A/N: I don't know which chapters this scene/chapter would come in between; I'd say late 20s or early 30s…it's one I always envisioned but never found the right place for it…so I figured it was time to join the deleted scene collection. I didn't get to dig as much as I would've liked into just how difficult it could be at times for Jim and Johanna to be so restricted, even though they knew it was necessary; and how those feelings sometimes caused clashing with Kate as they all fought to have their wishes respected and understood. There is a song that inspired this scene…it also inspired a previous deleted scene between Jim and Johanna called Next to You that was posted separately. The song is called Lay Me Down by Sam Smith. I always think of Jim and Johanna during Apologize when I hear that song.

Chapter 13- Lay Me Down

Jim sat up on the side of the bed and scrubbed his hand over his face; frustration flickering in his veins. He couldn't sleep…he wanted to sleep…and falling asleep wasn't exactly the problem. The problem was the empty space in his bed. That space had been a problem for thirteen years and it had taken years to get used to it being empty. His heart ached; it took years to stop reaching for her every night…and yet even after he had gotten used to it; there were still times when his dreams led him to reach across the bed in search of his wife only to find emptiness and pain once more. He breathed deeply; things were different now; Johanna wasn't gone in the permanent way they had believed. She was alive and well, back in his life and under his skin where she belonged…except she wasn't in their bed. His heart knew she should be…his brain agreed…his dreams were a mass of confusion as he tried to reconcile what used to be to what was reality now. It had been a struggle years ago and now it was a struggle once more.

Jim sighed; a long time ago, this would've been the moment when he would've gone in search of a drink. He knew better than to allow the thought to do more than just flick through his mind; he had learned that lesson the hard way and he wasn't about to do it again…especially now when so much was at stake…when he'd have even more to lose than before. No; it wasn't a solution or an answer…nor did he want it to be. He didn't want that part of his life back…just his wife. He squeezed the back of his neck as he glanced at the clock; 1:17 a.m. and the night stretched out endlessly before him. It was almost too much to bear. He knew the main reason for his troubles; he had spent the last several nights with Johanna at Katie's…not because he was particularly needed to spend the night but just because he wanted to be there with his wife; falling asleep with her and waking up with her; a sense of normalcy that had been missing from his life for so long.

But Katie was big on him keeping up appearances at home in case friends or family were coming by and finding him gone more often than not. She didn't want anyone to get suspicious; didn't want to chance that someone would follow him to see what he was up to and somehow discover the secret they were keeping. He understood the concern; Johanna had to be protected even from people she had known most of her life…and since Jeff had already been suspicious he was sure other friends were too. He hadn't been taking as many jobs…he hadn't been showing up for as many dinners at his brother's. He lied when necessary and he did it without remorse. He'd tell a thousand lies if it meant he could keep Johanna with him…but Katie worried…and for now, Katie made the rules and they were expected to follow them.

God he hated that.

He knew it was for the best…knew that it had to be this way…but still; it wasn't easy for a man to stand there in front of his daughter and listen to her tell him that he couldn't spend the night with his wife. Jim frowned; his daughter's voice still ringing in his ears.

"You should get home before it gets much later, Dad," Kate said as she followed him into the living room.

"Was I leaving?" Jim asked.

"Yeah," she replied. "You've been here the last three nights; you need to spend a few nights at home. We don't know if anyone is noticing your absences."

"Katie," he sighed.

"I know you don't like it but you need to do it."

"What's going on?" Johanna asked as she returned from the kitchen.

"I have to go home," he stated.

"Why?" she asked. "I thought you were staying tonight."

"So did I but your warden says I have to leave."

"Dad!" Katie exclaimed.

"It was said with love," he replied.

"I'm not so sure about that," his daughter remarked. "But you still have to go."

So he had left, against his wishes and Johanna's too because Katie had demanded it. He had come home, did a little work, chatted with his brother online and texted his wife. Then he had retired to their bedroom but he couldn't find rest without her tonight. His dreams tormented him; his heart and body longing for her presence.

Jim blew out a breath; at least at Katie's when his dreams betrayed him he could open his eyes and see Johanna next to him. He could lay his head against her chest and listen to her heartbeat. He could reach out and touch her…could breathe in her scent, kiss her softly…nudge her awake to whisper in the dark. He could do all of those things and feel better.

But he didn't have those options when they were apart. Instead he only had more anxieties; wondering if his sense of need to be with her stemmed from some sort of sense of impending danger that he wouldn't be able to protect her from.

Just like he hadn't been able to protect her thirteen years ago.

He hadn't been paying attention back then; he had been too wrapped up in his own cases to know much about what she was working on. Looking back he saw all the signs he had missed that January that would've told him that something was wrong. If he had been paying attention he could've gotten the whole story out of her…he would've known what was going on. He still would've sent her away for her safety but he would've picked up where she left off and he would've ended it for her. He could've done something…anything…whatever it took to protect her; to vanquish the monster that threatened her.

But he hadn't been paying attention and it cost him thirteen years without his wife…his best friend…his lover…his world. He couldn't let it happen again. He wouldn't let it happen again…and so he was overly sensitive to every feeling or sign that might hint that danger was closer than they thought. He didn't really think anything was wrong tonight…but what if his body somehow knew something he didn't?

Frustration filled him; in the past this would've been another one of those moments that inspired a drink…but once again he allowed that thought to fizzle. He didn't need a drink, nor did he want one. He just needed Johanna. He just needed to be with her for his peace of mind…and just in case something was lurking in the shadows.

With that thought in mind, Jim reached for his phone and found his wife's number at the top of his contact list…another thing Katie had squawked about, the fact that he had her name attached to her number. She said it wasn't a good idea…that someone might see the name on the screen if Johanna called or texted when he was with someone. He wasn't sure what Katie had her listed as in her phone…he wasn't sure he wanted to know either but he sure as hell wasn't going to list her number as Meagan. In the spirit of compromise, since 'Jo' had elicited an eye roll from his daughter who apparently thought he was careless with his phone; he re-labeled his wife's number as JElizabeth. He could pass that off as a work contact or even a cousin if questioned but he wasn't one to let his phone be open to public viewing. He was looking forward to the day though when he could put it back to simply 'Johanna'. He debated a moment about pressing his thumb against the icon to place the call but then he did it, bringing the phone to his ear and listening to it ring.

After three rings, his wife's sleepy voice floated across the line. "Hello?"

Jim smiled, his heart giving a small kick. "Hey, sweetheart," he said softly.

"What's wrong?" Johanna asked; her voice quiet and thick with sleep.

"I can't sleep," he admitted.

"How come?" she murmured; concern in her voice. "Do you feel alright?"

"I don't know," Jim answered; because it all honestly; he never felt all that good when he was feeling the edges of anxiety. "I just can't get comfortable…I miss you…I'm coming back there," he stated before he could change his mind.

"What about what Katie said?" Johanna asked softly.

"I don't care what she said; no one is around here this late at night and I don't give a damn if they would be; where I go and what I do is my own damn business. I'm coming back…let me in, okay?" he said; a note of pleading in his voice.

"You know I will."

"Just don't unlock the door until I text you and tell you I'm standing in front of it," he told her. "Promise me that."

"I promise, honey. I'll even keep the chain on until I crack the door open to make sure it's you."

"Okay; you do that. I'll be leaving here in a few minutes…there won't be much traffic so I'll probably get there a little sooner than usual."

"Be careful," she told him.

"I will be, I promise," he replied. "I love you, I'll be over shortly."

"I love you too…I'll be waiting."

He ended the call and hurried to get dressed; the night looking less endless now that he knew she was going to be within reach in a matter of minutes.

The late hour had meant little traffic and for once the lights had been green at every stop instead of red; allowing Jim to make his trip in a mere twenty minutes. Anticipation filled him as he waited for the elevator to stop on Katie's floor; his phone clutched in his hand so he could text Johanna the moment he stepped up to the door. Finally the elevator stopped and he hurried out of it and up the hallway to the door; checking the corners and shadows to make sure no one lurked there who was up to no good. The hallway was empty to his relief and he stepped in front of the door and quickly typed a message to his wife.

"I'm here, sweetheart; it's safe to unlock the door."

He waited patiently, his ears straining for the sound of her footsteps. He heard the sound of the lock releasing and then the door slowly cracked open just enough for her to peer out while the chain lock remained in place. A small smile touched her lips as she met his gaze and he felt a small amount of the tension in his body melt. She softly pushed the door shut and took the chain off before carefully opening it wider to allow him to slip inside. Jim remained quiet, taking in the sight of her in the dim light of the hallway that illuminated her. She was clad in one of his shirts that he kept there and the thin soft pair of purple pajama pants he had bought for her when she had seen them in a store ad in the newspaper. It was another thing his daughter had been against…she hadn't liked it at all when he had shown up one day with a bag containing not only the purple pajama pants but the matching shirt and a set in pink and a set in black. Katie told him he shouldn't be out shopping for women's clothing; someone might see him and question what he was doing. He had told her that he'd just say that she had asked him to pick up the sale items for her because she had to work late but apparently his daughter didn't think anyone would believe that a man would run to a pajama sale at JCPenneys for his adult daughter. Personally, he felt that she made mountains out of molehills…not that he'd say so out loud.

Johanna relocked the door; testing it to be sure it was secure and then she moved toward her husband. "You okay?" she whispered; her hand caressing his arm.

The room was dark; only the muted beams of street lights outside slipping through the slats of the blinds but it was enough for him to see the concern in her eyes as she studied him. He cupped her face and drew her close, capturing her lips in a series of tender kisses. "I'm better now," he murmured before wrapping his arms around her, nuzzling her hair as he breathed in the scent of her strawberry scented soap and shampoo.

"You're tense," Johanna said softly as her hands moved against his back. "I bet your back hurts, doesn't it?"

"A little," he admitted; noticing the ache of stress now that she had mentioned it.

"I bet it's in your neck too, isn't it?" she murmured; her fingers gliding against the back of his neck as he held her.

"Yeah," he breathed.

"Come on," she whispered. "Come get ready for bed and I'll rub your back…you'll feel better."

"I always do," Jim said as he took her hand and obediently followed her; being careful to keep his footsteps quiet so that Katie wouldn't wake and discover them. He didn't even want to think about what that conversation would be like.

Once inside Johanna's room, she closed the door and turned on the dim lamp on the dresser so he'd be able to see to change his clothes for bed. "You made good time," she murmured to him as he went to the dresser and kicked off his shoes.

"I didn't get one red light tonight," he replied, taking care to open his drawer quietly.

She smiled. "I guess someone somewhere was on our side tonight."

