My deepest apologies for the amount of time it has taken me to update! I've had some pretty major life events the past few months, so Barb just had to wait. But I so love writing these characters- I'm very hopeful I'll be writing more for the next few months.
I have also again noticed some spelling errors in previous chapters- please forgive me! I'll go back and fix them asap!
Batman had his hands full at the hospital, and despite my best efforts I was unable to locate Joker after he fled the scene. But there was still too much to do to throw in the towel yet. As Batman ran back into the burning emergency room once more to search for civilians, I pinged Dick's communicator unit.
"Have you found Jason?" I asked before Dick could say anything in greeting.
"He took my bike! My bike!" Dick snapped at me.
"How?" I wondered, remembering that Dick's motorcycle wasn't here at the manor; that's why Dick had to take my motorcycle to pursue Jason after he'd hurried after the Joker.
"Not my Nightcycle, my motorcycle! My first motorcycle, it was in Bruce's garage still!" Dick grumped through the comms unit, and I heard my motorcycle rev in the background.
"Do you know where he is?" I asked again, needing an answer. Any second now, Batman would emerge from the burning emergency room and I'd need to switch on to his feed.
"Yeah, I spotted him taking the bridge to Bludhaven- I'm not too far behind," he answered, a more serious tone prevailing over his complaints.
"Good. Joker's loose, we lost him. Don't let Jason get to him first," I cautioned Dick quickly.
"Copy," Dick said. There was no jocularity in his tone; we both knew this wasn't something to joke about. I clicked off his line and opened a line with Batman, who was at that moment carrying two unconscious bodies out of the ER: a man in scrubs thrown over one shoulder and a gangly child in a hospital gown in the other. Nurses who had earlier escaped the burning emergency room took the bodies from Batman and began assessing their conditions.
"Batman," I called to him, watching as he raised a finger to his ear and tuned in to my words, "Joker's on the lam. I can't find him on security cams…"
"I'll pursue on foot," Batman said, and even through the filter of the bad cameras I could see something happen to Batman's eyes as he presumably switched on detective mode in his cowl.
"We've got another situation," I said. "Quinn being taken by the feds. If we don't pursue her now, they'll get away with her."
There was a pause on the other end of the line, and I couldn't tell if Batman was ignoring me or considering what to do.
"If Quinn is gone, there's nothing we can do to stop it. They'll get warrants, legal recourse on their side- but we can still stop Joker," he said, hurrying off as he presumably picked up a clue in his cowl. "I've got something indicating he may be in a car- he's headed back into Gotham. Check the bridges for any unusual activity, especially those leading onto Founder's Island."
"Why Founders?" I asked.
"The sublevels are favorites for Gotham's underbelly. Tons of places to hide- and once he's hidden, it'll be impossible to stumble upon him. But maybe you can catch him en route," he said.
"Got it," I said curtly, then cut the line. Part of me wished I was out there; Bruce was, Dick was, even Jason was, but here I sat behind a computer. But that didn't matter- my motorcycle was gone, the Batwing was gone, and I hadn't had enough practice driving the Batmobile to feel like Bruce had faith in me behind the wheel. If I could locate Joker crossing back into Gotham and send Batman his location, it wouldn't be necessary for me to intercede in person anyway. I began searching the security footage of the bridges, scanning car windshields as well as the pedestrian footpaths for key features of Joker's face. I programmed the computer to highlight images of that maniacal smile, his pallid white skin, the green hair, the sharp jaw line. It wasn't a foolproof approach; Joker could avoid my surveillance by merely wearing a hat and keeping his gaze low on the road ahead of him. But it was all we had for the time being.
I reopened the line to Dick, hopeful he had good news for me. "You got him?"
"Um…" he reluctantly answered me.
"Nightwing?" I answered, starting to feel a bit panicked.
"Okay, he shook me… I'm not sure where he is," Dick said. "Tell me Bats got Joker?"
"No," I answered a bit tersely, "he thinks Joker's headed back to Founders Island."
"Oh, good," Dick said. "Well, I'm fairly certain Jason's still in Bludhaven, so at least he's far from trouble."
"Not good," I clarified. "Definitively not good until he is back here. Find him, Dick."
