And yahoo, another chapter. It's been like 5 MILLION YEARS since I updated. I don't even know if people will read/review it anymore. So if you are reading this, please review and let me know because I want to know I'm not updating for nothing .

Ok, yeah, I'm done now.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that isn't mine, makes sense, right?

Chapter 1

Olaf was clueless to how long he had been hiking, but he felt he could collapse any moment. If you think a cremator had it bad, Olaf had seen every possible human body part through the hours he'd been walking over them. It wasn't as though he'd never seen dead things before…if only the world knew…but he'd never really sorted through the body parts before, he was quite skilled at throwing them in lakes though.

He tried to walk slower, but he couldn't take it anymore, and fell on top of a pile of smoothed bones. He sat there for a minute in silence, looking down to where he had first started his climb. The people down there looked small and he could no longer see the black lumps under their eyes. He closed his own eyes, letting his mind settle.

Only a few moments after, a grumbling lurch of his stomach broke his peace. And it was then when he realized how long he hadn't eaten for. He looked longingly and the bones around him, some still did have meat and flesh on them.

Cannibal…said a voice in his head.

No, he said to himself. He wasn't going to become a Cannibalistic; he wasn't that desperate…yet.

So, he used his legs to sweep away the stray bones that taunted him, and tilted his head up, closing them for a few moments.

Ah god, how did I get myself into this…

Oh yeah, damn Baudelaires…

He reopened his eyes, and stood up quickly in shock. Right above his head was not another floor of a spiraling path, or excess bones dangling around. Right above his head, was the red platform.

He was half excited, half nervous. According to the man he'd met earlier, there was some bad-tempered red guy up here. And that man had been running from friends of the red man. Olaf was going to be a bit safer, he wasn't about to be destined as a zombie person forever, like the others.

He walked a bit further up the path, where there was land sloping upwards, which led straight onto the platform grounds. He crept silent beside the slope, and peered above it.

There were two men standing, guarding the entrance with some sort of staff. They looked identical, if not the same to the people chasing after the buyer of his pitchfork. He now regretted selling it to him, he probably could have used at this stage.

Olaf couldn't see anything past the men, there was no way to know what lay beyond, he'd just have to take a chance. He gathered up his courage in one breath, and stepped towards the men.

As soon as they saw him come towards them, staffs were held up and pointed at him.

"I want to talk to the ruler of this place, or whatever you call him."

They both stared at him for an awfully long time. Olaf stared back, with impatience in his eyes.

"Anytime today…"

One suddenly put up his staff, and Olaf was surprised as a little shock came out of it and flew over top of the gate. After a few minutes, the shock came back, and the two men stepped aside, allowing Olaf to enter.

As he stepped forward, he glanced cautiously at the two men, making sure they weren't just tricking him, and had set up arrows to shoot at him as soon as he walked in, like in the old action movies. The men only pointed past the gate, so Olaf took their word, and proceeded forward.

The place was GIGANTIC! The size of at least 4 football fields. Ahead of him was a lumpy red wall. No doors or anything.

Odd, he thought. Why would they send him into a huge empty room?

He started feeling against the walls. Maybe they were trying to play dumb with him… make him lose his mind or something. He chuckled to himself. Him, lose his mind… naw.

He poked the wall, and immediately drew back his hand.

It was squishy.

He looked at his hands, expecting the redness to be all over them. It wasn't, but the feeling clung onto him. He stared at the wall again, then at the couch beside it, and screamed.

The couch wasn't a couch, it was 5 toes. The five toes were attached to a huge foot, attached to what he thought was a wall. It was actually a leg. His eyes moved upwards (and closed very quickly at one part) and kept going up until they reached the grinning face of a very, very large (naked may he add) red man.

He could only stare.

The man chuckled; he was so red it hurt to look at him. He was so high Olaf could barely see his face, and he was holding the most deadliest looking pitchfork, higher than a house, wider than a telephone pole.

Olaf finally found words, and spoke, trying to sound tougher to make up for the size difference. "Ok, tough guy, I wanna know how to get out of this dump, I wanna know fast."

The man smiled down at him for a bit, then reached down and pushed him softly sending Olaf tumbling across the room. He then bent down and said to him,

"I'm the devil little man. And I have a really big pitchfork."

That was when Olaf realized how much shit he was really in. He tried to run, but his legs wouldn't move. The red man easily swooped him up.

"So, still want to smart mouth me?"

Olaf shook his head frantically. It was better to act scared, and have a chance at escaping.

"So my small human friend, ever wonder why these bones are littered all around here?"

Olaf stayed silent.

"Well," said the man, as his moved his trident closer and closer to Olaf's body. "I think it's time to find out."

Oh great, thought Olaf. He's going to kill me. Sigh. Oh well, second times a charm.

The last thing he saw before everything was lost was that dark, dark red, coming straight for him.

!#&)&$#!$&&$$#$!#$!$$&

O0o0o0o0oo! What's going to happen now? Haha, you still don't know! But I dooo! Because I'm evil like that. So, I hope you liked this chapter, please review!

Yours until turkeys escape from my pants,

.:The OddBird:.