Olivia took a shaky breath, and Rafael, prepared himself to be there for her through yet another anxiety attack. Olivia didn't think it was possible for her heart to sink any further this morning. She was wrong, the verbal confirmation that Rafael was unhappy, hit her like a bolt of lighting. She wanted to tell him how sorry she was, but she felt unable to speak. "Liv, are you OK?" He asked. gently. She felt herself nodding no. "This is why I didn't want to answer your question. Liv, This conversation is about you. I need you to breathe slowly for me." She did as he asked.

"I'm ... I'm... I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Rafa," She managed to get out in a hoarse whisperer, minutes later.

Liv, I don't need an apology, I need you to tell me everything that happened before your first anxiety attack tonight." He said, stressing the word tonight. Olivia took another shaky breath, and Rafael felt his heart breaking for her.

"This morning," Olivia corrected.

"What? Barba asked, quickly.

"My first anxiety attack, this morning." She replied.

"Liv, you know what I mean. You called me at 4AM. I'm sure the attack started before that."

"I'm sorry." Olivia whispered.

"No, I don't want to hear that from you, I'm glad you called me, you can always call me get you some water."

"No, Rafa."

"I'll be right back." He said, he began to rise from her couch.

"No!" She said Rafael could hear the urgency in her voice, and sat right down. "I don't need water." Her voice came out soft, but it still held the same urgency. Rafael turned his body to face her again, he looked deeply into her brown eyes, and saw a mixture of emotions there.

"OK, I'm not going anywhere, Liv, not even for a minute, not even to go to the kitchen. Talk to me. I will always hear you."

Olivia took a deep breath, preparing herself to answer his questions. She had answered so many of his questions on the stand. Right now, she felt as though she were about to jump off a cliff. She wondered if she could push this feeling away. She wondered if it would be easier for her if she could visualize herself in the familiar courthouse on the stand testifying for him. "I honestly don't know where to begin. "So much led up to that attack."

"Start wherever you want." He answered softly.

"You don't have time for this, you need to sleep." She said, softly.

"If we need to sleep, we will sleep, and continue the conversation on other occasions. I will talk to you about anything at any time . Don't you get that?" He regretted the question as soon as it was out of his mouth, he was pushing her, doing the one thing he didn't want to do. " Stop avoiding this." Shut up, Barba. He thought to himself. He sighed, and then spoke again. I will talk to you about anything at any time", he repeated.

"I'm not avoiding, I don't know where to start." She almost cried. Instantly, memories of he and Olivia, prepping for countless trials flooded his mind.

He took a deep breath. Seconds later he was speaking in one of his most confident voices. "How was your day yesterday?"

"What?" Olivia, whispered, surprised by the question.

"How was your day yesterday?" He repeated "Tell me about the day."

"Yesterday, I woke up feeling worried. "Olivia said without hesitation.

"On a scale from 1 to 10 how would you rate your worry?"

Definitely a 10", she answered.

"Why would you rate your worry that way?" Rafael purposely didn't use the word anxiety. For the first time in a long time, hel saw they were getting somewhere, Olivia was answering his questions without hesitation, the way she did when she testified. for him in court

"I woke up thinking about Delia Hackman. I was wondering if she was able to sleep, I was wondering if she woke up screaming after a nightmare or if she was sleeping peacefully knowing that Ty couldn't hurt her anymore. I was picturing her being thrown into walls." Rafael sensed she was holding something back. "I wake up thinking about my cases a lot."

"You were worried about Delia, but you were doing everything you could to help her, correct?"

"Yes," She answered, softly.

"Were you worried that Delia would spend the rest of her life in prison?"

"No!"

"What else were you worried about then?"

"I overslept. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get Noah to school, and Jesse to daycare on time—

"Jesse? Jesse was sleeping over? Why was she sleeping here on a weekday?"

"I offered. Rollins wanted to check on Delia, I thought after she did that, she could spend some time with Carisi. She looked exhausted, she was having one of those days."

Rafael nodded in understanding, and quickly went on to his next question. "Did you get them to where they needed to go on time?"

"I gave them some breakfast. Then I took them where they needed to go, and yes, they were both on time." Olivia was still holding back. She handled terrible cases everyday, she got Noah to school on time everyday, and it wasn't the first time Jesse slept over. She took Jesse to daycare lots of times, Rafael knew that. He also knew that none of the things she just described to him would give her level 10 anxiety by themselves.

"What else were you worried about?" He asked, still using a courtroom voice.

"Seeing you." Olivia answered, softly, then she spoke rapidly. "I knew you were too smart to let Delia spend her life in prison. I was relieved that you took her case. Once you did, I knew she would be OK, but I was worried about seeing you. I was worried of how I would react. You were so good with Delia." Rafael saw tears glistening in her eyes. "When", she said, her voice cracking on the word. She began again. "When I saw you helping Delia off the stand it took everything in me not to run out of the courtroom. Don't ask me why." Her tone was pleading.

"Thank-you for what you did for Delia."

Rafael wanted to say so many things to her, but now was not the time. He needed to stay focused, he needed to keep treating her like a witness. "I helped Delia off the stand days ago. I'm interested in everything that happened yesterday. What happened after you dropped Noah and Jesse off?

"I went to my office, and did some paperwork."

"You were still worried about seeing me?"

"Yes. Then Rollins came in. She told me we didn't have to go back into the courtroom, because you worked out a deal. She lectured me for shutting you out, and she slammed my door on her way out. I went to see Delia after that, and then you texted me to meet you at Forlini's. I did. You know how that conversation went." Rafael wanted to talk about that conversation, but it could wait, it had to wait. "After I said I missed you, too, you walked out, I sat alone for an hour." Rafael's heart sank again. He fought the overwhelming urge to speak. She needed to get everything out "I got a text from Rollins that Noah called her, and asked if he could sleepover. She said she would be glad to take him if it was OK. I called her back 5 minutes later to tell her I would bring Noah over. I left Forlini's, and went home. I helped Noah pack, and then I drove him over to Rollins. I drove right back here, I don't know how long I sat on the couch alone, but I decided to go to bed early. "

"You went to bed early because you were depressed." Rafael stated.

"Yes." Olivia confirmed. "At Forlini's, you said, I was still holding on to this, and you're not wrong. I want to let go. I want to let go of this." Her voice cracked. "I don't know how, I... I don't know how. I miss you so much". tears flowed freely from her eyes. "I want to let go of this". She repeated through her tears. "Help me. Please, help me let go." She swayed forward, He couldn't act like a professional lawyer interrogating a witness a second longer. Gently, he pulled her to him. He felt her cling to him like a life preserver, and he hugged her a little tighter as she sobbed onto his shoulder.