"It seems that way," Jim agreed as he traded his pair of jeans for a pair of more comfortable pajama pants. He took a shirt from the drawer but left it lying on top of the dresser as he shed the one he had worn over; tossing it on the chair with his jeans. He didn't want any material no matter how thin it was between his skin and her hands. He needed her touch tonight; craved the intimacy of old habits between them…craved their own little world where nothing mattered but them.

Johanna caressed his cheek, brushing a soft kiss against his lips. "Lay down, honey; let me get those knots out of your back."

He moved to his side of the bed and laid down on his stomach; his heart speeding up as she fell into the old habit of straddling his hips as her hands fell against his skin; brushing over his back in a soft caress before she started to work at the knots in his muscles. He breathed deeply; his eyes closing…God he had missed this. She had done this so many times in the past and it still felt as good as it had back then. This was so much better than spending the night alone.

"Why couldn't you sleep tonight?" Johanna murmured as she rubbed at a stubborn knot.

"I don't know," he mumbled.

"You must have some ideas."

"Couldn't get comfortable."

"You're so full of knots it's no wonder," she said softly. "You should've told me, I could've done this last night and you might've felt better."

"It's okay…you're doing it now," he replied; sleepiness starting to crowd him as he relaxed beneath her touch.

"What else was keeping you awake," Johanna asked; her head dipping to press a kiss against his shoulder.

Jim breathed deeply; tiredness making his mind somewhat hazy. "This bed smells like you."

Her hands stilled for a moment. "What?"

"This bed smells like you," he mumbled once more. "At home it doesn't…not anymore…I want it to smell like you again but it doesn't right now."

"I'm sorry," she murmured; swallowing hard.

"Not your fault...this bed smells like you…I just sleep here…even if it means sneaking in at two in the morning."

Johanna sighed softly. "I know the feeling…it's always been hard for me to sleep when I couldn't touch you or breathe in your scent. I went to sleep tonight on your pillow because it smelled like you…it's why I wear your shirts."

"I don't mind."

"I know," she whispered. "What else was keeping you awake?"

He didn't want to say anything about the dreams; he didn't want her to blame herself for something she had no control over.

"You can tell me," she gently prodded; her fingertips massaging the shoulder that sometimes bothered him.

Jim hesitated; he hated to give the answers…at least the ones that might upset her.

"You'll feel better if you tell me," Johanna whispered.

He breathed deeply, feeling weary and tired. "Sometimes I worry that something will happen and I won't be here to protect you."

Johanna was quiet for a long minute as she worked at the knots in his muscles. "If something is going to happen…I don't want you to see it. I don't want you to get hurt because of me."

"I wouldn't be here to watch…I'd be here to protect you…to take whatever it was for you."

Her throat tightened. "I wouldn't want you to do that. Katie needs her father."

"She needs her mother," he replied. "I'd take it for you."

"I'm the one who's supposed to take it for both of you if it comes to that. I'm the one who got us into this mess…I'm the one who takes it."

He shook his head. "It's my job…I'm supposed to keep you safe. I already blew it once. I wasn't paying attention back then. If I had been, I could've done something."

"It's not your fault," Johanna soothed. "They would've hurt you…or worse if you had known. I was too afraid of what could happen to you to tell you."

"If I had been paying attention, I would've gotten it out of you."

"We can't change what's done, Jim," she said softly as tears clogged her voice.

"No…but I won't let it happen again," he declared quietly. "I'm not going to let anything hurt you again. I promise I'm not going to let it happen again."

A tear dripped off her cheek and splashed against his skin. "Don't cry, babe," he murmured. "It'll be alright; I didn't mean to upset you…I just get paranoid."

"Me too," she admitted.

"I know you do; but let's not think about those things anymore. I don't you to be upset…I didn't come over to upset you."

Silence fell between them, another tear splashing against his skin. "You know," he murmured; "You're supposed to use oil for massages, not salt water."

She gave a soft laugh as she sniffled, knowing he was trying to ease the mood that had fallen between them. "I'm afraid I don't have any oil…unless you want Crisco."

"Then I'd feel like a French fry," he quipped.

"I like French fries," Johanna told him; her tone low and loving as she fought back her emotions.

"I know…I still remember the first time I left my lunch alone with you and came back and my remaining fries were gone."

"I was still hungry," she replied. "I had PMS."

He laughed quietly. "You didn't have PMS every time you took my fries."

"No, not every time…but that first time I definitely did and I didn't think you'd mind."

"I didn't," he said warmly. "I still don't."

"I'm glad," she murmured, her head dipping to press a few soft kisses against his skin.

A sigh of contentment slipped across his lips. "The oil thing sounds too messy; how about we play doctor? You can be the nurse who suddenly needs my care."

"Why can't I be the doctor?" Johanna asked.

"Because you've got the body to be the nurse," he quipped. "Besides, I make you feel good, that's why I'm the good doctor."

She laughed softly. "What, I don't make you feel good?"

"You make me feel fantastic; that's why you're such a good nurse," he told her.

"I don't know what it is with you and a nurse fantasy."

"You'd look cute in the costume."

"I wouldn't put one on thirty years ago; I'm not doing it now," Johanna replied.

"No need; it wouldn't be on long anyway…so how about it? You want to play doctor?"

"I'm playing massage therapist right now," she remarked. "Is it helping?"

"It always does," Jim said sincerely as her hands moved to his right shoulder and worked at the tension that remained there.

Silence fell for a few minutes and he began to drift on those fuzzy edges of sleep until he jerked back awake as if some part of him was warning against falling asleep and being sent back to those strange twisted dreams that had tormented him earlier.

"What else is keeping you awake tonight?" Johanna asked softly.

"What makes you think there's more?"

"Because you usually fall asleep when I'm doing this…and you started to and then you jerked back awake."

"People do that at times; you know that," he replied. "You've done it."

"I know…but I feel like there's something else…and I can't make it go away if I don't know what it is."

His hand curled in to the pillowcase. "Just weird dreams," he told her, knowing she wouldn't stop until she had the truth.

"What about?"

"Everything," he sighed. "They're all jumbled and twisted…and I don't really want to talk about them anyway."

"I'm sure I can imagine what they are," she murmured; "Because I have dreams like that too."

"I know you do," he whispered; after all, he had been awakened by more than one three a.m. text message when her dreams turned against her and she needed him to help soothe her.

"No more bad dreams tonight," she said, brushing soft kisses against his neck before her fingertips gently began to massage the area. "Happy thoughts…only happy thoughts."

"Which ones?"

She ran her hand over his back soothingly. "Hmm…there are so many to choose from. You know what I was thinking about earlier?"

"What?"

She smiled, her fingertips trailing along his arm. "I was thinking when we were engaged…and we bought ourselves an answering machine as an early wedding present to ourselves."

A grin stretched across his lips. "I remember that."

"Mhmm…we hooked it up and went out to dinner and came home, made some popcorn and cuddled up on the couch as we listened to the messages that were left while we were out," she murmured; a laugh creeping into her voice. "My mother was on there having a meltdown over us having an answering machine. She was livid."

Jim laughed quietly. "Yeah; she was yelling that she wasn't talking on that damn machine…apparently not realizing that as long as she was on the phone, she was talking on it."

"Uh huh; and we heard her yelling about it to Dad before she hung up and then he had to call so he could check it out and there was more yelling from her in the background…and then apparently she notified half the family because then they started calling."

He chuckled. "I remember…I especially liked when your grandmother called and left a message congratulating you on the purchase and telling you it was driving your mother crazy which is what she got for driving her crazy all her life."

She giggled softly. "I never knew how much fun listening to phone messages could be until that night."

"I know…we kept the tape. I think you put it in your trunk…I should dig it out and find a tape player…we could listen to it for old time's sake."

"That would be great," she murmured. "You know what I was thinking about tonight before I fell asleep?"

"What's that?" he asked, shifting beneath her to roll onto his back, his hands hurrying to cradle her waist so that she would remain where she was.

"I was thinking about all those Saturday mornings a long time ago when we'd get up long enough grab the newspaper and go get back in bed to read it while cartoons played on the TV because you said we were never too old for the Flintstones or Tom and Jerry."

"That's still true."

Johanna smiled softly. "I think about us doing that again one day…even if we have to buy the cartoons on DVD."

"Money well spent," Jim murmured. "Any other happy thoughts on your mind tonight that I can share?"

She caressed his cheek. "Our first kiss…and all the times we kissed while our song played…I remember once we heard it while shopping for groceries and we still stopped in the middle of the aisle for a kiss."

He smiled sleepily. "I remember…some jerk told us to get a room."

"That's alright; you got even with him…you said we didn't need to wait until we found a room; we had a perfectly good backseat in our car outside."

He laughed quietly. "He hurried away."

"Mhmm."

"And some woman made some crack about us being too old to behave such a way."

"I know!" she exclaimed softly. "And I was only forty-two…the bitch."

He grinned at her, his eyes growing heavy. "It's alright, sweetheart; you got even…you told her she was just jealous that no one was kissing her in the produce aisle of the market."

"It's true; she was jealous," she whispered. "Tonight I was also thinking about the first time you told me I was your girl."

He cupped her face, his thumb brushing softly over her cheekbone. "You're still my girl," he murmured. "You always have been…you still are…and you always be."

She kissed him tenderly. "That's right…I'm always going to be your girl. You sleep now, honey; I'm here with you…and there are only happy thoughts now of every night we've spent together."

Jim breathed deeply; allowing sleep to creep in as she shifted, drawing the covers up over them before settling beside him; her head on his chest, her arm around him. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," she whispered back; his heartbeat filling her ear. "You rest now; I'm here…I'm not going anywhere."

He wrapped his arm around her, holding her tightly as he gave in to the need to sleep now that he was where he belonged.

The next morning, Johanna had carefully slipped out of bed; leaving Jim sleeping peacefully as she left the room to carry out her morning routines. She looked in on him when she was finished, finding him still sound asleep and so she made her way to the kitchen to decide what to make for breakfast since she heard Katie moving around in her room. She was still sleepy as she considered the contents of the fridge; a part of her contemplating going back to bed after Katie left if Jim was still asleep.

She gathered what she needed to make pancakes, laying out the supplies on the counter as her daughter swept into the room; her eyes flashing with anger. "You look like you got up on the wrong side of the bed," Johanna commented.

"Where's Dad?" Kate asked.

"What?"

"Don't play stupid."

Johanna sighed. "Katie, it's too early in the morning to play games."

"Yeah; well I don't appreciate you unlocking the door at two in the morning so Dad can sneak in; what the hell were you thinking?"

"What are you doing, Katie; spying on me?" she asked.

"I heard a noise," she retorted. "So I got up and when I got to the hallway, I see you unlocking the door and opening it. I was about to yell at you when I saw Dad slip in the door."

