Revelations:

Chapter 6: Revelations

There was not a second to hide her face as her mentor marched into the room, and closed the door with a snap.

Noela, her heart jumping out of her chest, looked through clouded eyes at Astrid's back as she closed the door, and Noela took the brief chance she had to swipe away her tears.

"I came to check on you," Astrid began, turning around once the wood was firmly back in place, blocking out the majority of the sound from outside. "Are you ill?"

Noela could feel her eyes trying to meet hers but the mage averted her gaze, sure that she was about to be discovered, crying.

How embarrassing.

"No," Noela said, before hesitating. "Actually, yes…" she corrected, and cleared her throat, uncertain about how to proceed.

What in the world was she going to say? She couldn't think of anything.

Astrid walked over to the bed and sat on its edge. Noela inwardly squirmed at the proximity. The last thing she wanted right now was company.

"I just needed some time alone," Noela said, not looking at the woman. "To process... stuff."

The green eyes of the Dark Brotherhood leader seemed to burn into her, and Noela could feel her face beginning to heat up, out of either embarrassment, or awkwardness, or perhaps both, she wasn't sure.

Astrid didn't say anything for almost half a minute and appeared to be observing her, from what Noela could see out of her peripheral vision. But then curiosity got to her and Noela finally looked up.

As if that were the cue she'd been waiting for, Astrid said, "Something's bothering you."

Noela held the woman's gaze but didn't respond. She didn't know how to voice her feelings. Heck, she didn't even understand what they were, and she was never one to openly share her troubles with anybody, let alone the person who was in fact, her boss.

Astrid waited for a long moment before she said out of nowhere, "'Just how did the great and good Dragonborn, saviour of our world, come to be a cold-blooded killer and monster?' Is it something along those lines?"

Noela stared at her blankly for a second, before her eyes widened in surprise and she blurted, "What? You know?"

Astrid smirked, "What do I know?"

"That I'm the—the…"

"Dragonborn?" the Nord finished for her. "Of course we know, my dear. The Dark Brotherhood knows everything."

"Of course…" Noela muttered under her breath. She supposed she shouldn't have been surprised; they'd even known her name.

Astrid winked, before turning serious and leaned forward, her elbows on her knees. "Sister, you can't deny who you are, I hope you realise that. It only causes undue suffering, on your part, and that is dangerous. It can cost you your life." The look of concern on her features was somewhat… warming.

She seemed to be waiting for a response, and Noela shook her head. "No, you don't get it, I'm not like this, I'm not a killer. I'm not evil." The mage placed a hand over her heart. "Truly. I've forever been a thief, but that's about as low as I will go."

Astrid frowned and Noela was sure she had, stupidly, just offended the leader. She was about to spew out an apology but Astrid just scoffed. "In that case a future in the Thieves Guild might've been more suited to you. But then… you did take it upon yourself to murder someone out of the good of your own heart, so you tell me. From what I see, a killer is a killer. And you've willingly killed a whole bunch of people since then." She gave a dark chuckle. "But believe what you will, sister."

The Nord got up off the bed and turned to the door, and Noela was sure she was about to leave. But her words had stung and Noela, already in her fragile state, couldn't stop the fresh batch of tears that leaked from her eyes and down her face.

The other woman looked back, and surprise, then shock, made its way into her expression as she froze and Noela saw her eyes trace the teardrops that were rolling down her cheeks.

Noela sat there on the bed, her arms wrapped around her knees, looking like a lost and pathetic child. She couldn't decide if she was more angry at herself for behaving like a loser, or at Astrid for pretty much saying what she didn't want to hear. Or even worse, the underlying sense of dread that the woman was correct.

A couple more seconds ticked by and Noela once again wished she'd be left alone, when abruptly and completely unexpectedly, she felt a pair of warm arms wrap around her.

