Im back again! LOL!10ne. heres a newer installment, A shinji Special!
Chapter 13: Shinji collection!
Shinji: (Looking at the mirror,talking to himself) hey Rukia your looking nice. Umm Hey Orhime would you like to get something to eat. Umm You know Yoruichi I've always loved cats
Asuka: Baka what are you doing?
Shinji: Well with BLEACH coming to AS and with the frequncy of crossovers here I want to be prepared when some of those hotties come over here.
Asuka: BAKA HOW DARE YOU FLIRT WITH WOMEN WHO ARE NOT ON OUR SHOW!
Shinji: You girls arn't biteing and I need some loving.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Asuka:It's not like you have anyone else do you
Misato: Rei
Rei: yes ma'am
Misato: smack Asuka
Rei: Yes ma'am smacks Asuka
Asuka: ow Smacks Rei
Rei: should I continue misato
Misato: go ahead
Rei: very well gets punche in the face
Asuka: never take your eys off your opponent!
cat fight ensues
Shinji: what is the purpose of this?
Misato: we have guests over and I wanted to entertain them.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Shinji: cookin is so fun, cooking is so fun, now its time to take a break and see what we have done!
Asuka: Have you been watching Azumanga daioh
Shinji: I have a thing for highschool girls so I can't help it!
Rei: So you are into older women then?
Shinji: I suppose.
Asuka: Do you think that makes you superior?
Shinji: Why? Because you like middle school girls?
Asuka: And what's so great about high school girls?
Shinji: Did you see Yumi and Sakaki?
Asuka: They were freakishly large!
Shinji: How so?
Rei: Japanese women are not nearly that big. It is totally unrealistic, especially since Sakaki is the most obviously Japanese one of the bunch.
Shinji: Yumi could be passed off as American or something.
Asuka: She sure looks like it.
Rei: How would you know, Asuka?
Asuka: My dad is American.
Rei: I didn't realize...
Asuka: Of course you didn't. You have never seen him.
Shinji: Don't you care, Rei?
Rei: Oh, don't even think about painting ME as the bad guy here. It was you being into high school girls that started this.
Shinji: Well...uh...at the beginning, they were just out of middle school...and apparently they were suprised by Sakaki's assets...so, uh...and you guys aren't exactly slouches in that department yourselves...and besides, you're the ones into middle school girls!
Asuka: What does that have to do with anything!
Rei: I never said I was...
Shinji: How can you stand in such high moral authority when you are pedophiles?
Rei: ...
Asuka: ...
Shinji: Don't have a snappy comback to that, do you?
Rei: That has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
Asuka: We ARE in middle school! We ARE children!
Shinji: So?
Asuka: ...
Rei: Hopeless.
Shinji: Is that so?
Rei: Besides, you know full well that we are already more well-endowed than most girls you will graduate with.
Asuka: Yah, you should count yourself lucky to know us so...intimately.
Rei: Especially me...
Shinji: Oh, there is no denying that.
Asuka: I know Hikari likes mine
Shinji: She has good taste.
Rei: ...This is weird.
Asuka: What?
Rei: Shinji, how could you go along with this so well? Don't you find it strange?
Shinji: I do. But it is way more hot than anything else, so I roll with it!
Asuka: What is so strange about it? We loved each other (in a more platonic sense, true), and when we saw that men weren't all that great - in fact, far from being hot like Hikari's sisters said it would be, Kaworu's...anatomical literature selection...was in fact rather disturbing - we decided to look in a different direction.
Shinji: Kaworu's stuff is pretty freaking weird...
Rei: How did you get Kaworu's stash? It's quite legendary among the older girls.
Asuka: I told you, Hikari's sisters had some of it (and it surpasses even the legend, trust me).
Shinji: Why did they have it?
Asuka: Apparently they and Kaworu have some sort of prior relationship for some reason, so he lets them borrow it.
Rei: How convienient.
Shinji: Indeed.
Asuka: However, Shinji's is WAY better.
Shinji: You know about it!
Asuka: It was quite...educational.
Shinji: I thought I hid it so well!
Asuka: Please. Didn't even have to look.
Shinji: On the one hand, it is very disturbing to know that both my friends and the class president know about it.
Rei: ...And on the other?
Shinji: There has to be another?
Asuka: DUH!
Shinji: Oh...uh...OH! On the other, it is very hot!
Rei: I see. WIll you two now...pleasure yourselves...together...to that...smut?
Shinji: Hmmm...sounds like a good idea.
Asuka: Or not. I don't want to see that. THAT'S the whole point!
Shinji: Oh...