"Well if you were ticked about it why didn't you yell last night?" Johanna asked.

"I figured it could wait until morning; I didn't want to interrupt."

"Interrupt what?"

"Oh please; I saw the two of you kissing at the door. You know I send him home for a reason; so people don't get suspicious about what he's doing; not so you can sneak him in for a late night booty call," she hissed.

"It wasn't like that!" Johanna retorted sharply.

"Sure it wasn't; I know how the two of you are. I just can't believe you'd be stupid enough to be unlocking the door at two in the morning when you don't know who the hell might be out there."

"Your father checked the hallway before telling me it was safe to open the door."

"I don't care; you don't open the damn door in the middle of the night! Do you not get why you're here?"

"Yes, I get it," Johanna retorted. "He couldn't sleep; that's why he came back."

"Uh huh," she said, disbelief in her tone.

"It had nothing to do with sex!" her mother hissed. "There wasn't any sex; not that it's any of your damn business if there was. Believe me; if I wanted to I could do it without you knowing…I did it plenty when you were living under my roof."

Kate smirked at her. "Yeah; well just so you know; you two weren't always as quiet as you think you were."

Her cheeks burned with embarrassment. "Liar."

"Oh believe me, I wish I was," Kate remarked. "But that's beside the point, I don't give a damn what little story you want to sell me; you don't open the door in the middle of the night when I'm in bed."

"He needed me," she hissed; anger blazing in her eyes. "He's my husband and if he needs me, I'll open that goddamn door any time I want."

"Not while you're living under my roof," Kate stated.

"You're not my mother," Johanna retorted. "If I want to spend the night with my husband, I will. What goes on in my bedroom is my business, not yours."

"When you're living under your own roof, that's true," her daughter stated. "But you're living under mine…your room is in my apartment so everything about it is my business. I'm your police protection so everything you do is my business."

"Oh, so I have no rights," she remarked. "Is that what you're saying; I'm just a prisoner, I have no rights?"

"You have more rights than a prisoner, Mother; don't get dramatic."

"I don't know; it doesn't seem like I do. I mean you even tell me when I can spend the night with my husband."

"I've told you both a million times why he can't be here every night and you shouldn't want him here every night when we don't know what the hell might happen. He could be in more danger here at night than he is at home; so calling him to come back over is selfish on your part."

"I didn't call him, he called me!" she exclaimed softly. "He couldn't sleep; his back hurt. He needed me and said he wanted to come back. I'm not going to tell him no!"

"Yeah; well remember that when he decides to sneak over one night and there is someone lurking around and they decide to do something to him to get at us; think about that."

"If you really feel that way then why do you let him come here in the daytime?" Johanna shot back.

"Because I don't think there's as much risk in the daytime as there is late at night when witnesses are scarce. You don't open the fucking door at two in the morning; I don't give a damn which one of you can't sleep, wants sex or whatever the hell else you two do late at night. When I say he's not staying, I mean it. You don't open the door."

"Watch me," Johanna said sharply. "Because if my husband says he needs me for one reason or another and he's coming back over here, I'm opening the fucking door and I don't care if you like it or not!"

"You will care if I catch you again…and believe me, if you try it, I will catch you," Kate said. "When I saw you unlocking the door last night I thought maybe you were going to try to take off or something."

"So this isn't really about him coming back; it's about how you don't trust me," Johanna retorted. "You really think I'd do that?"

Kate shrugged. "How should I know? It feels like something I have to consider now that I know you're up late at night opening the door for people. How do I know who you might let in next?"

Johanna's jaw dropped. "Just what are you accusing me of, Katie? Do you have some notion that I'm a part of what's going on?! Are you really accusing me! Because if you are, you have no business being a cop because you're so far off base it isn't even funny. How dare you imply that I would let someone in here that would harm you?! Who the hell do you think you are?"

"I think I'm the person who's responsible for you," Kate shot back; "And if you're up letting people in at two in the morning, then whatever happens because of that becomes my problem."

"He's my husband! He's not a part of this; I'm not a part of it either other than being the idiot who got caught up in it and ended up losing everything I had for something someone else did! How can you stand there and think I'd do something like that?"

"Questions like that come to mind when I catch you up sneaking around in the middle of the night. You're my responsibility. I make the rules, not you."

"I don't have to be your responsibility," Johanna retorted. "I can leave any time you want. Maybe when my husband leaves today I'll just go with him because I'd rather take my chances out on the street than be falsely accused by my own daughter!"

"Fine," Kate replied. "See you in another thirteen years. Call first before you drop in, I might be out of town."

She looked as though she had been slapped but Kate couldn't find it in her to be remorseful for it.

"I thought we were better than this, Katie," Johanna remarked. "I would've expected blatant distrust back in May but not now. I thought you trusted me."

"You broke my trust a long time ago," Kate told her. "But I trusted you enough to be comfortable. I trusted you enough to believe that you'd follow the rules. What am I supposed to think when I see you up at two a.m. unlocking the door and letting someone in?"

"You know I'd never let anyone in but your father!" she exclaimed.

"You shouldn't have even let him in," Kate retorted. "For all you knew, someone could've made him make that call."

"He'd die before he'd ever lead someone to us, Katie!" she said angrily. "You're not dealing with two strangers you don't know. You know us. We're your parents, not your prisoners."

"It's my home," her daughter remarked. "I'm in charge of protecting you. I make the rules and you both follow them; it's that simple. Last night you broke the rules. I hope you both enjoyed it…because if it happens again I'll make sure he's not allowed in the building and you'll go to work with me and sit in a holding cell all day. So think about that the next time you two have a midnight urge."

Johanna's eyes blazed with anger. "If we hadn't had DNA done, I'd swear you weren't my kid…because my daughter wouldn't treat me like this."

"If it makes you feel any better, while waiting for the results, I was hoping I wasn't your kid…but the test doesn't lie and here we are. Do you think this is my idea of a good time? You two need to quit acting like a couple of teenagers who can't breathe without each other and start acting like the middle aged adults you're supposed to be."

"Yeah; well why don't you remember that you're the child of this relationship and not the parent. Why don't you quit acting like a cop for five minutes and act like a daughter for a change? You're on a damn power trip because you get to hold your badge over me," Johanna retorted. "You need to quit acting like a warden and remember things like compassion and empathy."

"You get plenty of compassion," she shot back. "So don't even act like you don't. This is on you; you knew better. I don't care if he is the one who called, you should've said no. I sent him home and that's where he was supposed to stay. I'm the boss here; you'll both do what I say or I'll have your ass slapped in a safe house where the rules are even stricter and you won't see anyone, including Dad. Since he's back there hiding in your room…."

"He's not hiding," Johanna hissed. "He's sleeping. He couldn't sleep last night and his back was hurting him…he called and told me he was coming back. He needed me…that's why he came over. I'm not going to turn him away when he needs me."

"I don't care about the reason; although I think it's a pretty flimsy story that I'm having a hard time believing. The point is, it shouldn't have happened and it better not happen again. So you tell him when he gets up that he is not staying tonight or tomorrow night. He has appearances to keep up and he's going to do it. You'll both survive."

"Don't worry, Katie," she said angrily. "I'll make sure he's gone before you get home."

"I didn't say he had to be gone by five; I said he couldn't spend the night again. He's been here four nights in a row now; he needs to go home for a few nights."

"I'll take care of it," she snapped. "Now get out of my sight."

"My home; You seem to keep forgetting that. This is mine…you might be staying here temporarily but it's still MY home, not yours. So I don't have to get out of your sight like I did when I was a teenager and would piss you off at home."

"My deepest apologies," her mother retorted. "I'll remove myself from your sight. Make your own damn breakfast; I don't have anything else to say to you."

"That'll teach me," Kate said sarcastically. "I will just be so devastated to have to fend for myself while you give me the silent treatment. I don't know how I'll make it through the day."

"You're just a smart ass little b…," Johanna trailed off; her brain reminding her that she couldn't call her daughter that word.

Kate's brow rose. "Almost let it slip, didn't you? It's alright, Mother; you can call me a little bitch; you've been known to be one yourself. It's not going to change anything though; you did wrong and I called you on it. Take it like a big girl and deal with it."

"You don't understand," her mother stated. "You don't understand what it's like for us to be told when we can be together. Last night isn't what you have yourself convinced it was…but you don't want to hear it because you think it's a flimsy story. Well it's not…sometimes you just need to be with the person you love; there aren't any strings attached to it…just a need to lay down next to them and go to sleep. That's what happens when you've loved someone for nearly forty years…but you don't get it; you're too busy wielding your authority like neither one of us remembers why we're in this situation…but we do remember…and it makes us need each other all the more because we don't know what's going to happen. We don't know how many opportunities we have left. But you don't care; you just want to be the enforcer…well maybe we wouldn't have had to sneak around last night if we thought we could just tell you…but we don't; because you're a cop first and a daughter second."

"Yeah; because I have to be," Kate said firmly. "Have all the temper tantrums you want but this is how it is right now. When you go home to your own house; do whatever the hell you want, I don't care; but you're my responsibility right now and I don't want to have to sit up every night because I'm worried about what you might be letting in the door with Dad in the middle of the night."

"It won't happen again," Johanna retorted. "But feel free to lock me in my room at night to ease your mind since apparently you think I'm stupid and would let just anyone walk in here. Now I'm done. Text me when you leave and I'll come lock the door because I don't have anything more to say to you."

"You said that a few minutes ago and yet you kept right on talking."

Frustration filled her body as she stared at her daughter for a long minute before turning and leaving the kitchen; heading back to the bedroom to wait for the text telling her that her daughter had left.

Alone in the kitchen, Kate leaned back against the counter. She had a right to be angry with them; after all, their sneaking around in the middle of the night could end up making her job harder if something should happen because they were up opening the door. She didn't like having to be the bad guy…well…sometimes she liked it but she knew that stemmed from the part of her that still held a few teenage grudges about certain restrictions that were placed on her at times. She blew out a breath; they always seemed to think she was keeping them apart on purpose; and maybe in a way she was because she felt it was necessary. She rubbed her fingers across her forehead and decided to skip breakfast; there was enough tension in the apartment to kill an appetite…and she worried her father would come out and start round two in a need to defend his lady's honor. She shook her head; what the hell was she supposed to do with them? Other people's parents had no interest in romance at this stage of their lives…her parents were still going. She supposed that was good for them on one hand…but she wasn't fond of being the chaperone.

She sighed deeply and headed back to her own bedroom to gather up her belongings and then she sent her mother a text telling her that she was leaving. She stood by the door and waited until Johanna entered the room; anger still written across her features. She couldn't help but smile a little, a small bit of amusement creeping into her face. "You want to hug me goodbye?" she asked her.