Noela stiffened in shock as the familiar scent of red mountain flowers entered her nostrils; that strangely, comforting smell._

"Shh," said Astrid, as Noela felt fingers stroking through her hair. Her scalp seem to freeze over and Noela instinctively wanted to shove the woman off for daring to even touch her. But at the same time…

Before she knew it, she had leaned into the embrace, her head resting against the Nord's chest. From the surprise of the unexpected hug, her tears had stopped. But as the scent lulled her back into her feelings, Noela was reminded why Astrid was comforting her in the first place.

"I know I'm not a good person," Noela whispered.

The other woman's strokes stopped for a moment. Then, she resumed. "Does it matter?"

Noela bit her lip, unsure how to express the turmoil that had been eating at her since the morning. "Well, doesn't it? I mean, murdering people… that's got to make you the worst of the worst."

Astrid let go of her and held her at arm's length. Noela saw something burn in her eyes. "You know, you've said that a couple of times now. Don't you realise that what you're saying about yourself reflects exactly how you think of your new family, and of me? If this is what you think of the Dark Brotherhood…"

Noela's eyes widened, wondering what the end of that sentence was going to be. But, the Nord's eyes drifted to the curtained window that hid the night sky outside, and she let her words trail.

Noela shook her head again. "No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that," she said, biting her tongue. It was, after all, rather stupid to ask a fellow murderer to comfort her through her feelings of guilt about having done precisely what murderers were supposed to do.

"But, I do understand," Astrid sighed, her gaze returning to the mage. "I've gone through the same thing too, you know, all those years ago."

Noela glanced up, a sense of relief flooding through her. She of course, did not intend to offend the Dark Brotherhood, and certainly not Astrid. She was sure that she could even be killed for it. "You've gone through, this?" asked Noela, not really sure what she was referring to.

"Yes," replied the Nord. "This sense of right and wrong you are feeling, I suppose you'd call it guilt, this tug of good and bad inside. It's—actually normal, a common obstacle to overcome. Many of your brothers and sisters have been through the same."

"Have they?"

"Well, of course. It's only natural. The first time's always the hardest, either before, during, or in retrospect, for most of us anyway. We didn't all have it easy like you," Astrid said with a coy smile. "You seem to have had no issues with what you did to that orphanage woman, don't you?"

The mage frowned in confusion. "As I said before, I don't consider that a murder because she did deserve to die."

"And what makes you think you have the right to make that judgement?" asked the Nord. "A murder is still a murder, despite whatever reasons you had for choosing to commit it."

Noela sighed. She knew Astrid was right. She wasn't going to dispute the fact that killing Grelod had been murder. "But, I don't feel bad about that."

Astrid seemed to be in thought. "When then, did you start feeling 'bad' about murder? When was your 'first time'?"

"Well…" Noela said as her mind drifted back. "I would have to say, at the shack."

"Really?" Astrid expressed in surprise. "When I asked you to kill one of the hostages?"

"Yes," Noela confirmed, bowing her head. She looked up again to see the other assassin peering intently at her.

"But you know what? It doesn't make sense. If you were so against it, why did you obey me and kill when I ordered you to? And why have you continued to do so since then? Surely this 'guilt' of yours, is not true guilt, or a true sense of right and wrong, otherwise you would have never done it all in the first place."

For a moment, Noela was speechless, and she gulped, unsure whether she agreed with this. "I killed in the shack, because otherwise you would have killed me. It was my only way out—"

"No," Astrid interrupted. "You could have chosen to fight me, and yet you didn't. Really, the powerful Dragonborn wasn't game enough to fight a lowly assassin?" She laughed. "I find that hard to believe."

Suddenly, Noela felt pissed off and she narrowed her eyes. "You poisoned me, remember? And stripped me of all my clothes and weapons. And left me without a means to fight. Killing a hostage was my only choice."

"And that was a choice that you made, my dearest. There is always a choice, no matter what you do."

The younger woman shook her head in disagreement. "Look, you're the one that put me in that position, and I wasn't about to commit suicide and fight you when I know I didn't have much of a chance of winning. I did what I could to get out of that situation alive."