"Yes, ma'am," Dick answered before closing the comm link, his tone a bit annoyed but I trusted he understood my urgency and anxiety.
As soon as Dick's comm link closed, Batman pinged me on his. "Yeah," I answered.
"Any sign of Joker?" Batman demanded. I shook my head to myself.
"Nothing," I said as I scanned the monitors. I needed to start thinking creatively, see if we could find his next move before he made it. "I'll open his files on the potential dirty bombs with Riddler. If they are colluding, he may be on his way to Riddler hideouts."
"If there's already a dirty bomb and he's headed straight for it, we won't have time to find him before he detonates it," Batman grumbled back at me.
"It's all the leads we've got," I reminded him. The line went quiet a long moment.
"Start pulling security camera footage from Bludhaven city servers after the hospital attack. It will take longer to track him that way, but should give us a trail," Batman advised me. It was a solid plan, but it would be slower to enact. I knew it was his way of saying the trail had gone cold; we'd truly lost him.
I let out a short, sharp sigh. I'd lost him. I spent my time ensuring we'd detained Harley Quinn, only to then lose Quinn to federal officers when she deserved to be rotting in a Gotham cell. If I'd redirected those efforts to be focused on Joker, maybe we could've caught him.
"Got it," I responded, and I cut the line. I didn't have time to be mad at myself now; I started pulling the security feeds in Bludhaven, starting with the exterior of Bludhaven General Hospital and continuing through the city as I followed the car that Joker hijacked.
A comm link ping came from Nightwing not much later. "Nightwing, tell me you've got him," I answered.
"On the ropes," he answered. "I'm closing in on him. Sort of."
"Clarity would be helpful," I replied impatiently.
"He's just crossed back into Gotham. He ditched my bike in an alley in Chinatown- for which, he will be dead meat…"
"So, where is he?" I asked in exasperation.
"He continued on foot. I've got eyes on him… I'm not sure where he's going yet," he said.
"Why Chinatown?" I asked as I continued clicking through security camera feeds.
"Not sure; he changed course suddenly, like he had some sort of revelation. Look, he's getting lost in the crowd… I'll be in touch when I've got him pinned down," he said, and the comm link was cut off before I could say anything else. I shook my head and continued tracking Joker's movements through security feeds. I trailed his car around Bludhaven, onto a bridge leading back into Gotham, and now dipping into the underbelly of Founder's Island.
"Batman," I called as I clicked on my comm unit. He didn't respond, but the link was live and open. "Joker got on Founder's Island from Penitence Bridge, he headed down into the lower levels about ten minutes ago, driving a beige Honda sedan."
"Any idea where he's headed?" he asked.
"Not sure. He made a turn to head North but I'm unclear- these lower levels have fewer security cameras, which makes it a bit trickier to trace him," I said as I tried to continue following the trail of security cameras he'd drive past.
"It's a start. Good work," he acknowledged, then clicked off the unit. I continued tracing Joker's movements quietly at the computer for another ten minutes, my work moving far slower in the difficult labyrinth of Founder's Island's lower levels. After ten minutes or so, a ringing alerted me and I clicked on my comm unit to receive the call- but it wasn't a call over my comm unit.
"Oh," I said aloud as I realized it was my cell phone. Who the hell was calling me? I got up from the computer and picked my phone up from where it sat in my backpack where I had dropped it on the walkway to the computer monitors. The number was unfamiliar, but a local Gotham number. I went back to the computer monitors and answered in my calmest voice as I continued my searches. "Hello?"
"Miss Gordon, this is Lucius Fox," the rich timber of his voice said through the phone. I shook my head a bit at the surprise of hearing his voice on my phone.
"Is everything alright? Was there a security breach at Wayne…" I started asking, my brain already running through the dozens of terrible situations that would merit a call from Lucius on a day like this.
"No, Miss Gordon, everything's alright here. "I didn't anticipate you'd be able to answer your personal phone, I was planning to leave a message. I'm sure you're quite busy, after your work this afternoon," he suggested.
"It's definitely been a busy day in the office," I confirmed, clicking through security feeds.
"I wanted to let you know that a Wayne Tech employee was inquiring after your office line," he said. A smile crossed my lips as I shook my head and stared at the computer screens.
"I didn't realize I had an office line," I said.
