Chapter 9

Lily didn't sleep the entire night. She just lay there, hugging her comforter close to her body, watching the clock as it tick-ticked closer to tomorrow. 3.25...3.26...3.27...a tear rolled down Lily's cheek as she remembered it for the thousandth time that night. What had she been thinking?
Suddenly, Lily rolled out of bed, grabbed her robe, threw it on over her lace nightgown and walked out her room. She crossed the common room and exited past the statue guarding their entrance. She didn't notice Remus sitting on the couch as she left.

- Remus watched as Lily's door opened and she appeared in her nightgown, shrugging a thin robe around her shoulders. There were no slippers on her feet as she exited though the door out into the hallway. Remus put down his book and stood up from the couch. He didn't follow her, but instead walked across the room and pushed lily's door open to see if he could find any clues about her sudden flee from the room.
He pushed the door open slowly and walked across the threshold into Lily's bedroom, shutting the door behind him. A stench hit his nostrils hard as soon as he entered, and he wrinkled his nose in disgust; he recognized that smell. Walking around to the other side of the bed, he saw where Lily had gotten sick, and the empty water glass a little ways from it. He sighed and pulled out his wand, flicking it slightly. The mess cleaned itself up instantly and the cup righted itself and floated onto the bedside table. He saw a small stain on the pillow and felt it - Lily had been crying. -

Tears streamed down Lily's pale cheeks and her pace quickened as she came to the large entrance hall. She almost flew to the big oak doors and pulled them open, running out into the moonlit night and across the grounds towards the lake.

- Remus walked to the window and looked out upon the Hogwarts grounds, so still and serene, bathed in blue moonlight. Suddenly, he saw Lily's tiny figure shoot out from the main entrance; he watched as she ran towards the lake, her robe flying out behind her like a cape, her gorgeous hair flying all over the place as the wind hit her face.
Remus turned as he heard the door open again. He squinted his eyes as he saw Jason appear in the doorway.
"How is she?" Jason asked quietly, not shutting the door, but touching it gently as he stood.
Remus didn't flinch. "Stay away from her," he said, anger cutting through his voice. He suddenly found a deep hatred in his being for this man; whatever it was he had done was clearly the reason for his friend's sudden distress.
Jason nodded silently and backed out of the room.
When Remus looked back out the window, he couldn't find Lily anywhere. He sighed deeply and rubbed his eyes. He crossed the room again and walked back out to the living room, where he sat back down with his book and waited to see if Lily was coming back any time soon. -

Lily stopped running right at the edge of the lake, teetering on the bank, her mind all abuzz with words and sounds and questions and memories. She shivered even though it was the middle of summer, and the wind carried a warm breeze as dawn broke over the horizon.
Lily closed her eyes and tried to make her head think straight. Just calm down, breathe...think this through. She told herself, taking long steadying gulps of air as she stood next to the water's edge. You did the right thing, making him leave. You didn't know who it was, or what you were doing. You were DRUNK, Lily...just calm down...James will understand - he loves you. Lily opened her eyes, now much calmer than she had felt in several hours. She almost smiled until one last thought flashed through her mind.

If he still loves you...

And then Lily jumped; a high-arching swan dive right into the chilly lake.

- - - - - -

Lily emerged a few seconds later, breaking the water's surface and gasping for breathe. The water was a lot colder than she had expected, and tiny little needle-like prickles were dancing all over her body. She looked around at the still night and then up at the castle, wondering if anyone else was up. She blew a piece of seaweed off of her mouth and pushed her sopping wet hair back away from her face.
Then, after a few deep breathes, she doggy-paddled to where she could stand, and dragged herself out onto the embankment. Rolling over onto her back she stared up at the stars, laying there without moving for a few minutes. Suddenly, Lily felt a teardrop fall down her frozen cheek and melt away into the grass. She pulled herself up and over to the closest tree. As she looked up, she saw something carved into the bark in the trunk that made her whimper out loud. It was a carved heart with JP + LE unevenly cut inside of it. She remembered back to that day when she and James had been sitting under that very same tree, laughing and smiling.