Astrid smirked, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that incident has left you more than a little sore, my dear."

Noela glared at her. She was right, but there was no way Noela was going to admit it.

"Anyway, I'm glad you're not feeling sappy and sorry for yourself anymore. Anger is always better than depression, because it forces action. And here, this should cheer you up considerably." Astrid withdrew a coin purse and held it out in her palm. "Your very first paycheck with the Dark Brotherhood."

Noela eyed the bulging purse in her hand, then swiped it out of her grasp and tucked it deep into a pocket of her robes.

Astrid chuckled, "I take it you're still a part of us, then."

"Of course. I wasn't going to do all that work for nothing," Noela quipped emotionlessly.

"That's what I want to hear. Now, I'm going to go outside to book myself a room or do you still need comforting?" the Nord asked with a healthy dose of mockery.

"I never needed any comforting," Noela replied coldly.

Astrid shrugged, "Suit yourself."

Noela watched as she left the room, closing the door behind her, and the mage was alone again. She also noticed that it was a lot quieter outside, now. It seemed the inn's patrons had gone to bed, or back home if they weren't staying at the inn, and the silence now left her alone with her thoughts.

The silence didn't last long, however, as only a minute later, her door opened again and Astrid returned.

"Well, Noela, seems like there are no spare beds, so I'm sharing with you," she announced.

It irked Noela that she didn't even ask if that was okay with her.

"The bed's big enough for two, so I hope you're looking forward to snuggling. The temperature's kind of good for that, wouldn't you say? Not that I need any warmth, so consider it a favour I'm doing for you."

She shut the door with a snap and Noela stared at her in disbelief for the words that had just poured from her mouth.

"I'm the one having to share my bed with you!" Noela exclaimed when the Nord walked over.

There was a look of extreme smugness on Astrid's face that Noela wanted to wipe clean off. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Don't get all pouty with me," the Nord said as she pulled off her boots and started to remove her armour.

Noela wasn't sure if she should look away or anything but she retained her expression of incredulity. A part of her also registered that this was the first time they were sharing a room together, and for some reason she was starting to feel a bit nervous about it.

As the pieces of armour collected on the floor, Noela looked away out of courtesy because, well, that's something she would appreciate if their positions were reversed. But then, she remembered that Astrid had already seen her in nothing but her smallclothes and she felt that so very familiar sense of anger and bitterness. Rebelliously, almost violently, she turned back to the Nord and forced herself to watch her undress.

It was only fair.

And then, her eyes went wide. Astrid had stripped down to her undergarments and for the first time, Noela saw the Dark Brotherhood leader's full form.

She didn't think she'd ever seen a woman with a body as lean and athletic as her's. Her skin was youthful, smooth, and almost spotless despite the fact that she wasn't exactly young. Though Noela had noticed her toned muscles beneath her armour the day she had met her, now she could see without.

Her physique was certainly impressive. She was, simply put, breathtaking. Noela's mind briefly flitted to Arnbjorn and a thought crossed her mind that he was lucky to have someone as beautiful as Astrid as a wife. But then, she suddenly felt irritated and stopped her train of thought.

Astrid then turned about and was coming over to the bed, and Noela snapped out of it before she'd be caught staring.

Noela remained still as Astrid attempted to clamber under the covers, but Noela was sitting on top of them and she couldn't get in.

"Aren't you getting undressed?" the Nord asked her.

"Er… right," replied Noela and she hopped off the bed, kicked off her shoes and untied her robes.

"Oh, it's nice and warm under here," commented Astrid and Noela glanced over her shoulder to see she was all cosy under the sheets.

"Yeah, I warmed it up for you," muttered Noela as the cloth slipped off her shoulders. She decided to leave on the tunic she wore under her robes though, but took off the pants. Subconsciously, she didn't want to give the other woman the satisfaction of seeing her in her smallclothes again, though perhaps it was silly to even think it.

