A/N – Kathy, this one is for you. My thoughts are with you, Cody and your family today. I love you my friend. Big hug - Michi
The Need To Feel Free Again - Part 8
Disclaimer - See part one for all important information
May 29, 2004
The Clearing
Near the Anderson's Farm
Brattleboro, Vermont
6:27 PM
"I love you too, Sarah. I am hopelessly, totally and madly in love with you. I wish I could find the words to tell you just how much I love you," Harm told Mac as he held her hands in his and looked deeply into her chocolate brown eyes.
"You just did, Harm," Mac whispered with tears in her eyes. "I can't tell you how long I've waited to hear those words from you." She leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss on his lips.
All her dreams were coming true, and she was so happy at that moment she thought she might burst. Her troubled past had always weighed heavily on her ability to look at life in a positive light and the possibility that there could actually be a happily ever after.
"Doset daram, Sarah MacKenzie," Harm huskily said. At those words, Mac all but melted on the spot. Harm stood there staring lovingly at her with his signature flyboy grin firmly in place and to say that she was completely shocked was putting it mildly.
"How?" Mac asked astonished.
"How did I know how to say 'I love you' in Farsi?" Harm asked pleased with himself for pronouncing it correctly.
"Yeah," Mac answered quietly.
"Mattie taught me how to say it," Harm said proudly.
"Mattie?" Mac was still surprised and wanted to know what Mattie had to do with this.
"Yeah Mattie. A few weeks ago, she asked me if I loved you. I told her that I did and she wanted to know why I hadn't told you yet, so I tried to make her understand that I didn't know how to tell you," Harm explained to Mac smiling as he remembered the conversation with his ward.
"What happened?" Mac wanted to know and Harm reconstructed in his mind what happened weeks ago before he started to tell her the story.
x
Flashback
"You know, Harm, just say the words 'I love you'. It's not that hard," Mattie told Harm boldly.
"Oh Mattie, I wish it were that easy." Harm sighed before he laughed silently and murmured to himself, "Maybe I should try to say it in Farsi or Russian."
He was sure Mattie had not heard him. However, Harm was wrong. Mattie had heard his last remark and left his place deep in thought with a mission to accomplish. A half an hour later she returned from her apartment, happy with herself for a job well done, and gave him a slip of paper with a few words on it.
"Mattie, what is this about? What does it mean?" Harm asked, finding himself very confused about the paper.
Mattie looked over his shoulder and pointed at the first sentence. "This means 'I love you' in Farsi," she told him with a smirk before she pointed at the second sentence. "And this is 'I love you' in Russian. Now you can tell Mac how you feel about her."
"Mattie, where did you find these?" Harm was amazed that Mattie was able to find the three simple words that had been so hard for him to say translated into different languages and wanted to know how she did it.
At that moment, Harm was transported back to the Admiral's porch and a conversation he had with Mac when they spoke about how he made 'simple things complicated' and she made 'complicated things simple'. He was still shrugging thinking how true it was when he was brought back to the present at the sound of Mattie's voice.
"On the internet, Harm," Mattie answered in an annoyed voice rolling her eyes. The fact that Harm knew less than nothing about the internet was adding to her annoyance with the gentle giant of a man who could deliver eloquent closing arguments in a courtroom, but couldn't say 'I love you' to the love of his life. "I found a very cool site where you can find out how to say 'I love you' in a hundred different languages. So, if Farsi and Russian aren't enough, I can look up how to say 'I love you' in Japanese, Hebrew, or in whatever other language you would like to say it in."
"How did you know where to find it?" Harm asked still amazed about his ward and what she was able to do.
"Harm, don't ask," was all Mattie said. She knew it would do absolutely no good to tell Harm she just 'googled' a search. He just wouldn't get it.
End of Flashback
x
"Thank God I said the one in Farsi right. I wasn't sure that I could bring myself to say the Russian version without saying something that might embarrass me," Harm told Mac laughing and shaking his head as he finished his story.
"Ya tebya liubliu, Harm," Mac whispered against Harm's lips before she gave him another loving kiss.
"Ya tebya liubliu, Sarah," Harm repeated the Russian words sweetly against her ear which made Mac's body tingle from head to toe.
After hearing the whole story, Mac was shocked that he had actually admitted his feelings for her to Mattie so freely and made a mental note to discuss it further with him at another time.
The next few minutes were spent kissing and caressing each other. There was no need for words. Everything around them disappeared; it was just the two of them, celebrating their love for each other. The passion of their kisses increased when Mac pushed Harm's back on to the sleeping bag and lay on top of him. Their tongues dueled seeking for more. His hands drifted over her shoulders beyond the curve of her breasts, and down her sides until they settled on her rounded butt and proceeded to crush her against his solid body.
Mac clearly felt the desire Harm had for her and teased him by rotating her hips against him, eliciting a moan from both of them. Unfortunately, Mac's stomach picked that time to growl and the spell, as well as their embrace, was broken. They both were left breathless, panting and wanting more when their kiss ended.
