I would like to start off by apologizing for falling off the face of the earth. Some death eaters stormed my house and captured me. Thank Merlin, I lived. Jk, on a serious note I've been dealing with a LOT in my personal life. But things are starting to calm down and my love for Lily and James will guarantee that I finish this story. Please stay with me. I should be back to weekly updates and as a heads up my favorite part of this story line is next chapter! And I am SO EXCITED for you guys to read it!
James set out the next day on a mission. He would be an observer. Like a tourist on a safari, or whatever the muggles called them. Only he would be watching a tiger Lily.
He woke early and made his way down to the Great Hall. He wanted to watch her all day. Partly to see her behavior and partly because his eyes thirsted for her and he had not allowed them any relief. He waited for her as the hall began to fill. Half asleep students tumbled in. James chuckled to himself as a first year boy with red hair fell asleep. The tips of his hair dipping into his porridge. The minutes passed, but Lily never showed. Her friends came in, lack luster as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary. Except, Lily wasn't with them. James waited until Professor McGonagall left the table to begin making his way to class.
For the last six years Lily had been late to breakfast only a handful of times. Including the time he accidentally sent her to the hospital wing. He wondered if she had been skipping breakfast all year, or if it was just today. There was no flash of red throughout the hallways. It wasn't until James entered the classroom that he finally laid eyes on her.
She sat in the back of the room, her red hair in a messy bun, dark circles under her eyes. She had definitely lost weight, even from the beginning of the year. If James was honest with himself, she looked a little ghostly. Usually she was filled with a light that made her seem more alive. James sat in his desk and turned towards her. She didn't feel his stare.
As Professor McGonagall lectured, James studied Lily. She was trying her best to take notes, but seemed to be falling behind. She looked like she could fall asleep right there. Only she didn't. She kept going. James felt somewhat sick watching her. He hated himself for not seeing it sooner.
"Mr. Potter," Professor McGonagall's voice interrupted his thoughts, "Would you be so kind as to pay attention."
Lily looked up for the first time all period. Her eyes meeting directly with James, the intensity of his stare surprised her. She couldn't look away. He wasn't willing to.
"Mr. Potter!" Professor McGonagall said loudly.
James turned away from Lily reluctantly. McGonagall gave him a stern look before turning back to the blackboard and waving her wand. The chalk immediately began to dance around, illustrating what she had been lecturing. Class passed slowly.
Potions was next. They made their way down to the dungeons. Potions was one of Lily's best subjects. She hardly needed to try and that was her saving grace these days. Lily chopped up her ingredients quickly, robotically, before throwing them in the cauldron. She seemed to be on autopilot. Her messy bun coming undone with her sharp quick turns. Slughorn didn't notice anything wrong with his star pupil. He flitted around her with compliments and admiration as usual. Though Lily used to offer up a small embarrassed smile, she didn't acknowledge him at all.
It was during History of Magic that James really began to worry. Lily sat in her usual seat, but as the Professor droned on about the Goblin Wars, Lily slowly slumped into her desk. He watched, as Lily Evans- Head Girl, Lily Evans, top marks, never late for class in the past six years, Lily Evans fell asleep.
She sat with her head down on the desk, her face turned to the side. She looked exhausted. Her face seemed more worn now, with all of her barriers down. Too tired to keep up any charades. The sunlight grazed her skin and warmed her complexion. James couldn't help, but admire how pretty she was. Even in her current state she was the most beautiful girl in Hogwarts. James could see that Lily needed sleep.
So in order to protect her from any sudden noises, he quietly cast a silencing charm around her. He hoped that it would give her a more peaceful rest. Only minutes after James cast his spell, Lily sat straight up at her desk. Tears flowing freely from her eyes. She looked terrified. Stuck at her desk, completely unaware of where she was. She looked around for a second before wiping away her tears and recomposing herself. She held her head in her hands and quieted her breathing. If possible, she looked even more tired than she had before.
At dinner Lily didn't eat much. She sat staring at the food in front of her, only taking bites when her friends gave her pointed stares. If James could, he would sit directly in front of her and stare until she ate everything on the table. He watched, curiously as she gathered her things and exited the Great Hall early.
Sirius nudged James shoulder and motioned with his head towards the door. James took the hint, following after her. He quietly tiptoed throughout the hallway, before ducking behind a corner, pulling out his invisibility cloak and wrapping it around himself. He was then able to follow Lily openly.
