New Goddesses and Tall Shadows

Disclaimer: I own Lichard. That's it. Nothing else. Don't sue me. I'm too young to be bankrupted by big time companies. I don't own any televised productions, or any computer games. I don't even own the chair I sit on when I type.

Recap

"Well, on to question seven…"

"What is the main ingredient in the 'Elixir of Exploration'? A, mort flesh. B, Daedroth Teeth. C, Nirnroot, or D, S'jirra's Famous Potato Bread."

Wulf's eyes glossed over for a second. Then he convulsed violently in his chair. That lasted for a minute until he answered, "Hmm, well, I don't think that it's either A or B, those thing are daedric, this looks more like an Ayleid thing. I'm not too sure about D; it seems like a new thing, this potato bread does. So, I'll go with C, Nirnroot."

Did he get smarter? Did that Care Bear Cousin mess with his mind? What was that he just did? I can't believe he actually posses the powers of deduction and thought! What a miracle. Praise Brave Heart, Thought Lichard. Then, he said, "Is that your final answer?"

"Yes, it is Lichard." replied Wulf. Lichard noted that there was something different about this Wulf. He seemed… well, smarter, more alert, and less stupid. Lichard was starting to like the new Wulf. This one might be able to win. I'm making this deduction after one question? Maybe he's absorbing my intelligence. You little cheat why, I'm gonna get you. After you win, I'm gonna go into your ruins and…and, I don't know, but I'll do something.

"Your correct New Wulf. You've just won a twenty-six piece set of the Encyclopedia of Necromancy International. It has the most up to date information you will need to know to make all those creepy potions we make, and all about daedric Gods and all that other good stuff. Now, question eight, to unlock the magical properties of a skull, one must, what? A, Smash it into small pieces. B turn it into bonemeal with a simple necromancy spell. C, It's already magical to the trained alchemist, or D, Skulls are not magical." said Necroman.

"Hmm, I'd like to use the Fifty-Fifty Lichard. If my hypothesis is correct I will have a better chance of finding the correct answer if I take two wrong answers away. I have much contemplated the use of this Death Line. I now have deducted that if I use it now, it will further me onto question nine. So please Lichard, enlighten the audience and me on which two answers are frauds." Wulf stated that speech as a scientist would state a new scientific theory to a board of science geeks, like he actually understood the gibberish he was saying.

Then Lichard just sat there looking at New Wulf. He was amazed. He was stunned. Lichard's mouth mandible moved up and down like he was trying to talk, but just couldn't. He raised his hand and pointed at New Wulf. Then he shook his head and said, "Umm, computer take away two of the wrong answers." Then on the screens in front of Lichard and New Wulf B and C were taken out. "The computer has taken away B and C, Wulf, did this help you any?"

"Yes, it did Lichard. I'll go with D, Skulls are not magical, Lichard. That was what I thought it was from the beginning. I knew that there were no spells in necromancy that turn bones into bonemeal. My alchemy skills are mediocre, so I thought I'd take the Fifty-Fifty to take out answer C. I am very fortunate that this answer was taken out. I might have lost. Well, am I correct, Mr. Necroman?" said New Wulf in that science-like voice.

"Yes, you are Wulf. You have now won, 'Necromancer's Moon'. I believe it tells you how to make black soul gems. Those are very useful. I suggest you make many of them. I even used them when I was alive. They were one of the reasons that I was given a dishonorable discharge. Well on to question…" Lichard stopped taking and just stared at New Wulf. He was morphing into, a girl with long hair and red eyes. Then when she stopped, she looked like a daedric goddess. Wait. Didn't I hear about that Nocturnal and Sheogorath had a kid a couple years back? Crap, this is why Sheogorath is here! I really, really didn't want to do an exorcism today. Not for Wulf, not against the daughter of Sheogorath. For all I know they planned this to cause disarray on my show. I can't let them unleash their insanity here. I will stop them.

At this Lichard got out of his chair and started chanting. He made his lich like screams and spread glow dust around her/Wulf. Then he cast a simple fire spell on the glow dust and said, "Be gone, Daughter of Sheogorath. Be gone, Daughter of Nocturnal. I banish you back to the audience with your father, Sheogorath and out of poor Old Wulf. BE GONE!" Thunder came from his fingers and took the demon out of Wulf and into one of the vacant seats next to Sheogorath. There Sheogorath and the unnamed daedra hugged and Sheogorath patted his little girl on the head.

