--------- ADVENTURES OF A NINE LEGGED SPIDER ---------
by Onkiu!

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Author's Note: This is the fifth part of who knows how many parts of Chapter Two. Like I said before, this chapter was an unexpected 10,000 words + long, which would make this quite a long two chapter fic.

Also, I felt that it would be too tedious, long and boring for people to read such a long page.

So, Chapter Two has now been separated into 2000 word long sections for easier reading!

Legal Stuff: Please refer to Chapter One - I do not own HxH!

Onkiu presents:
ADVENTURES OF A NINE LEGGED SPIDER
Chapter Two Pt 5: Kurapika x Undercover x Behind Enemy Lines
A game of pretence.

Original title: The bouncer x angry young man x clashes
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Kurapika found it odd... window shopping? Now? But he went along, trying hard to blend in, and not agitate him. He didn't want suspicions to arise, odd clues given out, his secret to be revealed. All girls like window shopping... right? Neon does it all the time!

Kurapika had been looking at Jimmy & Jimmy's Formal Wear window for around 5 minutes now, staring at the same blue satin formal dress, lit up by the soft glow of display lights. The bouncer was doing the same, but every once in a while, he kept turning his head around and stared into the corner of Grand Central Parade and Tiger Street. The dress had not really been interesting to start with, and was even more tiring to look at as the seconds passed. He tried playing some mind games to ease the boredom, and in his mind, he was placing that blue dress onto all the people he knew.

Gon... no, that's not right. He's a little kid. Neither would Killua. Senritsu... ah, yes, she's a girl, but, she's too short for this. Leorio... hey, he'd actually look alright in this, he has a model's body, after all. Even if it may not be the same shape. Neon... yeah, she'd look good in it. Same with Elisa.

He was about to put it on Basho (which, thankfully, he didn't), Feitan suddenly turned to him and said, "Alright. Let's go."

Kurapika had been wondering what that wait was all about. "What were we waiting for?"

"Nothing." said Feitan untruthfully. Seeing that he may as well continue pretending to be a family man, he said, "My children are coming to pick me up."

They headed across the road to the corner of Grand Central Parade and Tiger St. Under the yellow street lamp was a black car parked near the rubbish bin. Four people were standing around it. It wasn't looking too good for Kurapika. They had their arms crossed and their eyes were following Kurapika, making him feel uneasy and more tense than he should.

Kurapika squinted and tried to make out the figures. There was a blond man whom he had never seen before. He had heavy eyelids, and looked eithervery angryor frustrated. Or both. In front of him was a man with his hair tied up like a palm tree, whom he recognised as a Ryodan member from the time that he had been lurking around the hotel waiting to strike at Kuroro when Gon and Killua had been captured.

Somewhere, deep in his mind, there was a burning thought. The bouncer lied. They're too old to be his children. They are Ryodan members. I'm doomed, I can't escape five Ryodan members now.

Lastly, were the two girls. He definitely knew that they were Ryodan members. He had, at one point in the past, dressed up as another girl and had been following the Danchou. These were the two girls that had flanked his side, and had turned, ready for battle as he hid in the alleyway. He suddenly felt another pang of guilt and anger at his irrational behaviour when he remembered Gon and Killua's sacrifice to make sure that his identity remained a secret. Kurapika felt worse.

"These are my children." Feitan lied.

Deciding to continue pretending to be ignorant of the fact that these people were in fact not blood family, but the infamous Genei Ryodan, Kurapika stuttered, "Ah ... hi. Um... are you sure your wife will not kill me?"

Feitan shrugged, knowing that his 'wife' very well might. The other spiders returned his greeting with some murmuring and nods (or some silent treatment), expect for Phinx, who seemed flabbergasted and tongue tied. They got into the car, and try as Kurapika might to get a window seat (should trouble arise and he needed to make a quick escape) without being too obvious, the Ryodan members were too clever to be tricked, and they had managed to place him in the middle seat at the back of the car (without being too obvious), squished between three other Ryodan members (without being too obvious). Kurapika could not help but feel hopelessly trapped as he sat squashed in a three seater sat by four people.

"Erm... it's too squished. I can walk home if you want..." said Kurapika desperately. His plan had fallen to pieces. He had been planning for a one on one with the bouncer, but now they were winning him at his own game. He was now trapped in a car of Spiders. If his identity was revealed, he would surely die.

"Oh, but isn't it too dangerous?" said Feitan mockingly.