"Anyway, what's happening tomorrow, are we returning to Falkreath?" Noela asked, wanting the strange tension she was feeling either in herself, or in the room, to dissipate.

Green eyes met hers. "Well, I have further business to attend to, so I won't be returning to Falkreath just yet," Astrid replied. "If you were in a hurry to get home and rest though, you can return first."

Noela hung her robes on the chair by the wall, and strode to the bed.

Astrid scooted over to the other side of the bed to make space for her. She lifted the bedcovers which were a couple of hides of skin and fur, and the mage slowly got in.

Noela felt more awkward than ever. She could feel her ears redden, and she didn't know if it was the fact that she was in bed with her boss or that it was because her boss was attractive or even the fact that she was sharing a bed with a woman again, that was making her feel this way.

When she had journeyed with Lydia as the Dragonborn, they'd often had to share a bed together, so in way, she was used to it. But, that hadn't been in ages. And besides, they had reason to…

"Tomorrow I'm headed for Riften. You could tag along, if you want," said Astrid.

Noela didn't realise she had closed her eyes and she reopened them to discover the Nord was rather close.

Her heart seemed to jump a foot out of her chest and she hastily turned the other way. She was sure her face was the colour of a tomato.

"So, do you want to come?" the Nord asked.

"Sure," Noela mumbled into the sheets. Get a grip, Noela, she told herself. Why are you acting weird? The mage allowed herself a few deep breaths. Somehow, she was feeling extremely uncomfortable and she had no idea why.

"Wh—why are you going to Riften?" Noela managed to say once her brain started working again.

"Hmm?" It appeared that Astrid had almost drifted off to sleep. "I'm going—to see an old friend. In the Thieves Guild. We have"—there was an audible yawn—"business to discuss."

"The Thieves?" Noela's head whipped back to the Nord who now, conveniently, had her eyes closed.

"Yes," said Astrid. "The Dark Brotherhood has close ties with the Thieves in Riften…"

The room was dim, the only light source a couple of candles on the opposite side of the room. Now that Astrid was half asleep, Noela took the chance to study the Nord a little closer. Her eyes moved from her face, to her jawline, and down the wonderfully sculpted flesh that was her body.

And then she knew, on this strange day where revelations were striking her one after the other, the reason why she was feeling so awkward.

Noela swallowed. The last thing she wanted was to lust after an unavailable person, the one person that she now had to answer to.

This wasn't her follower, this wasn't Lydia, and she did not hold the power here.

As if the day hadn't been hard enough on her already, now she had this new feeling to deal with.

She exhaled, trying to ignore the scent of mountain flowers, that natural fragrance that rolled off the other woman and drifted beneath the sheets.

Why did Astrid have to smell like red mountain flowers? Noela's favourite, god damn alchemy ingredient. Not for its smell, but the fact that it was darn useful in making magicka potions. The potion that was most imperative to her as a mage.

She gazed at the woman's features, thin strands of blonde hair falling over the woman's face, her hair a little messy from days of travelling. An attractive kind of messy. A tough kind of messy.

Noela sighed, thinking that it had been a while since she'd found anyone attractive.

This sucks, she thought bitterly.

She turned on her side to face completely the other way, trying to ignore the fact that her heart was beating rapidly and that the heat from her body was a lot hotter than it should be.

There was no way she would be able to sleep tonight.

Noela was very groggy when she awoke and her eyes fluttered open slowly. It took her more than a few seconds to even remember what day it was and the events that had transpired the day prior.

"Finally, you're awake," came a voice from the other side of the room.

Noela lifted her head to see Astrid seated on the chair where she had hung her robes. The assassin was half-dressed, and Noela's eyes flew open as she remembered her 'revelations' of the night before.

She felt her face heating up again and quickly buried it within the hides that were the bedcovers.

"Do you always sleep in or are you just exhausted from all the training?" Astrid asked her. "You're lucky I'm not in a hurry today, or else I might've left without you."

