A/N: I was cleaning out files on my computer today and I found this deleted scene that I completely forgot about. It was nearly finished and I'm going to be honest; I really like this one a lot and decided to finish it and post it. I hope you'll enjoy it too.

This scene would fit in Chapter of 20 of Apologize when Jim spends the night at Kate's apartment the night after the break in.

Chapter 12- Koala

The sound of the air conditioning kicking on had jolted Jim awake a few minutes before; his tired eyes opening and his hand reaching for his watch on the nightstand to tell him the time. It was still early, barely daybreak, the first tinges of pinkish light slipping between the slats of the window blind as he laid his watch back down. It would be easy to go back to sleep but instead he laid awake, feeling the air of the room begin to cool as he waited; wondering if Johanna's old habit was still a part of her or if years of sleeping alone and some hidden fear of overstepping some invisible boundary would keep her still on her side of the bed. He hated the thought of that…hated that they had ever had to get accustomed to sleeping apart. As the minutes passed and the room felt noticeably cooler, he began to lose hope.

But then he heard her stir, felt the slight dip of the mattress as she rolled over. His heart quickened, hearing the sleepy breath she expelled as her hand brushed against him, searching for his warmth. Upon finding him, she moved even closer, pressing herself firmly against his back as she threw her leg over his; her arm coming around him, her hand fisting the thin material of his t-shirt.

Jim's eyes closed; a smile touching his lips as his hand curled around hers. She still needed him to keep her warm…she still wrapped herself around him like a koala bear hugging a tree when she was cold. His hand tightened around hers as he remembered teasing her about her 'koala' habit as he had named it so many years ago. He wouldn't trade that habit of hers for anything, he mused; a silent prayer of thanks running through his mind…all of those years he had spent wishing he could have these moments back; and now she was there…and he could feel every breath she took as she hung on to him, soaking up his warmth in deference to the cool air that filled the room.

God, how he had missed this…of course he had missed everything about her; but especially this; the quiet contentment of just laying beside her as she slept…of being able to reach for her in the middle of the night and finding her there. He blew out a soft breath; moments like this were what made him feel alive again; made him feel whole…made his heart beat a little faster as it responded to her nearness.

The first time he had laid by his wife's side after her return from Wyoming had been at the hotel the night a bullet had grazed her arm. He had given in to the need to hold her; the need to comfort and console…to ensure she was alright and made it through the night without incident. She had slept peacefully that night despite the turmoil…she hadn't moved away from his chest for a single moment. He had been awake most of that night; fear and worry gnawing at him…keeping him from savoring the moment.

The second time had been in that same hotel room; he could remember being wary of accepting the invitation; that fear and worry still gnawing at his gut; the self imposed rule to move slowly through their reconciliation on his mind. He had worried that her nearness would inspire him to rush things and his hesitation had made her uneasy. Jim smiled a little as he recalled how she had tried to keep herself from touching him as they laid together in that bed…but it wasn't something she had been able to accomplish. She had snuggled against his back that night too…but not as freely as she was at the current moment; it had been a pale imitation of her usual koala bear habit. But it was different this time…this time it was purely her in every way, freely indulging her old habits without worry penetrating through her sleep drenched mind.

Those two previous nights by her side were nights that he hadn't savored, Jim thought to himself. There hadn't been time to drink in the feel of her; to breathe deeply and allow her scent to fill his senses. There hadn't been time to study her as she slept. There hadn't been time for the feeling of relief or peace or joy at waking up by her side. There just hadn't been any time to savor; to feel, to linger, enjoy or appreciate.

But now, there in the quiet haven of their daughter's guest room; maybe the third time was the charm. There was still plenty of worry; after all, they weren't any closer to solving this case and the recent break in had only heightened their sense of fear; but this time Jim was able to push it all away; allowing himself to fully concentrate and appreciate the moment that he had been given.

He breathed deeply; taking in the soft scent of Johanna's strawberry soap and her own natural scent. He was glad that she hadn't changed her habits in those years they had been apart. It would feel so odd for her to use a different scent; it would make him wonder if she was truly herself…but she hadn't changed; it had been strawberries thirty-nine years ago when he had met her and it was still strawberries today. He wouldn't have it any other way.

Jim gently pried her hand from his shirt and pressed a soft kiss against it before returning it to its resting place against his chest; his own hand slipping away, dipping down to find the smooth skin of her leg that she had thrown over him. His fingertips danced lazily against her skin; reveling in the feel and the way she snuggled closer at the sensation, a contented sigh spilling from her lips as her hand curled around the material of his shirt once again. He drank in the feel of every line of her body pressed warmly against him; the soft sound of her breathing filling his ears.