"Well, that was awkward. Was I possessed all this time?" Asked Old Wulf.

"No I came into you a little after the seventh question. It was my first demonic possession ever. It was just as wonderful as Daddy said it was. By the way, my name is Lunatic. Don't think I can't read do you? Yeah, I can see you Moogle. Don't be so mean to poor Wulf over here, and don't put those thoughts into Lichard's head."

Everyone was looking at Lunatic. What is she talking about, thought Lichard, Who's Moogle? What is it? I must investigate into this matter. Maybe Mephala has a sister or brother… One thing is certain, Lunatic is Sheogorath's daughter.

"Lunatic what did you say about Moogle putting thoughts into my head? Is Moogle a daedra like you?" Lichard said.

"Foolish Lich, don't pester me, or I will leave and start calamity everywhere you go and drive your show into the ground." Lunatic replied.

"Well um, okay. It's nice to have you back, Old Wulf. So do you wish to continue play? I understand if you don't." Lichard inquired.

"I'll continue, but what's this "old Wulf thing your doing? It's freaking me out." replied Old Wulf.

"Well, involuntarily I started calling you 'New Wolf' when Lunatic was in you. So now I'm calling you 'Old Wulf'," said a very sad Lichard. He liked New Wulf. Go back to the Care Bear freak. You win some you lose some, right? " Well on to question nine. What type of souls do black soul gems capture? A, People souls. B, Rat souls. C Troll souls, or D, They don't carry souls they carry pokémon."

"Hmm, I don't think it's A or B. I can get those with regular soul gems. Maybe it's pokémon. I've always wondered how I was supposed to carry Mew." Wulf thought out loud.

"Mew? What's Mew?" asked Lichard.

"Well, Mew is a physic pokémon who is really cut and plush. He's pink but can kill you with a thought. You know that Akatosh thing that Martin became to light the Dragonfires? Well, Mew could have done that too. I told the council that Mew could of done that because, Mew is also a Septim. See Talos had a son with Azura, but the mortal, daedric and divine blood mutated their son, whom he named Medford, was transported to Kanto. At that time he looked like a furry bear-cat. The travel though the Space-time continuum mutated him even further. Then when he reached Kanto he was given psychic powers.

"Then some scientist got a piece of him and made Mew Two. Medford thought his name should have been Tiber Septim the second, but Mew Two said, 'there was no such thing a Cyrodiil.' Then Medford made an army of bulbasours and they opened another tear in the Space-time continuum that transported them to Black Marsh. The bulbasours evolved to ivysours and lived there tormenting the Argonians. Then Mew met me in Maar Gan when I was with the vampires. He saved me and ever since we've been trying to get him his rightful seat on the Septim throne."

"So you want to carry the lost heir to the Septim line in a black soul gem?" asked Lichard.

"No, not really, he said, 'In Kanto, pokémon are (mew) carried in balls they call 'pokéballs' and they (mew) are quite spacious and comfortable (mew). I've always wanted to have one.' Ever since then, I've been trying to find one. So I came here to see if a spell in necromancy could get me one." replied Wulf.

"Is D your answer?"

"No, Mew told me pokéballs are the only things that can carry pokémon. He also told me black is bad. I think that taking people's souls is bad. So that means that if there was a soul gem for people's souls, it would probably be black. My answer is A, people's souls. Final answer." replied Wulf.

So he does posses the powers of deduction and thought! As I said before, praise Brave Heart, thought Lichard. Then he said, "Your correct! You've just won a black soul gem! With this you can hold the souls of men, women, and children. One soul per gem. I can't believe you made it this far, Wulf. I really thought you would have gone really early on. How do you feel now?"

"Well honestly, I feel sad. This show made me see my best friend, Brave Heart, but it also took him away and made me tell you about Medford. Wait. This is airing as we speak, right? Ocato, Ocato! Can you hear me? Well I have Medford's paternity test right here! See? I got some of Talos's blood from his armor at Sancre Tor and Medford got Azura's hair from Hircine (how? He doesn't know)! Let your true emperor take his thrown!" Wulf yelled this to the camera man to his left. Then the cameras went off as a huge dark shadow fell over Wulf.

What's the shadow? Why do I get off topic in my stories? Why did Tiber Septim name his son Medford? All to be answered in the next chapter. If not the next chapter, the chapter after that. Review to fuel my muse. I will not write next week because I'm on vacation and will not have a computer.

Help me help you by helping me and reviewing.

Moogle from Cyrodiil

We can do it!