Disclaimer: I still don't own Supernatural or its characters. I and am not making any money on this…I'm just having fun filling in the time until September!

Double Trouble

Chapter 17 – Guilt Trip

Sam moaned as he slowly opened his eyes once more. It was still dark and still cold. Basically nothing had changed except for the severe headache and the hollow feeling within Sam. He tried to stop it, but the images that the shape shifter had sent to him began to replay in his fevered mind.

"Oh God…no! Please, stop it…leave her alone, I'll let you in, just leave her!" Sam sobbed as he felt himself getting sick. He had felt the sick bastard rape the girl as if he was doing it himself. Down deep he knew it wasn't him, but still…it was his fault. Sam saw himself slitting the girl's throat and moaned again…this time he couldn't stop the contents of his stomach from rising up. He continued to retch long after his stomach was empty.

He had heard Missouri in his mind and he knew that she and Dean would eventually find him. But part of him wished it could just be over. So many people suffered because one bad thing after another wanted his damn powers. Power that Sam had never wanted and wished that he could just ignore.

The self recriminations began, if only he had been strong enough to control the powers, the shape shifter would not have hurt Missouri. If only, he had been strong enough, the girl would still be alive. If only he had never been born, his mother and Jess would still be alive. Dean and his father would have had the life they deserved instead of the life they now had…protecting Sam.

As Sam continued to shiver in the darkness, he felt the darkness and cold seep into his very soul. Yes, he knew that Dean and Missouri would be here soon, but did he want to continue? That was the question and Sam still didn't have the answer. He knew Dean would be upset, but without Sam in his life, he could maybe find some peace. He wasn't sure about his father, but whether Sam was there or not, somehow he knew his Dad would continue the hunt for his wife's killer.

Sam's body began to shut down from the cold and abuse. He could feel his eyes closing against his will. Somehow it seemed right, that he should die alone and in the dark. "I'm sorry Dean…but I don't think I can go on…no more deaths because of me, no more injuries or sorrow."

Sam finally closed his eyes, letting his body take over and letting his mind float to a place where there was no pain.

ooooooooo

Dean gently patted Missouri's cheek. "Come on Missouri, don't do this to me. You told me you wouldn't be in danger…damn it, if you die…" Dean couldn't finish the sentence. He didn't like the grayness of her skin or the labored breathing. He shouldn't have let her risk herself. Sam wasn't her responsibility…she shouldn't have been hurt trying to save Sam.

Dean looked at the shape shifter and could feel the frustration and fear building. What if they didn't find Sam in time…and even if they did find Sam, he wasn't sure he could handle the mental mess that this bastard had left behind. Dean was also feeling frustrated, his skills had been useless during this whole ordeal. If it hadn't been for Missouri, they never would have had a chance to find Sam. As Sam's abilities continued to grow, Dean realized that some day he would become obsolete. The demon's words came back to haunt him once more "You need them more than they need you!"

Dean jumped when he felt a hand slap the back of his head. He had been so engrossed in his thoughts; he hadn't heard Missouri sit up. "I swear, if you don't stop moping around, I'm gonna do more than slap you. Dean Winchester, your brother will always need you, just like you will always need him. I'm not sure why things are the way they are…but you both were given each other and I'm tired of the two of you blaming yourselves for things that are just out of your control. Now get on over here and give me a hand up…we need to get to Sam."

Dean looked sheepishly at Missouri…he should be angry that she was reading him, but he knew she was only trying to help…and she had. Dean realized he needed to do some clean up work first. "Ah Missouri, why don't you go out to the car, I'm going to have make sure that things are cleaned up here and I guess, we are going to have to take the shape shifter with us…If we leave him here like this, another Winchester will be buried…I don't want Sam to go through that, he has enough on his plate to worry about."

Missouri nodded and walked slowly towards the car. Her head was aching something fierce, but her heart was aching even more for the two young men who seemed to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. As she sat in the front seat, she decided that maybe she should try to reach Sam one more time…she had sensed him giving up earlier and didn't want the boy to start down the same road that Dean had a few moments before.

Closing her eyes she let her mind search for Sam.

Sam felt something approaching him, his first thought was that the shape shifter was coming back. He had to resist, but he wasn't sure if he had the strength any more. As the presence came closer, Sam started to push back with his mind. Suddenly he felt a calmness that he recognized as Missouri.

"Missouri?" Sam asked softly

"Yes Sam, it's me. You don't need to worry anymore, Dean killed the shape shifter. We are coming to get you. Can you hold on for us Sam?" Missouri could feel the turmoil boiling under the surface.

"I don't know Missouri…I'm so cold, so tired…just want to sleep"

"Samuel Winchester, don't you dare give in you hear me…I can sense your thoughts and you need to get them right out of your head this instant!"

"But I don't want anyone else hurt…he hurt you because of me…"

"Boy, you really do have some sort of God complex…for your information, the shape shifter came after me for my powers…you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time!"

"No, he told me…"

"I don't care what the sorry piece of flesh told you. Ask Dean if you don't believe me, the shape shifter was hunting for psychics using the phone book of all things…he had just killed Lawrence and was after me when you boys showed up."

Sam was confused, his body hurt and he felt like he would never be warm again. But something inside of him started to come back to life, he could feel it growing where there had only been darkness before, a soft light began to pulse.

"That's it Sam, you have to hold on for Dean and I. We will be there shortly to get you. You need to hang on for Dean…he needs you."

"Dean…have to hold on for Dean" Sam repeated, he wanted to fight, but his body was betraying him. He wasn't sure…

"Sam, I mean it…you can do this, just concentrate on helping Dean…he won't survive unless you hold on…do you understand?"

"Hurry…" was all Sam could muster, exhausted by the prolonged contact with Missouri.

Missouri sensed it was time for her to leave. She knew that what she was doing was not only draining on her, but it was also tiring Sam. She opened her eyes and looked at the tense young man sitting beside her.

"So how is he?" Dean asked, knowing that Missouri had made contact with Sam.

"He's waiting for us Dean…now let me tell you how to get there!"

Dean put the car in gear and headed out towards the farm that Missouri had described, pushing down on the accelerator, he had to believe they would be in time…he shuddered as he thought about the dead replica of Sam in the back seat. He had to believe that it wasn't a sign that he was too late.

TBC

Raven524: Thanks again to all the reviewers. For those who want Sam and Dean reunited, don't worry, the next chapter will bring them back together…at least for a moment or two (chuckle!). Keep sending in the reviews!