Title:

Author: Hawkeye/Katy

Beta: Alex/Odysseus, Onigami/Ryan and Nox/BJ

Fandom: MASH

Rating: FRT

Disclaimer: I own Adair and the plotline. That is all. MASH belongs to… whoever it belongs to. frowns Who does it belong to? Fox? Meh… I dunno.

Summary: AU. Hawkeye was a doctor with a difference. We all knew that. But, honestly? How different is different?

BJ looked from his scraped knuckles to Hawkeye and back again. He'd just decked Hawkeye. He blinked a couple of times, his eyes widening slightly. He sat down hard on his bunk. He looked down at his knuckles again. He shivered slightly before looking up at Hawkeye again. He found the dark haired man looking at him over the towel he still pressed against his bloodied nose, concern in his eyes. God… even though he'd just decked him; Hawk was still worried about him. A lump formed in BJ's throat that he adamantly told himself had nothing to do with Hawkeye.

"Beej?" Hawkeye said hesitantly.

BJ looked up at Hawk, "God Hawk, I…"

Hawkeye wiped the blood off his face, dropping the towel behind him on the floor. He glanced over at BJ, whose wide blue eyes followed his every move, coming to rest on his chest. Hawkeye frowned slightly. If he was female he'd be very offended. He glanced down. Hawkeye winced. His entire shirtfront was covered in blood. Almost as much as when he came out of surgery. He sighed. Glancing around the Swamp he tried to find another shirt. Nothing. He sighed again. Great. Have this conversation in a bloody shirt or no shirt. Hawkeye glanced over at BJ. The blonde man still hadn't taken his eyes off Hawkeye's blood soaked chest. Hawkeye fought the urge to sigh yet again. No shirt it was.

Pulling off his shirt and dropping it with the towel, Hawkeye turned back to BJ, "Its ok."

"But…"

"Beej, its ok."

BJ looked down, brow furrowed, "I'm still sorry."

Hawkeye smiled, "I know. But, in my defense, I did try to tell Adair that he shoulda just left it alone," the smile turned to a frown.

Looking up, BJ noticed the preoccupied look on his friend's face, "Hawk?"

"What? Hmm? Oh, nothing," the other doctor said, still looking as though something was bothering him.

BJ tossed Hawkeye one of his own shirts, stomping down on the little voice in the back of his head that began chanting 'No shirt, no shirt, no shirt, he's wearing no shirt'. Still preoccupied, Hawkeye started slightly as the shirt hit him in the face. He blinked then looked down at the khaki green t-shirt in his lap. He shot BJ a small smile before pulling the t-shirt over his head. BJ looked at him for a minute, before realizing that Hawkeye wasn't going to willingly answer his question about what was bothering him.

"Can't fool me, Hawk, something's bothering you. What is it?"

Hawkeye looked down, "There's something else," he said quietly, "Another thing you need to know about the whole guardian angel thing... and about Peggy and Thomas Miller."

BJ's eyes narrowed slightly, that didn't sound good, "What?"

Keeping his head bowed, Hawkeye spoke in the same quiet voice, "Do you remember, in the supply tent, just before Adair noticed you, what I was saying to him? About my orders?"

"Vaguely," BJ answered, "I know it had 'thou art' in it… and the word 'soulmate'… and I remember you seemed to trail off halfway through."

Hawkeye sighed and recited softly, "Thou art hereby charged to protect and shelter Doctor BJ Hunnicutt from any and all harm until such time as he can return home to, or he finds, his soulmate."

BJ blinked at him, then frowned, "But… Peggy… we were…"

Hawkeye finally looked up at him, confusion and sadness in his eyes, "I thought so too," he said, "But apparently not."

BJ's face twisted in confusion, "I don't follow."

Hawkeye looked right into BJ's eyes, "What did Peg say about Thomas Miller in her letter, Beej?"

Hawkeye wasn't at all surprised when BJ didn't even bother to reach for the letter, he was fully aware that the blonde doctor knew it by heart. He frowned for a second, before his eyes widened. Peggy's words floated through his head. 'I honestly believe that Tommy and I are soulmates.' Soulmates. There was that word again.

BJ's eyes filled with tears, "You mean…?"

Hawk nodded sadly, "I'm sorry, Beej, I'm so sorry."

BJ just stared at him for a second, "'I honestly believe that Tommy and I are soulmates,'" he whispered, "They really are, aren't they?"

Hawkeye nodded again, wishing he could take the forlorn look off of BJ's face. His heart twisted. Was it always this painful? Did guardian angels always feel this much for their assignments? Or did it get easier over time? God that sounded awful. Hawk bit back a sigh and made a mental note to ask Trapper the next time he spoke to him.

BJ's eyes narrowed, "But why?"

Hawkeye blinked, "Why what?"

"Why everything, Hawk! Why is that horse's ass Peggy's soulmate and not me? Why did they only pick now to tell me?" BJ's voice grew steadily louder, "Why not do something about it before I married her and we had Erin?"

Hawkeye held up a placating hand, "Beej, I know as much about this as you do. Hell, I only found out about Thomas and Peggy after you told me."

But BJ wasn't finished, "Shut up!" he kept yelling even as Hawkeye recoiled like he'd been slapped, "Why did I get lumped with a novice? Why, if you're supposed to be protecting me, did I get sent to this godforsaken hellhole?"

Hawkeye visibly flinched, his eyes wide. He got slowly to his feet. He stared at BJ. Hawkeye's eyes narrowed in fury. He could understand BJ's anger at having Peg leave him. He could understand BJ's anger when he found out Peg and Thomas Miller were soulmates. He could even understand BJ feeling betrayed over the whole guardian angel thing. But that… that was going too far. The dark haired doctor took a step towards BJ, blue eyes blazing.

