A/N: This is from chapter 36; Johanna's first evening back in her own home after Kate and Rick leave.

Chapter 14- Cautious Relief

After Kate and Rick left, Jim turned the lock on the door handle and put the chain lock in place; while reminding himself that he had already made sure the backdoor was locked earlier…but he headed for the kitchen anyway to double check. It wasn't unusual; he always locked the doors; he wasn't out of touch with reality, he knew it was a dangerous world outside of anyone's home…but now he had to make sure more than once. He had to be even more cautious than usual…because his wife was tucked away upstairs in their bed. His heart thudded against his ribs, another wave of relief washing over him.

Johanna was home.

She was home…and she could stay…after thirteen years of separation, months of careful rebuilding and reconciling while danger lurked in every corner, he had her back. He closed his eyes, his hand resting against the white wooden doorframe for a moment. She was home, this time for good. For the millionth time since Jeff had dropped them off late that afternoon, he thanked God. His mind swam with the number of things he had to do to get her settled in. Katie had brought her a few things but they'd need to get the rest of her clothes and belongings moved home. They'd need to go to the store so she could stock the kitchen with all the things she liked to have on hand for cooking and baking; she knew more about fresh spices and herbs than he ever could; not to mention all the various things she used in her baking. He had already moved her mixing bowls and baking dishes back down on the lower shelves in the cupboard; a move he knew she'd appreciate.

He had already bought some things for her in anticipation of her, at that point, unknown date of her homecoming…and maybe he had bought them with the belief that if he did so, she'd have to come home eventually to use them. He had her soap and shampoo, lotions, makeup, razors, deodorant, perfume. It hadn't been easy to sneak around making notes of the brands and scents of everything she used, but he had done it and she'd find her drawer in the bathroom fully stocked. He had also bought her a new hairdryer, picking up on her hints that hers was nearly done for. At least things were ready for her in that area…but she needed her stuff from Katie's as well; after all, he hadn't caught sight of Johanna's purse when Kate brought in the overnight bag and he wondered if she had thought to grab her mother's reading glasses…he had a feeling that she hadn't.

They'd need to notify family before Johanna's existence became public knowledge. They'd need to find out what to do to reinstate her identity, because he couldn't imagine her wanting to keep the name the government had given her…and he sure as hell didn't want her to keep that name either. The thought of Bracken's future trial made him wonder if he should have one of his friends on standby in case they'd need a lawyer for some reason…it might look better if he didn't represent them himself if the need came up. Hopefully it wouldn't come up…but the part of his brain that functioned solely as an attorney reminded himself that it was always a possibility.

Jim shook his head. He was getting ahead of himself. There would be plenty of time for notifications, disentanglements and worries about legalities. All that mattered right now was the fact that she was home; that she was upstairs in their bed…most likely watching TV since he'd had it on while he sat up there with her while she was asleep. There were more important things to tend to; his wife needed to eat, she had to be hungry by now; she probably needed a drink too. She needed to be held and loved and tended to…and maybe that wasn't just for her…maybe it was for him too. The remnants of fear he had felt that morning were still stirring in his soul. He needed to hold her, love her, fuss over her, tend to her. It was still sinking in that she was really there to stay, that he could go to sleep with her every night and wake up with her every morning. He was still worried; he knew it wasn't completely over yet; that the months to come could be hard; that they'd all be moving into a different frame of healing and adjustments. But those thoughts could wait as well. For tonight they'd just concentrate on feeding, holding, loving, fussing, comforting and anything else that came with that neighborhood.

Jim moved away from the back door; grabbing a juice glass from the cupboard and then going to the fridge to grab a soda. He poured some of the soda in a glass and then headed for the stairs to take it to his wife.

When he entered the bedroom, Jim found Johanna curled up on her side of the bed, her fingers tracing a pattern on the empty space next to her. He sat the glass down on the nightstand and then perched on the side of the bed, his fingers reaching out and skimming along the curve of her face as a small smile touched his lips. "Hey," he murmured.

Johanna returned his smile, affection shining in her eyes. "Hey," she replied softly.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

She breathed deeply. "I feel a lot of things," she answered; her voice still quiet, as if she was afraid to disturb the atmosphere around them.

"Good or bad?"

Johanna gave a slight shake of her head. "I don't think any of them could be classified as bad necessarily."

"Then what is it?"

"Mostly relief," she replied. "Profound relief…and freedom…like I can finally breathe again. I feel happy to be here in my own home with my husband…alone…without a time limit; but it feels strange too."

"Strange?"

She nodded. "Like it hasn't sunk in yet that it isn't a dream…because I've had so many of these dreams and it's like a part of me keeps wanting to pinch myself to be sure I'm really awake because it's hard to believe that I finally made it back here. It's strange to think that I don't have to leave…and believe me; I have no desire to ever leave this house again. But it's a little strange…not in a bad way…just in a, needs to sink in way."

Jim gave her an understanding smile and patted her hip. "I understand, sweetheart; and it'll sink in by morning, I'm sure. You'll feel better once you've gotten to move around the house a little like you did when you were here for our anniversary."

"Maybe I won't feel like a guest this time," Johanna said softly, lightness touching her eyes. "I can't wait to feel settled in…to enjoy my house again."

"I'm looking forward to you getting settled in too…it's going to be so good to see you here every day…just like I've wanted for so long."

Tears filled her eyes and instinct had him reaching for her, lifting her from her spot and enfolding her in his arms. "It's alright, sweetheart," he murmured. "Everything's going to be alright."

