Emilia was in disbelief as the little spirit said that this shelf was filled with her contractor's books. It must be a joke right? There's no way that Subaru would've died. And If so, there's no way for him to return back from the dead to only die again. Such an idea was absurd and morbid.

"A-Are you sure Beatrice..?" The half-elf stuttered. 'There has to be a mistake right? Right!?' She thought as sweat now freely goes down from her forehead.

"It's undeniable I suppose." Beatrice confirms, much to Emilia's dismay. It too was nerve racking for the little spirit, and somehow she still maintains her composure.

"It is written in his homeland's texts I suppose." Beatrice added.

Emilia's form was shaking. She couldn't believe it, she doesn't want to believe it.

"You're lying." Emilia refuted the little spirit.

"Huh?"

"You're lying! You're lying, you're lying!" Emilia yelled, getting louder every time she repeated the phrase.

"Subaru couldn't have died!" Emilia yelled in denial, she was now leaking out tears freely at the thought of Subaru dying several times.

"Calm down I suppose!" Beatrice yelled back to the wailing candidate, but to no avail.

"I've seen some of it I suppose!" Beatrice yelled at the still wailing candidate who had now stopped.

"Wha..What?" Emilia asks in between her sniffles.

"I've seen some of his books, in fact!" Beatrice responded, further confirming that she saw what had transpired in these books.

Emilia, with blurry vision, then looks at Beatrice, then Beatrice points to a pile of books behind her. There were 5 books in that pile.

"I've seen it with my own two eyes, in fact!"

"What did you sa-" Emilia gets cut off as she was asking.

"His deaths!" Beatrice replied, her voice full of pain and agony.

"The great hare, the bowel hunter, even Bubby!" Yelled the spirit who was now crying as well. Her vision gets blurry as she cries.

Emilia, hearing Puck's name, was left to utter shock. There's no way he could've killed him, more so, there's no way Subaru had died because he's still with them. This must be a dream. No, a nightmare. Yes, it must have to be a nightmare, right? Right!?

"If you don't believe me, you could read one I suppose." Beatrice said, as if she was daring the half-elf to open one of those books.

"When..?" Emilia asks.

"'When' What I wonder?"

"When have you read those..?" Emilia asks, as she was pertaining to the books Beatrice had read.

"When you were talking with the knights and the old butler in fact." Beatrice answers, but as Emilia was about to ask another question, Beatrice immediately replies.

"I read it in a separate space I suppose, as I wanted to read them in private, and in turn while I was in that space, everyone else here was frozen in time in fact." She explains, to which confused the half-elf, as she never felt the world stopping when Beatrice said when she did it.

Nonetheless, the half-elf was now on her decision. Will she read one of those books, and see the truth? Or will she still deny Beatrice's claims.

Without hesitating, she randomly grabs a book from the shelf. Little did she know, it was a book where Subaru had died when he was still held captive for being suspected as a witch cultist from before. This loop was heartbreaking for a normal person, but for Subaru, it is as if it was just another day of encountering and waiting for death.

As she hesitates to open it, she thought about Subaru. His smile, was it all real, or just an act in front of her? She wants to know the truth, she wishes to know the truth, she needs to know the truth.

And so, as Subaru is watching them from the castle of dreams being held back by the witches, the boy who was pleading for Emilia not to read the book. Emilia opens the book and the next thing she knows, she passes out. She was now going to experience every hardship Subaru had faced.

"I am not a witch cultist!"

"Repulsive scum!"

"Why..?"

"Just free me already!"

"I- I don't know how to cure Crusch…"

"Wrong answer."

"Tell me, clutist, how to reverse gluttony's effects."

Some montages of memory from one of Subaru's hellish loops while he was held captive by Felix and Julius played as Emilia journeys into Subaru's book of the dead. This book was his 20th death in this hellish loop. Twenty out of a hundred. Truly Subaru suffered so much after facing this loop a hundred times.

Different interactions, same results. Denial or silence, truth or lies, it didn't spare him. Fate was utterly cruel to this poor young boy.

'What's this?' Emilia asks as everything flashes around her. She was confused with what's happening right now as she flashes through Subaru's memories.

And as these memories flashed before her eyes, it suddenly stopped. She was not a spectator. She is the one experiencing these memories now, from Subaru's perspective.