Johanna ignored her, taking it upon herself to release the locks on the door.

"No hugs, huh?" Kate said. "Saving it all for Dad? That's okay; you two make sure you get everything you need from each other today so it'll last you through the night."

Her mother jerked the door open, her green eyes shooting daggers at her. "You're not sending me off with love? No 'be careful, have a good day?' Wow, someone must be mad," she said lightly. "Well, you'll get it over it…also know that the silent treatment doesn't excuse you from my calls. I'll see you and Dad later; have a nice day."

Johanna rolled her eyes but said nothing, holding the door open as her daughter walked through it and then she closed it before Kate could turn and say anything else. She put the locks in place and listed as her daughter tested the door to be sure it was secure and then she listened to her footsteps as they moved down the hallway.

She sighed deeply, raking her fingers through her hair as she made her way back to the bedroom and slipped back into bed beside her husband. Anger and annoyance still licked her veins but she pushed it down as she studied Jim while he slept. She brushed her fingertips lightly against the line of his jaw and he rolled toward her, his hand reaching for her and finding her. He moved closer with a soft huff of breath, gathering her close as he continued to sleep. She laid her head against his chest, breathing in his scent as she allowed the tension to ease from her body. Her eyes closed and she forced thoughts of her fight with her daughter from her mind; concentrating solely on her husband…the feel of him, his scent, his warmth…the quietness of the world when she was wrapped up in his arms. Soon sleep found her once more and she gave into it, knowing that in her dreams they had the freedom they were deprived of right now.

Later that morning, Jim stretched a little as his eyes flicked open. He turned his head, his gaze meeting Johanna's as a soft smile touched her lips. "Hey, sweetheart," he said quietly; his voice still gritty with sleep.

"Good morning, handsome," she murmured before pressing a soft kiss against his lips. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah, I did. What time is it?"

"Almost nine."

He took a deep breath. "I haven't slept this late in a long time."

"You were tired," Johanna said, her fingers raking his hair into place. "You were up late."

"Did Katie go to work?"

"Yes."

"Did you tell her I was on my way over so she'd leave?"

Johanna sighed. "We're in trouble."

"Who's in trouble? We as in you and Katie or we as in you and me?" he asked.

"We as in the people who once fled a bar fight in Maryland and wound up sleeping in the car in a state park," she answered.

Jim nodded. "That would be us."

"That's correct."

"Why are we in trouble?"

"Because she saw me letting you in last night," Johanna answered.

"We're in trouble because I wanted to sleep next to my wife?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

She huffed a little in annoyance of her daughter. "Because she's on a damn power trip in my opinion."

"What happened?" he asked.

Johanna explained the argument that she had with Kate that morning and then fell silent; holding back a few details for the moment as her husband digested what she had told him so far.

"Does she really think you'd open the door for anyone other than me?" Jim asked.

"She doesn't trust me," Johanna replied. "She made that clear."

"She's way off base," he remarked. "You didn't do anything to break her trust. It was me, I checked the hallway before texting you. She must think I'm stupid if she thinks I wouldn't check things out first."

"She told me I was stupid…I wanted to slap her."

"You should have, maybe it would knock her down a damn peg and remind her of who the parent is and who the kid is."

"She seems to think she's my mother," Johanna muttered.

"Well she's not…and while she is a cop she doesn't have to hold her badge over us like we're criminals in her own personal jail."

"I mentioned that but she just continued on with her 'I'm the boss' speech."

Jim scrubbed a hand over his face. "I can't believe her theory that someone could've forced me to call you last night. She ought to know better than that; I'd never let someone force me into luring you into a trap. I don't care what they did to me; I'd never do what they wanted."

"I know and I told her that. She doesn't buy that you came over just because you couldn't sleep."

"What does she think I came over for then?"

"Oh she thinks you were here for sex," Johanna replied.

"There was no sex," he remarked. "Why would she think that was the reason?"

"She saw us kiss at the door."

"I kiss you all the time," Jim exclaimed. "It doesn't mean there's automatically sex…I should know; after all, I learned that lesson long ago in high school and then again when I met you."

She laughed despite herself. "Apparently our daughter thinks that's all we do."

"I can sign an affidavit attesting to the fact that it isn't," he replied. "There was no sex last night; you didn't want to play doctor with me…but if you want to later, my schedule is wide open, have at me."

Johanna lightly swatted his chest. "As nice as that sounds I think I'll pass today, we're in enough trouble."

"See, just more proof that kissing doesn't always lead to sex. You kissed me when I woke up and you just turned me down so her theory is shot to hell. She should know you're not the kind of girl who just gives in that easily…I had to know you for two years before I even got my hand under your shirt…and I felt privileged to get that far."

She laughed. "You took full advantage of that opportunity when it arose."

"I had to, I didn't know if it would come around again," he said lightly. "It was nearly another full year before you let me get the rest of the way."

Johanna nodded. "I made you earn it."

"Yes, you did…maybe you should tell her that and then she'll know we're not teenage sex fiends."

"I'm starting to think that maybe the talk I gave her about sex and relationships wasn't very clear," she remarked.

"I'm sure if it wasn't, it's not your fault…she probably wasn't listening. She had that habit of ignoring us."

"That's the truth. Remember when she was sweet?" Johanna asked.

"Yeah," he said with a wistful smile. "She was a sweet little girl…all affectionate and cute…then she turned fourteen and it's been downhill ever since."

Johanna nodded. "Yeah…and apparently there isn't going to be an upswing any time soon. I don't know where we went wrong."

"I think it was when we didn't send her to a convent," Jim replied.

She patted his chest. "I'm sorry I didn't give that the thought you wanted me to back then."

"It's alright; I understand, she was the only kid we had, you wanted to keep her home even though she wasn't very sweet anymore."

Johanna breathed deeply. "She said you can't stay tonight."

Jim glanced at her. "We're grounded, huh?"

"Seems that way."

"Is she going to take our allowance too?" he asked sarcastically.

"To tell you the truth, if it would've shut her up this morning, I would've handed over my wallet," Johanna replied. "I don't have much cash left in it but she's welcome to it if she'll get off my back."

"I can give you some money," Jim told her as he turned onto his side and draped his arm over her waist. "You should've told me you were low on cash."

"I'm fine…it's not like I need it, I don't get out much," she replied. "When I do, I just use my credit card."

"How are you paying your bills, Jo? I'm sure you have things that need taken care of in Wyoming…you're not working right now. If you have bills that need paid, tell me and I'll take care of them, sweetheart. I should've thought to ask about that sooner."

She shook her head. "I'm fine, honey; but I appreciate the offer. I've got money in my checking account and savings; I've been paying my bills online."

"You let me know though if you need something taken care of, okay?"

"I promise," she murmured. "Katie said you can't stay tomorrow night either."

He blew out a breath of frustration. "Why not!?"

"She said you need to keep up appearances at home…and you know; she's pissed that we were 'sneaking around' last night."

"Oh my God," Jim said; "I already had a mother, I didn't sign up for a second helping. I don't like this thing of our daughter being able to punish us. I want to punish her."

"I'm not speaking to her," Johanna said.

"That's not a punishment; she likes that!" he exclaimed.

She shrugged a shoulder. "It's all I have, babe; it isn't like I can leave…although I threatened to leave with you."

"What did she say to that?"

"See you in another thirteen years," she muttered.

"That's a low blow."

"I think that's a preview of the rest of my life if we ever get out of this," Johanna murmured.

"We will get out of this," he said confidently, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "And we're not going to let anyone lord that over you for the rest of your life."

"She said if she catches me sneaking you in again late at night she'll keep you from being allowed in the building."

"When hell freezes over," Jim said sharply.

"She also said she'd put me in a safe house where I wouldn't be allowed to see anyone."

"That will be her biggest mistake," he said as he sat up, anger thrumming through his body. "She better think long and hard about that one; because if I ever hear one thing that hints that she's thinking of doing that, I will take you out of here myself and I'll take you somewhere where no one will ever find us."

"Lay back down," Johanna coaxed. "You'll have yourself all full of knots again."

He did as she asked but he was still angry. "I don't like us being threatened like that by our own daughter. We've been kept apart long enough; I won't let it happen again…and especially not by her hand. I know she's in charge of this case but goddamn it she doesn't have the right to tell me when I can see my wife!"

"Shhh," she soothed, running her hand across his chest. "I don't like it anymore than you do…but we're stuck. I'm sorry that it's like this…I'm sorry that any of this ever had to happen."

"I know," he said as he drew her into his arms. "It's not your fault; you were just doing your job. You didn't know this would happen."

"I know…but I'll never not blame myself," she murmured. "I hate this just as much as you do. I hate that we're so restricted…that we can't do what we want; that we can't go anywhere together…that we can't even lay beside each other at night unless we have permission to do so. I know why she has rules…I also know she's on a little power trip because we are her parents…but she doesn't understand how difficult it is to be restricted when it comes to the one person you want to be with more than anything else in this world."

Jim rubbed his hand against her back. "I know. I just needed to be with you last night…I guess it was selfish but I couldn't help it."

"I don't think it's selfish…I want to be with you every night too. It's hard being apart even though we know it's how it has to be for now."

"I'm sorry I caused trouble between you and Katie. The two of you have been doing good and I guess I fouled it up for you."

"No," she said softly. "We're bound to fight no matter what…it's just how it is. I don't regret opening the door last night…you needed me…I've been the one who has needed so much that as terrible as it sounds, it felt good to be the one who was needed for a change. It felt good to be able to take care of you."

"I always need you," he murmured; "And you always take care of me…even when you don't realize that you're doing it. It's also not a terrible thing to want to feel needed…I like knowing that you still need me."

"I've never stopped needing you," Johanna whispered. "I've needed you every single day…and the thought of getting back home to you is the only thing that kept me going."

He tightened his hold on her, kissing the top of her head. "I know, sweetheart; and you made it back; that's all that matters."

"Only half way so far," she replied.

"We'll get you the rest of the way, I promise. I don't want to cause you any more problems with Katie today so I'll leave when I'm sure she's only a couple minutes away so you won't be alone very long. I'll do the same thing tomorrow."

"I'll miss having dinner with you," Johanna said quietly.

"We don't have to miss dinner together; I'll run out and get us some takeout later and we'll just eat early so we can eat together. It'll be nice for us to have dinner just the two of us."

"I'd like that," she replied; angling her head to look up at him.

"Then that's what we'll do. At least we'll have that much. How long are we grounded for?"

"I don't know; she only mentioned tonight and tomorrow night…but before getting specific she said you were going to spend a few nights at home so it's possibly more than the two nights mentioned."

