Summery:

Hey everyone! ^-^
This is my first KakaSaku fan fiction and also my very first fan fiction in English. If you see any mistakes please let me know, English isn't my mother tongue.
I hope you enjoy it.

Kakashi is being reminded of a hurting memory he regrets deeply.

TW: Hurt and Death (I guess)

This fan fic is a KakaSaku work with alot of SasuSaku elements. This fic is rated M for the used language and maybe smut, but I am not sure if I can write it properly.

Chapter 5

That day… Kakashi didn't like to be reminded of that day. It was right after Pain attacked Konoha. The village was destroyed and even though most of the shinobis survived the attack, normality was out of the question. Most of them died but were miraculously brought back just like himself. Nearly everyone had lost their home this day. Naruto just came back and was celebrated as the hero of the village. He deserved every second of it. It was just like Naruto always wanted it to be. Sakura was just happy, that her parents weren't at home during the attack and that all of her important people were alive. She was exhausted. She had spent her day with healing. Her chakra was low, dangerously low. The night falls in, while everyone seemed to celebrate Naruto and his victory over Pain. However, she found herself next to Kakashi. He was quiet, even for Kakashis standards. He was aware of her odd chakra flow and the tension in her body. He took a deep breath. It was going to rain later, then he smelled her. She smelt like the hospital, with all the antiseptics and the rubber flooring, but also like blood, dust and surprisingly like cherries. Her Shampoo was still noticeable for his highly sensitive nose.

"Something the matter?" he asked while she was letting herself fall next to him.

"No. I am just tired." She answered. Her arms were on her knees and her head was resting on her hands. She was struggling to sit.

"Then you should go home and rest." He said thoughtless.

"I don't have a home anymore." Tears were building in her eyes, and for the first time Kakashi didn't found himself annoyed by that. Her tears were justified. She saw horror today like she had never seen it before. For a young girl, of course, this was traumatizing.

"I am sorry, that you have lost your home today, Sakura." He was calm, his meeting with his dead father was still on his mind.

"You have lost your home, too. Most of us have lost our homes. I am sorry, I didn't mean to cry. I am just-"

"No, don't apologize. You have every right to be upset." Sakura didn't answer. She just looked at the night sky and hoped that she would wake up in her bed and everything was just a nightmare. She knew that this will never happen. Tomorrow she would write her parents that she is alive, and then she would start to search for things that once belonged to her family and of course clean the village. Kakashi was still occupied by his mind.

"You are in pain, aren't you?" she asked, after a moment of comfortable silence.

"How do you know?"

"Your chakra signature is off. I can heal you if you want."

"Your chakra is too low for that. You can barely sit."

"I have enough to heal my Sensei. You just have to trust me." He couldn't even say something; her green glowing hands were already over his body.

"Your chakra… I can sense a… a complete chakra depletion. That is impossible. You're supposed to be dead." Her voice was close to break.

"Yes, I know. I fought and I lost."

"No, you cannot…" tears were forming rapidly. "You died today, but you came back like the others." She started to cry uncontrollably and hugged him as tight as her power allowed her.

"Mah, mah, Sakura. Nothing to cry about. I am a shinobi."

"Nothing to cry about? If I had lost you, I cannot even imagine a life like this. Don't you ever say that again. You are important to others. You are important to me." He was flashed by her confession. He was important for her? For the first time in years, he willingly embraced a hug (out of the context of sex). He put his arms around her and held her tightly. She was crying uncontrollably on his chest, and he stroked her back. This was intimate, and he wasn't used to be intimate with someone, not in this way. Strangely enough, but somehow this was calming him, too. He didn't even know he was tensed, until she tightened her grip and hugged him like nobody else had ever hugged him before. For a short moment he felt peace. They separated and were sitting comfortable next to each other.

"Thank you, Sakura."

"No Problem, Sensei."

"You did well today."

"Thank you, Sensei.", she said calmly, and then she yawned, "I am too tired to talk right now. I am going to sleep." She was about to get up, but his voice stopped her.

"Where are you going to sleep tonight?"

"Under the stars. The tents are all taken." She said quietly, looking into the sky.

"You shouldn't sleep outside."

"Not that I have much of a choice. It is not the first time I sleep like this, and probably not the last. I will be alright."

"It is going to rain." He was calm as he looked at the night sky.

"Why do you think that? The sky is cloudless."

"I can smell the upcoming rain."

"You can smell that? Is your nose that sensitive?" She didn't believe her ears. He couldn't be serious.

"Yes, it is."

"I must stink for you. I am sorry."

"No, it is okay."

"That is crazy, that must be really difficult for you.", she sympathized.

"It really is okay. Can you not sleep in someone else's tent?"

"Sadly no, I am not as lucky as Naruto, Sensei Iruka takes him in. The Hyuugas take some Anbu and Jonin and Team Gai, Kiba and his family take some civilians, the Akimichis take the Yamanakas, the Nara family take the administration team and the village council. And all of them are more than crowded. The rest is put in the tents that we have. No place for me, but I don't mind. They have their own trouble. I am not going to die from a bit of presumed rain." He smiled lightly. Even now, she is only thinking about others and their comfort. How is it possible that none of the great families will take the apprentice of the fifth Hokage in?