Asuka: Besides...who needs pictures when I can have the real thing?
Rei: ...what do you mean?
Asuka: Let's just say the school showers and public baths are VERY nice...
Rei: That does explain your odd behaviour when we shower...OH MAN! Are you...doing that stuff...while we shower!
Asuka: You know full well I don't. You would have noticed it before.
Rei: I suppose I would...I do take some comfort in that you don't think of me that way...
Asuka: Who says I don't
Rei: ...Uhgg. It was bad enough that I knew Shinji gets off to me; now you too?
Shinji: You knew about that?
Rei: It is obvious to everyone with two eyes to have depth perception...
Shinji: You were NAKED! I was touching your BOOB! Anybody would be like that!
Rei: You tripped.
Shinji: That doesn't change the facts!
Asuka: When was this!
Rei: When I first moved in, Shinji came into my house when I was in the shower. I came out quite indecent - I wasn't expecting any company, and it was my house! - and then he gets all light-headed and trips onto me.
Asuka: I am jealous!
Shinji: It wasn't much of anything...
Asuka: I guess I will have to go to Rei's house more often if she walks around without clothes...
Rei: I may just change that...though I don't see why I should have to...it's my house, and there aren't even any windows. But I DO dress up for company - you know it.
Asuka: Yes, you did dress up - rather nicely, too, just for me...
Rei: Oh, why do you twist everything like that?
Asuka: It's hotter that way...
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
toji: ah look its Shinji the pimp
Shinji: me a pimp no way
Kenske but you do live with two fine females
Shinji: listne if I were a pimp I wouldn't be working for NERV
toji: what would you be doin'
Shinji: I'd be out on the street making sure my ho's be doing what they're supposed to be doin'.
Kenske: with a smirk and what is that?
Shinji: bring me the G's
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Shinji: "I was wondering,asuka...since i've saved alot of people lately and all and proven myself to pilot Eva...would you kinda..ya know...have sex with me?"
Asuka: "Oh Shinji you know i only have sex with men who are bigger then 5 year olds."
Toji: OH SNAP BUUUUUUUURNN!
Shinji: blinks
Rei: She was making fun of the small size of your penis.
Shinji: Yes, I gathered that. sigh
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Shinji: Welcome, to 60 raunchy, 50 stupid theater. Today i will tell a story backwards. This is what I said: Shut your fvcking face Gendo fvcker! and this is the chaos that ensued...
Gendo: I am the coolest motha' fucka ever!
Yui: Oh yes, you are!
Naoko: uh-huh
Ritsuko: Indeed
Rei: yup...
Shinji: Hellz no!
Naoto: YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!
Shinji: (in song, you know which one) Shut your fucking face Gendo fucker!
Yui: Im the only one fucking Gendo!
Ristuko: No, im fucking Gendo!
Rei: heh-heh
Shinji:Cat fight!
Gendo: Gigidy!
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
shinji:hey everyone! wanna have a threesome?
rei and asuka: sure why not? yeah, sound's good...
shinji: really? you're not gonna humilliate my manhood and make stupid comments about my penus?
rei: i've never seen it.
asuka: i seen it. it's huge. i just make him think it's small so his head gets even more fucked up.
rei: oh. that makes sence.
shinji: aww hell naw biznich! you deserve to be punishd!
rei: oh shiznit! biznichfight!
gendo: oh, finally! i haven't seen one of those in a while. who's fighting?
rei: your gizzay azz sun of yurz against the strangely manly asuka.
gendo:my money's on asuka
all of nerv: yup. yeah. he's right.
misato: peanuts! get your peanuts! eat peanuts as you see the most one-sided fight yo've evr seen!
later...
asuka: i'm gonna rip your ballz off!
shinji: oh yeah? well...well...i'm gonna rip YOUR ballz off!
everyone: BUUURN!
rei: oh snap!
gendo(in a black girl voice): oh no he din't!
asuka: shinji! how could you be so mean? (kneels down and cries)
shinji: that's what you get Bitch!
rei: what the heck? asuka get up! i got money on you! get in the game!
gendo: holy crap, this is more exiting than looking at rei naked!
rei: i'm sorry, what did you say gendo? (slaps the living daylights out of gendo)
meanwhile shinji helps asuka back up and they kiss and stuff and start bangin'
shinji:dang asuka! i didn't know you were this good!
asuka: shut up and kiss me!
rei: aww, now i want some of that
gendo: (gets out camera)
all of nerv: (incoherent rants, catcalls and yells)
misato: dang! for a pair of virgins they sure do know how to freak!
crickets: (make cricket noises)
gendo: they are not virgins
all of nerv: uh, duh!
rei: well at least not me and shinji, we get it on all the time.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Shinji: Have any of you seen that Tiny Toons movie?
