Title: Little Boy Selfish
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters.
Summary: An abstract encounter, in a vague place, complete with Draco voice-over.
Warnings: Abstract, implied slash, and character death.
--
In the end it was all my fault. It was always my fault.
If only I hadn't doubted.
If only I hadn't dared.
If only I hadn't been so selfish.
-
"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!"
darkly amused smile and bitter laugh
-
Father has always wanted nothing but the best for me. Mother told me so.
And if Father sometimes asked me to do things I didn't really want to do . . .
It would be selfish of me to refuse him.
He's done so much for me.
-
"Just – just put the knife down, Draco. This isn't funny."
But I need to.
-
When you're a young boy, your father is your world.
It's the job of time and slowly gained maturity to diminish your father's importance.
-
"Draco, stop! Don't!"
grabbing hands, a quick shove
-
It's just a shame that by the time you realize how big a bastard your hero is, it's too late.
You're in too deep.
-
"Draco! You can't do this to me! Draco!"
clatter of steel on stone, a knife falling
-
And I have gone way past too deep.
-
"My wand, my wand. I . . . I—fuck, where the hell is my wand?
robes torn, frantic hands
-
Looking back, it was crazy of me to believe him. To believe in him
What was I thinking, actually allowing myself to feel?
It doesn't work that way.
-
"It's not working, Draco! It's . . . it's . . . oh god. You can't do this to me."
choked, pain-filled, gasps
-
And thinking Father wouldn't know?
That Father wouldn't care?
Practically gift-wrap the bloody Boy-Who Lived and I expect a happily ever after?
Idiot
-
"God. . . oh God."
blood-stained robes, hands, face
-
Still, Father is my father. My childhood hero
I can't help still loving him. Can't help still obeying him.
And no matter what people say, in the end, it was my own fault, not his.
-
"Draco . . . ?"
I love you
-
I could've stopped it, prevented this, but I didn't.
Because I'm selfish bastard, and I liked it.
Even in killing myself I'm being selfish.
-
"You bastard . . . I love you, you bastard."
soft sobbing in a sudden quiet
--
I just didn't want to see you hurt.