"What about Tsunade?" He asked, surely she will arrange something for her only student.

"She still hasn't recovered. And we don't know if she ever will. I wanted to sleep in her tent, but the medics there weren't so keen on it. They need a lot of space to take care of her, and I would be a nuisance. As I said, it won't kill me. I really should go now. Good night Sensei." Sakura stood up and walked away slowly. She really wasn't in the condition on sleeping outside in the rain. Why did this bother him so much? She always could…

"You can sleep in my house." His words had left his mouth before he realized what he said, but now it was too late to take them back.

"No offence, but your flat it destroyed, too."

"My flat yes, my house is outside the village. It's my family home. You can stay there if you want to. I wouldn't mind." He would not exactly mind, but he would still rather be alone there. He hated that house, it brings back too many bad memories.

"Really? You would do that for me?"

"Of course, you are my teammate." He had a spare bedroom, he would have given it to Gai, but he was already cared for.

"Thank you so much, Sensei." He smiled at her and got up. He stepped into her tracks, and they made their way silently from the party. She needed a bed and that sooner than later, he realized that as soon as he saw her walking. She was slow. Furthermore, she was probably only conscious because she wanted to. If the attack had been any longer, she would have given her life, to save someone else. She could be dead.

"You need to take better care of yourself, or you will end up dead, because you wanted to save someone."

"That's rich of someone who actually died today." He smirked unnoticeable thanks to the mask, she got bolder by the years, but she never had teased him like that before. He was afraid that he was going to like this new Sakura. Then she winked at him. And he was sure, that he was definitely going to like her. His grin got bigger as he shook his head.

"You may be correct, but I am still right." He teased her back. This was new, a new dynamic, but he didn't mind. She wasn't the twelve-year-old girl any more. She matured a lot in the last years and after a day like today he understands her value as a comrade even more. They made their way to the village border. The Hatake home was on outside the village. His family used to live and work here. Most of them were farmers and a very few of them were Shinobi. It was a humble house, but still it was better than sleeping outside in the rain.

"Can we make a break? I need a quick rest." Sakura leaned onto a tree. When he looked at her while the moonshine touched her face, he saw how pale and exhausted she looked, and that frightened him.

"Of course, and it isn't far any more. I can already see it. It's the one right there." He pointed at an old but charming house. She immediately fell in love with this house. He saw her eyes shine while she looked at it.

"I know it is not much..."

"Nonsense, I love it, it looks charming and thank you, that you let me rest here."

"No problem, Sakura. Can we go on?" He smelled the rain coming closer, and he didn't want her to get wet and ill. She was weak enough already.

"Yea, I will probably make it."

"If you need to, you can lean on me. You can always lean on me."

"Thank you, and you on me, Kakashi." She smiled at him, while they made their way to the house. The loss of the honorific didn't go unnoticed by him, but he didn't mind. Today they fought together and won, for today they were equals. He unlocked the door to his old family home with some seals and let them both enter. He smelled the sticky air and the dust. He abandoned the house, quite literally.

"I am sorry, I wasn't, I mean I didn't think I would be here anytime soon, certainly not with a guest."

"No, don't apologize. You give me a roof over my head tonight. I cannot be more grateful."

"It really is nothing special. I would have done it for everyone."

"Even though I am grateful."

"You can sleep in this room", Kakashi pointed to a room at the end of the open living room, "my room is over there", now he pointed to the room closer to the kitchen, which is open to the living room, "I will look for some old shirts for you to change into, the bath is over here, and you can shower first. They won't be hot water, I hope you don't mind, and I make a bed for you in your room."

"Thank you, I don't know how to ever pay you back for that."

"Well, I assume that Naruto will probably not take care of me when I am old, so see this as my down payment." He smiled as he teased her. She smiled back at him. She knew he didn't mean it, but she also wouldn't mind taking care of him.

"Ah, I see. I will take it that way and don't you worry, I will always take care of you, like you always take care of me." Did he always take care of her? He straight up abandoned her, like his family home, when Naruto and Sasuke left the village. He didn't even look for someone else to teach her. She found Tsunade on her own. He still felt guilty because of it. But right now, especially when nobody else wanted to take care of her, it was his responsibility and he was glad that he could at least help her now. He wondered if her parents would have got a tent and why they didn't take her in. Wait. Her parents, why isn't she with her parents? How could he forget that she had parents? The thought of them being dead and her watching the village celebrate, while she was grieving them, plopped into his head. It made his gut wrench awfully.

"Sakura… what… what happened to your parents?", he asked with a sad look on his face. He looked her in the eyes, and she was meeting his gaze, waiting for the tiniest hint of her emotions. He assumed she would start to cry, but she started to smile.

"Oh… they are fine. My mother visited my grandma a couple of days ago and my father wanted to meet her there, he went about an hour before Pain attacked. They are safe. They have to be safe. I will write them tomorrow and tell them that I am alright." She laid her hand on Kakashi`s shoulder and squeezed it as she passed him to get to the bathroom. She needed a shower, preferably a hot one, but this wasn't going to happen.

