Charlotte's awesome wheel prompt: I am very angry, and I am going to show it!

WRITTEN FOR QLFC, SEASON 9

Book Club: How The King of Elfhame Learned to Hate Stories

Prompts:

[creature] Troll

Word Count: 1250

Sirius walked into their dorm room with his nose buried in a thick book, and Remus almost fell off his bed at the sight. He had never seen the black-haired boy so absorbed by a book of all things. Remus wondered if he was dreaming. "What, in Merlin's name, is going on?" Remus croaked out, rubbing his eyes to clear them.

Sirius didn't answer as he reached Remus' bed and sat on the edge, crossing his ankles, still going through the book. Remus tapped Sirius' shoulder, but the black-haired boy didn't look at him.

"Okay, now I'm getting really worried. What's going on?" Remus demanded before he whipped Sirius' book away from him. "Sirius Black, tell me right now!"

Sirius whined, "I was reading that!"

Remus glared at him and opened the book to see what had caught Sirius' attention that much. To his confusion, he realised it was a book about trolls, their characteristics and traits. He flicked through the pages, trying to find something unusual in the book but was unable to.

"Sirius…" Remus said pointedly, staring at him, and Sirius grinned.

"It's a surprise for you, Moony," Sirius said with a huge grin as he plucked the book out of Remus' hands. "I'm sure you'll be tickled pink."

"If you're the one saying this, then I'm sure it will be the exact opposite."

Sirius simply waved him off and leaned back against the pillows to finish reading the book.

A week or two later, Remus had almost forgotten all about Sirius' suspicious interest in the book about trolls. It was only when he entered the dorm room with Peter in tow that he realised what Sirius had been planning.

"Please, Peter, tell me I'm seeing things," Remus said, closing his eyes and rubbing his temple to ward off the oncoming headache.

"Umm… Sorry, Remus, but I can't," Peter said, scratching the back of his neck.

James grinned from where he stood next to the bed. "Does anyone else want to acknowledge the troll in the room?"

"Nice pun, Prongsie!" Sirius high-fived James, a beaming grin on his face.

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose and slowly opened his eyes, hoping it was all a terrible nightmare. But when he saw the giant pale-green troll seated on the carpet with a large alphabet book in his hands, Remus knew he wasn't dreaming. Still, he pinched the back of his forearm just to be sure.

"And what's a troll doing in our room? Where did it even come from? Why is it here? Who let it—no, don't answer that. It was obviously you two idiots," Remus said, his face reddening in anger.

"Don't call him a troll! His name's Tim," Sirius said defensively, and Remus gawked at the pale-green troll, who looked up at the sound of his name.

"His name's Tim?" Peter asked, bewildered. The troll offered Peter a brutish smile, his sharp teeth stained brown. Peter whimpered in fear and stepped behind Remus instinctively.

"Well, actually, his name's"‒James let out a series of loud grunts‒"but because every time we say his name, it sounds like we're shag—"

"I got it," Remus said, interrupting James quickly before he could finish his sentence. A wave of rage washed over him as he looked at Tim. They've lost their mind. He growled, "How, in Merlin's name, did you get Tim into the dorm without alerting anyone? And why is he here?"

"Tim was the only troll we could find in the Forbidden Forest who didn't try to clobber, stomp, or eat us, so we brought him here through the window."

"You… flew him up here?" Remus asked, horror and fury taking over him. The two boys could have been killed by the troll, but no, they were more interested in teaching the beast. Remus could bet everything he owned—though he didn't have many possessions—that they were trying to teach him something wrong.

"Oh, no, we didn't fly him up here," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "Can you imagine? A troll on a broom? Preposterous!"

James and Sirius shared a laugh, but Remus didn't join them. He crossed his arms over his chest and tapped his foot impatiently for them to answer him. James cleared his throat and said, "We… uh, we Levitated Tim in through the window."

Remus imagined his two dimwitted friends Levitating the giant troll up the side of the castle walls and almost screamed at them, but he thought, 'Let me give them the benefit of the doubt for now.'

"How did no one see you?" Peter piped up, curiosity radiating off him.

"We used the Invisibility Cloak on him, but because he was too big for it, we could only cover his upper body," James said with a hearty laugh. "Fortunately, no one saw us."

"Anyway, my brilliant plan is to teach Tim to speak and give him an opportunity to express himself," Sirius announced, puffing his chest with pride. "He'll be the first of his species to talk in English."

"Yeah, yeah, and guess what?" James chimed in, clapping his hands. The troll stared at them with wide eyes, scratching his scraggly brown beard. "Watch this, Moony!" He turned towards the troll and asked, "Who's Tim?"

The troll slowly raised his hand as though he was in a class, scratching his bald head, and Remus blinked at the uncanny resemblance.

Sirius grinned and said, "Oh, watch this, Mooncakes!" He faced the troll and said, "Tim, ABC's."

The troll cleared his throat, and in the gruffest tone ever, he started. "A… arse… B… B… butt… C…"

"Please, stop him," Remus said quickly, knowing exactly what word Sirius and James had taught him for the next letter. Sirius waved his hand in an elaborate gesture, and the troll stopped talking. He sat there on the carpet, gazing up at them with his tiny black eyes.

Remus closed his eyes again before he asked, "Do you plan on keeping Tim here in our room? How do you intend on feeding him? Do you even know what trolls eat? You're going to wake up one night and find your precious Tim chewing on your leg! Or your head!"

"Nah, we've been feeding him your chocolate for the past two weeks to condition him, and it's worked so far." James suddenly paled when he realised what he had just said.

Remus noticed his phrasing and gasped. One thing Remus was fully possessive of was his stash of chocolates, and he had never let anyone touch it. To think the brown stains on the troll's teeth were his precious chocolates… Remus finally lost his composure. He roared, "You two have been feeding him my chocolates? My chocolates? I'm going to kill you!"

James and Sirius cried out in terror as Remus whipped out his wand and cast a few hexes at them, his face contorted with fury. The two boys tried to apologize, bolting for the door with Remus following right at their heels.

They both knew they shouldn't have used Remus' chocolate, but Tim hadn't liked the taste of the Sugar Quills or Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans.

Peter was left alone with the troll, who was pacified enough by the book in his hand. Peter swallowed and inched towards the door, nervousness radiating off of him in waves. "Uh, I'll just… yeah, I'll go now."

The troll grinned and grunted, raising his alphabet book, and Peter squeaked in fright before he darted out of the room.