Her head was in his lap while he talked and she could feel his voice reverberating as he spoke. She had fallen asleep to the sound of James' voice, the sound of his laugh, and the beating of his heart. She had woken to the feel of his lips on hers and the sound of his whisper next to her ear.
"I have an idea," he said, as she opened her eyes.
"What's that?" she asked, coyly, not lifting her head from his stomach.
James reached into his pocket and pulled out his pocket knife, flicking the blade out suddenly. Lily gasped as she saw the glint of the sun's rays on the sharp metal.
"Are you going to kill me, James?" she asked, grinning broadly.
"No," he replied smartly, instead sitting up and turning to the tree. Lily lifted her head and sat up as well. James began to scratch away at the bark with his knife but Lily couldn't make out what it was.
"Then what are you going to do?" she asked him, playfully leaning her head on his shoulder and breathing in his scent.
"I," he turned away from the tree and looked at her. He paused for a second and looked at her. "I love you," he whispered, running his hand through her fire-orange locks. She kissed his hand and looked up at him.
"I love you, too," she replied, barely audible.
James dropped the penknife and kissed her. He broke away and began to tickle the bare skin hiding underneath her shirt. She submitted to a loud round of giggles and fell back against the soft ground. He stopped tickling her and she opened her eyes to look up at him. He moved over her, his shadow falling across her beautiful face as she smiled up at him.
"Good, because I am going to love you," he leaned down and kissed her on the mouth, and then on her cheek and neck and collarbone, causing Lily to shiver under him. He brought his mouth to her ear and sighed the last word against her skin, "forever..."
Lily tilted her head and grinned at him. "Yeah?" she asked.
He smiled broadly. "Yeah."

Lily's mind screamed back to the present as she looked at the carved heart. She pulled herself against the tree trunk and hugged her knees to her chest, eyes closed. She felt liquid on her forehead and realized it must have started raining.
She sat there, rocking back and forth against the tree trunk, tears streaming down her face and mixing with the warm summer rain, until she didn't know anything more, and drifted into an uneasy sleep.

The next thing Lily knew, she was being lifted into strong arms. She didn't fight it, just let herself be carried away back up the small hill to the school, she opened her eyes slightly and watched tapestry after tapestry go by on the walls. She felt the man holding her climb several sets of stairs until he stopped.
"Cherry pie," came his old, familiar voice, and then they were moving again. Lily felt the heat of a fire on her back as they entered the common room. She shut her eyes again and relished in the warmth.
"Through here, sir," she heard Remus' voice saying, slightly fearful.
A door creaked open and they walked through, and a second later the old man placed Lily into her bed and pulled the covers tight around her neck. Her head fell to the side against her satin pillow.
"Do you think she'll be o.k?" Remus whispered next to her.
"Oh, I think so. Just make sure she gets some rest before you head off tomorrow," the wizened voice replied. The voices sounded like they were coming to Lily from another place. She struggled to open her eyes again but to no avail.
Footsteps moved away towards the door.
"You're a good man, and a good friend, Mr. Lupin."
"Thank-you, sir."
Lily heard the door creak back open and forced her eyes open in time to catch a glimpse of the back of the tall, aged wizard and his long sheet of white hair before the door clicked behind him.

The next morning, Lily got up as soon as she was awake, and quickly packed her things. As she was zipping her suitcase shut, she noticed a folded piece of paper on her dresser. She walked over and picked it up, reading the loopy handwriting upon it.

We all make mistakes...

was all it said. Lily threw it on top of her clothes and finished zipping her case before she headed out into the common room. She rapped quickly on Remus' door and waited until he opened it.
The door opened a second later to show Remus, also ready with his things. He looked awful, and Lily was pretty sure he hadn't slept all night. She gave him a look and made a strange sobbish noise but didn't say anything; instead, she turned on her heel and exited as quickly as possible.