"You do have a designated office line, though we never got a phone set up in your office because… well, it wasn't a priority, given the technological requirements of your work," he said tactfully. "So, we've forwarded your office line to your personal cell phone. Is that alright?"
"Sure, yeah, that's fine," I confirmed, though I let my fingers raise off the keyboard, "but real quick, who's looking for my phone number?"
"Looks like the directory request was made by a cybersecurity employee by the name of Daniel Hale," he said. It only took me a second to remember and nod to myself: Daniel. The guy I'd run into outside of the elevators, that had very awkwardly forced small talk with me when I was waiting for Jason to arrive the first day he came to Wayne Tech. I had just been waiting to run into him again; I was sure he'd attempt to ask me on a date another time.
"Got it," I confirmed. "Yeah, that's fine, just forward those calls here."
"Of course, Miss Gordon," he said. "I hope you have a delightfully calm Sunday evening."
"Yeah, I'll get right on that," I almost laughed back into the phone. "Thanks, Lucius." I hung up and tried to refocus on my work; but my thoughts kept nagging at me.
Daniel likes you. Not Dick. He's gonna ask you out. Dick doesn't like you, but Daniel does.
I looked up past the computer monitors, up into the cavernous walls of the Batcave. It was just this morning that Dick had tried to apologize for… something… and I'd told him I just wanted to be friends. Since then, he'd helped me incapacitate Quinn; we'd been working together on getting Jason to safety; his hands had been on my hips and around my waist as we wove through traffic on my motorcycle. But the decision I had made, to keep myself at arm's length, to keep our relationship relegated to friendship, was the right decision. It would keep us both from being distracted, and it would keep us both professional and safe.
Plus, there was that whole thing with Dick's coworker, Amy. If he could have a thing with a coworker, maybe I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss the idea of going out with one of my coworkers.
A ping came from my comm and I clicked it on, Dick's name popping up on my screen. Speak of the devil…
"Tell me something good," I said hopefully.
"I got him," he said. I could feel my shoulders relax as he said it. "He'd headed to The Oblivion Bar, thinking Joker might go somewhere Riddler affiliates are known to frequent."
"And?" I asked, since Jason's suspicions weren't far from my own. "Did you find anything?"
"No. Even if Joker was headed to a place like this, which I find highly unlikely, he wouldn't do it before midnight," Nightwing confirmed.
"Well get him out of there fast," I urged him. "Batman's not far. He's exploring the lower levels of Founder's Island for Joker, but we don't have much of a trail. It may not be long before he heads back here."
"To Jay's credit… it was a good thought," Dick replied. I felt a pang of frustration at the thought, wanting to ensure we were scolding Jason and not praising him, but I did agree.
"One of the best we've got," I confirmed.
"No, you're the best we've got," he said, and I was a bit taken aback by the compliment. "Our best bet is to get back and watch the monitors for updates… you're tracking him through security feeds on Founders?"
"Yeah, for now. Trying, at least," I answered. "There's not enough coverage down there, we'll need a lot of luck to keep a tail on him."
"It's possible he car-jacked someone or kidnapped someone to steal their identity. But the mess from Quinn's attack earlier makes it impossible to get police on his scent just yet. We just have to look for the breadcrumbs." I shook my head. Everything he was saying made sense and I logically agreed and understood- I just hated feeling like there was nothing I could do, like what we'd done already today hadn't been good enough. "You're doing all you can," he said, almost like he could hear what I was thinking. It made my stomach flip. I didn't want him that close.
"You're on your way back now?" I asked, the abrupt change of subject slightly less than subtle.
"We both are," he confirmed. "Probably ten minutes out. I'm keeping a nice, obvious tale on him so he knows he isn't getting away with anything."
"Glad to hear it," I said. "I'll be here. My bike had better be in perfect shape."
"Scouts honor," he laughed, and I clicked the comm link off. I kept working, completely stalled at a lack of security cameras in the bowels of Founder's Island. I was beginning to wonder if this where our trail ended; had Joker parked his car just out of view from any cameras and proceeded on foot, down sketchy allies or through private residences? It wasn't out of the question and, if he had, I'd be unable to hunt him down any further.