This has turned into a game of pretence on both sides, thought Kurapika.

He was seated between Phinx and Nobunaga, who he was sharing the middle seat with. Machi was staring broodingly out the window next to Nobunaga on the back seat. In the front, Feitan was seated comfortably, not squished, as he stared in front of him as he always did at Funky Cows Nightclub. Kurapika couldn't help feeling that maybe Feitan should have been at the back and someone bigger be at the front. Shizuku was driving in a very exciting way. Every once in a while she swerved left, to which everyone responded by toppling on top of each other like dominos. She would also swerve right, to which everyone did the same thing by toppling the opposite way.

Kurapika tried to take his mind off the worries of sharing a car with the Ryodan members by taking in details of the car. It had a nice smell to it, much like some brand of air refreshener in Vanilla flavour. The leather on the seats were old and worn, butwell cared forand was not torn. The car itself was pretty clean. Much to his surprise, there was a row of fluffy toys behind him.

"That's Shizuku's work." said Phinx, realising that he had been staring at it.

Having a spider talk to him jolted him back into the dire desperation of reality. Who cares about the car? I need to get myself away from here. Let's see, Kurapika. There are five of them here, who are as strong or stronger than me. I cannot take them on with my strength, because there's five of them and one of me. I also cannot outwit them, because they've just outwitted me at my own game. No. I cannot win them with wits... I need to play on a weakness. What was it?

He distinctly remembered that they had a weakness, but what was it...? He looked from one member to another, until his eyes landed on Phinx. This blonde man... he... he was the one that tried to pick me up! That's it! His weakness is beautiful women! And right now, I'm dressed up as a beautiful woman! If I can't win them with wits or strength, I'll win them with my charms! I'll use this weakness to my advantage!

Kurapika turned to the blonde man next to him. "Oh, handsome!" He couldn't help but flinch. It really killed him to lay any sort of praise on a spider, be they worthy of it or not. Even if they were truly handsome, he would rather be tortured at Kukulu mountain before praising him. But desperate situations call for desperate means.

"Huh?" said Phinx, caught off guard by this sudden warmth from the ethereal goddess who only hours before had rejected him coldly and unsympathetically. "Me?"

"Yes, you, bay-beeeee!" Kurapika tried using a coy glance and a flirty smile. It seemed to have worked, for Phinx was now glowing all the colours of a glorious sunset.

"I... I... I...! I.. I have a name!" shouted Phinx, who was so red now that he looked like a capsicum with blonde hair. The car had now fell silent as all eyes turned to him, including Shizuku, who blinked. She had forgotten that she was driving as she stared at him, before a loud honk from an oncoming truck made her turn around and execute a quick swerve to the left. Some honking from the angry truck driver was still heard, mingled with some cursing and name calling.

"Yeah, we know you have a name." snapped Machi, woken from her light nap by the shouting, honking, swerving and cursing.

"What's your name?" Kurapika winked at him (and inwardly, he felt like vomitting.)

"Mynamfinks." gasped Phinx.

"What!"

"M-my name is P-Phinx." whispered Phinx quietly, to avoid any more trouble. "W-what b-b-bout you?"

Uh oh. thought Kurapika. I need a name that isn't related to me, AT ALL, and QUICK!

"I'm... Neo.. I mean, I'm... ah... Mary-Sue!" said Kurapika, wondering how on earth he thought of that name.

Nobunaga looked on their conversation disdainfully. Maybe it was jealousy that made him silently wish that Phinx would just shut up and stop making a fool of himself and all things Ryodan related. Or maybe it was his spider instinct that made him want Phinx to shut up before he leaked too many spider secrets away.

"Phinx, shut up." Nobunaga tried sending him desperate eye signals that warned him about saying too much, to which Phinx responded by sticking his tongue at him over Kurapika's head because he took that message as a sign of jealousy that the beautiful Mary-Sue was laying her pretty eyes and precious attention on him.

Shizuku also sensed an idiotic Phinx that may leak Ryodan secrets and an impatient Nobunaga that would bop him on the head for doing just that were about to begin battle. Seeing that she was driving, she could not pull out Demi-chan to do some impartial judging. She slammed her foot on the accelerator and they sped off down the highway towards Ryodan headquarters.

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Next Chapter: As they draw closer and closer towards Ryodan headquarters, how will both parties react?

PS: I thought that Mary Sue would be such a fitting name for femme Kurapika. After all, he's powerful, he's beautiful, he has a few men after him and he has a tragic past :D