Noela only heard half of what the other woman was saying as her mind tried to regain some sense of stability. She steadied herself. "I'm just—tired, I guess."

"Fair enough, considering your breakdown yesterday. Well, have you rested enough?"

All of a sudden, Noela threw off the covers and bounced off the bed. She did not want to remember her silly breakdown.

She bounded toward Astrid and the chair she was sitting on, snatching her robes off the back of the chair.

The Nord raised an eyebrow at her. "Well, that was much faster than I expected. And can you get my armour from the floor? Behind you, my dear."

Noela spun around and yanked the bits of armour off the floor, thrusting them at the other woman.

Dressing herself as fast as she could, the mage stormed out of the room and the inn, feeling irritation rising quickly within her.

Outside, the morning light illuminated the snow-laden Dawnstar in quite a beautiful way, but Noela was not in the headspace to appreciate it right now.

She waited for Astrid to come out, and when she did Noela said, "I think I'll head back to Falkreath first. I'm rather tired."

The Nord frowned at her. "That's disappointing, Noela, I thought you wanted to go to Riften. I was looking forward to introducing you to the Thieves, since you were a thief yourself."

Noela placed her hands on her hips. "Actually, I've already met them. Had to do a little job for Brynjolf when I was the Dragonborn, so…"

"Really?" Astrid asked in interest. "So you've met the whole gang?"

"No, not really. I only spoke to Brynjolf, and the bartender I think."

"Well, that's interesting," Astrid said with an amused smile. "I would've thought he'd have recruited you then and there, if your thieving skills are as good as you say they are."

Noela scratched her head. "I don't think I've ever said anything about my thieving ability, but you're right. He did try to recruit me. The only problem was, I had other things to do. And even if I didn't, Lydia would've never let me join, anyway."

"Lydia?"

"My housecarl. I'm a Thane of Whiterun," explained Noela.

"Of course you are," Astrid said with a nod. "I suppose I'll get going then. Long travel ahead."

"Wait," said Noela slowly. "I think I'll come." Despite her spur of the moment decision to want to get as far away from Astrid as fast as possible so she could have some breathing room, now Noela was sort of sad to part ways with the Nord. She didn't know when they'd get the chance to travel together like this again.

Astrid was looking at her like she was strange. "You're acting a bit hare-brained today, sister. Are you sure you're feeling alright?"

"Couldn't be better," Noela replied, though the butterflies in her stomach said otherwise.

It was afternoon when they reached Windhelm, stopping at the stables just outside the city to book a carriage which would take them direct to Riften. Their driver, a Nord by the name of Alfarinn, was sitting up front with the horse while the two women rode in the back, sitting opposite each other on the carriage's wooden benches.

Noela had barely spoken since the morning, and was about to start up a conversation just to not appear like she was ignoring Astrid or anything when the Nord got there first.

"It'll likely take another twenty-four hours until we arrive, so do relax, or take a nap on the floor," said Astrid, gesturing to their feet.

Noela nodded, letting the lip of her mage hood hide her face. She had opted to keep her hood up today, not because she was particularly cold, but because it offered some sort of a—mental sanctuary.

Truthfully, she had not felt well since awakening and the uncomfortable squirming of her insides didn't seem to want to go away. She tried to think of other things, like thoughts of Whiterun, and Breezehome. But then her mind settled on Lydia and she was reminded of what they once had and then her thoughts went full circle again, landing on the different Nord that now sat across from her.

Noela sighed inwardly and directed her attention to the road they were traversing, trying to let the sound of the horse's hooves on the pavement distract her somehow.

It didn't last a minute.

"Sister, where is your housecarl now? In Whiterun?"

Exhaling, Noela reluctantly met eyes with the Nord. "Yeah, she's at my house. I'm not sure what's she's up to nowadays because I haven't been home for a while."

"Is she not supposed to serve you, as Thane? Accompanying you or something?"