A roar through the cave indicated Dick's arrival home. I let out a sigh and swiveled the chair around to face the entrance of the cave. Dick coasted onto the pad on my bike, coming to a slow stop and quieting the bike. His eyes met mine and a smile crossed his sweaty face.
"Were you waiting for me?" he asked. I smiled back.
"I was waiting for my bike," I answered.
"You may remember, it was my bike first. I know how to handle it," he shrugged with a smile, reminding me that my colors had just been painted over his.
"Well it's mine now, thank you very much," I replied. He took off his domino mask as he walked up the ramp to the central command station. Beneath his smiling exterior, I could sense a feeling of exhaustion or exasperation. "You okay?" I asked more seriously.
"Just waiting for my 'welcome home' moment," he said with a cocky smile down at me, as if he were waiting for a kiss. My smile lessened and I tried to express my seriousness. He shook his head, his smile still in place. "I took a bite out of him to get him back here. And I know I need to go up there and do it again so he doesn't pull something like this ever again. I just…" he shook his head, his playful smile failing to conceal the frustration and sentiment beneath, "he's my little brother. It's… hard to be mad at him."
Having no siblings, it wasn't exactly easy for me to relate. But I could understand nonetheless. "Why don't you let me do this part?" I suggested. "I'm in this now too, it shouldn't just be you having the hard conversations."
"No, it's…" he waved me away. "I mean, you should talk to him too. He should hear it from both of us. But I need to do this one again. He knows it's coming." I nodded.
"Don't take too big a bite out of him," I tried to comfort him. He smiled back.
"No promises there, Batgirl," his white teeth glimmered back at me. We turned away from each other, he to retreat upstairs and lecture Jason and I to the computer monitors. The Batcave fell quiet again and I felt my fingers hover aimlessly over the keyboard as my thoughts wandered distractedly. I shook my head; I was tired. It had been a long and emotional day. And I was frustrated at having hit a dead end. Another dead end.
"You have to eat," Dick's voice behind me startled me and I lurched forward for a quick second. He was standing behind me, offering a plate of cut up chicken and salad. "That piece of banana bread you had hours ago is not gonna sustain you much longer." I was reluctant to accept the food, but he was right; the noises my stomach made kept interrupting my concentration.
"Thank you," I graciously accepted the food, swiveling away from the computer.
"You're not finding anything new, are you?" Dick asked. My impulse was to be defensive, frustrated at him that he'd call me out for what I felt was a failure- but I tried to set my feelings aside.
"No," I answered honestly. "Trail's cold."
"What's Bruce doing?" he asked.
"Scouring Founder's Island for anything that might lead to him," I said. "I shared Joker's last known location with him, but it's little help. He just vanished," I shook my head.
"Yeah… he's good at that," Dick said, his hands fidgeting with his phone as he examined the monitors. "Any word on when Bat's coming back?" he asked. I shook my head.
"No clue," I answered.
"You're just hanging around till then?" Dick asked. I shrugged.
"May as well…"
"Go home, Barb," he said. "I can cover for you here. So can Alfred. You've had a long day," he said. My defensive impulses rose again.
"I'm perfectly capable of…"
"I know you are," Dick interrupted me. "You also kicked ass today, ID'd a new perp, and took her down. That's more than most of us get accomplished in a week."
"Yeah," I nodded, putting the plate down in my lap. "I lost the perp again, too." Dick's head tilted and his lips tightened in a conciliatory tone.
"Barb, you can't blame yourself for Joker getting away. You took down Quinn, that was the goal…"
"Not just Joker, I lost Quinn too," I reminded him. He exhaled slow and I felt his thoughts... can't argue with that. "What's the use of taking down perps if we can't keep them under our thumbs long enough for the cops to arrive?"
"You delivered Quinn to Arkham security," Dick tried to comfort me. "It's not your fault they lost her. And technically, she is in custody…"
"Yeah, for a branch of the government that intends to use her as a weapon, right?" I confirmed, remembering all Dick had told me about the Suicide Squad. "I mean, why not load her gun for her while I'm at it…"
"Hey," Dick barked at me and I stopped, realizing for the first time just how much I was beating myself up. "This is the job. Sometimes we get the bad guys and we get them for good. And sometimes we just slow them down. But you saved a lot of lives today."
