Chapter 2 – Hidden Truth
My memories of yesterday, remain locked inside of me
And blindness is draining me,
For I can see the sun…Wehhhhh, Tohma-kun I want to sing karaoke. Wined Ryuichi as crocodile tears filled his eyes.
Ryuichi, you know that is not possible, you have been singing all week and your voice needs some
rest. Now I am taking you home. Answered Tohma
Wait, then I won't sing, Kumagoru will do all the singing, I promise, cried Ryuichi.
Kumagoru also needs to rest, he is tired and sleepy and is becoming grumpy said Tohma
Kuma-chan is not sleepy and not grumpy pouted Ryuichi as he yawned.
If only I knew who had introduced Ryuichi to karaoke, I would hit them on the head for causing me
so much trouble every time we pass a karaoke bar. Thought Tohma looking over at his now silent
band mate who was watching the rain fall.
I really can't stand it when it rains. Thought Ryuichi. My grandmother used to tell me, that when I
was born it was raining as if the heavens themselves had been mourning the death of my mother and
my birth. My father never really liked me, he wanted to get rid of me after my mother died. He
thought that my grandmother would approve because she had always been strongly against his and
my mother's marriage. But when he suggested it my grandmother wouldn't hear of it. She would
always say to me and my father " Once a Sakuma always a Sakuma even if the rest of us don't want
you, Sakuma's take care of their own, so deal with it." When she said this she would stare at me with
a knowing look that I never understood exactly what it meant.
Even though my grandmother said this it didn't stop my father from spitting venom in my ears. For as
long as I can remember he would say things like… you idiot kid… its all your fault you ugly unlovable
beast. Although his words hurt more then the punches and kicks he directed my way, I never minded
that much because at least he was not ignoring me. But then my father ended up remarrying, and
brought his new family to live with us. It hurt so much to hear his other children call him father and
have him be kind to them. Have them laugh with him, have him smile and play with him. They all just
ignored me as if I didn't exist at all. She - my stepmother - on the other hand, she didn't ignore me,
she went out of her way to be mean to me. The only time she was kind to me was when she tried to
touch me. She would say, " it's alright darling, you don't have to be afraid, I wont hurt you, you'll
enjoy this I promise." When I'd push her away she would get really mean.
One morning when I was seven, I woke up to my father screaming. He came into my room and beat
me until I passed out. When I woke up the house was quiet, and my grandmother was at my side
taking care of my wounds. She had a disappointed look on her face and said, " It's all your fault for
not minding your father. You seem to deserve it, after all you were a bad boy".
When she said that I remember turning my head away to look outside my window at the sky, only to
find that it was grey and it was raining. I wondered if the sky was crying at my pain. I later found out
that my father had found out about what my stepmother had been forcing me to do and he blamed
the whole thing on me. After this whole incident his behaviour towards me changed again, instead of
just ignoring me he began to humiliate me and laugh, when I cried. He found my pain amusing as if the
only reason I exist was to put on a comedy act just for him. He would say mean things all the time,
but neither my father nor my stepmother ever laid a hand on me again. You see, although my
grandmother's way was stricter and she used harsh words with me, she was gentle and did everything
she could to protect me. For her I would do anything, I worked hard at school and was at the top of
my class, I did everything I could to help her which just made my father angrier, and made my life
even worse. I didn't want him to see how much I was affected by his rejection and how sad I would
become so I learned to hide my feelings creating a mask, a character that would be indifferent to it
all. I began to smile and always laugh, acting happy when I was truly in pain, making jokes when all I
wanted to do was break down and cry. Everyone liked this character that I had become, and I soon
found that at school people always surrounded me finding the new me irresistible. At home it was a
different story, it made my father angrier and the verbal abuse continued. So I spent as little time as
possible at home.
Ryuichi-chan, said Tohma again this time shaking his friend slightly as he called him. What is wrong
with him, it's been like this the whole week. He keeps spacing out and when I ask him what's wrong
he says its nothing and gets a guilty look in his face before he goes all chibchi on me. This is really
becoming serious but what can I do if I don't know what the problem is. He is scary when he acts
this way, I've never seen him like this and then all of a sudden he…
Ano, Tohma would you please stop shaking me. Kuma-chan is getting kind of queasy.
Sorry about that Ryuichi-chan, its just that you weren't't responding, when I told you we are here.
Are you okay? Do you want me to stay with you tonight?
Oh, gomen Tohma na no da the rain drops had me hypnotized. They are so pretty, lied Ryuichi. No,
plus Mika would feel all alone. I'll be fine no na da. Thanks for the ride. Come on Kuma-chan lets go
inside.