They walked an all too familiar path, and James' stomach lurched within him. Revolting from their direction. Slowly, but surely, they made their way to the hospital wing. James hadn't been inside since he had last seen Lily. She didn't look much better. Lily walked in.
"Ah, Miss Evans. Come for a refill?" Madame Pomfrey asked while exiting her office, "Tell me how are you feeling? Have the potions taken any effect in your daily life?"
"Well, I've been taking them every day like you said." Lily paused, "What exactly am I supposed to feel?"
"When these potions work, they really work. You should be able to feel more optimistic, more inclined to do things that once entertained you. You should start to feel more motivated," Madame Pomfrey explained.
"I'm trying," Lily said weakly.
"Don't worry dear, these things can take some time to settle in. We'll give it another week before upping your dose," Madame Pomfrey assured while handing Lily a bottle.
Lily smiled slightly, took the bottle, and headed back out of the room. Once in the hallway she took her wand and cast a small spell upon the bottle, so as not to spill it. Then she placed it in her bag. James suspected she had enlarged the bag, by the way the potion had dropped in.
Lily walked back towards the common rooms. James walked carefully a few feet behind her. He didn't want to her lose her, but his invisibility cloak did not make him sound proof. A useful attribute James had often felt the cloak was missing. They entered the common room and Lily tried to walk straight to the stairs.
"Lily," Marlene called out.
Lily tried to act as if she hadn't heard her, but was forced to stop when Marlene stood and walked towards her.
"Lily," Marlene called again, "Wanna go out with us tonight? We're gonna sneak into Hogsmeade."
"I can't," Lily said casually.
"Oh, I forgot. It's Friday night, you have to study," Marlene said sarcastically.
"Marlene, you know it's stressful being Head Girl and keeping up with my classes. I need the extra time," Lily said.
"You have all weekend," She said exasperated, "Plus you study really late every night. You never sleep."
Lily laughed half heartedly, "I sleep Marlene."
Marlene gave Lily a disbelieving look as Lily quickly escaped up the stairs. James followed Marlene back to the group of girls as he waited for Lily to return with her study materials.
"She's doing it again," Marlene said.
"Where does she go?" asked Alice.
"I'm not sure. She disappears every friday night. She says she's studying, but I don't know where! I've looked for her in all of her usual spots. The library, the beech tree, the window in the corridor towards the second floor. She's just vanished. Every week," Marlene complained.
James listened, his curiosity peaked.
"Merlin, I worry about her," Alice said, "She hasn't been the same since the incident with James Potter."
James froze, his blood running cold. Could he possibly have something to do with Lily's behavior?
"I can't believe that jerk! She loses her parents and Severus Snape- Although he was creepy. But she seemed really attached to him. So she loses them and he just acts like she doesn't even exist. Bugs the girl for six years and then drops her cold as soon as she starts having real issues. Merlin, I thought better of him," Marlene said coldly.
"I don't know Marlene, I think something's wrong with him too. He doesn't seem as lively as before. Don't you think? I wonder if we missed something in that incident," Alice thought aloud.
"Egh, it's been like this all year. Let's just go out and have some fun. I'm sure she'll be the same amount of a mess for us to worry about when we get back," Marlene said while heading towards the door.
Alice and the rest of their friends followed, leaving James alone to wait for Lily. He processed what they had said. Had it been cruel to abandon her so suddenly? It had almost killed him to do it, but he had been so sure that's what she needed. He didn't have much time to think before Lily came down the stairs. She looked around cautiously, sighing in relief as she realized that the girls had gone on without her. James observed as Lily walked through the overly warm common room wearing her winter cloak that traced down to the floor. She carried her bag in her hand and gently pushed the portrait open. James followed.
They walked through the hallways and down the stairs towards the lawn. James thought she may be heading out into the forbidden forest when she took a sudden turn into a nearby classroom, closing the door behind her. James squeaked the door open and walked through, making sure to pass by Lily without touching her. She jumped at the sudden noise.
"Bloody creaky castle," Lily muttered to herself as she closed the door and pulled out her wand, "Colloportus."
James settled into a wooden seat in the corner and turned to watch Lily. Lily set her bag down, stretched her arms above her head and yawned. James smiled to himself. Lily undid the clasp around her neck and allowed the cloak to fall like a curtain to the ground around her feet.
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