"Did I? Because by my count, there were guards at Arkham that are injured or dead because of the explosion Harley caused to release Joker; there's an ER full of patients in Bludhaven that are being transferred to other hospitals because theirs was just blown up; and there are two mass murderers that are either on the loose or on very loose leashes, because I didn't do enough," I snapped. Something in me had broken; maybe it was my low energy, or that I hadn't eaten enough, or that it was Dick talking to me and I wanted to open up to him but couldn't let him that close. Or maybe it was that I had genuinely failed at my job and no amount of tracing Joker's movements could make up for the fact that I hadn't done enough to stop him.
I stood abruptly and put my plate down on the computer chair, turning away from the monitors.
"Where are you going…"
"You want to cover for me, cover for me," I said, walking past him and picking up my backpack on my way out of the cave. I took it upstairs and changed in the bathroom, the need for a shower incredibly apparent. But it could wait until I got home.
I left the bathroom, leaving my dirtied suit for Alfred to get another time. As I walked towards the front doors of the mansion to leave, movement from the hall by the kitchen caught my attention. It was Jason, with a mouth full of food and a piece of floppy lettuce falling from his mouth, a sandwich in hand.
"Hey," he mumbled with full cheeks, his body frozen like I had caught him when he hadn't wanted to be seen. Smart thinking, but too late now kid.
"'Hey?'" I repeated in a shout to him, dropping my backpack on the floor as I stormed over to him. "'Hey?' That's all you have to say after today?"
"I know. I'm sorry, I already told Dick…"
"I don't care what you told Dick," I said. "No comm link, no geolocator, what the hell were we supposed to do if you got into trouble?"
"I know, I wasn't thinking about…"
"No, you weren't thinking," I interrupted him. "You can't not think, Jason, that's when you lose!" As I shouted the last line, I shifted my weight to my front leg and brought my other foot around in a round house kick. He ducked and avoided the blow, dropping his sandwich as he did so, then lowered in a defensive stance a step away from me.
"I said I'm sorry, Barbara!"
"That's not good enough!" I shouted as I advanced, throwing a punch, a kick, then a torso blow. He blocked the first two, and absorbed the blow to his stomach with a puff of air that sent a few bits of his sandwich flying onto the floor. "You don't get to just be sorry! It doesn't just go away!" I shouted as I continued advancing. He finally clicked into sparring mode and began to focus on anticipating my movements, blocking each in turn. When he grabbed my wrist in a block, I pulled him in close, grabbed his shoulders, and rolled him over me. I landed over him as his breath knocked out of him, and he released my arm. Straddling Jason, I pulled my hand back to deliver a punch to the nose, but I didn't strike. I held it there above him. His eyes grew a bit wider as he looked up at my hand; he looked unafraid of the punch, but surprised that it was me threatening to deliver it. Jason's hand raised and I pulled my arm back further, threatening the blow, but his hand stopped, his palm flat and raised to someone behind me. My gaze slid back towards my shoulder, wondering who it was Jason was cautioning to stay back: Alfred or Dick?
"I'm sorry, Barbara," Jason said seriously, looking me in the eyes. "I won't do it again. I promise." I shook my head, angry- but it wasn't at him. I was angry at me, and Jason had learned his lesson. I put my other hand on Jason's shirt, lifting him a bit off the floor.
"You do and I swear to God, I'll kick your ass," I said. I let him go and stood quickly, turning around to see Dick standing with tense shoulders and staggered feet behind me, holding my half-finished dinner. I approached him just long enough to snag my backpack from the floor, then turned away and went out the front door of the mansion.
I didn't have much of a plan. I figured I'd walk until I reached some other homes, then call an Uber from there to get home. It was only a few miles, and I could use that time to calm down anyway. I had almost reached the brick pillars of the main gate at the end of the long driveway when I heard the revving of a motorcycle behind me. I began to roll my eyes back in my head as the motorcycle pulled up beside me.
"What, you're gonna walk home?" Dick asked, almost in a playful tone.
"I'm fine Dick," I loudly replied, continuing down the drive. He revved the bike just enough to keep up with me.
"Barb, seriously, let me…"
"I don't need your help, Dick," I said again. The bike stopped and turned off. I heard him dismount the bike as I stepped up to the manual override of the gate beside the brick pillar.
