Chapter Nine: Tell God to Stop Laughing

Don sat in the hard chair and stared at his hands, which he had clasped between his knees. He needed to find a phone. He should call his father. The thought had barely passed across his mind when someone called his name.

"Don."

He looked up and saw David striding across the floor towards him.

"Do you know anything yet?"

Don sucked his lower lip between his teeth and bit down. He shook his head. He didn't trust himself to speak.

David nodded solemnly and walked toward the nurses' station just as his phone rang.

"Sinclair."

"David?"

It was Megan. Her voice quivered when she said his name and David was grateful that Colby has chosen to go with her. He wasn't sure he would have been able to tell Alan something like this. Megan coughed to clear her voice.

"Any news?"

"Nothing yet. I just got over here."

"How's Don?"

"How would you be?"

He caught himself and softened his tone.

"He's……I don't know."

Silence filled the line and it seemed that there were no words that could fill the void. David turned back toward the row of chairs and watched as Don lowered his head into his hands, his elbows on his knees.

"He's in hell, Megan."

"I……I know. We just picked up Alan and we're on our way."

"Okay."

"Alright."

He ended the call and walked back to the subjugated figure of Don Eppes.

"Megan and Colby went to get your father. They're on their way."

Again Don was afraid to respond. His face was screwed up in a knot of emotion that he was fighting hard to contain. He nodded in silence without even lifting his eyes.

Minutes passed, but to Don each second felt like an hour. The numbing cold he had felt in the courthouse stairwell finally began to settle in his stomach again and he welcomed it. He wanted nothing more at that moment than to feel…..nothing. Just when he thought he would be able to face what was yet come, a pair of familiar shoes appeared in front of him.

"Donnie? Son?"

The quiver in his own voice made Alan's knees weak and when Don lifted his head, he was devastated by the despair he could see in his son's eyes. The blood that had dried on his shirt and hands caught Alan's eye and he stiffened. An audible gasp escaped his lips and he had to force himself to look away. Although there were questions to be asked and answers to be given, no more words were spoken. Don's pained expression and soiled clothing told him what he needed to know. He took a seat next to his son, put his hand on his knee, and both men stared at the floor in silence.

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Clock watching. It was something Don usually tried to avoid. But the silence in the room was all encompassing but for the tick, tick, tick of the clock on the wall. So he had lifted his eyes and watched it. It didn't make it move any faster.

"..BP 50 over 30…."

Don blinked rapidly.

"…..a forty percent depletion."

There had just been so much blood.

"….love you Donnie….."

Charlie had said goodbye. His little brother had told him goodbye.

"He's never going to make it."

How could he possibly stand a chance? He had already given up.

"Robin is dead."

The words and phrases that had slowly taken apart what was left of his world repeated over and over in his head. Along with the reoccurrence of the three words that had shattered it, they were threatening to drive away whatever part of his sanity he was still hanging onto.

Everything had been going so well. Everything had been perfect. As close to perfect as Don thought it would ever get. And bit by bit, it was being taken away. Soon there would be nothing left.

Things continued to move around them and although the others tried to remain respectfully silent, phones still rang and information was still exchanged as his three colleagues continued to do their jobs from different corners of the hospital waiting room. Don wanted to be alone in his silence…alone with his grief and his guilt. But yet he was grateful for some kind of distraction. He only caught bits and pieces of each conversation and for the most part he ignored the words, using the voices to block out his own thoughts. It wasn't until Agent Snyder arrived that Don was able to truly distract himself from the internal anguish in his heart.

Snyder was deep in conversation with David. Their voices were a hushed murmur. A hospital whisper. But hearing his own name got Don's attention.

"Eppes knew something was off. Said he saw one of them. In the lobby. Showed Marcus the surveillance video…..I think he recognizes the guy. But now he won't say anything. Whoever that baldheaded S.O.B. is, the kid is terrified of him."

"Where is he?"

"The kid? Still at the courthouse. Paramedics were with his brother."

"I didn't think Frankie was injured?"

"Not physically, no. He's just in shock."

"Yeah. I can see why."

Don suddenly felt as if his heart had started beating again. Someone was responsible for this. There was someone to blame.

Someone besides himself.

Someone had planned this. Someone had given those men the weapon they had used. It was someone's fault. And he had seen him.

Someone had a face. And he was going to find it.

And then he was going to make the bastard sorry that his mother had ever given him life.

Don pulled himself to his feet and walked decisively across the room. He paused in front of Colby.

"Give me your keys."

"What?"

He repeated the request with unequivocal force.

"Give. Me. Your. Keys."

Colby took a step back and hesitantly removed the keys from his pocket. Don didn't wait for him to give them up. He snatched them out of his hand and quickly turned toward the door.

He paused again to look at Megan.

