Chapter four of this lovely fic. Please read and review!

"blah" speaking

blah thinking

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Robert and Spencer had fallen asleep in front of the fire shortly after Enrique and Oliver had gone up to their rooms. They were sleeping soundly curled up in each others arms when Bryan, Ray, Ian and Kevin walked in. Ian and Kevin both started laughing at the sight as Bryan rolled his eyes and Ray smiled happily. The tiger quickly ushered his three friends out of the large living room and into the hall. He turned his attention to Gustav and asked "where are we staying?"

"Masters Ian and Kevin are to stay in the bedroom beside the game room in the back of the castle. You and Master Bryan are to stay on the third floor of the east wing. I will show you your rooms now if you would prefer not to wake up Masters Robert and Spencer" the butler replied with an air of aloofness that didn't go unnoticed.

"Kev and I can find our room on our own, thanks ever so" Ian retorted as he pulled his lover off towards the back of the castle.

"If you wouldn't mind showing Bryan and I where our room is we'd appreciate it" Ray stated with as much courtesy as he could scrounge up against the butler's uppity attitude.

"This way" Gustav replied as he started walking down the hall. Bryan took Ray's bag as well as his own and slung them over one shoulder. The couple followed Gustav to their room and shut the door as soon as they were inside.

"Robert needs to teach that butler some manners" Bryan grumbled as he set their bags down next to the bed on his way to stare out the window.

Ray watched his lover silently. Their relationship was starting to break apart and it didn't help that Bryan refused to speak about whatever it was that was wrong. He sat down on the bed and watched as Bryan stared out the window at the raging storm. The Chinese tiger opened his mouth to start a conversation, but closed it without making a sound. If Bryan didn't want to talk about what was wrong than Ray wouldn't bring it up. As much as he hated the silence he was too stubborn and too prideful to actually lower himself to begging information out of his lover. That's probably our problem. We're both so incredibly prideful that we can't bring ourselves to apologize when we're wrong. I don't think either of us has ever said I'm sorry. "Being in love means never having to say you're sorry" he whispered.

Bryan looked over at Ray sitting on the bed at the whispered cliché. "Does it? It seems to me that if you're truly in love with someone you should apologize for more."

Ray sighed at his lover's question. This wasn't going to end well. "That's not what the saying means. It means that even though you should apologize you don't have to because your lover knows that you're sorry."

"You're reading too much into it as usual" Bryan scoffed. He turned his attention back to the storm outside. "If you're truly in love with someone you shouldn't have a problem saying sorry and you shouldn't be forgiven before saying it."

"Then you're not in love with me are you? You never apologize when you've hurt me. You just get in my pants" Ray replied. His gleaming gold eyes dulled some at the thought.

"Apply that same logic to yourself Ray. Don't think I'm the only guilty one here." Bryan didn't turn away from the window. It was just a new twist on an old argument. Why doesn't he just understand that neither of us is meant to be in a relationship? People like us don't mesh well with others. We aren't meant to play a part in the lives of others. Ray pretends that he can interact with others by helping them, but no one really gets close to him. Not even me. We feign intimacy by having sex, but we don't really know each other. We'll never be like the others. We'll never trust each other enough to do like Spencer and Robert and fall into a deep sleep with each other. God forbid I give in or he give up.

It was a true enough statement. Bryan and Ray were both very stubborn people. They both knew that they cared for each other, but neither was willing to give enough to make the other comfortable. Ray wasn't willing to give up on Bryan and the possibility of them making a relationship work. Bryan, on the other hand, wasn't willing to neither give into Ray's love nor admit to being in love with the neko. So, instead of leaving each other alone they feigned a relationship for the world to see. Only their close friends knew that they had problems and only their closest friends knew that they spent more time either ignoring or arguing with each other then getting along. Their relationship wasn't healthy. It was downright dysfunctional, but their respective prides and stubborn natures refused to allow them to actually make the first step to either a healthy relationship or a break-up.

Ray looked down at the quilt covering the bed. He felt guilty even though there was little he could actually do to right their relationship. "Bryan? Would you be happier if I left and never came back? Would that really make you happy? Because, if it will, then that's what I'll do. I'll walk out the door and out of your life for good. Just give me the word."

"Even if I said that's what I want you wouldn't do it. You'd never give up so easily." He paused briefly to look over his shoulder at Ray. "Your pride won't allow it and you're not one to allow your pride to suffer in any way possible."

"You're one to talk Bryan. All you do is look out for your pride! I swear that if I was dying and the only way to help me would also be a blow to your pride you wouldn't help me! I don't even know why you're with me! Why have you been dating me for eight years if you refuse to let your pride down enough to tell me you love me?" Ray snapped as he jumped to his feet to glare at his lover.

"Eight years? Have we really been together that long?" Ray nodded as he watched Bryan's non-reaction. "I suppose that I stay with you because there are moments, after we make love that everything just clicks between us. We're too exhausted to argue and nitpick at each other so we just lie together in silence and it's not uncomfortable. You don't need me to tell you how I feel and I don't care that you keep telling me that you love me." Ray stopped. He was surprised by the falcon's answer. He really hadn't been expecting Bryan to say anything at all, but simply shrug off his question. "Besides, we fit together physically."

Ray walked over and rested his hands on the falcon's hips as he buried his face in Bryan's back between his shoulder blades. He didn't say anything. The tiger knew that he couldn't say anything to his lover's admission without making the elder feel uncomfortable. We really aren't meant to be happy together. We'll never be able to live without each other, but we'll never find true happiness so long as we're together. I'll always love him, but he'll never love me back. Boris won. He succeeded. Bryan will never experience the full range of human emotions. He'll never know what it feels like to be in love and I'll never know what it's like to be truly loved because the man I fell in love with can't love me back. "We'll never be happy, will we Bryan?"

Bryan sighed and turned around tilting Ray's chin up to look into sad, tear filled, golden eyes. "People like you and I aren't meant to be happy. The best we can do is survive and tell the tales of those in our lives that were able to find happiness. We'll never be like them." Ray sighed at the depressing words. Bryan's lips met Ray's as he slipped his hands down the tiger's sides and behind his thighs. The Russian falcon lifted his Chinese tiger off the ground forcing Ray's legs to wrap around Bryan's waist. Bryan made his way to the bed and laid Ray down on the comforter intent on making love to his younger partner in order to make up for the argument. He had all but told Ray that he would never return the tiger's unwavering love, but Ray hadn't run. Ray would never run and Bryan was beginning to realize that he needed Ray to stay almost as much as he needed to breathe.

Lying here as we fit perfectly together is the closest to happiness we'll ever get. We aren't meant to be like the others. We'll never be them, but what we have is enough.

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In all honestly, I have no idea who thought those last sentences. Either one could have so you can decide based on your interpretation of the chapter.I don't know how long this story is going to be. There are at least three more chapters coming, but after this because there is the IanxKevin chapter and the TalaxJohnny chapter and the dinner to write. After that I don't know if I'll keep going. We'll see. If I get the inspiration or if it's demanded then I'll probably write more. Especially since "A New Life To Live" is almost done. Anyway... let me know what you think of this chapter!