Thank you to whoever wrote my very first review! I was so excited that someone actually read my writing! You made my week. Seriously, I told everyone about you. (Well, everyone who knows I write fanfiction.) I've officially decided this is NOT a one-shot. I'm not sure how long this will end up being, but if you want me to continue, let me know!
As always, I am not JK Rowling and therefore do not own anything. Sadly, this is more true than I would like to admit.
James turned around and followed Mcgonagall out of the hospital wing. They passed through the hallways in silence. James focused on steadying his breathing and stopping the tears that continued to fall. Mcgonagall seemed to be doing her best to ignore the whimpering boy beside her. Perhaps she was annoyed with his foolish actions that had caused so much trouble. Or perhaps she was giving a moment of peace to a heartbroken boy and allowing him to keep a small bit of face by not acknowledging the fact that he was openly crying while walking through the corridors of the school. Either way she did not say a word until they came to rest in front of a majestic Gargoyle statue.
"Twisted Treacle tart," She muttered before nodding at James to proceed as the statue turned into a stone staircase.
James climbed the steps silently. The door to the Headmasters office flew open as he reached for it and Severous Snape ran out, clipping James' shoulder along the way. James didn't even flinch. Neither boy indicated that they had noticed the swollen red eyes they both shared.
"Mr. Potter, please enter," Professor Dumbledore said quietly.
"Professor, please just hear me out," James pleaded.
Dumbledore raised his eyebrows slightly and nodded towards the chair in front of him as he sat on the edge of his desk. He waited as James took his seat.
"It was my fault," James stated quickly, "It's completely my fault. Sniv- Snape goaded me and I took the bait. I was the one that used the curse and I am the reason she hasn't – that she hasn't—that she's in the hospital wing. I never should have dueled with Snape. I take full responsibility," James looked up at Dumbledore for the first time, "I should be expelled."
Dumbledore sat quietly looking down at James Potter through his half-moon shaped spectacles. He knew, of course, of the feelings that both young boys harbored towards the red headed girl. It seemed to him an issue of the heart rather than bad behavior. A silver wispy cat flew into the room and whispered into Dumbledore's ear. He nodded slightly as the cat faded.
"Mr. Potter, there is no need to go to such extremes. Ms. Evans has awoke and will be returning to her dormitory tomorrow. You and Mr. Snape will be serving detention for the rest of the month," Dumbledore smiled slightly.
James nodded and sat back in his seat. Air filled his lungs for the first time since he saw her hair flying through the air. Lily was awake. Lily was going to be ok. The two men sat in a comfortable silence as this new information sank in to comfort the young boys aching conscious.
"It's getting late, Mr. Potter. I suggest you find your way to your dormitory. I imagine it has been a very stressful day and you are quite tired," He smiled kindly.
James nodded, not really registering what he had said. Lily was going to be ok. He could breath again. Slowly. he stood and headed down the stairs. The hallways were empty except for the moonlight. The night was still, as if it were mourning the injured redhead. News traveled quickly in the castle. Everyone would know of the day's events by now.
James tumbled into the common room. It was past curfew and no one would be around. He slowly climbed the steps up into his dormitory. Sirius, Remus and Peter sat quietly around the window. James walked over and sat down silently. Sirius handed him a bottle of firewhiskey. James took a gulp from the bottle. No one said anything.
"I'm going to let her go," James said, finally breaking the eerie quiet.
"Prongs-" Sirius began, but James cut him off.
"Stop," He looked him straight in the eyes, "You didn't see her. You didn't see her eyes. I broke her. I didn't just hit her with a stupid spell. I didn't just get her landed in the hospital wing. I killed her eyes, her spirit. I've been selfish and it hurt her."
James took another swig of alcohol.
"We're going to leave her alone now. No more fending off suitors, following her around, and no more operation flower picking. We're going to let her have a normal life," James took another drink and stood.
He began rummaging through the chest at the end of his bed, pulling out a piece of parchment paper and throwing it on his bed. He then collected several items from his nightstand. A picture frame with a smiling red head twirling in the snow, a detention slip signed by Lily Evans, a quill willingly lent that became one of his prized possessions. He threw them onto his bed. He gathered papers with plans scribbled out over them and journals with details noticed throughout the day and rare kind words cataloged. He threw them all onto his bed and grabbed the piece of parchment paper.
"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good," he muttered.
The paper opened, revealing a large detailed map of Hogwarts. James pointed his wand at "Prongs' Property" and it quickly turned into "Lily Evans". She wasn't his. She wasn't his to touch, hold, or protect. She didn't belong to him and he needed to let her go. His heart felt like it was breaking.
Mooney walked over and placed his hand on James' shoulder. Padfoot stood on his other side and Wormtail stood behind him. They stared down at the bed. A shrine to Lily Evans. Everything that James had collected over the last six years. A physical representation of James' heart. Each one of them knew that to be more true than any of them were willing to say aloud. James took another swig from the bottle and threw the detention slip into the trash. He took another drink and threw the scribbled on papers into the trash. He took a drink with each item that he threw away until only the picture frame was left. James looked at the picture for a moment.
Lily had snuck out of the dorms that night. It was the first snow of the season. She had bundled up and crept outside to enjoy it. Snow was her favorite. James, unable to resist seeing what Lily was up to so late and had followed her under his invisibility cloak. He let her walk a few corridors ahead, following her with the map. His heart had almost burst as he stepped out into the night. Lily was twirling around with her arms in the air to catch the snowflakes. Her tongue out as far as it would reach and her eyes shut tight. Her laugh was hypnotic. James quickly ran back inside and summoned his camera. When he returned outside Lily was still twirling. He took a picture. It was a moment they shared that James treasured and Lily never knew about. She had been so abandoned and free. So happy. James wanted to remember her that way always.
James went to take another swig from the bottle- It was empty.
"Prongs, you don't have to throw it away. She's been a part of you for six years now. You're allowed to keep a memento," Padfoot said softly.
"You can't expect to get over her in one day," Remus agreed.
"Just keep the picture. Just the picture," Wormtail added.
James dropped the bottle on the ground and nodded. Tears streamed down his face as he looked down at Lily twirling in the snow. He wanted her to be free again. He wanted her to be happy again. He took the picture and gently set it in his nightstand drawer, closing it tight.
Not even Sirius made a joke about James' tears. The four boys crawled into their beds silently. To be truthful, they were all heartbroken. The Marauders heart beat as one and at that moment, one of their hearts was dying. They all felt it. The darkness of the night swooped in upon each of the boys. Cradling and comforting them as they lulled into a dreamless sleep.