Once again im Revived and bringing in fresh crap from teh team!
Chapter 18: IM A MAN! Flava of Gendo, Asuyasha, Yaoism+Lesbianism And MOAR!
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Kaworu: Hey Shinji I see you got a big 'saw'. You know I just happen to have a 'mount' for that 'saw'. So maybe we should mount my 'saw'. Huhuhuhu?
Toji: That may just be the gayest conversation I've ever heard.
Kaji: We need to make this more manly.
Shinji: Umm... BEEF!
Toji: BEER!
Kaworu: NON COMMETMENT!
Kaji pulls out a phone and dials a random number
Kaji: I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU!
Random Women: Who is this?
Kaji: I'M A MAN! (Hangs up)
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announcer: and now back to the finale of "Flavor of Gendo"
host: ok gendo last time maya was eliminated so we're down to three ladies: rei, misato, and ritsuko
host: ok its up to you gendo, which one of these girls will win the show and your heart?
gendo: hmmm... well rei is underaged so shes out...
rei: whatever your son's better in the sack anyways
gendo:...and misato is kaji's kool-aid
ritsuko: (smiles, expecting victory)
gendo: and ritsuko, you're ok, but you can't really even come close to that mother of yours
ritsuko: (gasps in horror and rage)
gendo: so that means im gonna stick with the man who's always been there for me in MANY ways, professor fuyutski!
everyone: WTF?
host: uhhm.. im sorry mr. ikari but he wasnt one of the finalists and as such...
gendo: you know what? FUCK ALL Y'ALL! (shoots everyone except fuyutski)
gendo: c'mon sweetums, theres a motel 6 just a little ways from her
fuyutski (thinking): YES! im finally gonna score!...even if its with a guy
m. night shamalan: what a tw...
gendo: (shoots m. night shamalan) I THOUGHT IT SAID I FUCKING KILLED EVERYBODY!
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Inuyasha: I quit
Exec1: what are we going to do our star just quit
exec2: wait, I have an Idea.
exec1: what is it?
exec2: weel to replace inuyasha we need a character who is ledgendary for getting angry, has long hair, ear like apatures on thier head, is white/asian big eyes, likes somebody but will never have, likes sombody that they won't admit to, and often is put in unrealistic same sex pairngs.
exec1: hmm I wonder who meets all those qualifactions?
exec2: pushes button stacy call the katsuragi residence
stacy: connecting now sir.
phone rings
Shinji: hello
Exec2: yes, hello is this the katsuragi residence?
Shinji: yes
exec1: I'd like to speak with Asuka please, tell her its about a well paying job with that'll make her a star
Shinjik...tells Asuka
Asuka: what Give me that!grabs phone allo!
Exec2: Hello Asuka I hav a proposition for you, I want you to be a replacement for inyuasha
Asuka: What!
exec1: listen you fit our criteria for a replacement and you'll be absolutely famous for this and we'll even change the title just for you.
Asuka: alright but you'd have to kill that shippo whimp he's more useless than shinji!
Shinji: that hurt
Asuka: this doesn't concern you!
exec1: I'll do all the paperwork, talk it over with nerv, and get you a limo to show up in-
Asuka: hummer limo
Exec2: fine but you may want to talk it over with you guardian
Asuka: oh I got that coverd looks at a bottle of Captain morgan
at the set a few days later
Exec2: alright Asuka come on out
Asuka: okcomes out of dressing room
Exec2: wonderful everyone look at our new replacemant: Asuyasha
Kagome: Wow! Shes HOT! I can't wait for the Yuri loving.
exec1: You just wait untill we do the hentai release. Now Asuyasha could you scream "Kagome!" for me?
Asuyasha: KAGOME!
exec2: (Wipping a tear way) That was just beautiful.
Shinji: encore!
Asuyasha: no. not for you.
Shinji: (Sad Face)
Exec.1: oK now for the topless scene!
Asuyasha:WHAT!
Shinji:smiles dumbly
Exec2: ok Kagome and Asuyasha take your shirts off
Asuyasha:why!
Exec1: cuz if you dont youll be crucified per terms of agreement
We all know what come next... lesbianism!
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Shinji: soo much lesbianism lateley
Kaworu: would you perfer Yaoi action
Shinji: um no
Kaworu: too late my mere presence with you means yaoi must take place...in the mainds of many fangirls
Shinji: I know my fangirls---
Kaworu: no you don't have any fangirls at least not as many as I do and in nearly all the yaoi I seduce you.