"What's the plan here, Barb?" he asked in an exasperated tone, tossing his arms at his side. I whirled back to face him, unable to calm down.
"Didn't you say you were going to cover for me? What happens when he calls and no one's there to answer?" I asked.
"Alfred's on the computer, we're covered," Dick said, waving away my concern. "What's going on with you…"
"I'm fine," I said, turning back to the gate override and keying in the code to open the gate.
"Clearly you're not, Barb, you're freaking…"
"Stop calling me Barb!" I shouted back at him over my shoulder. He silenced and I saw his expression turn soft and concerned. My jaw tightened and I turned back to the gate override box, closing the door on it as the gate began to open. Dick stepped up closer behind me.
"Hold on a sec," he started as his hand landed softly on my bicep. I flinched away from him, turning to face him. My jaw was fixed and my gaze hard as he held his hands in front of his chest in a gesture of innocence and good will. "Easy," he said as he began to reach for me again, "I'm just trying to talk…"
"I don't want to talk," I said as I began to turn away from him again, but his hands shot to my biceps as he tried to keep me from leaving.
"Wait," he said with a soft voice as his hands tried to keep me in place.
"Don't," I threatened him, trying to swing my backpack at him as a lightweight and completely harmless obstacle. He deflected the toss and hit the backpack out my grasp to the ground, placing his hand on my forearm as I released it.
"Just hold on," he said as I took steps backward from him. At this point, I just wanted to escape talking to him. I was angry, but that anger was covering something else, something I didn't want to discover at this moment.
"Leave me alone!" I tried to hit him away with harmless but serious strikes at his chest, but he caught my wrists. I felt my back hit the hard and grainy surface of the brick pillar behind me. Dick had my wrists in his hands, my back against a wall.
"What's going on? Barbara, stop!" he urged me as I tried to pull out of his hands. I was trapped there, my veil of anger barely able to hold as he held me and tried to force my eyes to meet his. "Talk to me, what's… what's going on?" My eyes finally met his icy blue gaze. Something in me seemed to crack, and all that anger dissolved. I felt overwhelmed with embarrassment and guilt for how I'd treated Jason, for abandoning the computers while Batman was still out there fighting. But mostly, I felt shame. Shame at having failed.
That was the word that I couldn't tear myself away from. Shame.
I could see in Dick's eyes that he could feel my dissolve. I pulled my gaze away from his and closed my eyes, trying to pull away from him but instead finding myself in a state of collapse. Dick's hands left my wrists and grabbed around my waist, pulling me away from the hard brick and close to him. My hands fell to his chest and I found that I was crying, which only worsened my embarrassment. I tried to push away from him, but one of his hands left my waist and came to the back of my head. He stroked my hair and gently pushed my face back to his chest, giving me a safe place to sob.
He stood there silently with me, his chin resting on the top of my sweaty red hair, one hand stroking the hair on my neck and the other arm wrapped around me, his hand spread wide across the middle of my back. It didn't take me long to fail at holding back my cries, and I cried quietly into my hands against his chest. I felt like my knees could have failed me and I still would have been held there, my entirety supported by those two hands and the contact of his chin against the crown of my head.
Once my cries calmed a bit and I began to collect myself, Dick's voice softly said, "you're gonna get him, Barb. Him and Quinn. And anyone else you come across." I felt my head shake against him, though I wanted to believe him. His hand moved to wrap around the back of my head and he tilted my face up to meet his gaze. "You'll lock him back up. I know you will." His eyes searched mine, and my gaze fell down his cheeks to his lips. I wanted to kiss him. His hands on my back and in my hair, my hands on his chest, the cool night air on us. I wanted him to press me up against the brick pillar behind me and kiss me.
His eyes were scanning my face just as mine were scanning his. I could see him formulating the same thoughts. His lips pressed together and released, as if he were thinking about if he should or should not kiss me. His eyes seemed stuck to my lips. His fingers pressed tenderly and eagerly against my back, and wrapped themselves in my hair. "Tell me what you want," he whispered to me. I let out a shallow breath with what sounded like a shiver. I knew what I wanted; but I knew there were reasons we shouldn't have it, either. I closed my eyes, already feeling in a state of ecstasy just being in his arms. Did I really want to allow that to end?