Currently, they are laying on the floor, sideways. It was wet, and stains of blood could be seen.

Emilia groans as she opens her eyes. "W-What happened?" She said as she could feel pain from her head. It was too painful and she wanted to scream but she couldn't.

Now Subaru grunted as light hit his eyes.

"S-Subaru?" Emilia asks as she tries to call out to him. But she fails to realize that she is in Subaru's perspective.

Then they started to hear a door opening, one eye shifting to see what was happening.

"Wait, am I seeing this through Subaru?" Emilia utters to herself as she now realizes what was happening. But right now, she is paying close attention to what's happening.

"Well, well, well, look who's just waking up, nyah." The person said as he entered the cell.

Emilia hearing those words now realizes the owner of the voice. It was that damned healer of a knight. Felix, Felix Argyle.

"F-Felix!?" Emilia stutters out, but she then notices that he didn't hear her. "Can you hear me!?" She shouted, but still he didn't hear her.

"I guess no one can hear me…" She utters, realizing everything she just uttered was only heard by herself in this space.

Subaru grunts in pain as he tries to fix his position to get a better view of this quote on quote, "knight". Only to be stopped as the knight places a foot on his stomach, shoving his boot deep into his stomach.

Subaru screams in pain, in which Emilia too screams in pain. She is merely a spectator in this world, yet she feels the pain of the owner of the Book of the dead she opened. And now that she felt that pain, she too was now screaming in pain.

"AGGH!" Emilia yelled as the gesture was so painful. As she screams in pain, she glares at the knight. If she isn't some spectator in this world, she could've killed him off.

"Nyow, tell me, cultist, how do I cure Crusch-sama?" He asks, rage and hatred clear in his tone.

"What..?" Emilia asks as she was still recovering from the pain. "Is this what you experienced when we had thrown you aside..?" She utters, guilt filling her being.

"I-I don't know how…" Subaru manages to respond with an answer. But he is clearly struggling to even utter a word as it seems pain comes along as he speaks.

"Wrong answer nyah." Felix said as he lowered himself down, holding a palm out in front of Subaru's face.

Subaru's breathing hitched as he knew what was going to happen. Emilia on the other hand was kind of confused.

"W-What are you doing!?" She asked as she was not liking where this was going.

And as she finished her question, a huge surge of pain in Subaru nerves started to make its presence known. Subaru was thrown back because of the pain thanks to his reflexes. And it is not only Subaru who has experienced that pain.

Emilia too has now felt the pain and she grits her teeth in response. If she had a physical body in this space, blood would've come out of her mouth as she grits her teeth in pain.

"-GHK!" She grunts in pain as she was not used to experiencing such pain in her life.

Subaru pants as the pain had subsided. He then fixes his gaze at Felix who was still emitting an aura of pure hatred, anger, rage and disgust. He clearly has the intent of killing with his aura. It terrified Subaru as he was in Felix's presence.

"Now let me ask you again." Felix said as he now unsheathed his sword, threatening for more aggressive action against Subaru.

Emilia's nonexistent eyes grew wide as she saw Felix unsheathe his sword. Worry and fear rising Felix went closer and closer, she doesn't know what to do, she can only watch what's happening in front of her.

Even though it was just a memory from the past, Emilia felt fear and anxiousness. She wants to get out of this situation. She is desperate to get out of this hell hole. But the only thing she can do is watch. Watch Felix come closer and closer. If she was the one in control right now, she'd back up to the nearest wall as fast as she can as she is not about to get hurt by Felix once more.

"Answer me correctly this time." Felix said, his usual tone was gone and replaced with a menacing one. Now he has a murderous grin, and a murderous aura forming as he was inches away from them.

Emilia sweat drops, as Subaru starts to panic. Kneeling and bowing his head before the healer of a knight.

"Please! I'm telling the truth! I don't know-" Before he could even finish, he gets kicked hard onto the wall once more. Emilia is also feeling the pain and now screaming. She couldn't bear this any longer. She wanted to get out of this, yet the book isn't finished letting her see the past struggles that Subaru had to go through.

Emilia was now crying in pain from that experience, she couldn't hold it in any longer, she wanted to get out, she wanted to leave.

"Wrong answer, nyah." Felix utters as he now chokes Subaru, also affecting Emilia's breathing.

