Do You Want to Be a Necromancer?

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except, maybe, Lichard Necroman. Maybe. I'm not entirely sure.

Thanks you Lycanthropic Nerev. Your reviews influenced me to dedicate this chapter to you. Have a fishy stick. (That's my phishy steek)

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Author Note

I was going to have the shadow be Talos, but in the end I went with the original. Maybe I'll post all my bloopers at the end. Or maybe not. Only you can decide.

Recap: Then the cameras went off as a huge dark shadow fell over Wulf.

Wulf started to notice the light darken on him, like a shadow falling over the grass. Wulf started shaking from fright. Is…is this Talos? Oh my God, isn't he here, in the audience? Crap, I forgot about that! Crappy crap crappers! Wulf closed his eyes as he started to turn around.

Right before he opened his eyes, the most demonic voice he had ever heard said, "You insolent little fool. Stop your ranting. I will finish my first show and it will be honorable and presentable! If you ruin it with your ludicrously insane ranting, I will kill you before your pathetic life ruins someone else's. Do you understand? Do you? If you value your pathetic existence you call a life, you will sit back in your chair and answer the freaking questions! Sit!"

Wulf opened his eyes to see Lichard, but something was different. He looked, ferocious and more blood thirsty, kind of like a wereshark. In fact, on the back of his spine grew a…a fin. Then Lichard transmogrified. His bones elongated and his feet became fins. His skull became cone shaped. His small molars became sharp canines. He had become the skeleton of a wereshark. He started to flop around on the floor like a fish out of water, wait; he was a fish out of water.

Then the door burst open. Out came a Khajiit with a colovian fur helm on his head. Instead of a sword on his side, he had calipers. Then the stylish Khajiit said, "M'aiq knows much tells some. Did M'aiq tell you about weresharks? Very dangerous." Then M'aiq ran out of the building.

The wereshark that was Lichard then said in that horrible demonic voice, "Put me in my chair. We have a show to finish; by the way, can you get me one of my slav…" Lichard remembering he wasn't in Vvardenfell anymore corrected himself in saying, "servants of unpaid servitude for after this commercial? Thanks."

Wulf was now curled on the floor hugging and rocking himself. Four members of the camera crew came over and took the shark and put him in his chair. The producer came over and helped Wulf into his.

The contestant and the host looked very uncomfortable sitting in the chairs. Lichard was bent into an awkward position and Wulf was fearful for his pathetic existence he called a life. The camera men went to their cameras and turned them on. Then they started production again.

Then, Wulf cried out, "Oh gods, come into me, please? Pretty please with sugar and sprinkles on top? I really don't want to remember this!"

The ever so thoughtful Lunatic then stated, "Gods only possess people who will help to better them. See, you bettered my by teaching me how to do it, but you've been possessed so many times, you're like an old horse. Sure, you're good to learn on, but you want a young one if you already know how to ride. Daddy I'm leaving." With that Lunatic exploded. And a little yellow light left through one of the cracks in the ceiling.

Lichard paid no mind to the events just mentioned. He was staring hungrily at this Dunmer. If he had eyes, you would have been able to see the bloodlust in them, but alas he had none. Then Wulf meekly questioned, "Lichard are you a-awake? We're g-going to continue the show, r-right?"

Lichard jerked his head a little. Then said in that evil voice, "Yes, let's continue on to question nine. What compound can simulate death? A, Langourwine. B, Pineapple. C Ginkgo Leaf, or D, Lichor."

Wulf was in contemplation. It seemed he was arguing with himself. Then he said, "I don't know what a pineapple is, so I won't say that. A, C, or D, C? Choices choices. I'll go with A. Final answer."

Lichard was barely paying attention. Someone in the audience coughed and then Lichard remembered he was on a game show. The wereshark then said, "Yeah, that's right. You've won because I'm in pain and stuff and I want to call it quits for today. Congratulation. You've won a scholarship program at U.Va in necromancy and I'll tell you what to do. Just let me eat that girl over there. She looks so tasty!"