"And you keep telling me, that I have bad timing," Harm said with a snicker. "Hmm, I guess my Marine is hungry. Looks like I better feed you. After all, I wouldn't want you to get mad at me," he continued. He was still breathless from their latest round of tantalizing activities, but couldn't resist giving her puffy lips one last kiss.
"Your Marine," Mac repeated with a glimmer in her eyes. "I like the sound of that. And now you better feed your Marine or you will definitely be in for trouble," Mac answered as she reluctantly got off of him.
"Aye, aye, Ma'am… your wish is my command. What does Milady desire?" Harm asked as he stood and gave Mac a playful salute.
"For now a sandwich will do. However, please feel free to ask me that question again later sailor. I'm sure I'll be craving some sort of delectable dessert by then, and wanting to fulfill a lot of wishes," Mac told him in a sexy tone giving him a little mischievous smack on his well toned six. By now, she was totally amused and giggling wildly. Harm was enjoying the same good spirits, and she had to pull a quick marine move to avoid his playful reach.
"Just you wait, Marine. Just you wait," Harm leered.
"Yeah… yeah… promises… promises, squid," was her light-hearted response.
x
A short time later Harm and Mac sat comfortably on their sleeping bag directly in front of the glowing campfire. They enjoyed their time together while they ate their sandwiches and drank the juice Mac had bought earlier. Martha had even made meatless sandwiches just for Harm, since Mac told her he was a vegetarian. Suddenly Mac felt like she was being watched and looked up.
"What?" Mac asked bemused when she caught Harm staring at her.
"You have a dab of mayonnaise in the corner of your mouth," Harm told her with a twinkle in his eye as he leaned in. "Here, let me...," he continued before he sensuously licked it away with his tongue and kissed the now clean spot. "You taste so good, Sarah."
"Thank you," Mac huskily whispered before giving him a delicious kiss on his lips. "So, what would you like to do for the rest of the evening?"
Mac did not need to hear Harm's answer. One look at the smirk on his face and the glint in his eyes made it quite clear what he wanted. She swatted his arm scoffing. "You're incorrigible."
"And you love it," Harm responded waggling his eyebrows and grinning from ear to ear.
"Yeah, I do. Very much," Mac whispered. "How about going for a walk? This way we can wear out our little baby." Mac pointed at Toby, who was leaning over the water excitedly watching his own mirror image in the pond. "Then when he's finally out for the night… we can enjoy the naughty and wonderful adult things in life," She added licking her lips in anticipation of what was to come.
"Oh... I like the way you think... you've got yourself a deal, Marine," Harm answered with his best flyboy grin. In one swift motion he was on his feet. He quickly walked over to the pond to get his new 'buddy' ready for their walk.
Mac watched him in minor disbelief. She still could not believe it had finally happened, they had finally happened. They both let go, and it did not blow up in their faces, as she had once feared it would. Last night felt so right, it was full of passion and the gentleness she had often dreamed about. She always knew that Harm would be a thoughtful and generous lover, and he hadn't disappointed her. Neither one of them knew what the future would bring. Would Mattie go back to her dad? What would the doctor tell Mac next week?
Mac pondered these questions and she found herself not caring. She knew with Harm in her life she would survive, and she hoped Harm would feel the same with her by his side. She promised herself she would be there for him, if Mattie should go back to her dad. And she knew that Harm would be there for her no matter what the doctor told her.
Mac was so deep in thought she didn't even realize that Harm and Toby were standing in front of her. It was Toby's wet 'kisses' and a loud 'woof' that got her to focus. With a giggle, she pushed herself away from the playful Golden Retriever, who was now jumping all over the sleeping bag she was still sitting on.
"You okay, Mac?" Harm asked slightly worried.
"Yes, Harm, everything's okay. No wait, it's not okay; it's absolutely perfect," Mac told him as she stood up in front of him, put her arms around his waist and gave him a passionate kiss filled with desire and a promise of things to come.
Harm wrapped his arms around her to deepen their kiss.
"Let's go and enjoy this quiet and beautiful evening. Our baby over there is waiting for us," Mac whispered in Harm's ear as she pointed her finger at Toby. "The sooner we go for a walk, the sooner we can start our own magical evening...," Mac couldn't resist reaching up and teasing Harm's incredibly sexy bent ear with her tongue, "...and night."
That earned her a groan from Harm, who held her slightly tighter to him. "Good idea. Let me put out the fire and we're ready to go," he eagerly said and unwillingly let go of her.
"You better hurry up!" Mac commanded with a laugh.
"No worries there, Marine!" Harm chuckled while using the dirt around the fire to extinguish it.
"Didn't think so," Mac answered with a smirk.
"Okay, finished," Harm triumphantly said in a winner pose as soon as the fire was out. "Let's get going, Jarhead. It's getting dark and we don't want to get lost, now do we?"