The mage shook her head. "No, well—she wanted to. But I ordered her to stay in Whiterun. After we'd defeated Alduin we were just running about doing errands for the Jarl… but I got bored with that. I missed stealing, so I just left one night and haven't been in contact since."

"I see," nodded Astrid. "So she doesn't know you've joined the Brotherhood," she said, keeping her voice low so the driver couldn't hear them.

"No."

"Would your disappearance not have alarmed the city? They don't think you've been… kidnapped, or anything?"

Noela expressed a sound that was halfway between a scoff and a snigger. "Right… because I was kidnapped. Perhaps I should inform them that their Thane has been taken hostage by the Dark Brotherhood."

Astrid raised her eyebrows, clearing knowing it was a joke but at the same time, she looked wary.

"Don't worry, Astrid, I'd never betray you like that," Noela said reassuringly. "I think I've taken too much of a liking to you to do that," she added honestly. Well, it was a little bit of sucking up, but, on a whole deeper level, there was now another meaning…

The leader's expression changed from suspicion and disapproval to one of perplexity. Then she blinked and shook her head. "Just—be careful how you say things around here, sister, or we might misunderstand one another. I trust you, of course, but don't make me doubt myself. I'm sure you would say the same to your housecarl."

Noela softened her features into one conveying comfort. "I would never do anything to harm you, I promise."

Astrid smiled, "Good."

"And in terms of my housecarl… I trust Lydia completely. I know she's got my back for life. If there were one person I could truly count on, it'd be her. She'd happily die for me."

"That sounds like—one committed woman. And how are you certain she'd never stab you in the back?"

The mage shrugged. "Because I know her. She's the most moral and righteous person I think I've ever met, sometimes annoyingly so. She'd never stop shutting up about what we should or shouldn't do, what was right and what wasn't. Sadly, that was what caused our divide. She heavily disapproved of my thieving, you see, and sooner or later we started arguing and fighting a lot."

"Sounds like a complicated relationship," commented Astrid. "I suppose you're quite fond of her despite your differences, though."

"Yes," Noela nodded. "She always had my back and eventually I could no longer resist, I mean, you never see that amount of commitment and loyalty anywhere, at least in the world I know. I fell hard for her, and we were together for a time, in the closest sense of the word. But in the long run, there was no way it would've worked. Our worldviews had little crossover and so I ended things."

Noela took a deep breath. Astrid had an entertained expression on her face and she said, "You were together with this woman?"

The mage gave a brief nod.

"Though rare, it is certainly not unheard of, sister. As Thane and housecarl, you were bound to grow close."

There was a long moment of silence where Astrid seemed to be lost in thought, and Noela took the chance to ask something she'd been wondering. "What about you, Astrid? How did you meet Arnbjorn?"

"Me?" asked the Nord in surprise. "Well, I joined the Dark Brotherhood in my teens, and after a few years Arnbjorn joined as well. He came from the Companions, in Whiterun, you must know them. Although, his 'methods' didn't quite adhere to their standards, and he found the Brotherhood a much more fitting place for his ways."

"You joined the Dark Brotherhood in your teens?"

Astrid nodded. "I was a bit of a rogue, killing as I pleased. Eventually the Brotherhood took notice and recruited me."

"Wait," said Noela, confused. "How did you even get started, you know… killing?" she said in a whisper.

The Nord gave a warm smile. "I had an uncle and he made unwanted advances, I think I was about twelve at the time. So, I killed him."

"You killed… your uncle?" Noela asked in disbelief.

"Indeed, sister. The slime ball had come home one night, drunk, as usual, and even with my cousins and my aunt in the house he dared to come into my room and attempt to, you know…"

"He tried to rape you?"

Astrid gave something of a grimace. "I presume so, though I killed him before he could lay a finger on me. He was the kind that would stare relentlessly at women, young girls too, obviously, and his hands liked to… wander, especially under the dinner table. So I knew it was only a matter of time before he attempted to, well, take it a step further."

"How in Oblivion did you manage to kill a fully grown man, at your age?"