The people in that general direction looked at the only girl that was in that section. She looked like a Dark Elf and was about twenty-five years old. Then Lichard wriggled out of his chair and started flopping towards her. She was trying to run away, but the men sitting around her were extremely obese Nords and Altmer. She just started praying to all the gods that were present at the show to help her.

Then Talos got up and out of his chair and flew over the crowd of people and landed in front of the wereshark. He then said, "Lichard, I let you bring my body host to the stand, I let you butcher him with your comments and all this other stuff, but I will not stand for the devouring of innocent lives." With that said Talos

Made a whistle that no one except the wereshark and an unknown organism could hear. That organism flew here and broke through the roof. It was Medford. Medford's huge black eyes widened a little bit more then he said, "Is that (mew) you? Daddy? Daddy!"

The mew went over and hugged his true father, Talos, and they started whispering to each other. Then Mew nodded and hovered over the wereshark. Then Talos said, "Medford, use physic!"

Then Medford carried Lichard and put him in Abecean Sea. There Medford put an enchantment on Lichard to take down all pirate ships that would set anchor outside of Anvil.

Wulf was sad and afraid. In the short span of a minute the host of the show had: Tried to eat someone, fought Medford, and had been flown out of the building by Medford. What was happening? Then Wulf said, "Talos, you can keep Medford. I'll just leave now. Maybe I can catch a stilt strider or something to Hammerfell. It's been nice being with you. I'll miss you. Bye."

A tear sprung from Wulf's eye. Then Talos said, "Wait, Wulf. I feel bad for screwing up your life. Do you want to come and live with me and Medford for the rest of eternity? It's the least I can do. Medford's told me you've been good to him. So, do you wish to join the light side? Become a demi-god? Or do you prefer to be a lich? The choice is yours, Wulf Platypus Haj-Ei, choose wisely."

Almost instantly Wulf answered, "I'll go with you."

Then Medford came back and took Talos's and Wulf's hand. Then Wulf and Talos held hands and they started to levitate and spin. The spinning became faster and faster until this big 'Boom' was heard. Then they were gone.

Then Jauffre got out of his seat and said, "What do we do now?"

Ocheeva replied, "Go home and rest. There is much work to be done tomorrow." With that Ocheeva got out of her chair and exited. Yes, tomorrow I purify the sanctuary.

Jauffre was sad. It had been his life long dream to go to U.Va (University of Virginia). The others must not have known about the secret under ground world the liches had created over the years called 'Virginia'. Well now I have a dream to search for it the rest of my days.

Hides-His-Eyes said, "How dose young imperial have my name? I am Haj-Ei! Thank you mother of Haj-Ei for being so creative in naming Haj-Ei. Stupid imperial have Haj-Ei's name. Disgrace, disgrace…" The Argonian kept on ranting about that.

All of the contestants, audience members, crew, and staff left, except for Hides-His-Eyes, who continued ranting about his name. In fact, if you go there you will find the skeleton of an Argonian standing there and speaking to no one. Many travelers have died listening to his ranting. In fact, when the Nerevarine needed to find a way to kill Alamexia, she took her to listen to him. She died soon after.

It's over. It's finished. Like I said at the top, maybe I'll post some chapters that never made the cut. Maybe I'll write auditions.

Help me help you by helping me and reviewing.

How Talos named Medford.

You know that space-time continuum thing? Well Talos used it to go to Connecticut. There he saw the cute little town of Medford. There was also this huge dog called Medford. So when his son looked like a bear-cat, he named it Medford.

Why I get off topic.

I blame Male teachers. I've had so many and no matter what subject it is, they get off topic and start talking about 'Star Wars' and stuff.

To finish off this series I will give you a quote that pretty much sums this up. I think it a little oxymoronic myself, but:

"Viva the Undead…yeah"

M'aiq the Liar

P.S. In this one, for the sake of me and unnecessary review space, let's say Lucien picked Ocheeva, okay? I'm glad we're all clear on this.

Can you just imagine it? Silencer Ocheeva

Roflcopter!