It wasn't enough. He needed to see her face; needed to observe and touch and savor. He moved slowly, being careful not to jostle her too much as he turned over to face her; his hand falling against her leg to keep it in place as she began to stir in response to his movements. She settled beneath his touch; her eyes still closed as he studied her face. Jim smiled; his thumb brushing against those tiny lines that were forming at the corners of her eyes. She hated those faint lines; fretted that they were a sign of lost youth…but he thought they were beautiful…that they were proof that he had made her smile during all the years they had been together; proof that there had been happiness in her life despite the mess they were in now. His wife felt like those miniscule lines made her look old…he thought they just added to her character and natural beauty.

His fingertips carefully followed the line of her jaw; taking in the softness of her features as she slept. Jim was glad to see that her features were devoid of stress and tension for the moment; that her dreams must be providing some form of relief. His thumb swept against the line of her bottom lip; tracing it, his mind filling with the memories of a thousand kisses and before he could stop himself, he pressed his lips against hers in a feather light kiss. His wife shifted closer in response, allowing him to recall just how perfectly she always fit against him; as if every line of her body had been crafted to fit just right against the planes of his own body.

Jim wondered what she was dreaming about as a small smile touched her lips for a second; and undistinguishable mumble on her lips that he couldn't help but smile about. Was he the one she was dreaming of? He hoped so…after all; she filled his dreams on a nightly basis. His hand moved against her arm in a soft caress and then he allowed it to slip to her side; moving slowly and with practiced ease; gliding along the curve of her hip as she stirred; her leg curling around him more tightly as her sleepy green eyes flicked open and met his gaze. He smiled; his hand moving and settling at her waist. "It's still early," he whispered. "Why are you awake?"

"You still stare hard," Johanna murmured; her voice husky with sleep.

A grin curved his lips upwards; his fingertips curling around her hip. "Is that right?"

"Mhmm."

"I can't apologize for it."

"No?" she asked; forcing her tired eyes open once more.

Jim shook his head. "A woman as beautiful as you has to be properly admired."

A soft sleepy laugh slipped across her lips. "Oh please."

He chuckled quietly. "Come now, sweetheart; you have to know that you're the most beautiful girl in the world."

"Hardly," she whispered. "But I appreciate the sentiment."

His fingers captured her chin, pulling her sleepy gaze back to his. "Trust me, you're beautiful."

A smile touched her lips. "You're the only one who can make me feel beautiful."

"It sounds selfish but I'm glad," he said quietly.

Johanna's hand found his, her palm pressing against it as she measured her hand against his before entwining their fingers. "Why are you awake so early?" she asked; trying to stifle a yawn.

"The sound of the air conditioner woke me up…and then I waited for you to koala bear me."

A wide smile broke across her lips. "I'm warm so I must not have disappointed you."

Jim shook his head. "No; you didn't disappoint me; although I did start to worry after the first minute when you hadn't made a move."

"You should know better than doubt me," she murmured. "You know every koala has a favorite tree."

He chuckled quietly. "And that would be me?"

"Of course, darling; there's no one else for the job."

Jim nodded. "That's right…you're still my girl; I haven't relinquished my claim."

"I hope you never do."

"Never," he whispered; his lips skimming against hers.

Johanna squeezed his hand. "What do you want for breakfast?"

"This."

Her brow rose. "What?"

"This is all I want," Jim murmured. "Just to be here with you, like this…I just want to be next to you."

Her hand caressed his face; her lips finding his for a kiss. "It's all I ever want too," she whispered.

"I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you too," Johanna said; drawing him back for another kiss.

He threaded his fingers through her hair. "I'm sorry I woke you," he said quietly.

She shook her head, her heavy eye lids closing and then flicking open once more. "I don't mind. I can go make you breakfast if you're hungry."

"No," Jim whispered. "I just need this."

"You need koala-ed?" she asked with a sleepy laugh.

"Desperately."

Johanna breathed deeply. "I know the feeling."

He held her tighter. "I know you do…hopefully we won't have to feel that way too often anymore; and hopefully soon we won't have to feel it at all."

"That's what I'm hoping too," she whispered. "I missed this…I can't even describe the depths of how much I've missed being like this with you."

"You don't have to, sweetheart; I know all too well."

"It'll be even better to do this when I get to go home with you," Johanna murmured.

Jim nodded, hearing the sleepiness that remained in her voice. "I'm counting the days until the moment," he told her. "You go back to sleep now; you need to catch up on your rest."

"You're going back to sleep too? You're not going to leave me, are you?"

"No, sweetheart; I'm not leaving you…I'm staying right here so you can koala me until we have no choice but to get up. Sleep now; I'm here…everything is alright."

Johanna smiled and settled against him as Jim rubbed his hand against her arm, listening quietly as her breathing evened out and sleep reclaimed her. He breathed deeply, his lips brushing against her hair in a feather light kiss. He closed his eyes, not caring if sleep reclaimed him or not; just happy to be there with her, holding her close, the world still quiet and their worries held at bay for a few hours more.