Emilia now struggles to think as she was getting strangled also by Felix. She feels like she'll die any moment from now thanks to Felix's grip on Subaru's throat.

Then Felix lets go of Subaru, making him gasp for air. This was only just the beginning of his torture for today.

"You know, it makes me sad that I have to use this against nyah." Felix utters as he now pulls out some kind of metallic equipment, Emilia couldn't make anything of it, since her vision was blurry. She could only hope that it isn't some kind of torture device that would be used on them.

And so the memory played on, with Felix continuing to torture them, nothing new as Felix harras and abused Subaru for answers. Meanwhile Emilia also felt the pain Subaru had experienced. She can't believe that Beatrice had made it through so many books without losing her sanity.

After a short time, Felix brought out the oil. Burning hot oil. This will be excruciatingly painful not only for Subaru, but for Emilia as well. By the time this was done, they would be begging to be saved from the situation they are in as the pain was so great that you'd prefer to die rather than live through this.

"Here's your bath Subaru-kyun." Felix said with a sadistic smile as he poured the hot oil over the boy's body.

"AGH! AAAAAA!" These were the painful screeches that came out from Subaru and Emilia. For both of them, they were crying so much.

Now instead of one short tease of hot oil, no. It was literally a bath worth of hot oil. After finishing pouring oil onto his body, Felix just heals him up again, to the point he'd exhaust everything just to save him from dying.

"Still going strong huh? Let's see about that tomorrow again." Felix said as he was done healing Subaru, glaring back at him. Meanwhile Subaru was panting for air, he looked out of his iron-bar windows to see what time it was.

"It's only about to be afternoon!?" Emilia said in disbelief as they saw the light coming into the window. She now fears what's about to happen next.

But then she could hear something open, not a door this time, but a hatch.

"Here!" Yelled a guard. "Eat up!" He said as he slid in a bowl of food. It was nothing like normal food though, as it looked like it was made from trash. It's your cliche prison food.

By simply looking at it, Emilia felt her gut feel weird to the point she felt like she was about to puke. She wanted to look away but Subaru was looking at it.

But then she saw that Subaru was willing to eat such food. It was painful for her to witness this.

"Subaru! No, no, no! Don't eat that!" She tried to tell him, but he couldn't hear her, as she was just recalling these moments, and that she is not an existing being for Subaru.

He then proceeds to eat the bowl of food like an animal, starved for nearly a week. Emilia didn't want to witness this, what had happened to him because of her. She didn't want to see Subaru stooping so low just for survival, she didn't want to see her knight like this.

But the book made it so that she'll witness it, no matter what. She'll witness every single event of his life in this life. And she will be a crying mess later on after witnessing all of this.

Some time passed by and it was the middle of the afternoon and Subaru was in his cell. Anticipating for what was to come.

Then memories of Beatrice and Emilia go on in his head, but for Emilia she didn't see those. Only Subaru was the one who can remember them and then he proceeds crying. He was sobbing his eyes out and Emilia heard his cries.

"Su-Subaru!? What's wrong!?" Emilia asks out of concern, but she was unheard. Her concerns were in vain as Subaru continued to sob.

"WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME BEHIND, BEAKO!?" He wails as he now drops to the floor, face first. "I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA MAKE UP FOR THAT FOUR HUNDRED YEARS OF YOU BEING ALONE!?" He continues sobbing, the immense sadness and sorrow could be felt for anyone who knew him.

But for Emilia, she could do nothing but sob also to Subaru's pain. She didn't want this to happen to her knight. She was going to repay him for everything he had done. She was going to make it up to him.

"I'm sorry." She utters in between her sobs. "I'm sorry."

Then, the door went open once more, Subaru stopped crying as he looked at who it was. Emilia too stopped sobbing and went to see who was next, and they both saw it was Julius.

"Now, it looks like Felix didn't persuade you yet either." Julius said as he closed the door. "You know, it's a shame that you wouldn't cooperate with us." He sighs.

Subaru, looking like he saw death with his own two eyes, backs up to the wall once more as fast as he can. Emilia already experienced what Felix could do, but she doesn't want to experience Julius' brand of pain.

"Trying to back up to the wall wouldn't help you, cultist." Julius said with utter disgust in his voice.

But then Subaru went and held Julius' feet, then began begging.

