Title: Be Careful What You Wish For…

Author: Hawkeye/Katy

Beta: Alex/Odysseus, Onigami/Ryan and Nox/BJ

Fandom: MASH

Rating: FRT

Disclaimer: I own Adair and the plotline. That is all. MASH belongs to… whoever it belongs to. frowns Who does it belong to? Fox? Meh… I dunno.

Summary: AU. Hawkeye was a doctor with a difference. We all knew that. But, honestly? How different is different?

BJ stared through the gaps in the canvas walls of the tent. He blinked. What in the hell…? He rubbed his eyes and looked again. The glowing ball of light was still hanging in front of Hawk. OK. It was official. He had been driven mad by the pain of his wife leaving him. He nodded emphatically, still staring at the shimmering orb hovering by Hawkeye's head. He was a Section 8. BJ started to back away from the tent, irrationally thinking that Klinger was going to be so jealous.

The blonde stuffed a fist into his mouth to smother the hysterical giggle that threatened to force its way up out of his chest. He turned away and was about to head back to the Swamp, when he heard Hawkeye speak. BJ paused, trying to hear what Hawkeye was saying. It all sounded muffled. He stood in the middle of the camp, torn. Go back to the Swamp and sleep, then apply for a Section 8 tomorrow morning? Or go back to the supply tent and see just how crazy he was, and whether Hawk was crazy too? Against all his better judgment, BJ turned, heading back towards the supply tent, taking up a spot outside, listening to his friend's conversation with a white, glowing orb.

Hawkeye scowled at the short, plump, bespectacled man that appeared, looking decidedly disgruntled, in the ball of white light. Adair scowled back, pushing his tortoise-shell framed glasses up his nose and adjusting his hideous bow tie. Hawkeye glanced down at the bow tie, then back up at Adair, raising an eyebrow. The plump man flushed lightly, his wings ruffling on his back.

"What? You summoned me, Benjamin, not the other way around," Adair said crossly, wings fluttering lightly.

Hawkeye fought the urge to wince at the use of his given name, "Hawkeye, Adair. I prefer Hawkeye."

"Quite frankly, Benjamin," Adair smirked as Hawkeye gritted his teeth, "I don't care. You summoned me away from my dinner. I want to know why."

"Thomas Miller," Hawkeye said shortly, his eyes blazing.

Adair frowned, "My assignment? What about him?"

Hawkeye smiled sarcastically, "Oh nothing, nothing… just…" the doctor's voice grew deceptively sweet, "Just your assignment is bonking my assignment's wife. And now said wife has sent my assignment a 'Dear John' letter and divorce papers."

Adair shrugged, "I fail to see how that is my problem."

"What!" Hawkeye yelled, before wincing and lowering his voice, "Adair! You're intruding on my assignment! That's the first thing we're taught not to do!"

Ruffling his wings against his back, Adair pushed his glasses up his nose, "No, Benjamin, I am not. I'll admit, this possibly could have been handled with a little more…" the bespectacled man waved his hand dismissively, "… decorum, but I am not encroaching upon your assignment. Thomas has found his soulmate in Peg. Your assignment needs to accept that and move on. Maybe then he'll be able to find his own soulmate."

Hawkeye growled, throwing up his hands, "BJ was happily married. He loved his wife and daughter. He still does. Damn you, Adair, how can you tell me that he needs to just suck it up and find his soulmate!"

"Language, Benjamin, it does not become us to use such vulgarity."

Hawkeye growled again, wishing he could punch the obnoxious, bow tie wearing asshat in the face, "Adair, I don't care about the language. I do, however, care that the man I was sent here to protect is being screwed over by your assignment!"

Adair pushed his glasses up his nose yet again, his feathered wings fluttering, "Benjamin," he said, heaving a long-suffering sigh, "What were your exact orders?"

Steeling himself, BJ took a deep breath and pulled back the flap on the supply tent's window. His jaw dropped. Wings? What in the…! Wings! That guy had wings. And he was in a float-y, glow-y, ball-y… thing. BJ muffled a snort. Now there's proof he was going nuts. Eight years of college and the best he can come up with is 'float-y, glow-y, ball-y thing'. He tilted his head to the side. Hawkeye was talking to him. The guy with… wings… and he didn't seem the slightest bit phased. BJ frowned slightly, concentrating on what the two were saying.

"Please, Adair, Hawkeye. Say it with me, now, Hawkeye," the dark haired man said, irritation in his bright blue eyes.

Adair raised an eyebrow, "Your orders?" he asked mildly.

Hawkeye sighed, "Fine. My orders," Hawkeye stood a little straighter and began to speak as though reciting something from memory, "Thou art hereby charged to protect and shelter Doctor BJ Hunnicutt from any and all harm until such time as he can return home to, or…"

Adair smirked as Hawkeye trailed off, "Or what, Benjamin?"

Hawkeye bowed his head in defeat, "…or he finds, his soulmate."

BJ let out a strangled squawk, hurriedly stuffing his fist into his mouth to muffle the sound. But it was too late. Hawkeye stiffened. His shoulders hunched. The winged man in the glowing orb glanced around him. A taunting smirk crossed the bespectacled man's face.

"Do come in, Doctor Hunnicutt," the glowing ball called cheerfully to BJ, before turning back to Hawkeye, "Goodbye, Benjamin."

