was almost more precious than blood, it had been nearly unfathomable.

And now, here he was, curled up and sobbing like a child, the very idea that he could be loved just as unfathomable. For who could love someone as broken as twisted as he had become? Who could love a monster?

They would run if they could truly see him. Immersed in the Force as he was he could see and feel them around him - the soft and soothing light of Kenobi, the bright and energetic ray that was Ahsoka … both stretching towards him, with the warm unyielding glow of Padmé at his back.

They were beautiful.

When he looked at himself, all he could see was the darkness, clinging, dripping from him with every movement in the Force. He hated it.

He hated Vader.

It was this thought that brought him back to the surface of his meditation, the light pulling away from his dark and unforgiving anger. Vaguely he was aware of the people around him, of words being spoken - his name being called. He could feel the tears on his face and the dryness of his eyes. They were sore, and he squinted at the bright colors that assaulted him when he opened them.

At some point during his meditation he'd been moved inside, and now he was lying down on the couch in Padmé's sitting room. There was a hand in his hair, and he could sense his wife's Force-signature right next to him. Obi-Wan and Ahsoka were nearby, but his eyes sought Padmé first, tilting his head back to look up as the colors defined themselves into shapes and lines.

"Ani? Are you awake?" Her voice was soft as she returned his look, and he managed a nod, wondering what sort of state he'd been in to make her ask that while he was looking at her. "Good. And how do you feel?"

Anakin had a lot of things that he wanted to say to that now that he felt calmer. The last time he'd meditated in the light side had been before Mustafar, and he realized that he had missed it. Where the dark brought blind focus and surging power; the light brought … peace. He shook his head slightly, dismissing every response that had come to mind, for the first time in many years choosing levity. "Do- … do you still want me to look at Threepio?" His voice came out as a croak, but the soreness was worth it when his wife's shining eyes crinkled with a fond smile.

"Of course, if you have time. But first I want to know what that was." Her voice was gentle, but incredibly firm. It softened to a whisper as her fingers ghosted over his face, brushing under his eyes where his tears had fallen, running over his scar. "Obi-Wan and Ahsoka said you were meditating … Oh, Ani. I'm scared."

Regardless of the fact that his darkness had pulled him from the meditation, he could feel the light lingering - softly swaddling itself around him. It had not abandoned him, even though he had once been Vader. The peace and calm grounded him, and he knew it was time to make and execute the plans that would keep his family safe. He would not lose anyone again.

"You have nothing to fear." He pulled himself up from her lap, leaning back on the couch to sit beside her as he took in his situation. Obi-Wan and Ahsoka were both kneeling in the center of the room, the light side resting contentedly around them. Clearly they had been trying to help him during his meditation. Their signatures still seemed to be intertwined, and Anakin had no doubt that they were communicating.

It gave him more time to compose himself, though, and Vader found that it was time he needed, allowing him to raise his shields back up, preparing for what was to come. He had a lot of work to do, and with a clearer mind it was easier to focus - his migraine had even receded a little.

His wife was still looking at him with large and shining eyes, and he swiftly sought for the perfect words to assuage her fears. "I am all right, Padmé. My … vision confused me, and so I required meditation to bring everything into focus." Her eyes narrowed slightly with suspicion, but they were still shimmering with unshed tears, and he reached out to cup her face in his left hand - skin meeting skin. "Padmé. Trust me. I am all right."

Her eyes had widened a little when he'd touched her, darting towards the two meditating Jedi before moving back to focus on him. "You're going to have to talk to the Jedi council, Ani. Please let them help you." A scowl rose to his lips automatically at the mention of the council, and Padmé pulled away from his hand. "Please, Ani."

How many times had he wished to hear her speak his name again? How many times had he wished to even just see her face outside of his nightmares, let alone touch it. How could he deny her this one wish? He had certainly dealt with worse than the hypocritical Jedi Order, so it was with the ultimate patience that he responded through his teeth. "Very well. I will speak with them."

"That's good to hear." Kenobi's voice had him turning to see his old master and padawan rising to their feet, and Vader pressed his lips tightly together to avoid scowling again while Obi-Wan continued. "We should probably go to them now; any longer and they're liable to start looking for us themselves."

"Typical." Anakin may have suppressed his scowl, but the disdain in his voice still rang clearly. Kenobi's jaw clenched, but quickly relaxed before the Jedi stretched out a hand.

"Well then. Shall we go?"

Vader stared at it, the calm of his mediation, of his wife - of the past - pushing against his pride. Ahsoka didn't speak from her place behind Kenobi's shoulder, appearing quite subdued. Vaguely, Anakin wondered what she was thinking. He didn't dare lower his shields to let her in however, tempting though it was. He couldn't afford another breakdown.