Rei: No...and I have no idea of what you are talking about.
Shinji: You're no good anyways. You don't watch TV.
Rei: That's true.
Hikari: I haven't heard of it either.
Shinji: Does that make me the greatest?
Rei: Why?...
Shinji: Because I have experienced something none of you have.
Hikari: Um...OK...
Asuka: You've also the only one here to have experienced a swift kick to the bleep, delivered by me. Does that make you mighty?
Shinji: Um...
Hikari: Actually...
Asuka: Huh?
Hikari: One time, in your sleep, you kicked me rather hard in an area that I am pretty sure my ovaries are. Ovaries are a girls' gonads, right?
Asuka: Technically. Let me rephrase my statement: Shinji's the only one to have experienced a swift kick to the ROCKS, delivered by me.
Rei: Ah. I think that makes him the opposite of mighty, especially since he cried like a small child when you did it.
Shinji: ...Yah...Oh, man, just talking about it brings back the pain.
Asuka: Good. That's what you get for being stupid.
Shinji: Why did you do that anyways?
Asuka: ...I don't remember.
Hikari: You probably deserved it, though.
Rei: Absolutely.
Asuka: Anyways, Tiny Toons wouldn't ring a bell for either of you, because it was an American childs' cartoon from a decade before any of us were born. And watching it makes Shinji a total geek.
Rei: That makes sense. All of it.
Hikari: Except for why Asuka knows so much about it.
Asuka: I have an encyclopedic knowledge of good cartoons from the 1980's and '90's.
Shinji: ...Why?
Rei: Are you some kind of nerd?
Asuka: Oh, you're one to talk.
Rei: I already know I am. I was just wondering about you.
Shinji: Huh? Rei's a nerd?
Hikari: Yah. She spends all her free time reading books, instead of reading books or going on the Interwebs or anything - or any sort of social life, actually.
Asuka: You said "Interwebs." You're a nerd, too.
Hikari: Was it not already obvious?
Asuka: I suppose. And I suppose I AM a nerd.
Shinji: But you're hot! You can't be a nerd!
Hikari: And what does that make me and Rei! Chopped liver!
Shinji: Oh, you both are...uh...pretty...and stuff...but Asuka is majorly hot.
Rei: He does have a point.
Shinji: How can someone so hot and popular be a nerd?
Asuka: You DO know I have already graduated college, right?
Shinji: NO WAY!
Asuka: ...
Hikari: Beauty is not something dictated by brains (or the lack thereof...) It is good breeding, mostly, combined with good hygine and a good hairstyle, with more than a little fashion sense thrown in.
Rei: And the reason that she is so popular is BECAUSE she is so hot. I am pretty sure it is not her lovely personality...
Asuka: Not that that ever has anything to do with it...and just what do you mean by that!
Shinji: So you're smart. But nerdiness is the combination of brains and geekiness - no one will ever be calling me a nerd, for sure - how are you a geek?
Asuka: Well, in college you have a lot of free time, suprisingly. I took up some different interests. One of them happened to be cartoons.
Shinji: But you were still a kid! Kids watch cartoons!
Asuka: Yes, but they don't generally watch cartoons from decades before their birth, and then learn everything about them.
Hikari: Ooh! Like what!
Asuka: Well, the character Babs Bunny was voiced by Tress MacNeil, who many years later did the voices of Mom and others on a show called Futurama.
Hikari: I loved Futurama! I studied extra hard in English to watch that show.
Asuka: Mom was a good character, wasn't she.
Hikari: Yah..."Jam a bleep in it you crap!" Classic stuff!
Asuka: Heh! You just said bleep ! What a nerd.
Shinji: OK, that sure WAS pretty nerdy. But I refuse to accept it.
Asuka: Oh? Well, how about this: I also watch, and enjoy with a passion, Star Trek, Generation One Transformers, and Robotech.
Rei: Robotech? Don't you mean Macross?
Shinji: Everybody in Japan has seen Macross - and most enjoy it. How is that nerdy?
Asuka: No, I meant Robotech. It was an American production using the animation from Macross, Southern Cross, and Mospeda. It created a single story that spanned decades to consolidate all the animation.
Hikari: Wait...didn't Shinji say you don't have a TV, Rei? How could you know about the Robotech-Macross connection? I didn't even know about that!
Rei: I like reading about TV...
Shinji: Wow. That is WAY nerdy.
Hikari: She sure has me beat in the nerd races. Probably Asuka, too.