Jim sighed deeply. "Is it too late to send her to the convent?"

"Yeah; I'm pretty sure she doesn't meet the requirements anymore," Johanna remarked.

"It's too bad we missed the boat on that one," he replied.

She sighed softly. "I just wish this could be over."

"I do too…but we'll get there," Jim promised.

"I hope so," she murmured; savoring the feel of him for another moment before she pulled away. "We better get up. I'll make you some breakfast."

"Jo?"

"Yeah?"

"I am sorry for causing you trouble this morning."

Johanna smiled at him. "No regrets, honey. I'll let you in any time you need me to…you're mine…I'd do anything for you."

"That's mutual," he told her. "And don't worry about Katie's threats; I'll never let anyone take you from me again."

She nodded although she knew there wasn't much he could do about it if Katie wanted to put her somewhere else. "I'll get breakfast started…at least we have a few more hours together before you have to go."

Kate huffed a little in annoyance as she laid her phone down and started her car early that afternoon.

"What's wrong?" Castle asked. "You've been…shall we say, on edge more than usual today."

"My mother isn't speaking to me today," she replied. "She's not answering my calls; she sends a snarky text instead."

"Then isn't she in essence talking to you?" he asked.

"Logically, yes," she admitted. "But technically since she's not using her actual voice, she feels as though she's not speaking to me…she's just being a little bit of a bitch today."

"Kate!"

"Well it's the truth!" she exclaimed as she pulled out into traffic.

"Are we going over there?"

"No; I'll give her time to think up her witty text reply," Kate remarked. "We won't be far away if I need to swing by."

"What are the two of you fighting about? I thought you were doing pretty well lately."

"Yeah; we were…but I jumped her case this morning because I saw her sneaking Dad in at two a.m. this morning."

Castle's eyes widened. "She snuck him in!?"

"Yes! I sent him home; he's been there the last three nights. I told him he needed to spend a few nights at home. I've told him a thousand times that he has to keep up appearances, but does he listen? No. She sneaks him in last night."

"Why?"

Kate shot him a quick glance. "She claims because he couldn't sleep…I'm not buying it."

"Then what do you think the reason was?"

"What do you think, Castle?"

He laughed a little. "You think she snuck him in for an after hours rendezvous?"

"Of course I think that! You don't just sneak into someone's place in the middle of the night to sleep next to them…you sneak in to do everything else with them. I'm not stupid. Besides, I saw them kissing at the door; he didn't look like he was suffering from sleep deprivation or the backache that she also threw in during the story too."

"Backache?" he repeated. "A drive across town would probably aggravate that."

"Exactly; they think I'm stupid. I know how they are; they never could keep their hands off of each other and now that the flame has been completely rekindled so to speak, they just can't stay away from each other."

"Well, they do have a lot of time to make up for."

"Yeah; well they can do that while I'm at work; not at two in the morning!" she exclaimed. "I have rules for a reason and that reason is for her safety but she doesn't get that, all she wants to do is yell that he's her husband, he needed her and she'll open the door anytime he wants in whether I like it or not."

Her phone chimed before he could respond and she blew out a breath. "Check that for me, Castle; it's probably her."

Castle picked up the phone. "It says the message is from 'M'."

"That's her."

"M?" he repeated. "Why 'M'?"

"Because I can't program it as Mom or Mother right now when someone could see my phone. I can't see myself programming it as Johanna either…which also wouldn't be a great move. I'm not going to call her Meagan like the FBI so 'M' it is. Open the smart ass message that awaits me and read it to me."

"Okay then," Castle replied as he opened the message. "All's well; the biker gang I invited to brunch just left. I gave one of them your number; I know how fond you are of bad decisions wrapped in leather."

"Oh, that is low," Kate exclaimed with a laugh as she stopped for a light. "Give me the phone."

He handed her the phone and watched as she hit the number, bringing the phone to ear and listening to the line ring until the call dumped to voice mail. "At least I didn't pick up my mistakes at frat parties at Columbia," she stated before hanging up.

"Are you two going to do that to each other all day?" Castle asked.

"Probably," she said with a nod as her phone chimed again. "Read that."

"It says 'Of course you didn't pick up your mistakes at frat parties; you never found a guy who could get into one."

Kate laughed. "I'd call her on that one but I feel like it's probably true."

"Why don't the two of you just work it out instead of having a little war?" Castle asked.

"Because I'm mad at her!" she exclaimed; "And I have a right to be mad at her!"

"I don't think these swipes at each other via text and voicemail are going to help."

"It's not going to hurt either," she replied. "It's just how we deal…you should've seen the first message she sent."

"What did it say?"

"Don't bother me I'm in the midst of my sex addiction that you think I have."

"She said that!" Castle exclaimed.

"Yeah, she did…I thought about going home and slapping her but then I remembered she's my mother and I can't do that. I'd like to but I can't…so I texted her back and told her to make sure she wasn't on my couch or she'd have to buy me a new one."

"What did she say to that?"

"Nothing. The second time I called she sent a text saying she was still there and waiting for her parole to come through."

"And you're okay with that?"

"As long as she answering one way or another, I'm fine," Kate replied. "I'm mad at her and she's mad at me…this is just what we do."

"Is this really the time for it though?" he asked. "I mean in the way of not answering calls and giving snarky texts? She was told to answer when you call."

"She is."

"Yeah; but what you're arguing about in the first place is that she broke the rules…and it seems like she's still breaking them by texting instead of answering."

"I know…and she knows it too…but like I said; she's mad, Castle. Snarky texts are all she has in her arsenal right now…it's not like she can do much. Dad's with her and there's a unit on the building. She's fine…she's just trying not to speak to me…it's my punishment for calling her out this morning. Just like when she told me to make my own breakfast before she stormed out of the kitchen. She's just trying to punish me…what she doesn't realize is that I'm punished enough being her chaperone when it comes to her and her husband. I tell them the rules; they claim to understand the rules and last night they broke them; she's got to deal with it; that's all there is to it."

"The rules are set for her own good," Castle agreed as she found a parking space near the company where they needed to question a few witnesses.

"That's right, they are…and when they quit thinking about what they want, they'll realize that. Until then she can be pissed all she wants, it's not going to change anything. Dad can't stay with her every night; he knows it, she knows it. If they can't abide by that then I won't let him spend the night any time while she's with me. They think they're still the boss…they're not; I'm the boss now and they can't handle it."

"Did you tell your mother that you're the boss?" Castle asked.

"Yes, I did."

He nodded. "I understand the snarky messages better now."

Kate glanced at him. "What, you're on her side now?"

"No!" he hurriedly exclaimed; "She was wrong to open the door that late at night when you were presumably in your room and unaware for the most part. She was definitely in the wrong…but I also know how quickly you go into cop mode."

"Yeah; because I have to!" she exclaimed. "If I don't; they'll do what the hell they want and none of us can afford that. When this case is over and she's out of my apartment; they can do as they please all day and all night, I don't care…but for now things have to be done my way and that's all there is to it."

"I understand that," he said slowly; "But maybe you can make a compromise of sorts."

"What kind of compromise?"

"Well, I know you have your Dad stay if there's a chance you're going to be called out at night but what if you have a little schedule in place for when that's not a possibility? Maybe he could stay Monday, Wednesday and Friday nights; and the other four nights he has to stay home."

"I guess we could try that but he might not like not having a night on the weekend."

"Okay so give him Sunday night but he has to stay home during the day on Sunday; at least until dinner time if you're not working," Castle suggested.

"He usually does stay away for part of the days on the weekend if I'm not working…so I guess I could suggest it when things cool off. I know they want to be together but he has to do what he normally does as much as possible. I know he doesn't like it but it's for the best."

"I know and I agree," Castle replied; "You'll get it worked out…and hey, we'll get this case settled and then they can go have their love fest in their own home."

She smiled. "We're all looking forward to that day…especially me…because I'm afraid one day I'm going to walk in on it and I just don't think I can handle it."

He laughed. "I don't blame you for that…but maybe this thing today will clear up faster if you go in with a softer less cop like touch later."

"I'll think about," Kate replied. "For now we have work to do. I'll have to deal with them later."

"If we want to have dinner together before I have to leave, I better go pick something up for us," Jim remarked late that afternoon as he reluctantly pulled away from his wife who had been cuddled against his side as they watched a movie together.

Johanna checked the time. "Yeah; I guess you should…I wish I could just go with you and eat wherever you're going."

"I know…I wish you could too. I wish I could just take you home."

"Me too…I keep trying to picture the day getting closer…but it only feels further away."

"It'll get here," he said quietly. "Maybe not as quickly as any of us would like but eventually it'll get here. I'm looking forward to it just as much as you are."

"I know," she murmured. "I can't wait to be back in our home doing all the things I used to do…taking care of you…just being with you."

"We'll get there," he said quietly, brushing his knuckles against her cheek before kissing her softly. "I know that when you do get home, we'll both sleep a lot better."

Johanna smiled. "That's true…and we won't need anyone's permission to do it."

Jim laughed. "Yeah; that's going to be the highlight."

Her fingers curled around his wrist, stopping him from rising from the sofa. "Are you going to stop at the house while you're out?"

"I can if there's something there you want," he replied. "I could go ahead and take the mail in. Is there something you want me to bring you?"

"No, something I want you to take with you," she said as she got up from the sofa.

Puzzlement furrowed Jim's brow as he watched his wife move in the direction of the bedroom. He wasn't sure what she'd want him to take home…besides her…and he wasn't sure he could tell her no if she reappeared with shoes on and purse in hand. That would be a supreme test of his willpower…and he wasn't sure he could pass that test. He heard her footsteps in the hallway and then she once again appeared in his line of vision…still barefoot…no purse; but some piece of material in her hands and a small shopping bag that he had brought her new bottle of lotion in that she had him pick up a few days before. "What do you have?" he asked her.

"This," she said, showing him her soft purple pajama top that had been lying on top of her laundry bag.

"You want me to take home your pajama top?" he asked. "Why?"

"Because it smells like me," she said softly as she met his gaze. "I thought maybe if you put it on my side of the bed…then maybe the bed would smell a little like me and you'd sleep a little better when you can't be here."

A soft smile touched his lips, warmth spreading through him as he rose from the sofa and kissed her. "That might help," he said quietly, his arm slipping around her waist. "Are you sure you can spare it?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I've got plenty…and besides; sometimes I wear your shirts…and lay on your pillow because it smells like you."

"Fair trade then," he murmured, his lips brushing across her brow.

Johanna smiled at him and shoved the shirt into the small bag. "I thought it would be best for you to take it while Katie isn't around…you know how she is."

"Oh yeah, I know," he said as he accepted the bag. "Thank you, sweetheart."