"I will be back." He said to Padmé, then grabbed Obi-Wan's hand with his own mechanical one - the only limb that had been functioning well since his return. The older Jedi pulled him up to his feet, and immediately slid Anakin's arm around his shoulder when his legs turned to liquid.

Padmé was on her feet now as well, her eyes dark and serious. "I'm holding you to that, Anakin." She didn't seem to care very much that she was saying it in front of Obi-Wan and Ahsoka, and Vader wanted to kiss her again.

Ahsoka appeared underneath his other arm, grunting a little as she took his wobbling weight. "You're so heavy, Master."

Anakin's breath caught to hear her, speaking as though their situation was nothing out of the ordinary, and Vader had to fight to bring back the peace and keep the walls up. He also had to fight not to get annoyed when Kenobi helped, nudging him through the Force as he nodded at Padmé.

"Thank you for your time and hospitality, Senator. We'll be in contact."

Padmé's smile was soft with gratitude - and perhaps slight amusement? - as she responded. "It was nothing, Master Kenobi. I hope to hear from you soon." Her next words were so quiet that Anakin barely caught them. "Stay safe." Then Anakin was being guided back out the door, towards the speeder that he had bent in his earlier panic.

Vader felt annoyance bubble up inside him as his feet clumsily made the correct movements to walk, but with none of the strength behind them that he had become accustomed to. They responded so quickly to his every thought that some of his movements ended up jerky, and all of them uncoordinated.

"So … could you not walk in your vision?" Ahsoka asked.

Anakin couldn't see Obi-Wan give her a chiding look, but he felt it through their trickling bond, and he saw Ahsoka's responding glare. He tried to remember how he used to talk to her, wanting to see her smile again as she had once done so often. Instead he said, "I lost both of my legs in … my vision."

Ahsoka didn't smile, instead appearing vaguely horrified as they reached the speeder. He didn't look at Obi-Wan, but could feel the man echo the padawan's reaction. Neither of the Jedi mentioned it, however, instead helping him patiently into the speeder before sitting on either side of him.

Anakin tried to straighten himself in the seat, and Ahsoka leaned up against his side, lending her support. Vader allowed it. Obi-Wan piloted as gently as he had after Dex's, and Vader began mentally preparing himself. He would not allow Palpatine to win this time, even if he had to humor the Jedi to prevent it.

Vader's breakdown and subsequent meditation wasn't mentioned, though he didn't doubt that it would be brought up in the future. Most likely whenever they finally got to the Jedi mind-healers - which was its own problem. His migraine was getting worse as they neared the temple, and he strengthened his shields, almost closing off his bond with Obi-Wan.

Only it didn't close.

Vader had more than enough strength in the Force to shut his old master out, but the bond pulsed with light - an echo of that feeling from earlier … that feeling that Anakin wanted. He finally turned to look at the Jedi, his restored legs and Mustafar far from his mind as Obi-Wan met his gaze solidly.

Then the moment ended, with Obi-Wan turning to look back at the lanes while Ahsoka supported Anakin from his right. With warmth on either side and that strange feeling seeded in his soul - right down where Luke had first touched him - Anakin realized that he had stopped shaking. Almost unconsciously, he straightened up a little more, drawing the light close to him, letting it shine against the darkness that seemed to be a part of him.

He had spent enough time shaking. It was time to shake Sidious.

Well, I got distracted by other fandoms again. This is clearly a me problem, lol. Thank you - all of you - who have been reading and reviewing and following and even just enjoying this story. I'm not particularly pleased with this chapter, something I'm beginning to think is another me problem. I seem to never be happy with the finished work, so I'm just going to post it and let you decide what to think.

I wanted to give more of this chapter to his reunion with Ahsoka, but this ended up happening instead. I can assure you all that they will most definitely have their moment. Anakin/Vader just decided that he was going to make a little comeback in this chapter, which is probably for the best.

I will say that the plot is going to start inching along more quickly from here on out; talking with the council, visiting the healers, making/carrying out plans to potentially assassinate the creepiest dude in the universe, etc. I can't promise that I'll speed up my writing and posting with the plot. I keep weaving in and out of the Star Wars fandom and it's a problem. And right now, I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of five fandoms - one of them new. It's a strange experience that I don't think I've had before.

But I digress. I hope you all enjoyed it, and I hope I can post a little sooner this time (though I'm beginning to wonder if that phrase isn't some sort of jinx, since it never seems to happen). Love you all! Till next time!