AN: Thank you all for the wonderful feedback and kind words. Kathy and I had a lot fun while working on it and I'm glad you like the new version :)

The Need To Feel Free Again - Part 4

Disclaimer - See part one for all important information

Anderson's Farm

Brattleboro, Vermont

5:14 PM

Mac looked around her taking everything in. "Isn't this place absolutely beautiful, Toby?" She asked her furry little friend getting a quick little 'woof' in reply.

The Golden Retriever puppy sat contentedly right in front of Mac while they both rode Scout, Chloe's pinto horse. They traversed through the woods that opened up into the picturesque countryside of the Anderson Farm. Mac was awed at just how huge this property was and immediately understood why Chloe was so enchanted with it and loved being here.

When Martha had suggested taking Scout out for a ride, Mac was a little hesitant at first. Now she was extremely pleased with her decision to take the risk. Her back didn't hurt at all, and she and Toby were enjoying their ride immensely. It was a beautiful warm day, there wasn't a cloud in the dazzling blue sky, and the sun was shining brightly on the lush green fields.

It was Friday, and Mac had the rest of her day planned. Reading a current best seller while savoring the fresh country air and then taking a swim in the crystal clear lake held the highest priority. However, she knew that the most important thing on her agenda, and the reason for being there, was to find her way back; her way back to being Sarah MacKenzie.

'To feel free again.' She clearly remembered the words she had spoken to Harm. She was both stunned and worried when Harm told her that he understood only too well what she meant by that statement.

Was she really surprised about Harm knowing about such feelings? 'No, I guess not really,' Mac instantly answered her own question because she definitely knew that his time with the CIA was a formidable time in the life of Harmon Rabb Jr.

'Damn Paraguay… damn Sadik… damn Clayton Webb… and most of all… damn you Sarah MacKenzie.' These were the bitter thoughts saturating Mac's psyche.Everything in her life had changed since that blasted mission with the CIA. The only thing she couldn't pinpoint was exactly when she had lost Sarah MacKenzie.

Mac sighed, closing her eyes briefly and letting her thoughts drift back to that ill-fated time in her life.

'Was it when she went to Harm's apartment to tell him she was going away for a while and he looked longingly into her eyes and begged her not to go? Was it when she sat helplessly listening to Clay's torturous screams of pain at the hands of Sadik? Was it when she was being strapped to the table facing death knowing she would never get to express to Harm the feelings concealed deep in her heart? Was it after Harm had rescued her only to tell her that he had gotten married while she was gone? Was it when he told her he had to resign from the Navy in order to find her? Was it when she stood confused and disoriented on the curb in front of the hotel and told him that it would never work out between them? Was it when she stood unwaveringly pointing the gun at an already disabled Sadik and with no remorse pulled the trigger? Or was it a combination of all these dreadful events that ultimately chipped away at the once strong spirit of the stalwart marine known as Sarah MacKenzie?

She hoped the solemnity and peacefulness here would enable her to find the answer, because she missed being Sarah. She felt like she was being maneuvered and left dangling from a string much like a marionette; a player in a cruel game and whenever she tried to stop playing, the game became more intense.

Mac groaned in frustration and willed herself to take charge of all the errant notions running through her head.

"Who is controlling the marionette in this game?" Mac muttered out loud. "I guess it's my challenge to find out," she continued getting another 'woof' in replyfrom her steadfast new friend.

"I'm right, aren't I, Toby? This is indeed my challenge," Mac stated, composing herself before giving Toby an affectionate little kiss on top of his head. "Come; let's enjoy the ride a little bit longer before we head back home. Martha's cooking dinner for us tonight. And after dinner, I think we should call Harm, so he knows everything is okay."

She got another "Woof, Woof," in reply. It appeared that Toby was trying to convey to Mac that she was on the right path.

Mac chuckled and shook her head. "God I love this little guy."

x

On the Interstate 295 North

7:05 PM

Harm relished the feel of the warm breeze swirling around him as he drove down the open road. He had been driving his Harley for hours now and it felt good to feel so free.