"It's not much but it's the best I can do for now," she said quietly.

"It's everything," Jim replied. "I might know something else that will help us both but we'll talk about that when I come back, okay?"

"Okay," she said, her hand rubbing against his chest. "Be careful."

"I promise. I'll be back as fast as I can and we'll have a nice dinner together and hope that she works over," he said lightly. "Will you be okay alone for a little while?"

"I'll be fine," Johanna promised, stealing a kiss.

"Alright; lock the door and I'll be right back."

"I'll be waiting," she promised.

It was nearing five when Jim rose from his place at the table. "I guess I better get ready to go; Katie didn't call to say she'd be working over today."

"I know," Johanna replied with a frown as she glanced at the time on her phone and then laid it down.

"Do you have the hang of it?" he asked with a nod at her phone where they downloaded the Skype app.

"Yes; I understand it on both the phone and the laptop."

"Good," he said with a smile. "Tonight we'll see how it does when we're not sitting in the same building."

"It's a date…so to speak," Johanna replied with a laugh as she gazed up at him. "The things we have to do, huh?"

He nodded. "Yeah…but they usually turn out to be worth it…like a wild ride through Maryland fleeing a bar fight late at night. That turned out alright, didn't it?"

"Yeah," she said softly as she rose from her chair and drifted toward him. "It was perfect."

His hand curled around hers. "It was; it was fun too…all of it."

"We did have a lot of fun."

"We'll have fun again," he promised. "And we won't even need to buy an answering machine since they built voicemail right into the cellphones."

Johanna laughed. "True," she said before her voice turned softer. "But how is the reception at our secret spot up at the cabin?"

"Not very good," Jim admitted. "But maybe that's a plus."

"Most definitely," Johanna replied, slipping her arms around him. "Because I wouldn't want any interruptions there if we revisited a fond memory."

"We'll put that on our agenda," he said before capturing her lips in a kiss. "I still remember the song…do you?"

She nodded. "These Eyes by the Guess Who. I have it on my phone…I have every song that ever meant anything to us on my phone," she admitted. "They took everything from me that they could take…but they couldn't take my memories…and they couldn't take the songs that bring them all back just like it was yesterday…I've got them all…I had to rebuild the soundtrack by recollecting them through the years but I've got them all" she murmured.

He kissed her tenderly. "Maybe we'll add some new ones when this is all over."

"We always do," she smiled, her hand moving against his chest in her usual caress whenever he was near enough to touch. "I wish you didn't have to go tonight…I wish you didn't have to go any night."

"I know; I feel the same way," Jim replied. "I'd fight her on it but I don't want to cause any more problems for you so I won't. Come and lock the door," he said, taking her hand and tugging her along with him. "If I don't go here in a minute I won't go at all."

Her heart ached; hating that he had to leave her behind…it wasn't how it was supposed to be. Every goodbye bruised her…her heart knowing she was supposed to be where he was…supposed to go with him and yet she was held in place because of someone else's sins…because cases didn't come together in a matter of moments. Patience wasn't one of her best virtues…it was Jim's even less…except for when it came to her it seemed. He'd wait for her…just like always…and it made her love him all the more.

"What are you thinking about?" Jim asked as they paused at the door.

"You," she said as she cupped his cheek.

"What about me?"

"How much I love you…how I'm glad you always wait for me…no matter how long."

"I'll always wait for you, Jo," he said with conviction. "No matter what…I'll always be waiting for you at the end of the day…just like I know you always wait for me."

She moved into his arms, holding on to him tightly. "Never doubt that."

"I don't," he promised before pulling back to kiss her goodbye. "I love you."

"I love you too; be careful getting home."

"I'll let you know I got there," Jim replied. "And we'll try out the Skype thing tonight…it's our way of beating the system."

She grinned. "Yes, it is…we've outsmarted her."

"We always find a way, sweetheart," he remarked. "I hope she won't give you too hard of a time this evening."

Johanna shook her head. "Once I lock the door, I'm going to my room and staying there. I'm not having a repeat of this morning."

"Good plan. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"You better," she said lightly; easing the moment for them both.

"You have my word," Jim said as he unlocked the door. "I'll see you online tonight and in person tomorrow."

"I'll be waiting," she replied, accepting one last kiss. "Go before I don't let you."

"Lock the door," he told her as he stepped outside.

She gave him a smile, holding back the surge of emotion she felt as she closed the door and put the locks in place.

Jim sighed deeply as he heard the locks click into place and then he forced himself to walk away. Out of everything there was to hate about this situation, saying goodbye whenever he had to leave was the part he hated the most. It wasn't easy to leave the woman you loved behind, he thought to himself as he got on the elevator. After all, that was one of his main reasons for proposing barely six months after they started dating…he didn't like being away from her. He just wanted to be where she was; fall asleep with her, wake up with her. Simple things that he had taken for granted at times through the years…he had had plenty of time to regret those moments. He'd had a lot of time to regret a lot of things…to think about things he wished he had done differently. He'd give anything to just take her home and live normally again. But that day wasn't here yet, he mused as the elevator stopped and he stepped off, heading for the door of the building.

He was halfway to his car when he noticed that his daughter was heading toward him, a determined look on her face. "Don't worry, Katie; I'm leaving and I won't be back until tomorrow," he said before she could even speak.

"I didn't say you couldn't stay for dinner," Kate remarked.

"We already ate."

"You ate without me!?" she asked.

"Yes; I went out and got us some food so we could eat together before I left."

"I didn't say you had to leave as soon as I got home."

"I figured it was better that way," Jim replied. "But just to set the record straight with you so you can get off your mother's back; she didn't call me…I called her and woke her up last night. I couldn't sleep…it's not a new problem but sometimes it's one that's harder to deal with than usual. It wasn't about sex; that didn't even enter the equation, not that it's any of your business if it had. You might think it's the only reason to get up in the middle of the night and go to someone but it's not, Katie. We've always snuck into each other's apartments late at night we were dating…it's not new for us; it's just an old habit. My back did hurt; that's where I've always carried my stress and she knows that; you might not but my wife does."

Kate controlled the urge to roll her eyes. "Fine; the reason was innocent…but that still doesn't make it right. I have rules for a reason, Dad; and you said you understood them."

"I do," he retorted. "But sometimes they're meant to be bent...just like sometimes we bent the rules for you despite our better judgment and trusted you with whatever decision you had made. We're not stupid, Katie. We're not teenagers who can't control themselves. We're not just trying to get something over on you. I just needed her last night and that's all there was to it…and I'm not sorry for needing her. I won't apologize for needing her. I won't apologize for coming over here to be with her…because it's what I needed and sometimes I just have to do something for myself. I wasn't careless; I made sure there wasn't anyone around before I texted her that it was safe to unlock the door. She didn't release the chain lock until she had peeked out and made sure it was me and I was alone. As soon as I was inside, the locks were back in place. If you want to be mad, be mad at me; it was my idea not hers…don't punish her for loving me; she's been doing it most of her life now…it's too late to change."

"I'm not punishing her for loving you," his daughter remarked. "I'm mad at both of you for taking a stupid chance like that just because you couldn't sleep! If you need her to put you to sleep then call her on the phone and let her talk to you until dawn; you don't tell her to unlock that door. You'd think out of the two of you, you'd be the one with more sense in that respect. Believe me; I know she'd do anything you asked her to do; that's why I depend on you to have more sense. You're more logical than she is…she runs on emotion but you actually think…at least I thought so; I'm not so sure today."

"You don't get it," Jim said with a shake of his head. "Maybe one day when you're married you will but you don't understand."

"No, you don't understand. This isn't a game, Dad; you two can't just do whatever the hell you want," she replied sharply.

"I'm acutely aware of that," he shot back. "If I thought I could do what I wanted, she'd be in my car and we'd be on our way to parts unknown. I know you have a job to do. I know why you want things done a certain way and I think for the most part I've respected that, Katie. You don't have to make this a big deal…we're not your kids and we're not your suspects."

"No; but she is my job right now," Kate retorted. "I can't have either one of you making it more difficult just because you can't stand to be away from each other for five minutes. I get that you've been apart for a long time and you want to make up for it…but you'll do it by the rules while she's with me. You don't get to be the boss right now, Dad; I do. When the day comes that I can load her into your car and wave you off into the sunset, you can retake the reins but for now it's me. I'm not trying to be mean but it's just the way that it is."

Jim breathed deeply; frustration filling him. "That's fine; you can be mean to me all you want, but let me tell you something, Katie; you don't threaten my wife."

"What do you mean threaten?!" she exclaimed.

"Telling her you'll send her to a safe house where she won't be allowed to see me," he said angrily. "You don't threaten her like that. I won't stand for it…and I won't stand for you taking her away from me. If she would have to be moved, I go with her. I'm telling you that right now. You won't keep me from her; you can wave your badge at me all you want but she's my wife and I won't be kept away…so don't you throw that at her again. Your problem is with me today; not her."

"I'm pretty sure it's with both of you," she replied. "But it's good to know you're both taking it seriously like I intended. I'm not going to stand here and argue with you all evening. You do have to keep up appearances and you can't sneak in at two in the morning no matter which one of you can't sleep; I'm sorry but that's how it is."

"Don't worry; it won't happen again," he said firmly. "I'll be back tomorrow at my usual time and I'll leave when you get home and go keep up my appearances. Your mother is her room behaving like a nice houseguest so don't start on her again as soon as you go in."

"I won't say a word to her," Kate remarked. "She thinks the silent treatment punishes me; it doesn't. I also won't be punished by making my own dinner and watching my TV by myself in my living room. It might be nice for a change."

"We know you're tired of us being here, Katie. We're tired too."

"Oh I don't know; doesn't really seem like it to me...the only thing you're tired of is not being able to walk on me."

"Nobody's walking on you!" Jim exclaimed.

"Yeah; because I don't let you," she retorted; "If I did; we'd probably be living at your house; and I'm telling you right now that's not going to happen. I know you two are sick of things, you don't like the rules and whatever else there is; well I'm sick of it too. I'll be very glad to have this all over with so I can have my life back and do what I want when I want, work permitting, and to have my home back…because let's remember that I left home quite some time ago and now I feel like I'm right back to living with my parents and it's not a feeling I enjoy all the time."

Jim stared at her for a long moment; words bubbling up within him to remind her that it hadn't been Johanna's idea to be placed with her. She hadn't wanted to be there in their daughter's home anymore than Kate had wanted her to be there. She hadn't even unpacked until he had forced her to do it. It wasn't their ideal either…none of this was. He didn't blame either one of them for being fed up with the whole thing; there was a lot to be fed up with…it was hard for any of them to have the life they wanted at the moment. He breathed deeply and swallowed back all the words; it wasn't worth it. He'd make himself scarce when his daughter was home for a few days and he'd suggest to Johanna later that maybe she should do the same. He didn't like the thought of her being confined to one room the majority of the time that their daughter was around but at least Katie would have some space.

