(you guys need to join the AS boards immediatly...these guys are freaking genious's. Praise GARHUNT05 For this!)
Chapter 8: Asukas Experiment with Shinji.
Asuka: stop breathing it tickles me
Shinji: oh trust me if I breath in the right places tickling is a VERY good thing.
Asuka: Oh, and what places might those be?
Shinji: ...I don't know.
Asuka: Too bad.
Shinji: That's just what Kaji told me.
Asuka: Well, if HE told you that, there may be hope for you after all...
Shinji: I think I told me where, but I wasn't really paying attention.
Asuka: ...but there probably isn't.
Shinji: Weren't we about to do something?
Asuka: Yah, but I'm suddenly not in the mood.
Shinji: Oh, why not? Aren't you still bored?
Asuka: I've thought on it a bit, and I think this would be a bad idea.
Shinji: Good. Truth be told, I just accepted your challenge so you wouldn't think me a chicken. I am tired of you bothering me about stuff.
Asuka: So, you don't like me?
Shinji: No, I'm not really that into you.
Asuka: And why not? Aren't I pretty!
Shinji: You are majorly hot, there is no questioning that. You just aren't the one for me, you know?
Asuka: I would hope not. You are such a freaking looser...but you aren't thinking of the First, are you?
Shinji: Nope.
Asuka: Who then? Hikari? I just want you to know you have no chance. She's Toji's girl, or at least she wants to be.
Shinji: No...and when did this happen?
Asuka: ...well, it hasn't happened yet...
Shinji: Good.
Asuka: You should just forget I said anything.
Shinji: That's inevitable.
Asuka: So who is it, hmm? Misato? Akagi? Oh, do you have a thing for older women! Scandalous!
Shinji: No, it isn't that...I'm not into women...
Asuka: You are into little girls! You pedophile! I know why you like that Azumanga Daioh show so much now! Pervert! I can't believe I
know someone like you! And I was about to kiss you, too!
Shinji: NO! It isn't anything like that!
Asuka: Then what is it?
Shinji: ...Well...
Asuka: You aren't...funny...are you?
Shinji: ...No...at least, I don't think so...
Asuka: Hmm...
Shinji: I just don't know, OK?
Asuka: I hate mysteries! I am going to have to find out now...I know! I know how we can solve this mystery!
Shinji: How? You might think the basis of my misery was my problems with my father, but it really was...this issue. You think I haven't
been trying to figure it out for a long time now?
Asuka: Just follow me to my room...and bring some of Misato's beer...
Shinji: fine about to get the beer
Pen2: WARNING MINORS ARE ABOUT TO DRINK BEER PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM THE BEER!
Shinji: what are you going to do
Pen2: takes out Desert Eagle .50 what you think b!tch.
Asuka: ahh theres little pen2 aww he's so cute with his guntickles him
Pen2 no I was about to... stop stop, it tickles XD
Asuka: (wispering) grab the beer I'll meet you in my room
Shinji: oh ok
later
Shinji: OK, I am in your room, with beer. Now what?
Asuka: We are going to determine whether you are...funny...or not.
Shinji: Duh. Even I know that. But what exactaly are we going to do?
Asuka: If you wait just a minute, I will tell you!
Shinji: Fine.
Asuka: First, you are going to drink all those beers.
Shinji: What about you?
Asuka: I have to be perfectly cogent to be able to determine the results. Man, you're such an idiot.
Shinji: Oh...wait, I think I know where this is going...and I really like what I am thinking
Asuka: Wha...oh, no! None of that! Though I think we can tell you are strait now...
Shinji: Not really. I just can't get no satisfaction...
Asuka: ...
Shinji: Sorry. Lame.
Asuka: Totally.
Shinji: But it's true, though. I would go for anything at this point...been thinking earlier that I may take advantage of Misato's condition she is sure to be in when she gets back tonight...
Asuka: SHINJI!
Shinji: Yah...pretty pathetic...besides, I would hate to have Kaji's-
Asuka: Don't impign on Kaji's character like that!
Shinji: Sorry.
Asuka: Have you ever thought of, you know, "self love"?
Shinji: Yah, but it doesn't give me as much pleasure as it seems to give you...
Asuka:
Shinji: Not that I know, or anything...thin walls, I guess...
Asuka: Fine. I'll disregard your last statement...
Shinji: Thanks.
Asuka: Well, anyways, you are going to drink the beer. It should just be enough to get you drunk enough to let your true feelings out, but not so drunk that any and all inhibitions go away.
Shinji: That's pretty smart.
Asuka: Of course it is: I thought of it. Now, I have also informed Hikari of the situation-
Shinji: Urgh...did you have to?
Asuka: Yes. She has the access to the...experimental materials...and she wouldn't let me use them without knowing what, exactly, they were going to be used for. Besides, she won't tell anyone - she didn't become class president by blabbing about everyone's secrets.
Shinji: True enough. She never told anyone what I said about that one time...never mind. Anyhow, continue.
Asuka: So, Hikari's going to be coming over pretty soon - and she will be bringing Toji, too.
Shinji: Oh no! Toji can't stop blabbing if his life depended on it!
Asuka: Well, Hikari and I know about his access to...other stuff...and we need him. He'll keep quiet, trust me.
Shinji: ...All right.
Asuka: ...So, drink up!
Shinji: Aren't you going to tell me the rest of the plan?
Asuka: No - it would bias the results.
Shinji: OK...man, this stuff is aweful!
Asuka: I know it can't compare to the real stuff - from Germany - but it's all we got. Isn't it worth it to resolve the source of your emoness?
Shinji: You're right, as always.
Asuka: Of course. Now drink!
