Invisible

The crispness of the snow crunches beneath my feet, and the harsh wind bruises my chubby face. It was not my idea to come to this place, I didn't want to. But I had no choice, Kitty and mama wanted to come. They love balls I do not. The people here do not agree with me, and I'm beginning to think they never will.

The people hate me I can tell, there is hate in their voices when they speak of me. I feel like screaming at them. I didn't want to stay here in this awful, awful place. I wanted to explore the world, see the things I had read about in books. I don't just read sermons like people think I read all kinds of things, even romances. But no one will ever know because I'm Mary Bennet, and nobody cares.

My mama and I do not get on, we never will. It is just a fact of life. She abhors my reading books, she says no man will ever want a clever wife, but rest assured this does not bother me. I have known for a long time I will spend the rest of my life a spinster. This I know does seem harsh but I am no Jane or Lizzy, the only thing I have to recommend myself is my piano playing, but this is not enough to secure myself a husband. I have no looks; I would love my brown hair to be a beautiful blonde, like all the girls in society. But alas I'm stuck with a morbid brown. Instead of it being fine it's like a birds nest, and the colour only makes it look more so. I'm too pale to be deemed healthy, and some people may say I have a sickly constitution.

Although if I would have been pretty, with a stick thin body and peach complexion, I perhaps would have had a number of suitors. But as I look at myself in the mirror, I realize just how (in the words of Cousin Gloria) unfortunate a looking creature I am, but she also did call our family fortune hunters.

Fortune hunters! I despise those two words! My sister Lizzy got deemed a fortune hunter when she married Mr. Darcy! A man of 10,000 a year at least, and a great estate in Derbyshire, and a fine house in town to. Everyone thinks Lizzy married Darcy for his money, but even I know that the Darcy's match was a love match, and I know I could never hope for that. The way they hold each others hands when they think no one is looking, and the loving looks they give to each other while everyone is eating supper. What did she do to catch him? Nothing, absolutely nothing! She just acted like herself, which mama had told her not to do countless of times.

Jane married Mr. Bingley, now nobody dared question that it was a love match because it was obvious that it was. Everybody knew how Bingley showered affection upon Jane, and how greatly she received it. He was never without a love poem to give to her.

Darcy however sprinkled Lizzy with affection, and she in turn did the same. They seemed to enjoy this more then what Bingley and Jane did. When Bingley would bring Jane a big bunch of flowers, Darcy would bring Lizzy a single red rose, with a little note. Although once I did notice I lovely garnet bracelet balanced delicately on the thorns, I wonder did the other roses he brought her have gifts like that adorning them? Probably, but I know Lizzy would have just been happy with the rose. But who can say no to such precious jewels when they were obviously given from the heart. They also used to go out for long walks and spend hours together, whereas Bingley and Jane would stay with the family, and tell everyone of there love.

I can never expect anything like that

Now Lizzy and Jane, and Lydia have left the house it is practically empty and peaceful, except of cause mama's wailing about having spasms in sides and aches in her head. Kitty and I do not talk. We are too different, she likes officers and I don't. She hates books, and I do not. She loves balls, and well I hate them. This is where I've been brought now.

I look round at all the people with their pristine dresses and done up hair, and immaculate cravats and polished shoes. I used to want to be accepted by these people, be asked to dance at balls, to be included in light banter, or just have one friend. But people stay away from me, I look different and I act different. At balls I am just a wallflower waiting to "bloom" if I ever do

I watch people while I'm standing here and you wouldn't believe the gossip one can hear, you know the expression walls have ears, well I'm the ears.

And the eyes I see everything, especially him.

He doesn't even know I exist.

I wouldn't expect him to I'm invisible, and that's the way I like it.

I'm not sure whether to continue this

I've always felt a bit sorry for Mary, and I decided to give her a bit more depth.

But anyway this is another little story, I'm really sorry I just seem to be spitting out endless stories at the moment, people are going to be sick of me. Sorry if this was a bit confusing, but I needed to get this story out of my head.

Well I hope you enjoy this! But it's alright if you don't, please review and tell me what you think

Thanks

Livdarcy

P.S I got my grandma to read Pride and Prejudice, and she actually enjoyed it. The only problem is now she is telling me the story everytime I see her. Oh well, that's the price I'm going to have to pay for giving her one of my copies, and making her read it.

I'm also going to Sudbury Hall (I think that's what it is called) to take a look inside "Pemberley". tomorrow Although I think the people who are going with me are going to have shot me by the end of it, because I will probably be telling them were Colin Firth stood, and what happened. Oops!

I seem to be rambling! Oh dear I do that when I'm excited