"Incoming casualties, both shifts to OR."

The two doctors narrowed their eyes at each other, looking for all the world like two cowboys staring each other down in an Old West shootout. They both turned and left the tent neither saying a word. BJ broke, his instincts as a doctor kicking in, even as he was telling himself that he didn't leave because of the pain in Hawk's eyes. Hawkeye broke, his instinctive need to protect and heal overshadowing everything else, even as he told himself that it wasn't because BJ's words had cut him to the core.

It was quiet and tense in the OR. Colonel Potter frowned, as the silence stretched out. None of the normal banter, singing or friendly insults could be heard from either BJ or Hawkeye. In fact, the two seemed to ignore each other. The only words the two doctors spoke were to their scrub nurses, when they asked for surgical instruments. Potter shivered lightly. It was unsettling. Particularly from Pierce. Hunnicutt occasionally had quiet spells, especially when he got letters from home. But Pierce seemed to just get even louder when he did, almost to make up for it. It bothered him to think that the whole camp had become so reliant on the two doctors. Not just for their surgical skills but for morale too.

"This one's done," Hawkeye called to the corpsman, his voice a ghost of its normal upbeat tone.

"Damn it! He's coding!" BJ yelled from his table.

Hawkeye rushed over, "What was wrong with him?" he asked, careful not to meet BJ's eyes.

"Shrapnel to the torso," BJ replied tersely, not looking at Hawkeye.

"Toxic shock?" Hawkeye threw back.

BJ shook his head, "No. He was doing ok. Stomach cavity wasn't compromised."

"Blood loss?" Hawkeye snapped, letting the scrub nurse pull fresh gloves onto his hands.

BJ shook his head again, moving around the soldier's chest to start compressions, "No, I got all the bleeders."

"Shock from the surgery must've sent him into cardiac arrest," Hawkeye said, grabbing the oxygen mask off the nurse and moving to the soldier's head, "Ready."

"Starting compressions."

"No pulse. Come on, damn you…"

"Now?" BJ's hopeful voice asked as he completed his second round of compressions.

"No pulse, pressure's dropping further…" Hawkeye shook his head, glancing up at BJ's worried face.

The entire OR stilled, watching the two doctors work to save the young soldier. The two were silent except for the steady thumping of BJ's hands on the soldier's chest and the hiss of the oxygen mask as Hawkeye forced air into his lungs. Potter shook his head and carried on stitching up the final wounds in his patient. He cut off the final suture and stepped back.

"All done. Corpsman! Bring in the next one!" he called through the OR's swinging doors.

As another patient was brought to his table, he glanced over at Hawkeye and BJ. The two were still working on getting the young soldier's heart working again. They worked frantically. He shook his head, turning away as his scrub nurse pulled fresh gloves onto his hands. He turned back to the two doctors still feverishly working.

"Hunnicutt. Pierce. Let him go. He's not coming back."

Two sets of anguished blue eyes stared back at him. BJ looked down at the soldier underneath his hands. He glanced at Hawkeye, eyes seeming to plead with him over his mask. Hawkeye blinked in surprise, then shook his head imperceptibly, before taking the oxygen mask off the soldier's face. BJ stared at the dark haired doctor in shock, before taking his hands off the soldier's chest.

"Father Mulcahy!" he called in a voice that shook slightly, refusing to look at Hawkeye.

The priest hurried over and began the young soldier's last rites. BJ took a deep breath and turned back to the OR, pulling off his gloves as he did so. Hawkeye did the same, almost in tandem with BJ. Both refused to look at each other. The two were back to their previous silence, now working as separate entities instead of the team they once were. Colonel Potter sighed, looking up from his patient to talk to the two doctors.

"I've got the last one here. Go get some rest; you look like you need it."

Hawkeye opened his mouth to protest, but was stopped by a solid glare from the old war veteran. He sighed and nodded, walking out into the prep room and stripping off his bloody scrubs. He didn't bother to look up as he heard the doors swing open again and the rustle of cloth as another person stripped off their scrubs too.

Hawkeye pushed himself to his feet and walked slowly back to the Swamp. He'd barely made it two steps in the door before he was grabbed by the shoulder. He let out a startled grunt as he was spun round and slammed up against the door. He struggled slightly, but was pinned by a furious BJ.

"You could've helped him," the blonde hissed.

Hawkeye sighed, "Yeah, I could've…" he agreed.

BJ reared back, "Then why didn't you?"

Hawkeye looked down, "I was told not to. I already disobeyed orders by helping you do CPR. It was his time to die."

BJ blinked, before snuffing a bitter laugh, "The one time you actually follow orders…" he let the dark haired man go, shaking his head, "You let a man die, Hawk."

Hawk's eyes flared, "I didn't have a choice!"

BJ snorted, "Just like you didn't have a choice when you found out my wife was leaving me…"

Hawkeye shoved past BJ, standing in the middle of the Swamp, eyes blazing, "No, BJ, I did not have a choice. I did not have a choice in letting that man die. I did not have a choice in finding out your wife was leaving you," Hawkeye's voice got steadily louder, his hands fluttering in the air as he got angrier and angrier, "I did not have a choice when I was sent to this death-ridden hellhole. I do not have a choice when I have to watch so many die knowing that I could, maybe, just maybe, keep them alive a little bit longer. I did not have a choice when I got sent to a war zone to protect a doctor who didn't even want to be there. I did not have a choice when my orders got changed from protecting you so you could go home to your wife to dying in your place so you could…"

As BJ's head whiplashed back towards him, Hawkeye's eyes widened as he realized he had just said far too much.