"My Favorite Regret"

Ch1: Watching Over You

She watched him walk away. With every step Harry Potter took, Ginny Weasley's heart broke into a million pieces. She understood all right. She understood full well the occupational hazards of being the Boy Who Lived's girlfriend. I've been preparing for this for a long time, thought Ginny sadly. So why does it still hurt so much to lose him? A voice from inside of her said, you're only human, Ginny. There is always so much you can take on.

But just as fast another voice retorted, well, tough luck Ginevra! You think your problems are oh-so-important? It was just as hard for Harry to walk away, but you don't see him moping about it. Be strong. The voice softened. Be strong for the both of you.

Ginny wiped away the tears that were flowing freely from her brown eyes. She looked over to where Hermione and Ron were standing, Ron holding the latter in his arms, comforting her. Even in the midst of her own dilemma, Ginny couldn't help but smile wryly. At least some people seemed to have found their respective loved one.

Ginny couldn't bear to be standing there anymore. As happy as she was for her brother and Hermione, she couldn't stand there watching other people enjoy what she so rightly deserved herself. This was all too much for her. She turned on her heels and made her way right back to the castle. Luna stopped her on her way there, but Ginny made some feeble excuse about having forgotten to pack her quidditch gear.

To her surprise, instead of Luna spouting her usual warnings about Crumple-Horned Snorkacks or Blibbering Humdingers. Luna patted Ginny on the shoulder and quietly said, "I love him too, Ginny. But we mustn't worry about him. He has his own demons to face and he must do that alone. He will be fine." Ginny was taken aback. She didn't know how to respond to that revelation, as well as to the amount of profundity Luna was demonstrating in what she said. Luna wished her a safe trip home and went about her own way, leaving behind a startled Ginny.

In two hours Ginny was aboard the Hogwarts' Express, on her way home. She didn't see Harry for the whole of the trip home, although Ron and Hermione were on the train. She searched for his face at the Platform when they got off but she didn't see it. Realization slowly grasped Ginny's heart and mind. Harry had left Ginny without saying goodbye, and this was the deepest cut of all to Ginny's broken heart.

From afar, a figure watched Ginny. It watched Ginny's dismal brown eyes, usually bright and burning with spirit, desperately rove the crowds of people in the station, with a desperate yearning. What are the chances it's me she's looking for? Although gleeful for a moment at the prospect of the thought being plausible, the thought soon struck him as being irrational. I know exactly who she's looking for. With that dismal thought resounding in his head, he turned his back and stole one last glance at Ginny.

Sighing angrily, he made his way to where he was supposed to be staying. He stopped and looked at a shop mirror to make sure the effects of his potion were still working. He wasn't completely sure whether the little bit of hair he had snipped had been enough. It felt strange to be staring back into a pair of brown eyes. Admittedly, he just picked the first random person he saw, without being choosy about looks and all. Disarming the man on the Hogsmeade trip had been fairly easy. Just a quick execution of the Disarming Spell had caught the man unaware, and this made it easier to Stupefy him. After snipping a few hairs to last him a few days, he had made sure to stow his body away somewhere safe, somewhere where people could find him before he starved to death or something. He looked around to make sure he was being inconspicuous, and then he made a sharp left turn into the alleyway that was Knockturn Alley.

Later that night, as he lay in his room at Ashwinder's Lair, (a pub/strip bar, frequented by England's most notorious warlocks) he couldn't help but think of Ginny. Every time he tried to think of something else Ginny came into mind. Like he thought of butterbeer, which led him to think of Luna Lovegood and her wacky butterbeer necklace, which in turn led him to think of how Ginny was one of Lovegood's few true friends. He tried thinking of different kinds of Charms spells, but his mind eventually drifted to how Ginny was exemplary in performing the Bat-Bogey Hex. He gave his head a firm shake and decided to get up.

Crossing the room and staring out the window, the dark, dingy room seemed lackluster. Has all the personality of your neighborhood Dementor, he thought sardonically. Upon seeing his reflection, he saw that indeed he had changed back to his own appearance. But it was hard for him to recognize himself. His face had grown thinner and paler, eyes hollowed. Still handsome, but a more fragile look to his face, which gave him an air of being oddly enough almost cherubic in appearance.

But she cannot love me, he thought miserably. I have about as much chance at having a go with her, as does Wormtail or Fenrir. She hates me. Everyone hates me! He couldn't help tear up. Not for sorrow, but for anger. I didn't mean for things to end up like this. Not like this. How could this have happened? If only he hadn't died… He crushed the glass that he was holding in one of his hands, cutting his hands. Rivulets of blood began to flow freely. He picked up his wand, pointed it at his profusely bleeding hand, and muttered "Vigoratus". His wounds healed instantaneously. Well, his hand's wounds in any case.

He was a shattered person, lost and confused. Tied to a fate, which, in retrospect, should not have been chosen. Especially, now that it had doomed him to a life of hiding and seclusion. A life without love… a life without Ginny, he thought. He had tried to ignore these feelings that he had always had for her. He had seen her the first time he had arrived at the Platform to get to Hogwarts. And for some odd reason her face always stuck with him. Over the years, especially since Ginny joined Hogwarts, she kept their paths kept crossing each other. And they had had their fair share of fights. Before long he developed romantic feelings for this wide-eyed, red haired girl. He had been furious to discover that Ginny fancied Harry Potter. He used that as a reason to loathe her, despise her,humiliate her every chance that he got. He ran from his true feelings, but they remained….had always remained beneath the surface of his cool and detached exterior.

Soon enough it seemed she had lost interest in Potter, and began gaining popularity among the boys, as she grew up to be a vivacious and gorgeous girl. He had felt pride whenever he imagined himself with her, about what a stately couple they would have made. But then she started dating Potter, and the fire of fury and hatred for Potter was stoked by this burning jealousy.

Ginny loved Potter, she still loves him, he reminded himself, gritting his teeth. And Potter had left her. That fool had given up this treasure. Potter doesn't deserve her, never did! He raked his hand through his hair, resisting the urge to tug at it. If only Ginny knew how much I love her and how I would do anything for her. If only she could understand my situation. Bollocks, I can't get near her without sending off about a hundred thousand Auror alarms. Damn Weasleys! Only the Golden Boy or the Ministry officials can get near that house.

He suddenly realized what he had said.

Only Potter or the Ministry people…

He had the means to arrange for that

But was it worth the risk? A voice in his head asked.

For Ginny?

The answer was already clear.

He opened his trunk, rummaged around till he found it. He took it out and upon performing originisus, it revealed that it was indeed safe for using. If they found out they would kill him. As it was, he was already rubbing them the wrong way.

It would take a while. But he didn't care. Also he reminded himself to safeguard the potion properly.

Taking out his cauldron he set about concocting his one shot at revealing his true intentions to Ginny. Hopefully she would see it was really him in the end and forget the past. Hopefully she would understand his predicament and love him for who he was.

Author notes: Thanks much to lovely Arielle for BETA reading this , and also Erin for saying she liked the story!