Asuka: Hah! Like she can beat me! I also speak the two main Elvish languages from The Lord of the Rings!
Rei: So do I...
Shinji: Wow! Rei is still in the lead.
Asuka: Oh? Well, I also speak Klingon.
Rei: ...You win. Don't know how you can get more nerdy than THAT.
Asuka: Of course I win.
Hikari: Do you have to win EVERYTHING?
Rei: I guess that also makes you the biggest loser...
Shinji: You all disgust me. You guys probably cosplay, too.
Hikari: Oh Shinji, you really shouldn't bring that up...
Asuka: Me! COSPLAY? I was willing to let that "disgusting" remark slide, but you just took it too far!
Rei: You must really be wanting another kick to the bleep, Shinji...and this time from me!
Asuka: You too!
Rei: I hate cosplayers with an irrational passion. They just really bleep me off.
Asuka: ...What about DnD?
Rei: Don't hate it; just wouldn't stoop to something so low myself.
Asuka: Wow! Me too!
Rei: Don't like DDR, either.
Asuka: You know what, I think I was wrong about you.
Hikari: Asuka admitting she was wrong! Color me shocked!
Asuka: I know, it's a special occasion.
Shinji: ...This answers some questions...
Asuka: ...What questions?
Shinji: Well, I always wondered why someone so beautiful and popular as you would hang out with a loser like me.
Asuka: It boggles the mind, don't it?
Shinji: Now I know it is because you are as big a loser as I am.
Asuka: That may be true. However, we all are of a different sort. You are a loser at life. But still, you get to hang out with the beautiful likes of us three, making those same people that despise you envy you at the same time.
Hikari: To bad you aren't in the same bed as Asuka. You might actually achieve coolness.
Rei: It worked for Hikari...
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Shinji, Asuka, and Misato come home too see a cat orgy
Asuka: ewww, their having a cat orgy
Shinji: No! bad kitty! No! No!
Rei: appears from under the pile of cats Hi everyone, isnt the sun shining happily on the fields today?
Shinji: rips off shirt showing a dynamite vest I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE! jumps out window
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Asuka: Anything you can do I can do better,
Shinji: HA!
Asuka: I can do anything better than you.
Shinji: No you can't.
Asuka: Yes I can.
Shinji: No you can't!
Asuka: Yes I can!
Shinji: NO YOU CAN'T!
Asuka: shoots Shinji in the headYes I fucking can!
M. Night Shamalong: What a twist.
Shinji: comes back to life as a zombie, and twists Auskas head off
M. Night: Now that's a twist!
rei: (shoots m. night shamalong in da hed). night shamalong: (bleeding and dying) what a
M.Night: ACK!...(before he dies) what a...twist...(dies)
Rei: (gets on banana costume on) IT"S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!
zombie shinji: (does da robot)
gendo: (does da moon walk)
misato: (starts raping dead asuka's body)
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Shinji: "Oh boy my first day at public high school! I can' wait!"
Rei:"Before you go,take this"
Shinji:"Whats this?"
Rei:"An unbrella,it'll reflect all the stuff thrown at you from all the popular more coolers kids after they've established after 2 days that your a nerd to the core of all nerds"
Shinji:"Wow,i didn't know you cared..."
asuka: hey who are you?
shinji: i'm shinji!
rei: aww crap...
asuka: hey everyone! a nerd!
shinji: (takes out umbrella)
asuka: a GAY nerd!
everyone: (throws stuff at shinji)
shinji: ouch! this umbrella dosen't help at all, plus, IT'S PINK!
rei: (laughing her azz off) i can't belive you fell for that...
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Shinji: well this is my last post for tonight
Asuka: wimp it's not even 11:00
Shinji: I know I've been up later lately but I need to go to be earlier today at work tomorrow the have me working till midnight!
Asuka: me too dumkompf we both work for the same people.
Shinji: yeah but Mana And I had to cancel our date
Asuka: and I had plans with hikari...wait who is Mana!
Shinji: this girl I've been seing for a couple weeks now she's like a augmentation of you misato and Rei in one.
Asuka: you...don't like me either
Shinji: I do but you have way too much baggage for me to actually date
Asuka: as do you or did you forget that.
Shinji: I didn't but she don't know that doesn't she
Asuka: she will finds her E-mail in about 30 seconds.
Shinji: nooooooo!
Asuka: and that's not all I'll make your shift a living hell HAHAHA!
Shinji: how will that make me like you when you make me lonley and tourture me so?
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
And there you have it folks, have a million words bout shinji,. our Emo-istic , somewhat Gay character...stay tuned for more plus a Bonus! til then...tally ho folks!