"I'm sorry, Katie," he told her. "If I would've known that you were going to find out about last night, I wouldn't have come over. The last thing I want to do is cause more problems for your mother. I won't stay at night unless you need me to because of being on call at work."

She gave an exasperated huff of annoyance. "I didn't say you couldn't stay at all."

"I know…but we are in your way and I understand that. It's not a good arrangement for any of us but there isn't much I can do about any of it except try to take one person off your plate and that's me. I'm here with her in the daytime; I don't need to hang around once your home…and you're usually here on weekends so I could just stay home unless you're called out. It would give you some space back…and I'm sure if you told your mother that you'd like to be alone for awhile, she'd stay in the guest room and read…because the last thing she wants is to be in your way more than she has to be. She'd understand. I understand so I know she will."

Aggravation gnawed at Kate. "Why do you have to be this way? Why can't I ever just say something without you taking it all the way around the bases?"

Jim released a heavy breath. "Katie; I'm just telling you that I understand how you feel and that we can try to make it easier."

"No, you're just trying to make me feel guilty."

He shook his head. "No, that wasn't my intention at all. I was just trying to make it better with the limited options that I have. The only other thing you can do is ask your Captain to put her somewhere else…but if you decide to do that, I want there to be a condition that says that I go with her because I'm not going to have her be somewhere where she's alone and scared all the time; she's had enough of that. I want to be sent with her…I can tell people I'm going on a long vacation; no one will think anything of it."

"Dad, just go home and come back tomorrow like you always do," she said in exasperation. "She's not going anywhere and neither are you. You can't sneak in anymore; okay? Just follow the damn rules and we can all co-exist peacefully, okay?"

He gave a nod and walked away, not trusting himself to say anything further; after all, what could he say? She didn't understand why he had done what he did…and she didn't seem to want his apology, so what was left? Nothing, he figured; there wasn't anything left to do but to leave and hope that things would sort themselves out in the long run.

Kate watched her father drive away, anger and frustration still filling her despite the fact that she had been trying to let the issue go all day…but she couldn't…it had opened up a well of irritation that refused to be soothed. She hated this…not just the constant threat and worry; the stress of trying to solve this case…but also the loss of personal space. If her parents thought they were the only ones put out by the living arrangements, they were severely mistaken. Her mother was there by necessity, which was fine; it couldn't be helped…especially since Gates had ordered it…but still; her home wasn't her own anymore and it was hard to deal with some days…especially when her parents wanted to sneak around in the middle of the night just for the sake of being in the same room together.

She couldn't speak of it much, because as her father had demonstrated, he took everything all the way around the bases instead of just listening and being quiet. No; he had to run with it…a trait of his that had always annoyed her she thought to herself as she made her way into the building. It was no wonder her parents were a match made in heaven. It wasn't right that they wanted to be mad at her when they were the ones who had broken the rules in the first place. She was the one who should be mad…and she was mad, whether they liked it or not.

Kate held onto that anger as she rode the elevator to her floor and got off, marching down the hallway and shoving her key into the lock and opening the door. She shut it and relocked it, tossing her keys on the stand. The living room was void of her mother as she had figured it would be and so she stormed off to the guest room, pushing the door with more force than she meant to, making the doorknob smack against the wall as the door flew open. It startled Johanna who dropped the things she had in her hands in an attempt to reorganize the top of the cluttered dresser.

"God, Katie; you scared the hell out of me," Johanna exclaimed, her hand pressing against her heart. "You didn't need to storm in here like that."

"It's my apartment, I'll storm in any room I please," Kate remarked.

"Yeah; well, it just cost me what was left of my perfume," her mother said as she looked down at the broken perfume bottle and the liquid spreading across the hardwood floor. She hurriedly grabbed a shirt from her laundry basket and used it to mop up the liquid and then she began to gather up the glass, laying the pieces on the shirt. "You didn't have to scare me like that."

"Yeah; like you didn't have to sneak Dad in last night but you did anyway," her daughter retorted; "And while I found your snarky little texts today amusing; I'm still pissed off at you for last night…at both of you. It was a stupid thing to do and you both know it but you want to get mad at me for something you did! I know you two don't like playing by my rules but that's too damn bad because I'm the one in charge. Do you think I'm enjoying this!? You're not the only one who doesn't have privacy and space. You're not the only ones who can't just get up and do what they want. I can't either. You seem to forget at times that this is my place, not yours; I say what goes on here and if you want to be mad about it; so be it but it doesn't change anything. If you think eating dinner without me hurts my feelings, you're wrong. If you think giving me the silent treatment and staying in your room like Dad alluded to you doing when I ran into him outside is going to hurt my feelings, you're wrong. I'll be very happy to make my own dinner, watch my TV in my living room while drinking my wine alone. It's not going to hurt me a bit…in fact I'm going to enjoy it. So go ahead and be mad at me all you want because you're still the one who was wrong and I'm not going to apologize for telling you so."

"I didn't ask you to apologize," Johanna replied. "I just asked you to understand…but you don't and I can't make you. I'm not angry at you because you're pissed off that I let my husband in last night. I'm angry because you treat me like a stupid teenager. I'm not your kid; you're not my mother…sometimes you seem to forget that. As for this being your home, I'm well aware of the fact that it's yours and not mine…I'm also aware of the fact that I didn't ask to be here…something else you may have forgotten. I know I'm in your way, I don't like it anymore than you do. If you don't want me in the room with you, all you ever have to do is say you want some time alone; I'll stay in here and respect what you need. So if you think you hurt my feelings by stating the obvious, you're mistaken. Now if we're done with our lecture; I'm going to clean up this glass and throw this shirt in the laundry room. I'm going to grab a drink from the fridge and come back in here and let you be for the rest of the evening so we can all have some space…because you're not the only one who sometimes wishes for some time alone."

"Fine, then we'll both be very happy being in separate rooms for the evening," Kate said as she turned and headed to her own room to dump her purse on the dresser and to change clothes. She listened to the sound of her mother's footsteps heading for the kitchen and she sighed a little; somehow she thought she'd feel better after getting a few things off her chest…but she didn't. She hated when that happened.

That night, Johanna changed into her pajamas and turned on the dim lamp on the dresser so she could turn off the brighter lamp on the nightstand that would cast a glare on the screen of her laptop. She and Katie hadn't spoken all evening; she had kept her word about leaving her alone and had stayed in the guest room, straying no further than the bathroom when she did step outside the door. It had been a long night but she had passed the time reading and trading a few texts with Jim. Now it was time to try out Skype so that they could feel like they were together for a little while before they tried to get some sleep. She settled into bed and opened her laptop, clicking on the new icon on her screen and following the steps Jim had taught her. She was behind the loop on the Skype thing; she never had any reason to use it but apparently Jim had picked it up at work. She was glad for it as he appeared on her screen a moment later, making her smile.

"Hey, sweetheart," Jim said; a smile of his own crossing his lips.

"Hey," she said softly. "Can you hear me okay? I don't want to be too loud and disturb my landlord."

He gave a quiet laugh. "I can hear you just fine. How are things there?"

Johanna breathed deeply. "Quiet. How are you?"

"I'm okay," he told her. "I'm glad we can do this though."

"Me too."

"Has she talked to you since getting home?" her husband asked.

"Just what I told you about…I've stayed in here all night. I figure it's the least I can do."

He nodded. "I told her I'll make myself scarce when she's home. It's all I know to do. I don't want to overstay my welcome…even though it means less time with you."

"It's okay," she replied. "We have to do what we have to do; it's not her fault."

"I know…I'm just not sure she believes that we know that."

Johanna brushed a lock of hair back from her face. "I still don't regret letting you in…I know she wants me to say I was wrong…but I can't this time."

"I can't either," he admitted. "But I won't ask you to do it again. I feel bad about upsetting things between the two of you. I never wanted to cause that."

"I know you didn't…and it was bound to happen anyway. The pressure builds up and it has to come out somehow…we haven't fought in awhile; we've been sticking to our deal we made…but I knew it would happen eventually. We're all stressed and tired…it's why she's making it a bigger thing than it really was…she was just due for something to set her off. It's okay, I can take it."

"It's still my fault," Jim replied. "I'm sorry for that…but not for needing to be with you last night."

She smiled. "I don't ever want you to be sorry for that."

"I couldn't be even if you wanted me to," he remarked. "Even with this I still miss you."

Johanna nodded. "I miss you too. You left your shirt here that you were wearing when you got here last night."

"I know…I thought you might want to borrow it."

A smile touched her lips, her fingertips brushing against the neck of the soft grey shirt she was wearing. "It does look very nice with the black pajama pants you bought me."

He chuckled quietly. "It looks good on you…but then again, everything does."

"Can you do something for me tomorrow?" she asked.

"Anything; what do you need?"

"Can you get me a bottle of my perfume?" Johanna asked. "I was trying to reorganize things and I dropped my bottle of perfume…it shattered. There wasn't much left in it but the whole room smells like it now…I'd like to crack the window to air it out but I don't dare do that."

"No, you can't do that…it has to stay locked," Jim agreed. "But I'll get you a new bottle tomorrow on my way over."

"Thank you. I'll pay you back."

Jim shook his head. "No, you won't so don't even try it. You're my wife; I'll provide for you."

"I'll have to scrub the floor in here tomorrow to get some of the scent out of the room," she replied; allowing the topic of payment to pass.

"Do you need furniture moved? I'll help you."

"No; it didn't make its way under the dresser…but you can stand in the doorway and keep me company," she said with a grin.

"I can do that; much easier on the back," he quipped.

"Speaking of your back; how does it feel tonight?" she asked.

"It feels alright…you haven't lost your touch."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"You might be too good at it," Jim said lightly. "I'm looking forward to the next backache just so you can give me a massage."

She laughed softly. "You could just ask for one."

"I could; but it's better when you're taking pity on me."

"That does it for you, huh?"

"It doesn't hurt," he laughed.

Johanna shook her head but a grin remained on her lips. "It's too bad we didn't have this in the seventies…we could've had fun with this."

"Yeah; you could've just clicked me off instead of slamming the phone down on me when you were mad," he teased.

She sighed wistfully, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "That's one thing I hate about cellphones; you're deprived of the satisfaction of slamming the phone down on someone."

Jim nodded. "Cellphones were probably invented by someone who got the phone slammed down in their ear a lot."

"That could be. Things sure have changed, haven't they?"

