Title: Dear Lovey Dovey
By: Kimika
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I don't know whatever possessed me to think otherwise. Must have been those magical bananas…
Warnings: This is an AU. Will contain BoyxBoy love. Most importantly, beware of the insanity. Oh, and watch out for the paperclips people. They're evil.
A/N: This chapter has been edited and revised! Instead of it being written in Naruto's POV it is now on third person POV, Naruto centered for a few chapters. I know that this idea is very overdone but the plot bunnies wouldn't leave me alone. I had to write it. Sorry in advance for any grammar mistakes, OOCness, stupid comments, mistakes about the university (seeing as I've never been to one) and my pathetic lack of vocabulary…May the God of potatoes be with you all, live long and prosper, and so on and so forth. Enjoy reading.

Chapter 1 – Green Blood

I think I love someone. That person hates me. What do I need to do?

Signed,
Blue

Naruto blinked several times and read the printed statement again before he put it aside on the last patch of visible wood that was supposedly his desk. It could hardly be called a desk anymore, seeing as now it was only a mountain of white paper sheets, articles, old Konoha's Weekly issues and the latest volume of Hidden Leaf, the university's biannual literary fiction, which Naruto borrowed from Sakura.

Still having Blue's letter in his mind, he moved on to the next letter and almost sighed in gratitude when he saw that it contained more than 15 words. He could handle the long, detailed problems a lot better than he could with the short, answer-me-now sort of problems. The more information he got the better his answer was.

Dear Lovey-dovey,

I have a problem and no one left to consult!

I recently started dating a guy who has been head-over-heels about me since we were 12 years old. Problem is he's been so dead-set and fixated on me that he hasn't dated another girl before. Ever. Don't get me wrong, I'm more than flattered for his relentless attention (if not a bit scared), however, it did cause a few uncomfortable situations…

First of all, he has no idea how to act around me. He showers me with love, and that includes flowers, teddy bears, hugs, little post-it notes proclaiming his feelings and so on. He doesn't realize that I can't handle it! I understand that he loves me but it's all too much.

Secondly, the kissing issue. He's incredibly inexperienced and slobbers all over my face (bleargh). I can't help but feel a little disgusted when he kisses me.

We get along fine and I like him very much. I just don't know how to deal with the physical stuff. I'm not overly attracted to him and if he at least was a good kisser I would've handled this better, but…

I'm desperate. Should I just give him more time to gain experience or end it before I hurt him?

Love,
Lady in Doubt

Naruto knew who "Lady in Doubt" was and it wasn't that hard to figure out. It seems that the new couple has a few love issues! He snickered to himself. Nevertheless he wondered why she didn't come to him personally. Why did she want it posted in his column? Perhaps she wanted her boyfriend to read it? Naruto doubted that he reads the love advice column though. Not to mention that the guy's pretty dense, he might not even realize that it's about him.

He was already establishing an idea for a suitable response. Oh, but before he sends it in he's going to tease "Lady in Doubt" so much! He mentally rubbed the palms of his hands together in glee.

He was about to fish for another letter from his highly regarded in-need-of-advice pile when he heard the soft pitter-patter of footsteps nearing his personal space.

"Naruto."

He looked up and smiled widely. "Hey, hey, Neji!"

The pale boy looked back at him sternly and said, "What are you doing here? The editor forbids us from using the newspaper's staff room before 8am."

"I know the stupid rules, but I can't help it! I'm behind on my deadline and I have to get at least two more advices in by," Naruto glanced at his watch for good measure, "4pm today."

Neji just stood there, looking at the blond's disorganized desk and Naruto then spotted the white folder tucked under his arm. That folder which contained heaps over heaps of information about movies, novels, performances, and what not, given that Neji was the critic for Konoha's Weekly.

Naruto and he weren't on friendly terms when they just met. Both boys wanted in on the newspaper staff but there was only room for one person for criticism column. Neji wanted that slot in the staff and so did Naruto, seeing as they were both participating in the Journalism Program and a spot in the University's newspaper's staff would give them much wanted credit.