His actual plan was to go flying with 'Sarah' but somehow he ended up going in a totally different direction, and it wasn't too long before it became pretty clear to him where he was actually heading. It had hit him suddenly when he stopped at a gas station to take a coffee break. He opened his wallet and there was her note safely tucked inside.

The instant his eyes detected that tiny piece of paper and it touched his hand, he reverently allowed his fingers to trace over her delicate handwriting. It was then that he got an overwhelming need to go to her. His only concern was would he be welcomed? He didn't want to invade her privacy knowing how much she needed her space.

His only trepidation was the fact that he was on his Harley and he was looking at a seven plus hour drive. However, it was impossible to turn around and head for home.There was a more powerful force driving him, and its intensity was leading him straight to her.

As soon as he acclimated himself to his situation, he rationalized that the long ride could be handled by taking several little breaks along the way. He was already running on adrenaline so for the moment he wasn't feeling at all tired, just anxious.

x

Anderson's Farm

The Main House

Brattleboro, Vermont

8:14 PM

"Thank you, Martha. Dinner was wonderful," Mac stated and gave the elderly woman a little smile.

They were sitting in the living room. Martha had taken a place on the sofa, while Mac was sharing the rocking chair with Toby, who was asleep in her lap. She was petting his right ear keeping a steady rhythm.

"Could you reach your friend, Sarah?" Martha wanted to know.

"No. I could only reach his answering machine at home and his voicemail. I guess he's out with Mattie. Friday night is usually their movie night," Mac answered sadly.

Mac was a bit confused since she knew that Harm and Mattie went to see the movie 'Shrek 2' the night before. Would they actually go to another movie? She and Mattie had talked about movies a few nights ago, but the third 'Harry Potter' didn't open until next weekend. Her thoughts continued to reel until Martha interrupted them.

"You miss him, don't you?" Martha softly asked after watching the young woman for a little while.

"Yeah, I do. I'd hoped to get the chance to talk with him tonight," Mac said with a sigh while looking down at her friend Toby. "I guess it wasn't meant to be. I'll try again tomorrow," Mac continued quietly.

Martha's eyes followed Mac's gaze. "He loves you, Sarah."

"What?" Mac gasped wide eyed and a little shocked as she looked up and into the eyes of Chloe's grandmother.

"I mean Toby. I don't think he will ever let you out of his sight again. Since you've been here the little guy has never left your side, has he?"

Mac shook her head. "No, he hasn't," she answered with a laugh. "He even protects me while I'm using the bathroom by standing guard in front of the door. Toby is really lovable and I'm not sure if I'll be able to leave him behind."

"Well, do you have to leave him behind? I mean, sooner or later we'll have to give him and his sisters and brothers away. We can't keep them all. You are more than welcome to take him back to Washington with you."

Mac thought a few seconds about Martha's offer before she smiled gaily. "You know what, Martha? I think I love the idea," Mac softly told Martha, looking down again at the dog. "I think he would like it in Washington."

They didn't speak for a few minutes until Martha broke the solemn silence between them. "Mac? Would you like to have more tea?"

"Yes, please."

When Martha returned to the living room two full cups of tea in hand, she found Mac deep in thought. It wasn't the first time Martha caught Sarah so preoccupied. Obviously, something was bothering her, and she couldn't help but wonder if a certain naval commander wasn't at the root of her unrest.

"Sarah?" Martha spoke quietly so as not to startle her but failed.

"What?" Mac jerked slightly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. Here's your tea," Martha said while giving the cup of tea to Mac.

"No, I'm sorry. I guess I was deep in thought."

"Yeah, I could see that. It's something that's been happening a lot ever since you've been here. Is everything okay?"

"No, not really," Mac quietly answered, more to herself than to Chloe's grandmother. "But being here has helped me see a few things more clearly. I'm beginning to think that there is a way to resolve some of my issues and get my life under control again. I have to face the truth, and the more I think about it, the more I know what I have to do," Mac replied softly, as she continued to ponder what she should do next.

'I think I know how to find Sarah again. And I think I know how to feel free again,' were the thoughts running through Mac's mind.