Shinji: how did you see me with Asuka
Kaworu: I got angel powers and since I am the angel of free will I can change it and that's how I get you every time
Asuka: and for the record Shinji I've had better
Shinji: you slvt! I trusted you1
Asuka: but kenske is simply better than you at least he'd be happy to be a pilot and let's just say he "studies"
Kaworu: I've seen him study as well he must be well informed by now
Asuka: oh yes he is he simply know all my buttons now and the firstime we-
Shinji: I don't want to hear this!
Kaworu: shinji your heart is fragile being betrayd by your friend, father, and co-worker is quite devestating but I will not betray you
Shinji: really walks over to kaworu you promise.
Kaworu: yes
Shinji: embraces kaworu thank you
Asuka: wow you got him in less than 2 minutes that's icredible!
Shinji: goddammit kaworu you did it again!
Hikari: There's no such thing as too much lesbianism.
Asuka: Hikari?
Hikari: What? It's not like you disagree...do you?
Asuka: No...
Hikari: So, what's wrong?
Asuka: Well...you're breaking the fourth wall!
Hikari: Oooh! I'm sooooo scared! What's going to happen? Are the Literature Police going to come and arrest me or something?
Asuka: No...but...it's just not right...
Hikari: Eh, lighten up. Metahumor is fun!
Asuka: Yah, so it is. But I don't see what the humor in your original statement was.
Hikari: I was responding something said by Shinji in another post.
Asuka: And how is that funny?
Hikari: In itself, nothing. However, the statement itself is humourous; and when combined in a meta-context, it all works out for the best.
Asuka: Doesn't sound like a very good explanation to me.
Hikari: Quiet you!
Asuka: There you go again. Always deflecting the issue.
Hikari: Like you don't do that constantly?
Asuka: There you go doing it again.
Hikari: I am not. I am merely pointing out the hypocracy in your statement.
Asuka: You were not pointing out anything! You just made an ad hominim attack against my character and stated it as fact. If you are going to "point out" anything, you have to have evidence to back it up!
Hikari: I thought it was painfully obvious.
Asuka: Well, I suppose it isn't.
Hikari: Fine, I'll play by your rules. First, the problem you are deflecting: your sexual relationship with me!
Asuka: ...There is none...
Hikari: Not yet. Because you are avoiding the issue and using irrelevant arguments to distract from the main point.
Asuka: What arguments?
Hikari: You giving Rei to me to do with as I please.
Asuka: And doesn't that satisfy you?
Hikari: Yes. To a point. However, it does not resolve the conflict between the two of us in the slightest.
Asuka: Is not your problem stem from the fact that you are a nympho, and you just want to satisfy your carnal urges?
Hikari: While those are all true, the main problem lies with the fact that I want to "satisfy those carnal urges," as you say, with you, and yet you refuse.
Asuka: And why is this causing a conflict? Do we not do other things? And can you not substitute Rei for myself?
Hikari: While we do other things, these things do not achieve the level of intimacy I desire. And while Rei (and to some greater extent, Mana)-
Asuka: Mana?
Hikari: Yes. Do you not remember?
Asuka: Ah, yes. Now I do.
Hikari: So, while they do satisfy my immediate needs, and Mana does bear a superficial resemblance to you, and the fact that you gave your permission for such acts, even suggested them yourself in order to make me happy, does indeed bring me great joy, they are yet not yourself.
Asuka: So you will never be satisfied with just them?
Hikari: No. Only with you could I ever be truely fulfilled.
Asuka: And would the conflict be over?
Hikari: That particular one would be, yes. I cannot predict any future conflicts, though they are inevitable, given both your and my personalities, and the fact that we are both human and make mistakes, both in action and in perception of action.
Asuka: Indeed. However, does not the aforementioned conversation put you at ease, somewhat?
Hikari: It does, as it gives a probable, predictable end to this conflict. However, the anticipation only increases the desire, and thus increases the conflict.
Asuka: Have you ever thought of just being patient, and being content with what you have, knowing that the future does indeed bring better things?
Hikari: The thought has crossed my mind on a number of occasions. Verily, I am being rather patient. I have never tried to pressure you overmuch, have I?
Asuka: No, you have not. Unbelievable restraint being shown, perhaps?
Hikari: I know that I myself did not think it possible
From Far off
Kaji: i gotta find better places to hide my stash...
Random Guy runs in
RG:Hey everbody Surfs Up.
Everyone starts dancing
Kenske: This doesn't make any sense.
Shinji: This is NGE nothing makes sense. (A clown comes up and pours Shinji some Wine)
Clown: I'm older than time itself.
Asuka: Thats it I'm leaving.
Kaworu: But you'll miss the Monkey Blimp Air Dual.
Asuka: Man the person whos writing this must be on drugs.
Hewhowatchesanime : Hey I'm only high on life...and PCP.
(( Thank you...thank you! join me and the AS team next Chapter!))