They fought long and hard for that position. After giving their separate criticism over the same drama performance in freshman year, the staff decided that while Neji's entry was more informative (and dry), Naruto's had a lot more flare. For a while it seemed that Naruto was going to win the open slot and Neji admitted defeat. He stopped with the venomous glares directed at the blond and turned a bit friendlier.

Eventually, the staff wanted both of them, which made Naruto happy because Neji was beginning to be somewhat of a friend and he didn't want Neji upset over losing his sought after position in the staff to him.

Yamanaka Ino, who was originally liable for Ask Lovey-dovey, the university's infamous love advice column, left her position. Sakura and she joined forces in writing the gossip column and voila! Another slot opened and apparently the staff decided that writing the love advice column was perfect for Naruto.

He, of course, complained and moped around at first (because, seriously, what guy wants to be addressed as Lovey-dovey?) but then realized that it was either this or nothing. Plus, no one knew the columnist's true identity (for fear of the poor soul being murdered) except for the staff so it was a major bonus for him, a guy not really liked by some.

Naruto shifted his gaze and noticed Neji's intent stare on him. Pearly pupils bore through him as if he was seeing something beyond his solid body. Naruto cleared his throat, "Uh, Neji? You okay?"

White eyes came into focus. "Yes," he said and then hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "I'm putting this away," he lifted his arm a little to show Naruto the white folder, "and then we're leaving for class." As he was speaking he walked over to his spotless desk (it was so clean you could run your tongue over it) and carefully placed his folder inside a drawer, locking it after he did. Naruto sometimes found himself wondering if that folder contained the boy's dirty little secrets that he treated it with such inflated care.

The long-haired teen walked briskly to the door and then stood at the doorway, folding his arms across his chest, looking like a parent who's waiting for their child who did something wrong to follow them.

Naruto pouted and his lower lip quivered in his ultimate kicked-puppy look, while still maintaining his location in his chair. "B-but Mommy…I don't wanna go to school today! I wanna stay home and bake yummy cakes with yooouuuu!"

"Naruto…" Neji said threateningly, using the tone which clearly said 'do this, or else…'

The blue-eyed boy quickly hopped out of his seat and ran ahead of Neji, laughing cheerfully while at it.

"On a further note, the new subject we will be discussing for the upcoming month shall be the economics and the colonialism in Southeast Asia and how the colonial rule has affected the economic structure that lead --"

Blah, blah, blah. Sooooo boring. My heart isn't strong enough to handle this vast amount of boredom! Naruto thought, bored to tears.

He propped his head up with his hand and stared lazily at his History teacher. He could see his lips moving but no coherent words registered in his mind. Blue eyes shifted back and forth across the classroom as an act of desperation for something that would keep their owner from falling asleep, taking notice of rays of sunshine from the windows which poured into the room, until they stopped on the black splotch seated in front of him.

Uchiha Sasuke. That bastard.

He just had to sit at the table in front of mine, didn't he? Naruto fumed inwardly. He couldn't enjoy a single class without the Uchiha being there. He was after him, Naruto was sure of it! He wanted to make his life miserable. They've known each other since kindergarten and been stuck together ever since, sharing the same experiences. Same group of friends, same school, same classes, same interests…

And to think that they were once best friends. He was best friends with that evil snob! They were also rivals in a way, seeing as they were both competitive like hell. Naruto continuously hated to admit it but Sasuke was better… At. Every. Single. Thing. He had the looks, he had the money, and he was a better athlete, a brighter student and had the personality that made the girls swoon at his feet with that mysterious air about him.

When Naruto was with him he became invisible. Everyone just saw the prodigy, the shining star of the school, the perfect Uchiha boy. He became air that trailed after the popular boy, a shadow. People sneered and scrunched up their noses at the sight of him as if he was some vile disease-ridden pest; if they didn't out right ignored him. After all, there's always a loser behind the winner and Naruto was definitely a loser when compared to Sasuke.

He never minded back then because he liked Sasuke. Naruto didn't care what people thought of him because he had his best friend and they could all go to hell for all he cared.