"Of course not, but you ARE talking to a Marine here. There is no way we'll get lost on my watch," Mac confidently responded. "So Navy, do tell in what direction should we head?"
"I really would like to go in the direction that brought us here, because I wanted to take a better look at this special tree I saw," Harm smirked.
"What special tree?" Mac asked confused.
"I mean the tree we passed two or three times taking your special route before we got to the clearing. You didn't think you could outwit me, Marine, did you?" Harm said with a laugh. "You liked the ride, didn't you?" He whispered into Mac's ear before he nibbled at it and let his tongue forge a trail down her neck. This time it was Mac's turn to moan.
"Let's go," Mac said as she swallowed hard and tried to put a little space between her and Harm.
Harm laughed. "I got you, didn't I?"
"No, at least not yet." Mac smirked. "And now show me this special tree. What's so special about it anyway?"
"Oh, you'll find out soon enough. Come on, or Toby will be there before we've even moved one foot."
They made their way to the tree Harm told her about. At first, they walked silently holding hands, their fingers intertwined. However, after a while hand holding wasn't enough for them. For the rest of the walk they were arm in arm, exchanging ardent kisses and talking sweet nothings into each other's ears.
Toby was always a few feet ahead of them. He liked to play hide and scare with Harm and Mac. First, he would hide in the long log before he would jump out of it when Harm and Mac were in reach. He always gave them a warning 'woof' which eliminated the scare part of the game.But he was having fun, andHarm and Mac were enjoying the feeling of being 'a family'. It was a feeling they both longed for and did not want to miss out on anymore.
"This feels great, doesn't it?" Harm asked cheerfully.
"Yeah, it feels like...," Mac started to answer before Harm joined in and they ended her sentence together.
"Family." They both looked deeply into each other's eyes and knew they were exactly where they always wanted to be. Together.
After a short time and some chasing after Toby, they finally reached the special tree Harm had seen earlier.
"You think these initials are Chloe's and her boyfriend's?" Harm asked Mac quietly.
Mac touched the heart on the trunk and Harm sensed a feeling of sadness ashe watched Mac. The tear that ran down her cheek was his clue. He stood behind her and took her in his arms. "What's wrong, Sarah? What's this tear for?" Harm asked before kissing the tear away.
"I remember Chloe once talked about a boy called Greg, but I have no idea if he was her boyfriend or not," Mac told Harm in a low voice. "The older she gets the more I feel she doesn't need me anymore. The little kiddo from long ago is a smart young lady now, and very capable of handling her own life," Mac continued, her voice trailing off.
More tears began running down Mac's cheeks. She just couldn't hold them back anymore. Harm saw them and he felt her shaking in his arms. He knew these tears weren't only about Chloe. There had to be more to them.
He held her closer and kissed her ear before turning her around. He looked deeply into her tear rimmed eyes. 'She looks so sad,' Harm thought. It broke his heart to see her like this and he knew he had to help her in any way possible.
"Please, Sarah, tell me what's wrong. These tears are not only for Chloe, are they? Please, let me help you," Harm told her softly while trying to wipe her tears away with his thumbs.
"You know, Chloe made me realize that I can be a good mom, that I'm better than my parents. She gave me the courage to believe in myself and in my ability to handle motherhood. But Harm, what if I can't have any children? What if I've lost the chance to be a mom?" Mac asked tearfully.
When Harm heard what Mac said his heart broke, and he couldn't hold back his own tears.
"Oh Sarah, no, please don't think like that. First of all, Chloe will always need you. And if it comes to the point that you and I can't have children, it just means they won't be our own flesh and blood. There are so many children and babies out there who have no family at all.
Sarah, one way or the other, you and I will have our own children. When we do, they will get all the love they deserve and they will feel the tremendous love their parents have for one another. Whatever the next weeks may bring to us, we'll get through it together. Always and forever," Harm told her affectionately. He gave her a gentle kiss full of love before he again took her in his arms to let her cry it all out.
When her tears finally stopped, Harm again looked lovingly at her and proceeded to kiss away the remnants of her tears from her swollen eyes, her now red nose and her water streaked cheeks with so much love and desire that Mac had all she could do not to start crying all over again.
She wanted to pinch herself so that she would know that this wasn't all a dream and this terrific man who had her wrapped in his arms was really hers.
"Come on, let's go back. I want to show the woman who is my life just how much I love her," Harm said quietly.
That's when he heard the most beautiful sound. His Sarah was laughing. After all those tears a few seconds ago, she was now laughing and it sounded so beautiful.
"What is so funny, Marine?" Harm asked with a raised eyebrow.
Mac just pointed at something behind him. He turned and laughed the minute he saw it.
There was Toby, curled up and out for the night.
"Well daddy, I guess it's time for you to get him to bed. Don't you think?" Mac asked with a glimmer in her eyes.
Harm just chuckled and took the sleeping Golden Retriever in his arms, making room to hold Mac, too.
Together they made their way back to the clearing where their night of passion and love would begin