"Call Larry. Make sure somebody stays with Dad until he gets here."

She did a double take, uncertain as to what Don intended to do, but unwilling to let him do it alone.

"Hang on. I'll come with you."

Alan looked up at his son.

"Don. Donnie? Where are you going?"

Don didn't reply, but instead headed out the door and into the misty rain that was still falling. Megan quickly tossed her phone to David.

"Larry's number two on the speed dial."

Following Don into the parking lot, she had to run to catch up.

"Don."

He didn't stop.

"DON!"

Her supervisor reached the vehicle quickly. The doors were locked despite the missing rear window where a bullet had shattered the glass.

"What the hell are you doing, Don?"

He turned to look at her as he unlocked the doors.

"I can't stay here. I have to do something."

Megan brushed her wet hair out of her face.

"Your father needs you."

"No. My father needs Charlie. There's nothing I can do for either of them here. I have to find this bastard, Megan. He walked right by me. I have to find him."

Don's grief had transformed into a rage that shook his voice.

She moved closer and tried to get him to look her in the eye.

"Then let us help you."

He didn't respond, but instead climbed into the driver's seat.

"Don, please. There is a right way to do this."

He turned to look at her again as he started the engine.

"Not today. Not today, Megan. The rules have changed."

He slammed the door, then put the SUV in reverse and pulled out of the parking spot. Megan watched in dismay as Don shifted gears without applying the brakes and the gears shrieked as the vehicle was forced to change directions. Don flipped on the headlights and the windshield wipers as he pulled out of the parking lot, squealing the tires on the wet roadway.

Megan was left standing alone in the parking lot. Not knowing what to do besides go after him, she turned back toward the emergency room doors, breaking into run halfway across the parking lot. When she stumbled back into the waiting room, Megan came to an abrupt halt at the sight of a man in surgical scrubs talking quietly to Alan.

David stood close behind him and appeared to be keeping the older man on his feet.

"…..the bullet has perforated the upper right lobe of his liver. We have managed to contain the hemorrhaging and we are going to stay in and make an effort to remove as much of the damaged tissue was possible."

Alan blinked and Megan felt her heart breaking as a tear ran from his eye and down his cheek. She felt a hand on her shoulder. Colby had walked up next to her. Reaching up, she patted his hand as the doctor continued speaking.

"The trauma to the liver is significant. But right now our primary concern is the level of blood loss. Your son came in in a state of severe hypovolemic shock. His heart was overexerting, working to maintain a viable blood pressure and he developed an atrial fibrillation."

Alan staggered and grew several shades paler.

"His heart stopped?"

"Yes. On the way here. But they were able to get a normal rhythm again and his heart is beating on it's own."

He waited for Alan to nod and acknowledge this fact before he continued.

"What's happening to Charlie right now is that the oxygen level in his blood has dropped drastically and the carbon monoxide levels have increased. This puts him at severe risk for respiratory failure, so we do have him on a ventilator. We've started him on an influx of plasma to combat the blood loss, but we won't know how much damage the oxygen deprivation caused until we get him out of surgery and get him out from under the anesthesia.

The words sent a shiver down Alan's spine.

"Oxygen deprivation? You mean he may have organ damage…...or, or brain damage?"

The doctor side-stepped answering this question.

"Mr. Eppes, Charlie's procedure is likely to take several hours. If you need to….."

"No. No. I'm staying right here."

He glanced perfidiously at the door that Don had just exited.

"I'm staying right here."

The trauma surgeon turned and headed back into the hospital….back to Charlie. And with David's help, Alan lowered himself shakily into the chair.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Not to Charlie.

Not to the little one.

Margaret would never forgive him. And Don would never forgive himself.

He turned his tearful eyes to Megan.

"Where did he go?"

"I….I'm not sure, Alan. But we're going to go find him."

David handed her back her cell phone.

"Larry is on his way. He'll be here in five minutes. "

Alan turned to David, his voice pleading.

"Don't wait. I'm fine. Please. Don isn't thinking…………what if he?……….I'm afraid of what he might do."

Megan patted his arm reassuringly.
"I know. We'll find him."

With a silent consensus, the three agents headed out into the rain, leaving Alan alone in the lobby. As they walked across the lot to the car, Megan filled them in on what Don had said to her as he was leaving.

"I'm just afraid he's going to do something stupid. He shouldn't be alone. Not right now."

Colby stared at her in shocked disbelief.

"I know he's hurting……….we're all……you know? God, it's….Charlie. And I know how he felt about Robin. But….. you aren't seriously afraid Don is going to try to eat a bullet?"

Megan shook her head forcefully.

"Hell no. I'm afraid he's going to feed one to somebody else."

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Next Chapter……

Chapter Ten: Circumstances Brought Me to This