He was such an idiot. Good thing he saw through the Uchiha genius when high school ended. Their friendship crashed to the rocks and Naruto detached himself from the uncaring boy. He signed up to a university far from their hometown with Sakura and Hinata. He made new friends. He was hoping to never see that asshole's betraying backstabbing face ever again. But nooooo…

On his first day as a freshman in the university, Naruto waltzed into the classroom only to discover that Uchiha was sitting there with his fingers interlaced under his chin with that all-too-familiar smirk plastered firmly on his lips as he gave Naruto that look that made the blond picture a mini-Sasuke-devil telling him, "You can run but you can't hide," (insert manic laughter here).

Sasuke followed him here. That's right. He was out to get Naruto. He was doing it on purpose. Naruto knew a conspiracy when he made up one! The bastard intentionally signed up to the same department as he did, the Faculty of Humanities, which meant that they shared the same classes. Again. The only things they didn't share were the special courses, because whilst Naruto joined the Journalism Program, Sasuke joined the Literature Creative Writing Program and is a member of the air-heads who write Hidden Leaf.

After mumbling to himself that he can't stand Sasuke, he started doodling in his notebook. About three seconds later, a few drops of green ink escaped from the tip of his pen onto the paper, creating a large green blotch.

"Ahhhhh, NO! My pen is broken! It's bleeding!" Naruto accidentally exclaimed loudly.

"Uzumaki, we are all very sorry for your terrible loss. Now do us a favor and keep your mouth shut," the professor locked his hard eyes with Naruto's briefly before turning back to his lecture. The blond caught a few of his classmates' mocking eyes as they snapped their attention to him and he resisted the urge to sigh. Even here some people hated him.

"Moron," Naruto heard Sasuke's snorting derisively under his breath and black eyes caught Naruto's cerulean ones before he abruptly turned back to jotting notes.

The blue-eyed boy glared at Sasuke's back, wondering briefly why the brunette hasn't erupted into flames yet and threw himself out of the window. Not that he actually would, but the blond could hope, right?

In his exasperated state, Naruto reached for another pen and wrote down under the green stain:

Here, take some green blood.

He then ripped the note from his notebook and squished and crushed it in a tanned fist. He grinned idiotically and aimed.

The crumpled piece of paper hit Sasuke's shoulder and rolled onto the surface of the light-wood table. Naruto could see a bit of the black-haired boy's perfectly sculptured face as he turned to eye the small paper ball inquisitively. He looked a bit like a cat staring at a rolling dust bunny before jumping and grabbing it.

Naruto could see the brunette's shoulder blade move as he wrote something down on the note and felt a whiff of delight at not being ignored. He quickly scolded himself for being an attention whore. In a matter of seconds the paper ball returned to his table.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

Fuming, the blond seized the 'bloodied' ball and squeezed it further between his hands to make it more solid. His target now was not as wide ranged as his last one. He was going to have to be real accurate…

Twack.

Ha ha! Bull's eye! Straight to the back of the head of Mr. Bitch-without-a-cause-Uchiha Sasuke! Naruto silently bounced joyfully in triumph.

The brunette didn't move and his posture was tense, as if he had frozen in his place.

It took Naruto a moment to take notice of the silence that engulfed the room. Every head in the classroom was facing him, some infuriated (Sasuke's fans) and some humored (Neji). The professor's heated glare proved that he was definitely not amused. The only one not facing the culprit was his ex-best friend who was now unfrozen and back to normal, writing something in his notebook and disregarding the outer world which was taking its sweet time in staring at Naruto.

Naruto's arm was automatically raised to the back of his head and he rubbed the blond hair at his nape sheepishly while muttering a weak "Heh."

Needless to say, he spent the rest of the class outside, in the hall, smacking himself mentally for forgetting his backpack inside the classroom, with his key to the newspaper's staff room, his refuge in times such as these, in it.

"Sleeping while standing. Idiot."

…

"Oi, wake up, moron."

Ocean blue eyes groggily opened to meet smooth black shoes. The blue eyes rose to greet the owner of the shoes, which was recognized halfway when Naruto saw the annoyingly well-known dark blue shirt. The blond felt his mood sour instantly. "Whaddya want?" Naruto asked the slender figure before him drowsily and not with as much hostility as he was going for.

Sasuke sighed peevishly and pushed something against the shorter boy's chest.