"I…" I began to say, but it was more of an effort to stall the answer. I just wanted to stay here another selfish moment longer. When I opened my eyes, his were looking back into mine. His lips tightened a moment, and the soft pressure of his hands seemed to lessen ever so slightly. It felt like a decision had been made. Did I make it? Or did he?
"I should take you home," he said slowly, softly. "Please. Will you let me take you home?" he asked, his eyes still fixed on mine. Part of me wanted to argue, to grab the moment back that had so suddenly slipped away. But I didn't. I nodded softly. His fingers detangled from my hair and his hand came forward to my cheek, wiping away a tear I had forgotten was there. He cupped the side of my face and tilted my head down, pressing his lips to my forehead. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment, though it felt so small in comparison to what I'd yearned for. Smaller… yet somehow nearly as intimate.
He pulled away from me. His hand left my back and slipped around to my waist. "Come on," he said, "let me take you home." He led me by the hand back to the bike, picking up my backpack along the way. I put on the helmet he'd left by the bike for me, and he slipped my backpack straps back over my shoulders. He climbed on the bike and I got on behind him, my hands resting softly on his hips.
We drove off not at a daring speed but at the speed of a casual ride. I looked at the back of his head, wondering if he was feeling angry or confused or maybe like I was being immature. What could he be thinking of me? But I reminded myself of what he'd said.
You're gonna get him, Barb. Him and Quinn. And anyone else you come across. I know you will.
I didn't feel the same amount of embarrassment or shame as I had earlier. I felt supported, understood. I leaned forward, my body forming around his back as the side of my helmet rested on his back, and my arms wrapped tightly around his torso. He didn't seem to tighten or object to the gesture. After a moment, he raised one of his hands from the handlebars and rubbed over my forearms, stopping to hold around my wrist in a requiting gesture.
He drove me back to the front of my apartment this way. When he parked in front of our apartment, I stepped off the bike and removed his helmet as he propped the bike on its kickstand and stood to see me off.
"Thank you for bringing the helmet," I said, offering it back to him. He took it with a tight smile.
"Yeah. Thanks for letting me drive you," he said. When our bodies had been pressed together, our faces only inches apart, the moment had felt so effortless. But now, with three feet of distance between us, an awkward silence hung over us. I tried not to ask myself what that meant.
"And thank you… for tonight," I said, my hands shoved in my pockets. "I, um… I really needed that." He nodded, looking disappointed as he did.
"Of course," he said. "Everyone needs a friend now and again." I felt my lips part and a heavy breath draw in as I meditated on the word 'friend.'
Yes, I was the one that insisted we be just friends. And logically, I knew that was still the best decision. It still betrayed every fiery, bodily instinct I had.
"Yes," I said, nodding and keeping my hands deep in my pockets to ensure I couldn't do anything else with them. "Thank you for… for being such a good friend." He nodded again, the same disappointed look on his face as he did.
"I'll always be your friend, Barb," he said, but then flinched. "Can I… keep calling you Barb?" I let out a strained, uncomfortable laugh.
"Uh, yeah," I answered, "yeah, you can call me Barb." He smiled back at me, a little less disappointed than before. He stepped onto the sidewalk and reached a hand to my shoulder, leaning forward and planting a soft kiss on my cheek. It gave me shivers from the base of my spine up through my ears, and I allowed myself the luxury of closing my eyes for just a moment as it felt like my knees would melt beneath me. When he pulled away, I opened my eyes again and tried to keep my composure.
"Goodnight, Barbara," he said, then shoved the helmet on over his shining black hair. I turned around and slowly walked inside my apartment building. Once I closed the door behind me, I leaned back against it and put my fingers softly to where his lips had gently touched my cheek. I listened to the motorcycle start, linger a long moment, then pull away.
Sleep. Sleep would temper these feelings. I needed sleep.
I hurried up the stairs to our apartment, only to realize that dad still wasn't home. The scene Harley Quinn had caused must have left him one hell of a stack of paperwork. I didn't bother cooking anything. I dropped my backpack in my room before taking a shower, and fell in bed with wet hair. I was asleep in no time, dreaming of the feel of Dick's hands tangled in my hair.