The cold water run down her spine and she felt shiver going all over her body. She scrubbed her skin until she felt clean. Kakashi´s sense of smell was really sensitive, and she didn't want to irritate his nose while he is being hostable to her. It took her some time to get the dried blood out of her hair, but by the time she managed that, the thunder started. She thanked Kakashi internally for given her a dry place to sleep, but she should find something else by tomorrow night. Kakashi is a private person, and she didn't want to outstay her welcome. She heard a knock on the door, and Kakashi quickly entered the bathroom. He dropped some clothes for her, as she assumed, and then left again. When they were on missions, they often have to share a room or a bath, so being shy about being seen by the other in compromising situations wasn't a thing any more. Even though Kakashi always managed to not be seen. She didn't mind him enter the bath, she trusted him with her life and knew he would never spy on her like that. She waited a couple more minutes, then she left the shower. As she thought, there were a shirt and shorts as well as a towel on the shelf next to the sink. She dried herself and put the towel on her head, then she put the clothes on and left the bathroom.

"Thank you, for the clothes and everything.", she said as she saw him in the kitchen.

"No problem, I am making some tea, do you want some as well?" She no longer smelled like blood or the hospital and thanks to the senseless soup she was using, he was able to smell her own scent for the first time. She smelled intoxicating. Sweet, but not intrusively sweet. The smell suited her very well, and he liked it a little too much for anyone's good.

"Yes, that would be great." He nodded and turned to her. He had found some shirts from his mid teenage years. He stopped fitting into them when he was around seventeen, and still his old shirt was too big for her. She really was small. She sat down in front of the dining table.

"How long will it take for you to be back at full strength?" He hoped she would take it as him wanting to know, when he can kick her out, because he wasn't going to. He was just curious. He knew she tried to get the Byakugō Seal, even though he didn't understand the technique behind it, he knew that there were only a handful shinobi who could learn this and even lesser who actually accomplish it. The water kettle made its usual sound and Kakashi poured the hot water into the two prepared mugs and hands one of them over to her. She thanked him, and Kakashi also took a seat at the table.

"Oh… I cannot use my chakra for the next two to three days, but then I will be fine. But don't worry, I will not outstay my welcome. I will find a place to stay tomorrow."

"No, you won't. You will stay here until your parents are back and can settle in with them. You are not outstaying anything. Understood?" He had this tone in his voice, like he wouldn't take any protest whatsoever, he often used this tone during their genin days.

"Yes, Sensei.", she replied happily, taking a sip from her tea. It warmed her from the inside.

"Then explain to me, why you cannot use your chakra in the next days, that seems odd to me?"

"Oh because of the strength of a hundred seal. Actually, I am not allowed to use medical ninjutsu, or better any ninjutsu at all. I am not allowed to fight, either. You need to see the chakra as water, and I am saving my chakra in a sort of lake inside my forehead. I constructed this lake with my mind, and now I fill it with my chakra. A drop fells into the lake every minute, all day and night. So even when I am sleeping, I need the perfect control of my chakra. If I use the stored chakra before the lake is filled, I lose all of it and I need to start again. Therefore, I am actually not allowed to do anything but studying, but I am smart, so I made a second lake, more like a pond, so it is much smaller than the first one. It took me about 6 months to fill it, but it only takes a few days to be refilled. That's why I can go on missions and use medical ninjutsu, but until it is refilled, I am not allowed to use any chakra."

"Sakura… that is incredible. You are really a genius, so this whole time you are not using 100 percent of your strength?"

"No, not even 20 percent of it." Kakashi was too stunned to speak. He needed a few moments to render this information inside his head. He was shocked. He knew it was difficult, but this… this was ridiculous.

"And there is no guarantee that it will work in the end? One mistake and all the work was in vain? How long are you saving for this large lake by now?"

"Yes, one mistake and I need to start again and yes there is no guarantee for anything, but it worked with the pond, so I hope it will work with the lake as well. And I am saving for a little more than two and a half years by now." And again, Kakashi was too stunned to speak. Then he remembered that she healed him just a few hours ago.

"But you were healing me? Was that your last bit of usable chakra?"

"Yes, it was, but it helped you, so I don't mind." She assured him happily.

"You should have used it for yourself." He was shocked again. She used her very last bit of chakra for him. Just because he felt a discomfort.

"Maybe, maybe not. I am glad that I could help you." She emptied the mug.

"Thank you for the tea, and you know, everything. I am bushed. I will call it a day. Good night." Her voice was soft, and she really seemed to be sleepy. He wished her a good night as well, and she went into the prepared room. He took her mug and cleaned it immediately. Then he made his way into the shower. It was needed for him too. He felt dirty. Dying felt dirty, and he wanted that dirt gone. He couldn't care less that the water was cold because Sakuras natural scent kept him warm. This was no good. The sooner she would start to use shampoo again, the better. That would be the first thing he would get tomorrow. She was sixteen and his pupil and this scent shouldn't be so… so… so pleasant. He internally kicked himself into his own balls, while he dried himself and changed into new clothes. Then he made his way into his bedroom. I only took him a couple of minutes to fall asleep.