Chapter 5: ITS PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME And more!
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Ikari: Rei I am very proud of you smiles
Rei: blushes
Ikari: Now take off your clothes.
Rei: I will do as you wish.
both on bed
Ikari bouncing up and down rei
Rei: ugghh ughhh! more! more!
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Kaji and Shinji sleeping
Kaji slips into Shinji's sleeping bag; Shinji blushes
Shinji: K-K-Kaji.. what are you doing kaji?
Kaji: kisses shinji shh.. don't tell misato..
Shinji: But kaji.. im only a boy..
Kaji: A very special boy touches shinji's stomach and then his privates
Shinji: state of shocked excitement as his thing magically extends
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Shinji: In a banana suit ITS PENUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PENUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! Starts dancing around
Asuka: Where he at Where he at Where he at
Rei: There he go There he go There he go
Shinji: Peanut Butter Jelly Peanut Butter Jelly Peanut Butter Jelly
Misato: Peanut Butter Jelly Peanut Butter Jelly Peanut Butter Jelly with a base ball bat
From the Balcony outside
Kaji: Thats the last time I give them stuff from my private stash.
Gendou: No, no, Give them more! i wanna take a video of this!
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Asuka: Shinji, I realize you have issues with everything, so I am sorry for making fun of you, and you are a much better pilot than I am
Shinji: Hold on, can you say that louder?
Asuka: Yes says it louder
Shinji: Wait, speak into this hands her a bullhorn
Asuka: says it into the bullhorn
Shinji: Now read this into the tape recorder
Asuka: looks at the notecard Shinji Ikari is the sexiest man alive, the object of my sick fantasies, and also a way better Eva pilot than I will ever be...plus his feet smell like tofu and his breath can kill small animals
Shinji: HEY! I didn't write that!
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Shinji: Listen, I've had it with the namby-pamby sumbitch whining that's been going on here. We get to save the world every day and blow shit up for no good reason. If you think that's the best dam job on the planet, gimme a Hell yeah!
Rei: Enthusiastically. HELL YEAH!
Shinji: Someone throw me beer! Chugs it down, smashes it over his head. Now, I'm gonna go pump some iron and bang the bejeezus out of Asuka. Feel free to join me! Leaves, two middle fingers aloft and extended.
Gendo: Singing I feel pretty...oh so pretty...I feel pretty and witty and gaaay!
Kaworu: Pretty no...Gay no...well...maybe
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Kaji: Commander Ikari?
Gendo: Yes?
Kaji: I've noticed that you sit at your desk? like you're hiding something.
Geno: I can assure you i have nothing to hide.
Kaji: Walks away
Rei:pops out from under the desk Do you think he noticed me?
Gendo Did I say you could stop!
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
In the Elevator At NERV
Shinji: You'd make a great mother Rei.
Rei: Why don't you make me a mother. jumps on top of him
door opens
Nerv employee: sex fiends
OMG SUPER OMAKE TIME!
shinji: you'd make a great mother rei
rei: you embarass me
shinji: my mother makes me horny, fuck me rei!
they fuck in elevator
door opens and gendo walks in
ikari:what are you doing on my girl you bastard! goddam u boy u can fuck asuka, but keep off my whore-clone!
beats the shit out of shinji, then fucks rei in elevator
(hope you enjoyed another Installemtn of A Cruel Random Thesis, im still sorting out the problem of the omake but that will be under control later, cya next installment!)