A/N: I know I've been really slack about updating in the past couple of weeks, but I'm back at uni and having to deal with trivialities such as World Literature and Comparitive Politics. Sorry! Just a short update for now, hopefully I'll be able to add more in the upcoming weeks. Thank you to everyone who keeps reading (and reviewing) despite my disgusting neglect :)

I know that I should have been more upset about Liz's disappearance but the truth was, I was pretty freakin excited. I knew she wasn't in any immediate danger, and she'd survive the ordeal, of course; these things are pretty formulaic. So I saw her kidnapping as a chance for us to take a break from each other.

Don't get me wrong. I love Liz. What's not to love? She's a perfect, size six blonde… well, I'm sure you know how it goes by now. The problem was, we'd been together since we were twelve (save for a few plot driven break ups) and we hadn't even rounded first base yet.

I'd been living with a severe case of blue balls for way too long.

So I figured I'd live the single life while she was gone. The aim was to score a home run before she returned and I had to turn back into the dutiful, dedicated steady boyfriend I've always been.

Lucky for me, I was surrounded by a bevy of single girls. Some of the Baby-Sitters Club members were hot! And I was starting to get used to Bruce muttering "jailbait" every time I tested my moves on one of them.

Unfortunately, they didn't dig my groove. When I asked Kristy if she wanted to play master/servant, she screamed that she was always the master and locked me in The Box for the afternoon. And when I played Ginuwine's Pony for Mallory, I ended up spending the rest of the day playing horsie's in the Stevenson's backyard.

Sigh. After an unsuccessful couple of days, I decided that I would have to try my luck with someone my own age. Since I'd already had relations with Jessica and Lila, I figured Enid was the way to go.

Okay, so I'd picked my target, now I needed a plan. I thought back to my affairs with Jessica and Lila, hoping for a little inspiration, and then…ping! I could almost see the light bulb flash above my head. Of course! Both of those relations had taken place under extreme circumstances.

See, in Sweet Valley, when crazy things happen (which seems to be every week), it's accepted… no, it's expected that you hook up with the closest person of the opposite sex. Of course, when things go back to normal you regret it and act like it never happened, but that was fine. In fact, it was perfect.

All I needed to do was create an extreme circumstance. The beautiful part was, it didn't matter how tired and clichéd, or how unbelievable, it was. After spending 16 years in Sweet Valley, you come to believe anything.

Enid was in the kitchen. I raced down the stairs. "Enid, I think I know who kidnapped Liz!" I cried. "It was..." c'mon Todd, think! "…it was my evil twin brother!" I finished triumphantly. "And now he's after me!" When she looked unimpressed, I added, "And he's a werewolf. No, a vampire. No, both – a vampire werewolf." Now that was something none of us had encountered before.

Success! Enid stopped what she was doing and threw her arms around me. "How can I help?"

"Well, you can help me fight this, uh, vampire-werewolf dealy," I said. "It'll be fun. We'll spend long nights at the library doing research, growing closer and closer as we spend more time together… we'll do stake outs where, to alleviate the boredom, we'll end up revealing our inner most thoughts and feelings… and eventually, the intensity of the case will spill out into sexual chemistry that will result in us sharing a night of passion!"

She looked wary. "One condition," she said, holding up a finger. "When it's over, we have to regret it and pretend like nothing ever happened."

"Of course!" I cried.

She smiled with relief. "Count me in!" she cried.