"Pl-please Julius! I-I'm not a cultist! I am Emilia's knight!" Subaru begs, tears forming in his eyes, his vision gets blurry.

"Insolence!" Julius replied, kicking Subaru as hard as he could onto the wall. "No cultist is a knight of a Royal Candidate!"

"Agh!" Subaru grunted in pain, and so too Emilia.

"Now, answer me properly, cultist." Julius said, a grim look in his face, that shows hatred and the intent to murder coldly.

He then grabs Subaru by his collar and picks him up. Subaru tried to escape his grasp but to no avail.

"Now, tell me, how do you reverse gluttony's effects?" Julius asks Subaru, who was struggling to breathe due to Julius' grasp.

"J-Julius!" Emilia yelled but she was not heard as Julius didn't bother to drop Subaru down.

"Not going to answer huh?" Julius said as he was getting annoyed by the silence.

"Tch." He then smashes Subaru's body into a wooden table next to them. The table was destroyed, and the legs of it were the only recognizable parts of it.

"Agh!" Subaru once again grunts in pain. He has several scratches thanks to the debris and the splinters caused by the wooden table getting destroyed. He then looks up at Julius who was holding a sharp dismembered leg of the table, to which Subaru caught on what was about to happen.

"Now answer, or get tortured, cultist." Julius said with all spite aimed at Subaru. Subaru was now profusely leaking tears as he didn't want to experience this again.

"Hm? Not gonna answer? Shame." Was all Julius said before stabbing the leg into Subaru. It delved deep into Subaru, to which the young boy screamed in pain.

Once Julius pulled it out, he was holding his stab wound, he held it to try stop the bleeding, and also the fact that it hurts.

"Still not answering?" Julius asks.

"Wa-Wai-" Subaru gets cut off, and is replaced with another scream of pain as Julius stabs him again. All the while, Emilia was feeling every pain inflicted on Subaru.

"S-Stop!" Emilia yelled. "Please!" She added, but still no one heard her.

Julius then calls Felix back in and asked him to heal Subaru once more, and after healing the young man, all kinds of torture happened to him. From stabbing, to drowning him in water, to making him drink hot oil.

All of those things made Emilia realize something. She was completely oblivious of what had happened to her knight. This was not the only book of the dead he had. She had failed him so many times. And that made her want to cry so much of how a failure she was.

The torture continued on until evening, the last evening of this hellish nightmare.

It was now night and the lights were out, Subaru was staring blankly at the ceiling.

"I wish…" He utters. "I wish everything would go back to the way they used to be…"

Hearing that made Emilia feel like a piece of shit. She really wants to comfort her knight right now, but she can't.

"I promise Subaru, I'll make it up to you…" She utters, but then she feels something. "Huh?"

Then a huge surge of pain was felt by Subaru and Emilia at the same time. Subaru grunts again in pain and so does Emilia.

"Well, this is a failed loop again…" He utters.

"Wait! No, no no! Subaru!" Emilia said as she heard what he just said. "Please! I'll be coming back! Please hold on!" She begs Subaru who was clearly giving up. Then one of his eyelids had closed.

"Yup, I need to do better next time." He utters.

"Don't worry Subaru-kun, you'll be doing just fine." Another voice enters the conversation.

"Huh!?" Emilia was alarmed by the voice. It was the same as hers. "Who was that!?"

Then she felt her cheek, getting cupped by someone, and so does Subaru, to which Subaru looks to his left. And there he saw the Witch of Envy.

"I'm sorry for putting you in this position." Satellla said as she had tears in her eyes.

Emilia couldn't believe what she was witnessing. The witch, with her knight…?

"But for now, it's your time to rest, my beloved." Satella said, managing to give a smile to him even though she was now crying.

"He-Her beloved!?" Emilia yelled in disbelief of what she had heard.

And with that, Subaru's last eyelid had closed, and Emilia felt that sensation again, that sensation when she first opened the book.

"Wait! No!" She yelled, but it was too late. The world has collapsed, and space has been fractured. She was now returning back out.

And with this, the trip to the past was done, and Emilia will now bear these memories in her mind. A painful reminder of how useless she was to Subaru.

A/N: Author here, apologizing for this late ass update. And sorry if it seemed so rushed. We will be returning to revise these chapters soon, but for now here is the new chapter. Now time to rest again and then work on the other fics. See you all soon!

-Stranger