"Well, it wasn't particularly difficult, he was drunk, Noela. I simply evaded as he tried to grab me and drove my dagger into his side before he could even pivot about for a second attempt, the lumbering fool."

"So you were already trained in the fighting arts?" the mage asked, looking impressed.

"Not really. I did have a keen interest in daggers though, and the one I used to kill my uncle was one I had taken from the belt of a traveller out in the marketplace. I imagined various ways I could use it, and I suppose I just went with my instincts when it came time to defend myself."

"And what happened after, did your family believe you when you told of what your uncle had tried to do?"

Astrid shook her head. "I didn't stick around to find out. I knew the chances were slim that I'd be let off the hook, and I wasn't about to risk being locked up for being a crazy child killer. So I ran away. And learned to survive, as one does."

Noela nodded in understanding. "Were you not traumatised by what had transpired? I mean, he was your uncle, your family. And you were but a girl."

"It's true, that for a time, I did feel like I was the worst person in the world. I remember waking up the first few mornings, having slept in an empty crate or a bush in someone's garden, still covered in my uncle's blood. I had not come across a river yet to wash it off. But when the time came and my body was clean again, I discovered that I missed it. Somehow, during those weeks that I didn't get to bathe, that scent offered me solace. As I came to terms with my new life and how I was now very truly on my own, I spent a lot of nights, huddled in a confined space, trying to keep warm. And that sense of comfort came to be associated with the scent of blood. You could even say that in death, my uncle helped me the most," laughed Astrid.

"That's—quite bizarre," said Noela. "So that was the catalyst for the next kill? You wanted blood on you again?" As the words left Noela's mouth she felt a slight twinge of arousal, which was… rather strange, to say the least.

"Well, I think it was more complicated than that. Somehow, as the days went by, I think I developed a somewhat skewed perception of the real version of events. The real version was that I was probably relieved after I'd killed my uncle, because well, he could no longer harm me. But for some reason my mind thinks that I actually felt elation, or so that's how I kept feeling when he would appear in my dreams time and again. And each time in my dreams when I killed him, I felt an immense satisfaction that I'm not sure was actually present when the real event happened. Does that even make sense?"

"Um, I think so," said Noela. "Or it could simply be that you did feel these things in reality but in the heat of the moment you obviously couldn't process all of that so they began manifesting in your dreams as your mind tried to deal with it."

Astrid nodded slowly, "You know, I think I rather like that interpretation, Noela. That could well be true. But nevertheless, the desire to replicate that elated feeling—that was either imagined or real—became too large for me to suppress and so I knew I had to do it again, for my own sanity. I was itching to kill, just to see how I'd feel this time."

"Who did you choose?"

"A woman, a solo traveller. She was easy prey and I killed her swiftly. And then to my utmost surprise, I did get my answer, immediately and true as day. I enjoyed it beyond anything I'd ever done in my life. And so I knew…"

"So that's what you meant when you said we all go through it," said Noela, bobbing her head in thought.

"You mean what I said last night? Indeed, my dearest. We're probably a lot more similar than you know," smiled the Nord. "At least, in certain respects. After the initial doubt and the confusion, there comes clarity. And suddenly, we become aware of what we're destined to do. And so we walk that path."

"The path opposing society," added the mage. "And it's lonely, is it not?"

"Of course, my dear. But then, wasn't being the Dragonborn also lonely?"

"I suppose it was, but at that time I had Lydia, and most everyone was on my side."

"And now, you oppose the world, but remember you do have a family at your back."

Noela smiled. "I guess so, Astrid. I suppose I should thank you for that."

And as she gazed into her mentor's eyes, Noela knew that it had already begun. Strangely, she had found a kindred spirit in this woman, a person that was completely the opposite of Lydia. This woman, who understood her, who had gone through the same things she was still going through. It was hard to tell her heart to refrain because, for the first time in her life, she felt a true connection to another human being. And that, was hard to resist.