It had hit her so unexpectedly like a bolt of lightning. How had she not seen it sooner? The missing link had suddenly become so obvious… it was one Harmon Rabb, Jr. He was the only one who could make her feel whole again; but in order to let him in, she would have to let down the barricade that she had so carefully built around her heart.

Could she do it? Could she relinquish the barriers and bare herself to him again? She would become susceptible and endanger herself to all the pain she worked so hard to avoid and it scared her silly.

As a marine she always felt capable of conquering all obstacles in her midst; but as a woman, she always doubted her self-worth and self-confidence. She knew now more than ever that if she were ever going to regain control over her life and feel free again, she would have to let go.

Though it would be difficult to let down the facade that had been in place for what seemed to be a lifetime, she knew she had to because Harm was the only one who had the ability to complete her; he WAS the other half of Sarah MacKenzie.

She only hoped that it wasn't too late for them to get it right.

For the rest of the evening they spoke mainly about Chloe while Toby slept peacefully in Mac's lap. It was getting dark now and with a fifteen minute walk back to the cottage, Mac decided to wake Toby and start back.

"Thanks, Martha. For everything," Mac said while giving her a warm hug.

"You're more than welcome, Sarah. Good night."

"Good night," Mac replied and then looked down at her little friend. "Come on Toby, let's go home. I'd like to take a late night swim in the lake. It's still warm enough to enjoy a few minutes in the water, don't you think?" Mac told him as they made their way back to the cottage.

She was feeling much better having come to terms with her inner turmoil, and it was evident by the slight spring in her step as they headed back.

x

Anderson's Farm

The Main House

Brattleboro, Vermont

11:09 PM

Martha was on her way back into the house after she had checked everything outside, when she heard the sound of a motorcycle getting nearer and nearer. A few seconds later she was greeted by a glaring light before a motorcycle came to a stop in front of her and was turned off.

"Mrs. Anderson?" A man asked her before he took off his helmet.

"Yes, I'm Mrs. Anderson. And you are?" She asked curiously.

"My name is Harmon Rabb Jr. I'm a friend of..."

"Sarah's," Martha concluded his statement.

"Yes, Ma'am, that's correct. I'm sorry, I know it is already pretty late, but I really would like to see her."

Martha let her gaze wander and looked past Harm. "Well, I'm not quite sure if she's still awake, but you should try it anyway. Just follow this path and then the one along the lake. It's about a fifteen minutes walk. Sorry, but with the motorcycle you wouldn't make it very far."

"That's not a problem, Ma'am. I've been sitting long enough. I really do need a break right about now." Harm answered her, displaying his trademark flyboy grin. "Thank you for your help, Mrs. Anderson."

"Martha. Please call me Martha, and you are very welcome. Good night, Commander."

"Good night, Martha," Harm softly said and then he made his way to the cottage. 'I hope she's still awake and hopefully not too angry with me for coming here,' Harm thought shrugging. "Well, at least it's not raining and it's still pretty warm. I should be able to survive if I have to sleep outside her door," he told himself grinning.

Harm enjoyed the walk. From what he could see by the moon's illumination, the area appeared to be beautiful, and it reminded him a lot of his grandmother's farm. He was anxious to have the chance to explore the vast landscape surrounding him even more in the bright daylight.

After twelve minutes of walking, a little cottage came into view. 'Hmm, no lights are on. Maybe she's already asleep,' Harm thought. That's when he caught sight of something that stopped him dead in his tracks.

Well, it wasn't something; it was someone.

'Oh… my… Breathe, Rabb… You have to breathe… God she is beautiful,' were Harm's first thoughts when he caught sight of her in the middle of the lake. Her back was turned to him and the moon was reflecting off the water and casting its glow on to her gorgeous wet curves, making them shimmer. Even though Harm couldn't see too much, it was obvious to him that she wasn't wearing a swimsuit.

Sarah MacKenzie was a few feet away from him and she was as naked as the day she was born.

She looked so vulnerable, and he couldn't help but think how she'd definitely threaten to kick his six if she knew what he was thinking right now.