Hawkeye flinched as Adair called a cheery greeting to BJ, scrunching his eyes shut. BJ hesitantly pulled open the door, stepping inside. Hawkeye's eyes snapped open, and he scowled at the use of his given name. He opened his mouth to curse at Adair, then glowered as he saw the glowing, white orb disappear. He sighed, not wanting to turn around and see BJ's face. He steeled himself and slowly turned, head first, glancing over his shoulder, body following until he was facing the blonde doctor.

"Uh… hi?" Hawkeye said sheepishly, barely meeting BJ's eyes.

BJ just blinked at him. His mouth opened and closed like a goldfish. His bright blue eyes were wide. Hawkeye almost laughed. It would have been hilarious if he hadn't just been busted. BJ swayed slightly on his feet. Hawkeye frowned, okay, that was officially not good.

BJ's wide, stunned eyes met Hawk's worried ones, "He had wings, Hawk. Wings!" he managed to get out, before he fainted dead away.

Taking two quick steps forward, Hawkeye caught him before he hit the ground. The dark haired doctor stared at his friend in shock. Since when did Beej faint! Then he snorted, probably about the time he started seeing his best friend conjuring up glowing orbs and talking to winged men inside said glowing orbs in the middle of the supply tent. Hawkeye grunted as he hoisted BJ unceremoniously over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. He stuck his head out of the door, checking that the coast was clear. It was. He ducked out, cutting as quickly across camp as he could without dumping BJ on his head.

"Hawkeye?" came a startled voice behind him, causing him to leap about six feet in the air.

"AHH!" he yelled, almost dropping BJ, only his better-than-normal reflexes stopping him from depositing the blonde on the dusty ground.

"Relax Hawkeye, relax, it's just me," the quiet voice of Father Mulcahy said, the priest moving up beside him.

"Geez Padre, don't do that! Just ask the Almighty to gimme a heart-attack next time." Hawkeye gasped out.

The Father raised an eyebrow, "You're probably in a better position to do that than I am, you know. Need a hand? And should I ask why you're carrying an unconscious BJ across the camp in the middle of the night?"

Hawkeye broke into an unwilling grin at Father Mulcahy's comment, "No thanks, Padre, I got him," he hoisted BJ up onto his shoulder again and headed towards the Swamp, followed by the Father, "As for why he's here… that's a long story, and one that is going to have to wait until I put him down. Damn, but he's heavy!"

The two men maneuvered BJ into the Swamp and onto his bunk. Hawkeye pulled off his boots and tucked him in. He sighed, looking over at Father Mulcahy, who was waiting patiently for him by the still. The still… Hawkeye's lips curled up in a small smile. He went over to the still, grabbing BJ's martini glass and placing next to the blonde's cot. He poured a tiny bit of gin in the bottom, then turned back to the Father, who was raising an eyebrow at him. He shot him a wry smile and gestured to the door.

"No concussion, he didn't hit his head, he just needs to sleep it off…" Hawkeye said softly.

"And you'd rather not be there when he wakes up?" the Father asked shrewdly.

Hawkeye nodded sadly and the two men moved out of the Swamp and headed over to the Chaplain's tent. Father Mulcahy opened the door, gesturing for Hawkeye to enter. Hawkeye wandered in to the Chaplain's tent, flopping down onto the spare chair. The Father took a seat opposite him and sat, looking quizzically at the doctor.

Hawkeye shot him a rueful smile, "Deus meus, ex toto corde poenitet me omnium meorum peccatorum, eaque detestor, quia peccando, non solum poenas a Te iuste statutas promeritus sum, sed praesertim quia offendi Te, summum bonum, ac dignum qui super omnia diligaris. Ideo firmiter propono, adiuvante gratia Tua, de cetero me non peccaturum peccandique occasiones proximas fugiturum. Amen."

Father Mulcahy smiled back and made the sign of the cross, "You can say that faster than me," he said dryly, "Now, about BJ…"

Hawkeye sighed, "Yeah. BJ. Padre, he got a 'Dear John' letter today," Hawkeye frowned, "No, wait, he got it yesterday."

Father Mulcahy's eyes widened, "Oh no. But I thought he and Peg were so happy…"

Hawkeye snorted, his eyes getting angry, "Yeah, so did he. Padre, I'm supposed to protect him. But, the person who his wife is now with, I… he… well… let's just say that splitting Peg and Tommy up would not be beneficial to either my ongoing health or Peggy's ongoing happiness."

"You mean…? Oh my…" the Father said, a frown creasing his forehead.

Hawkeye nodded, rubbing his face tiredly, "Yeah. Plus, he slip-winged me tonight."

"He what!" Father Mulcahy yelped.

"I was talking to another one, asking about Thomas Miller, Peg's new man. BJ followed me," Hawkeye said matter-of-factly.

"How can you be so calm! This could be disastrous!" Father Mulcahy said, one hand flying up to his mouth.

"That was what the gin was for, Padre," Hawkeye said with a wry smirk, "I figure he'll tell me he had a weird dream last night, I'll laugh at him, blame it on the gin."

"And if he doesn't blame it on the gin?"

"Then I'm in a world of shit," Hawkeye answered with a beatific smile.