"…My backpack? Why did you…?" Naruto asked him incredulously.

The raven-haired boy shrugged his shoulders and looked away, following the students passing in the hall as if they were much more intriguing and worthwhile his time.

"Well thanks, but I didn't need your help," The blond said adamantly.

"Whatever."

Naruto fastened the straps of his backpack on his shoulders and muttered irately, "Bastard."

"Dobe."

"Don't call me that!"

Sasuke's lips curled delicately upwards in a taunting smirk. "What if I feel like it?"

"What if I feel like shoving my foot so far up your ass that my toes tickle the back of your throat!" The short boy seethed.

"What if I break your legs before either one reaches its destination?" The smirk was on full force now.

"Why you cocky, conceited asshole!"

He snorted. "That's all you got? You can do better than that, brain-dead."

"Monkey ass-kisser!"

"Oh help, I'm devastated by your petty barbs." (Note the sarcasm). "Dumbass,"

"Jerk!"

"Stupid dead-last,"

"Traitor," Naruto spat out bitterly.

Onyx eyes widened slightly before they narrowed into slits. "You…You must be the dumbest --"

"You're behaving like children, knock it off." Neji's icy voice rang between the two disputing teens. Neither even noticed him approaching. How long has he been standing there?

Pallid lavender-hued irises were hooked on Naruto. The blue-eyed boy glowered at Sasuke and pointed an incriminating finger at the boy. "He started it."

Naruto could feel the temperature in the hallway drop about a hundred degrees the moment Neji's and Sasuke's glares locked. He wanted to back away slowly from all the waves of hatred that were emitted and seeping rapidly from the two. Even since the two brunettes laid eyes on each other in freshman year sparks flew. Not the good sparks too. More of an I'm-going-to-slaughter-you-in-your-sleep-and-shove-you-in-a-plastic-bag kind of sparks.

"Uchiha," the long-haired, white-eyed boy growled.

"Hyuuga," the raven-haired snarled as a response.

The two then turned simultaneously in opposite directions of the hallway and walked away, leaving behind a bewildered blond.

As he stood there with his back pressed to the wall a thought occurred to him.

How in the name of holy Ramen did he manage to sleep while standing?

Dear Blue,

Know this: Sometimes you can't control love and when it appears. With hatred it's different. Hate is acquired. You should ask yourself what makes that person hate you. If you feel strongly enough for said person, you should try and change traits that are problematic or apologize for whatever it was that brought up the hate.

It might be hard to come to a person who hates your guts with roses in one hand and say, "Listen, I'm sorry for everything. I love you, let's run off into the sunset together?" You'll be lucky if you'll survive in one piece and with all of your vital organs.

Here's my advice: Try approaching that person. Look apologetic, don't do anything that they don't like and be nice overall. If that doesn't work (or if you already know that there's no chance of it working), write letters. Personally, I can express myself better through writing. I can tell that you don't, though. Seriously, you wrote 15 words asking for advice. 15! The posters in my room say more than that!

Anyway, try it. Be persistent. Even if they discard your letters or if they try to punch you down when you get too near. Remember that there's a thin line between hate and love. With a lot of devotion and willingness, you might convert them to the lovelier side and you two will live happily ever after and have 20 blue babies.

Good luck,
Lovey-dovey

After printing his advice, Naruto clipped it to the other advices that went into that week's column and placed the folder on his editor's table. He then sped to his next class which already started as if the paperclip people were hot on his heels. Which they weren't. Obviously.

Naruto didn't know at the time that from that moment on his life was going to take a major turn. He didn't know that this letter, this one small letter asking for advice, is going to affect his future.

One small, life-altering letter.

Life truly is a roller coaster. The boy only wished that someone would've told him to buckle his seatbelt sooner though, because it was going to be one hell of a ride for him.

TBC

Author Notes - Longest thing I've ever written I think. I have a question: Would you actually like reading the letters that are addressed to the love advice column and the advices that Naruto gives them? If not then I'll try to make as less as possible although there will be a few because I plan on Naruto being responsible in one way or another to some of the relationships in the story.

Hope you enjoyed, please press the 'Submit Review' button to feed a hungry author!