"I'm still afraid," she whispered tearfully. "I'm afraid something will come along and take it all away from me just as I've gotten my hand wrapped around it again. I don't ever want to go through this again…I…"

"Shhh," he soothed as he rocked her gently. "No one is ever taking you from me again," he said quietly, his tone firm and full of conviction. "I'm never going to let anyone hurt you again. You're home and you're safe and we're going to get back to our lives and it's all going to be fine. You'll see…no one is ever taking you away again. I won't allow it."

"Promise?" his wife asked tearfully as held on to him tightly.

"I promise. This nightmare you've been living…we've been living, is over. We got through the hard part and now we'll get through whatever comes next; but I can promise you, Johanna; you're never going away again, not without me. Don't you worry about that; I'll take care of you."

"You always do," she murmured. "All I could think about this morning was you; how this was all I wanted and I was sure I'd never have it again."

"But you do," he told her; the memory of her message on his voicemail still haunting him, making his heart squeeze with the fear he had felt and he held her tighter in response. "It all worked out and now you're here with me just like you wanted…like we both wanted; and that's all that matters."

"I love you so much."

"I love you too," Jim replied before reluctantly releasing her to wipe away the tears on her cheeks. "Here, I brought you a drink," he said as he grabbed the glass from the stand.

"Thank you," she said, accepting the glass. "I need one but I hadn't convinced myself to get out of bed yet."

"I can't blame you for that," he remarked as she drank down the cold soda and handed the glass back to him. "How about dinner? Are you hungry?"

Johanna gave a slight nod. "A little."

"What would you like?"

She shrugged. "Something simple…my stomach is still upset."

"That's probably because you haven't ate all day and of course your nerves are probably stretched to the limit today."

"I know; it's a combination of a lot of things," she replied as she tried to stifle a yawn.

He caressed her face. "You're still tired."

"A little," she admitted. "It's not as bad as it was.

"You'll feel better in the morning; but you need to eat before you think about going back to bed. How about soup?" he asked; the option the only one that came to mind. He didn't know what to make for her, most of the things he knew how to cook were somewhat greasy and wouldn't be agreeable to her upset stomach.

"That sounds good," Johanna replied sincerely; figuring it would soothe her stomach and maybe even warm her up since she felt so cold due to her nerves.

"What kind?"

"Do we have tomato soup?" she asked.

Jim smiled. "Yeah; we have that, sweetheart; although I still don't understand how you like it and not tomatoes themselves."

"It's not something that can be explained," his wife said with a soft laugh.

"Do you want anything else with your soup?"

She thought for a moment. "Can I have a grilled cheese sandwich with it? You haven't made me one of those in a long time…I always liked yours best; you always make them just the way I like them."

He caught her lips in a soft kiss. "I will make you a grilled cheese; just the way you like it…which if I'm not mistaken, you learned from Angie; provolone cheese and toasted just right; not too light and nowhere near dark."

"You remember," she said as she wrapped him in another hug.

"I remember everything," Jim remarked as his forehead fell against hers. "I'll go get dinner started and you can get up and move around a bit; do whatever you want to do."

Johanna smiled a little; she had a feeling she was a little out of practice at doing what she wanted without asking permission or having a chaperone. It would take time, she knew that…but she was already anxious to be rid of that awkward feeling of being in her own home. She was so relieved to be there…but like she had told Jim, it felt a little strange too. She reluctantly tossed back the covers and slipped out of the bed as Jim rose from where he had been sitting. "I'm going to go wash my face," she told him softly, feeling his gaze on her.

"I told you that you can do whatever you want," he replied, a small understanding smile on his lips.

"I know," she answered, her hand wrapping around his as they made their way to the doorway. "I want to walk around and get used to being home but I think I might wait until tomorrow."

"There's nothing wrong with that; you're tired and it's been a long day."

Johanna glanced at him; the real reason spilling from her lips. "I just don't want to be too far from you right now…even if we are under the same roof," she murmured. "It probably sounds crazy, doesn't it?"

They paused outside the bathroom door; his fingers giving hers a reassuring squeeze. "No; it doesn't sound crazy," he assured. "I don't want you out of my sight for too long either. We've been through a lot today and even though the threat is gone, there's still fear…it's just going to take some time for it to go away. You go ahead and go wash your face. I'll go get dinner started; come down when you're ready…but you sit at the table, I'm running the show tonight," he told her with a grin.

A smile slid across her lips and lit up her eyes. "And it's not even a holiday or anniversary."

He pressed a kiss against her forehead as he laughed softly. "Maybe we'll classify this day as a holiday…the food won't show it but we'll say it's a holiday none the less."

"It doesn't matter what we eat as long as I'm with you."

Jim smiled. "I feel the same way. I'll see you downstairs."

Johanna nodded, giving his hand one more squeeze before she released it and slipped into the bathroom, pushing the door shut behind her as she flipped on the light. She moved to the sink and looked into the mirror just as she had that morning in the coffee shop…weariness was still present in her features but she noted that her eyes didn't hold that look of hopelessness now. They looked tired but they were lighter, a sense of peace and relief soothing away the storm clouds she had seen lingering in her eyes that morning when she had stared at her reflection. She took a breath as she turned on the water; it wasn't over, she knew that…but it was over enough at the moment…she was home, her husband was downstairs making dinner for her and her daughter was safe. The world was starting to right itself, Johanna thought as she picked up the soap to wash her face; and it was long past time for it to do so.