Title: Sticky Situation.
Author: Dirtwater Fox
Summary: Loosely based off an episode of south park..
Notes: If you've seen the episode in question, good for you. If not, well… just know that it was fucked up and amusing - at least enough to give me what approximated to this strange and bizarre dream.
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The battle was, simply put, an amazing thing to see. Naruto watched from the sands as Sasuke poured on the speed, assaulting the seemingly intelligent sand around Gaara that had begun to struggle to keep up with the raven headed attacker. Eventually, just when it seemed Sasuke had truly gained the upper hand, Gaara suddenly enclosed himself in a ball of sand. Seeing this, Sasuke had attempted to break through but had to hurriedly cancel his attack when huge spikes raced towards him, scratching rifts through shirt and skin alike.
The Uchiha hastily retreated to the safety of the wall and began to formulate a plan that would allow him to strike - but with the benefit of not being struck back. Once the plan was firmly placed in his mind, he gripped his forearm firmly and charged up his newest and best attack - the Chidori. Once the sounds of birds chirping at a painful volume filled the air, Sasuke poured on the speed and raced down the wall. His path was clearly marked, as the ambient energy tore a great furrow straight down through the rock of the enclosing arena wall.
Upon the ground now, Sasuke continued to run as fast as his body could be pushed to go, and when he finally reached the ball that enclosed Gaara, he struck! His Sharingen eyes allowed him to dodge around the forming spikes for the critical second it took him to bridge the attack barrier - ripping straight through the layer of sands until his fist met yielding flesh. However, though his plan called for this to be a rather quick way to finish a match, he was not given his wish. For, all of a sudden, just as Sasuke was about to pull back and try again, a huge and monstrous hand leapt from the shadows and snatched him up 'round the neck.
The people in the stands were gripped by a sudden nausea as the sounds of squishing filled the air and the now quite gorily detached head of the last Uchiha flew through the stands like a bottle rocket with a bent stick. Those few Shinobi who retained their rational detachment of violence quickly swarmed the front wall, trying to get under it's descent so that they'd have a souvenir they could keep and treasure forever - eventually to pass down to their grandkids and so on - but it was Naruto who was best positioned to do so. He happily jumped up and snatched the bloody fountain of a ball that was his brothers head and people cheered his victory as he stood to make a victory pose.
Afterwards, they all went out to celebrate with ice cream.
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In bed, Naruto groaned as his eyes fluttered open and he had to blink. One hand clutched his stomach for a moment and he shook his head before racing to the bathroom to relieve a bit of agony. When he'd returned, he settled down beside his bubblegum headed girlfriend who - upon having the, admittedly odd, nightmare described to her - consoled him in the way that Naruto happily preferred to hugs and cotton candy. Once a sufficient amount of time, moans, groans, screams and… well... more screams had passed, the two fell asleep in each others arms. In the morning, the two happily left, still glowing and smiling under the influence of a sex buzz.
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When the maids arrived at the hotel room, the first one to enter was heard to groan in disgust at the task of cleaning this monument to sexual satisfaction that still glistened and dripped with such lurid inanimate joy. The maid behind her, upon hearing the distress of her friend, craned her neck to get a glance into the room, where, upon seeing the mess presented, could only give a sympathetic - though not to terribly so - laugh at her friends plight.
When the mess was finally cleaned up, the two went to the lobby to commiserate and celebrate over ice cream cones. When another of the cleaning staff came by to inquire as to why one of them seemed firmly entrenched in disgust while the other seemed positively gleeful, the woman could only laugh as the second maid had before her. Her words earned a quick trip in the hospital to remove a large portion of an ice cream cone from her throat - but they would be forever remembered in the annals of room service history.
"Now that's what I call a sticky situation!"
(AN: Man… no way am I ever going to fall asleep watching south park after a short night of body shots and bed rocks following a small cos-play party… Oh yeah… and ice cream.
Dirtwater.