"Yeah…everything but you and me, sweetheart."

"Thank God for that."

"I do; every day…right after I thank him for bringing you home to me," Jim replied.

Tears filled her eyes. "I thank him for the fact that you still love me despite it all."

"Nothing can change that," Jim assured.

She breathed deeply. "I miss you."

"I miss you too."

The door of the guest room opened and Johanna flinched. "What are you doing?" Kate asked as she moved into the room.

"Nothing," she stated. "Why?"

"I heard voices," her daughter replied.

"Maybe you should see a doctor about that," Johanna remarked.

"Mother," Kate sighed.

"You said he couldn't spend the night…you didn't say I couldn't talk to him online," she replied.

Kate moved closer, glancing at the screen of the laptop and seeing her father's image there. She rolled her eyes, they just couldn't help themselves.

"Are online chats not allowed?" Johanna asked cautiously. "You haven't mentioned anything so we didn't think it would be a problem but if it is, just tell me and I'll uninstall the software."

"I guess it won't hurt anything," Kate replied. "It's better than you sneaking him in in the middle of the night."

Johanna's eyes closed as she sighed deeply. "I'm never going to hear the end of that."

"Makes me wish we would've done something more worthwhile last night," Jim commented.

His wife nodded. "Yeah; then I'd have something to think about while I'm being reminded of my misdeeds."

Kate breathed deeply and exhaled. "Okay, look; I'm sorry about yelling at you when I got home…but I was annoyed with both of you."

"Now you know how we've felt since you turned fourteen," Jim commented.

"Dad; not now," she replied. "I get to be annoyed this time and you two get to take it."

"I think we have been," Johanna said. "I was trying to be quiet though…I'm sorry if I disturbed you…and I don't mean that in a smart ass way."

"You didn't disturb me; I was in the hallway and could hear murmurings."

"Are you going to bed?" Johanna asked.

"Yes; in a minute," her daughter replied. "I'm still mad about what you did; you were both wrong…but I handled it badly…so we're just going to say that we were all wrong and we're going to get over it. No more sneaking around…and I'll try to be more understanding of your need to be together…but, Dad; you're still home tomorrow night. So are we good now?"

"Yeah," Johanna said cautiously.

"You don't sound so sure of it," Kate replied.

"Can I have him back the night after tomorrow?"

Kate sighed deeply. "Yes; for the sake of my sanity and so we can all sleep peacefully without worrying about who is lonely, who can't sleep and who's concocting a new plan to slip in undetected; he can stay…not every night; but he can come back that night. Now are we good?"

"Yeah, we're good," Johanna told her. "Sweet dreams."

"Dad; are you good now?" Kate asked as she looked at the screen.

"I'm good," he said; afraid to say anything more.

"Good. I'm going to bed," she replied; "And tomorrow we're just going to pretend like this whole thing didn't happen because we have enough problems and we don't need to add to them."

"Okay," Johanna said. "Do you feel better?"

"No," Kate replied. "I sat in my living room by myself intending to enjoy it and I was bored without you…I hope you're happy."

She smiled. "I love you too."

"Yeah; love me enough to answer the phone tomorrow…people think our snarky text messages and voicemails aren't healthy."

"I don't recall us asking anyone's opinion," Johanna remarked.

"It was kind of unsolicited," Kate replied. "I'll leave you to your chat now and I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Katie," she said as her daughter headed for the door.

"Goodnight…I'll replace your perfume since it's my fault you broke it."

"It's already taken care of; don't worry about it," her mother told her. "We'll do better, Katie."

"I know," she replied before slipping out the door and pulling it shut behind her.

Johanna's gaze returned to her screen. "I didn't expect that," she murmured.

"Me neither," Jim replied. "I guess we're getting un-grounded early."

A soft laugh slipped across her lips. "We better play it safe tomorrow just in case there's a chance of that changing…I want you back here beside me sooner rather than later."

"Agreed, sweetheart," he told her before sighing a little. "We should probably switch back to texting if we want to talk more tonight…I don't think we want to risk keeping her awake with any murmurings she might hear."

"Yeah; you're probably right about that…but at least now we know we have this as an option."

"That's right, we do. I'm going to go get ready for bed…I'll text you in a little bit."

"Alright," she replied. "I love you."

"I love you too," Jim told her.

They ended their chat and Johanna turned off her laptop. She got up and put it back in its usual place on the dresser and then returned to her bed, grabbing her phone and slipping under the covers. She pulled Jim's pillow close and breathed in his scent; that familiar longing for him filling her. She had gotten used to that feeling through the years…but it never got any easier.

Jim entered his bedroom with a deep sigh after he had finished getting ready for bed. He had plenty of experience with climbing into that bed alone. He had learned through the years that some nights were easier than others. Last night had been one of those ones that was harder to deal with than usual…but at least this time he had better options of solving the problem. In the past it had been drinking until his mind was hazy and easily persuaded into sleep where his dreams were full of the woman he longed for. There were home movies where he could hear her voice…see her in motion…there were memories…but none of them were an adequate replacement for what he had been missing. Now things were different…still difficult but different, he thought as he pulled back the covers and then grabbed the remote from the nightstand and clicked on the television…a habit of Johanna's he had acquired through the years. Last night he had the better option of being able to seek out his wife; the privilege of touching her, seeing her…holding her close during the night.

Another sigh crossed his lips as he settled into his place, his better options had gotten them in trouble with their daughter though…which made him feel like he was seventeen again, too old to be really punished but still getting yelled at anyway. It wasn't a feeling a married man in his early sixties relished; but he liked loneliness and separation even less so in the end it had been worth it, he figured.

He wished he could do the same thing he had done last night but that was out of the question. Johanna was home…but they still had separations to bear until she could move back into their home. He ached a little as he looked at the empty place next to him; he couldn't wait until she filled that space one more. The pang of longing spread across his heart and he reached out and picked up the purple pajama top she had sent home with him. Jim smiled a little as his fingertips rubbed against the soft fabric; there wasn't much she could do about the current situation but she always tried to do something, he thought to himself as he brought the shirt to his face and breathed deeply, inhaling her scent before he carefully laid the garment on her pillow where the light mixture of her scent and her soap would be easy to smell when he turned toward her side of the bed.

Emotion tugged at him, making him remember those first weeks without her when he had kept the last nightgown she had worn tucked under her pillow so that he could slide his hand under it and feel the smooth silk that she had loved so much. He swallowed hard; it wasn't like that now…she'd come home this time; maybe not as soon as they wanted but she'd get there…she had to; he wouldn't accept anything less. With that thought in mind, he reached for his phone and tapped out a text to his wife. "Still awake?"

"Of course," Johanna wrote back. "I was waiting for you."

"It took longer than expected," Jim replied. "I found a work email I had to take care of…can't have them thinking I've taken leave of my senses; at least not until I can tell them that that's what my wife does to me."

"Sure, blame the wife," she answered and he could imagine her smile as she wrote the words.

"Like you've never played blame the husband."

"Only once or twice.

"Probably more than that," he remarked.

"Maybe. Are you okay tonight?" Johanna asked.

Jim smiled a little at the screen even though he knew she couldn't see him. She worried about him…she always had; even over a simple thing like missing her despite seeing her a few hours before. "I'm fine, sweetheart. I miss you like always but I'm alright. I've got your shirt here next to me on your pillow. It'll be better when you're here and in the shirt but at least it smells like you."

"It was all I could think of to help a little."

"It does," he assured. "What about you; are you okay?"

"As okay as I can be, honey."

"What exactly does that mean?" Jim asked.

"It means that the nights are always longer when we're apart. They've been the bane of my existence for thirteen years. It's not as bad now that I can see you and talk to you…but the nights are still long and lonely when we're not together."

"I know," he replied. "I feel the same way. I have to talk myself out of coming back over there all the time…except for last night…and now we're grounded."

"See, it's a good thing we didn't know each other in high school. You would've talked me into sneaking out and I would've been in trouble all the time," Johanna replied.

"We probably would've ran away and got married."

"My father would've killed you and sent me away to live with a relative."

Jim laughed quietly. "If I survived his attempt; I would've found you and we would've gotten married for sure just to show them all."

"That's why it's probably a good thing we met after law school."

"Probably…at least for our parents sake."

"If nothing else. What do you want for breakfast in the morning?"

"Just you."

"Am I on the menu?" she asked.

"Right at the top," he quipped. "As for food, I'm fine with anything you make."

"I miss that little diner that was near your apartment," Johanna wrote. "They served good breakfast."

"I know; it was a sad day when they closed…but I know another place where they serve a pretty good breakfast and you can get it to go. I could pick up an order in the morning so you can try it."

"You already treated me to dinner tonight."

"So? I'll treat you to breakfast tomorrow. They have hashbrowns…I know you'll like them."

"Okay, you've convinced me," she replied. "Now we have our morning planned."

"I found that old answering machine tape," Jim told her. "I have a tape player too…you want to give it a listen tomorrow for old time's sake?"

"I would love that…and I'll make us something special for dinner."

"Sounds like a good plan…we just have to get through the night to get to it," he remarked.

"Just think happy thoughts, honey."

"Let's pick one we can both think about as we try to go to sleep," he replied.

"What kind would you like?" Johanna asked.

Jim thought for a moment. "Something before we became parents."

"Those are some of our favorite times."

"I know…we've got a goldmine there; not that we don't have a goldmine after Katie…it's just different."

"I know," she assured; "A happy thought that comes to mind is when we were engaged and we were tired and stressed from work and wedding planning so we took a long weekend because Bridget said we could housesit for her. We took off and didn't tell anyone where we were going. It was so peaceful…we went to the beach every day we were there."

"I remember. It was like a little pre-honeymoon."

"It was; it was summertime…the weather was nice; no one was bothering us…it was just you and me. We had that big house all to ourselves."

Jim smiled; the memory filling his mind. "That was a good time."

"Then let's think about that and have happy thoughts," Johanna responded. "If you close your eyes and only think of that; it'll be easy to go to sleep."

"Are you going to think about it too?"

"Yes; so I'll be seeing you in dreamland."

"That should hold us over until morning," he replied. "Sweet dreams, sweetheart."

"They always are when they're of you. I love you, Jim."

"I love you too," he told her before he clicked off the lamp and laid his phone on the nightstand. He drew the covers up over him, turning on his side and pulling her pillow closer so he could smell her scent on her shirt as he closed his eyes; allowing his mind to take him back to the happy thoughts she had reminded him of…of simpler times where their biggest worry had been being overstressed by work and wedding plans…and how they had let it all go for a weekend and played in the sand. A small smile touched his lips as the images filled his mind; tonight they would dream…and tomorrow he'd be with her again.