Shinji: How will I know when to stop?
Asuka: You won't. I will. Just trust me, all right?
Shinji: OK, I will.
Hikari: Hi, Asuka! I came as fast as I could!
Asuka: Thanks! I see that you brought the second stooge with you. Very good.
Toji: Why did you contact me so late? Couldn't this have waited 'till tomorrow?
Asuka: No. Misato's out tonight, and she'll be home all day tomorrow with a hangover. Wouldn't be able to do this then.
Toji: That's too bad...
Hikari: Stop your daydreaming, and get to work!
Toji: ...Allright...but what exactly am I going to be doing?
Asuka: Did you tell him about the situation?
Hikari: I told him what was neccessary for him to know at the time...I thought it would be too embarasing to Shinji if I told Toji too much.
Asuka: Your concern knows no bounds...really, that wasn't neccessary. Anyways, I don't want to have to explain it all again, so we'll just go with it.
Toji: Does it have something to do with...these things I brought?
Asuka: Maybe, if you did it right. Let me see them.
Toji: Hey! You're not supposed to know about those!
Asuka: I already do. Who do you think told Hikari to have you bring them, instead of just taking them herself?
Toji: OK...you better have a good reason, though. And I want them back...
Asuka: It is of the utmost importance to our drunk friend over there.
Toji: Drunk...Shinji!
Hikari: Was that really neccessary!
Asuka: Absolutely. Now, I want you to switch packages.
Toji: NO WAY!
Hikari: WHY!
Asuka: It is important. Trust me.
Toji: Fine...
Hikari: I'm trusting you...
Asuka: All right, now we can begin...SHINJI! Come here!
Shinji: What? Oh, hi you peoples!
Asuka: Now, Toji, Hikari, I want you both to undress to your underwear.
Toji: HELL NO! Not in front of you girls!
Hikari: This is totally inappropriate!
Asuka: Neither of you has anything to be embarassed about. Toji, you won't be showing me anything I haven't seen already, and Hikari,
Shinji won't likely remember in the morning - you two kind of distracted me, and I stopped his drinking a little late...and the two of you won't be saying anything to anybody, now will you? Besides, this is important.
Toji: Nope...
Hikari: No...
Asuka: Fine...now do it, starting with Hikari...now Toji...
Shinji: Hey Asuka, what you writin' there?
Asuka: I am taking notes on your reactions. Now watch Toji get undressed!
Shinji: OK...
Asuka: Good. Now, I want each of you to present the packages you have to Shinji.
Toji: WOAH! That's A LOT of yaoi, Hikari. More than all my porn collection put together...and you have more than that!
Hikari: Uh...
Asuka: Irrelevant! I always wanted to say that... Just do it, Toji.
Toji: Fine.
Asuka: Now Shinji, I want you to go through ALL of this, alternating between Toji's and Hikari's piles, and be honest with your reactions.
Shinji: What if I need to...you know..."wag the dog"?
Toji: Yah, me too...
Hikari: Me three...
Asuka: Ugh...well, the bathroom's right there, boys. And Hikari, control yourself!
Hikari: This is going to be a long night...
Asuka: All you have to do is sit there in your underwear and help Shinji look at porn! I have to watch you perverts and take notes! I'm the one who's going to be having the long night...
Toji: Well, it's all for Shinji's sake. Gotta help a friend in need...even if it involves gay porn...I never would have thought the class president...
Hikari: It's for Shinji's sake...
Asuka: All right then. We will go until Misato comes home. She's out drinking, so it will be a few hours yet. She'll likely be passed out
drunk, and Dr. Akagi will be carrying her in. She won't say anything, though. Just act casual. Now, let's begin...
---------------------------
Asuka: All right, we seem to be almost done. Misato'll be home any time now. Remember, act casual with Dr. Akagi-
Kaji: Hi kids! We're home!
Asuka: KAJI! CRAP!
Pen2: don't worry I'll handle this
Asuka: no don't shoot him
Pen2 he doesn't know I can talk so me talking will cause him to be knocked out fron shock.
meanwhile
Kaji: hmm misato looks like the kids are gone
Misato:but there shoes are still here
Kaji: well they might have gon to the store ore something all the slippers are missing
Misato: well ok then lets head to Asuka's room hers is always the cleanest
Asuka: Crap go pen2
pen2 rushes out
pen2: right now the kids are having a sleepover in Asuka's room and they were soo tired they are sleeping now so if you MUST do the nasty please be quiet
Kaji:you can talk wow Misato you do have strange roommates indeed.
Misato: but we have to be adventurous
Pen2 do it on the table then but like I said be very quiet.
Kaji: nah it is late as you said and I do not want to warp the kids minds so good night katsuragi
Misato:wait can I go over to your place
Kaji: if we go to my place we'll be there for a whole week and neither of us can do that with the frequent angel attacks and the fact you have kids now
Misato:well how about just the night I'm sure pen2 can watch over them until then
Pen2: can do
Misato: then let me say goodbye to them
Pen2 I think it would be best not to disturb them right now
Kaji: the penguin is right lets not and get on with the lovin' you know the more we talk here the less you'll get there.
they leave
Asuka: good save
Pen2: that'll be one of the STRAIGHT mags please
Toji: here have my dad's perfect 10
Pen2: thank you.
Asuka: now on with the Experiment...where's shinji
Shinji: on balcany wow hikari I never noticed how good you look in the moon light
hikari: Shinji that's a Chair
Toji: so it's settled Shinji love inanimate objects!
Asuka: Project completed!
(Phew! GARHUNT05 is a master! praise thy garhunt. Next up will be a Doujinshi parody heh. See yall later!