The same car that had brought them to Hogwarts a week ago was idling out front of the castle. Lily walked out into the bright morning and forced a smile to the driver, who was almost done packing their luggage in the boot of the car. She climbed in and was followed by Remus just a second later.
Lily didn't look back at the castle as they pulled away. She shut her eyes and didn't talk to Remus for the whole ride back home.

- - - - - -

The car pulled up to the gates closing off Lily and James' neighborhood just as the sun was setting in the distance. The gate clicked open and the driver eased through, humming down the quaint street. Lily had finally opened her eyes again about halfway through the journey, but she had just stared out the window. Remus had not attempted to start a conversation, but had resigned himself instead to finishing his latest book. As they ambled down the narrow road towards James' house, Lily watched some kids playing on the sidewalk out at the front of their home. She sighed and wondered if she would ever have that with James - or with anyone.
The car pulled up to the curb and driver turned off the engine with a tap of his wand and went to open Lily's door for her.
"Thank-you," she said, but the words caught in her dry throat.
He nodded and walked around to the back of the car to gather her things. Lily picked up her purse and was scooting out of the car when Remus finally spoke.
"Lily-" he said. She stopped and paused before turning around to face him. His countenance was strained, and his eyes pleaded with her to listen.
"Lily, you're one of my best friends, and I love you like a sister," he started. Lily gulped and wondered where this was going. "I just," he paused and closed his eyes for a moment before continuing. "I just want you to know, that I won't tell him." Lily felt the tears threatening as they welled up in her eyes. She gazed at Remus, and her chin wobbled. "I won't tell him, but you should," he finished, sighing heavily. She could tell it had been hard for him to say.
She nodded and wiped a tear away from her cheek. "Thank-you," she whispered. He nodded and then she leaned over and hugged him. She sniffled in his ear and he smiled, gripping her tightly. She pulled away and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll see you, Remus."
"See you, Lily," he replied as she stepped out of the car and thanked the driver again. Lily picked up her luggage and turned to wave as the car pulled away from the curb and back down the street.

As Lily let herself into the house, she expected James to come swooping down on her with a barrage of insults and hateful words to throw at her. Of course, she was wrong; most of the lights were out, but she could see a faint glow coming from down the hallway.
"James?" she called out, her voice shaking just slightly. There was no reply, but as she listened, she heard a faint click of a record fitting into its player. She hung up her coat and slipped off her shoes, padding her way down the hall. She felt something stick to her foot and looked down. Lily gasped as she realized that the floor had been strewn with hundreds of rose petals, all different colours. She smiled and looked around. A single red rose lay on the hall table. She picked it up and sniffed it, her smile widening across her face. She carried the rose with her as she turned and walked into the living room.
She stopped and looked around, her mouth agape, unable to speak. The room was lit solely by the dozens of candles that were burning on every surface; candles and more rose petals led up the stairs behind her, and she looked over to see James leaning against the fireplace, laden with burning candles. The flames threw his face into a soft glow as he looked at her across the room. He was holding another single red rose.
"James..." she breathed quietly, unable to know what else to say. He smiled at her and put a finger to his lips. She smiled back and obeyed. He walked over to the record and picked up the needle, carefully placing it onto the disc. A short scratching noise burst through the room and then came the melodious hum of her favourite song...

...I-I-I-I...
I'm so in love with you...whatever you want to do,
Is alright with me-ee-ee...

James and Lily walked towards each other, meeting in the middle of the room. Lily giggled as Al Green's words floated around her, and she gazed up at James, who handed her the other rose.

'Cuz you, make me feel so brand-new-oo-oo...
And I-I, want to spend my life with you-oo-oo...

Without a word, James took Lily's right hand in his and placed his left around her waist. Lily put her left hand (holding the roses carefully) on his shoulder, and they began to dance...

Oooo oooo ooo ooo, yeah,
Whether times are good or bad, and we're happy or sad...

Why somebody, why people break up
Oh, and turn around and make up
I just can't seeeeeeeee
You'd never do that to me
(Would you baby)
'Cause being around you is all I see
It's why I want us to

Let's, let's stay together
Loving you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad...