A/N: Yes, I thought 'twould be cruel to wait much longer in updating…seeing as I left you all hanging…

I froze, eyes tightly shut, and didn't dare move or breathe. Any second I expected to feel the sharp pain of pointed teeth sinking into my skin. I curled my hands into fists to try to stop them from shaking. Various crazed plans flashed in my mind as I tried to think of what to do next. Any movement from me might cause the Sue to panic and bite me. My only hope seemed to be that one of the others would be awoken by Destiny's voice. Of course, Destiny was just barely whispering, and everyone else was on the other side of the cave. I decided in an instant what I would do: there was no one to save me now, and I would have to fight off the vampire long enough for someone to wake up and help. I tensed, waiting for the Sue to lean back just slightly. Brynne stirred in her sleep from the other side of the cave, making a soft rustling noise on the stone floor. Destiny turned her head to see where the sound came from. I seized my opportunity and whirled, sending a punch at Destiny's (though I suppose technically it was Favian's) head. The angsty Sue hissed in fury and lunged at me. I kicked out at her and scrambled out of the way.

"Help!" I yelled at the rangers, who were just starting to wake up from the noise. Destiny suddenly grabbed me by my shirt collar and twisted me around, slamming me against the hard rock wall with surprising strength. She pressed down hard on my windpipe to silence my calls for aid.

"No, no, the nasty hunter isn't getting help. Not now…" she snarled, her (rather, his) normally placid hazel eyes inches from my blue ones. I gasped for air and tried to pry her fingers off my throat.

"Shhh, not so loud, my prey. The hunter mustn't wake the other nasty rangers, must she?" the vampire cooed in a sickening way while I struggled. I couldn't breathe, couldn't escape, couldn't even cry out to the others. My vision started to blur very slightly…

But before I could slip into unconsciousness, something happened. The Sue's expression froze in her insane grin, then slackened as her (again, more like Favian's) eyes became unfocused. Her vice-like hold on my neck was released and I dropped to my knees, coughing and sucking in large gulps of air. I looked up. Kai, pale and disheveled, was panting. Her hunting dagger was in her hand. Obviously she had just dealt the Sue a fearsome blow with the hilt of said weapon. Massaging my throat with one hand, I grabbed Kai's outstretched arm with the other and pulled myself to my feet.

"Thanks," I said when I had regained my composure, "I thought I was a goner."

"You almost were," the ranger captain replied. The two of us watched as Brynne and Éowyn (recently awoken from their slumber) dragged Favian-Destiny back to his - no, its - cell.

"The cage door was broken enough for the Sue to get out," Brynne explained as they came back from the prison, "I expect the wood was weak in places. That was the cage that got pretty wet a few months back, when we put it out too late in the hunting season." Kai grunted her comprehension and turned to face me.

"Rana, I begin to see the sense in your plan. If we don't do something to sever the Sue's hold on Favian, we will have to kill him, just to stop him from killing one of us." I nodded mutely and my spirits sank slightly. Not because I had been hoping to not follow my own plan, but because if we failed, one of our number would die because of it.

The next morning, bright and early, we once more got ready to go Sue hunting. The mood of the company was darker and grimmer than ever. Legolas, Aragorn, Faramir, and Hazel had volunteered to stay behind and man the fort. I personally had suggested that we use Legolas as bait by dangling him from a rope just above the entrance to the Sue's camp, but he promptly rejected this plan. I have no idea why.

Anyways, we soon found ourselves galloping briskly through the forest. I had finally found out the name of my old mare: Farrah. I leaned forward and gripped her black mane as we hurtled past trees and almost collided with Kai. The captain's young silver filly snorted nervously a veered sharply to the right. I winced as Kai yelled an angry curse in my direction.

"Sorry!" I called over my shoulder. I looked back forward and yelped. A log, at least two feet high, was rapidly coming closer. We were too close to stop and avoid it, so I quickly mustered up my courage, tried to remember everything I'd ever learned about jumping, and held on. Farrah took it like a pro, but I almost fell off. It's not my fault I hadn't jumped in months!

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, we slowed down as we reached the cliff where the twin Sues had vanished. I dismounted and draped my mare's reins on the nearest tree branch. Cautiously, we approached the base of the cliff. There was no sign of a lever or button to push to activate the secret passage.

"Well," I sighed after we spent ten minutes thoroughly inspecting the rock face. Brynne gave me a look that clearly said she disliked my lack of enthusiasm. Kai seemed very frustrated.

"We're not stopping until we can get this door open," she snapped, rubbing her forehead. I could tell she was exhausted from both the previous night's escape and (more than likely) lack of sleep. Arwen boldly strode over to the cliff and started running her hand over the spot where the Sue had pressed her palm.

"It has to be here," the queen said firmly. Her confidence made my spirits lift slightly, but only slightly. After another few minutes of trial and error, Arwen smiled.

"Aha!" She gave the stone a good push with her palm. I could hear a soft clicking noise, like gears spinning and clanking. Magically, or so it would seem, a chunk of the rock slid back, revealing a narrow passage leading into the mountain. I whooped and punched the air triumphantly.

"SHHHH!"

"Sorry." I chuckled nervously and crept after Éowyn into the tunnel. The air inside was damp and stank of mold. I wondered vaguely why the Sues hadn't placed fuzzy pink air fresheners by the passage door. The deeper we went into the tunnel, the broader and higher it became, until even Arwen (easily the tallest of us) could walk without stooping. The air even became less foul. There was a distinct scent of perfume after a while. Kai made us stop once or twice as the smell became especially strong. She scouted ahead to see if there were Sues nearby, but each time she came back and shook her head no.

When we finally came out of the passage and into the back of the Sues' camp, we realized where the smell came from. The whole place reeked of perfume and hair spray. Fuzzy pink and purple carpet was strewn on the floor ahead of us, giant posters of Orlando and others famous actors were plastered to the walls, and I could hear loud giggles coming from the center of the camp. We hung back at the mouth of the secret passage and observed everything. It looked like the Sues and fan girls had turned this huge cave into a giant…well, a giant Sue-and-fan-girl heaven. The hot pink and vivid purple colors dazzled my eyes, though I admit the sequins reflecting all the light didn't help, and I was momentarily blinded. I blinked rapidly and shut my eyes for ten seconds before venturing a second look at the camp. I could barely make out people moving around, draped in pink and other such vibrant shades. Their clothes acted like camouflage, making it nearly impossibly to tell where Sues stopped and the walls began. Someone must have had a radio or some other non-Tolkien device of the same kind, because some sort of frilly music was being blasted. Kai and Brynne looked horrified at the sight of so much pink.

"Valar forbid I should see such things again!" Kai gasped, her eyes wide. I crossed myself twice (though I'm not Catholic).

"Amen to that," I murmured. I forced myself to look away from the shiny array of Sueness and scanned the area for signs of something not drenched in pink. I was pretty sure that Destiny's body was still clothed in black, making it easy to spot. Sure enough, about fifty yards from us, at the edge of the camp nearest the cave wall, I spotted something black. I elbowed Éowyn and silently pointed. She nodded and passed on the information to the others.

"Be careful, they could be guarding it," Kai whispered in my ear as she passed me and started to creep towards the speck of darkness amid all that pink. I gulped and followed on tiptoe.

Kai was right. Destiny's body was lying on a low table. I smirked, thinking maybe she at least would be repulsed by the lacey magenta tablecloth she was placed on. Two Sues flanked the crypt, not looking at all solemn. They were both giggling at some odd joke and inspecting each other's manicured nails. No wonder HMS had been terrified when I threatened to trim hers. Brynne grimaced as she saw the Sues.

"We have to distract them!" she hissed at Kai when the five of us ducked behind a fluffy purple curtain. The ranger captain looked uncertain; after a moment she nodded grimly.

"Stay here," she ordered us quietly. Before we could stop her she had burst from behind the curtain and strolled over to the Sues. I at once admired and resented her courage. It takes guts to waltz up to a pair of Sues and talk to them politely when all they really want to do is kill you so there's less competition for Legolas. On the other hand, I was terrified that they'd catch her, and for that I was angry with her.

"Hey, guess what!" Kai said brightly to the Sues. They gaped at her dumbly.

"Like, what do you want?" one of them asked. The ranger was undeterred.

"I, like, TOTALLY saw Legolas go out the secret passage! If you hurry, you might catch him!" she blurted out with a wild grin. To add to the affect she bounced up and down on her toes. I stared at her. That was the best imitation of a Sue I'd ever seen. It was disturbing to see it coming from a no-nonsense ranger captain who gutted orcs without the slightest hesitation. Anyway, both Sues squealed and bolted away, leaving the vampire's corpse unguarded. Kai watched them leave with a thoroughly satisfied smile. I almost whooped again as I scurried from my hiding place.

"That…was awesome!" I said with a proud grin at the captain. She winked at me but said nothing in reply.

"Rana, get over here," Éowyn snapped. I jumped and trotted over to where the shield-maiden was leaning over the dead Sue.

"Okay!" I growled determinedly, rolling up my sleeves, "Brynne, you might have to hold it down. Hand me that stake." Brynne nodded and handed me the long wooden stake we had fashioned from a rowan branch. She then moved to the other side of the table and waited. Mustering my courage, I squeezed my eyes shut and plunged the stake into the Sue's heart. Nothing happened. I tentatively chanced a peek at her. Despite the fact that there was a piece of wood sticking out of her, she appeared normal. Well, not normal, but not any different.

"Now the really gory part," I murmured, "Arwen, would you do the honors?" The queen reluctantly drew her sword and, with one swift chop, sliced off the Sue's head. It dropped off the table and rolled, coming to rest at my feet. I tried my best not to whimper. With slow, deliberate movements I stooped and shoved a sprig of garlic into the vampire's mouth. Still nothing. I slowly backed away.

"Ummm…I think we're good. RUN!" I said the last bit in a very loud whisper and took off. The others, no doubt unwilling to be caught in the camp with the Sue's body, bolted after me with due stealth and haste. Now all we could do was return to camp and see what had happened to Favian.

A/N:

I found out why I had writer's block. I lost the monkey. Yep, lost him. I had nothing to shoot and it depressed me. I've been using Umbridge as a substitute (MUCH easier to hit), and it's been helping. Nevertheless, PotC story updates may still be slow in coming. Have patience with me!