Summery:

Kakashi is being reminded of a hurting memory he regrets deeply.

First of all I do not own Naruto, all characters belong so Kishimoto.

TW: Hurt and death (I guess)

As I said in the Summary, I am not a native speaker so if you see any mistakes please let me know. I hope you enjoy this chapter and it would be really great if you could leave a comment. Have a nice day, stay safe and healthy. See you in the next Chapter! ^-^

Lots of Love Ajay

Chapter 6

Sakura was awakened by a scream. She was sitting in her bed and for a brief moment she thought she imagined it. After everything she saw today, it wouldn't be a surprise for her. Then she heard the water in the kitchen. It was Kakashi, he maybe had a bad dream. So she got up and went quietly to the kitchen, and there he was. Kakashi was standing in front of his kitchen sink under a small light as he washed his hands.

"It won't come off." He whispered, nearly unnoticeable for her. She knew a PTSD episode, when she saw one and Kakashi was in the middle of one. She wasn't an expert on this topic, but she wanted to help him out of it. She went to him slowly and carefully. She didn't want to make him jump.

"Kakashi?", she said quietly. He didn't respond. She made some more steps towards him. She reached out and touched his shoulder. He immediately turned around to her. His gaze was dull and tears were in his eyes. He seemed to look right through her. For a moment, none of them moved a muscle. Suddenly, he grabbed her by her throat and applied pressure to it. He started to strangle her. He moved so fast that she could not block the attack even if she had the power to do so. She fought him with all the strength that she had left, but she was weak, way too weak to win against him. She said his name quite a few times, but he didn't respond. Just as she felt her conscious fade, he snapped back. The first thing he saw were his hands around her throat and her being unconscious. The horror was still displayed on her face. He let go of her immediately and she fell to the ground. She didn't move, and he couldn't move. It took all of his willpower to bend down and check on her. She wasn't breathing. He couldn't hear her breath. There was no movement on her chest. Her chakra was not noticeable any more. She was gone. More tears were forming in his eyes. He had killed her. He didn't know what to do. He felt so helpless. All he could do is sitting next to her dead body and cry. It reminded him too much of Rin. He didn't dare to move, except for the tremble that went through his whole body. There it was another horrible death happening in this house. Seconds felt like hours. He was shaking. Kakashi knew that he would never forget the look on her face and her lifeless eyes.

…

…

…

After about thirty seconds, to Kakashi it felt like an eternity, she took a deep breath and started to cough. It was like a miracle. He felt like he was in heaven. He never had heard something so beautiful before. She opened her eyes and continues to gasp for air. She searched for his gaze, but he felt so guilty, that he couldn't meet it. He should have known it better. This house was bringing back his worst memories, and he always went in this state, when he slept here. That was one of the reasons he moved out and now… now he had dragged Sakura into his darkness.

"I am so sorry, Sakura." He said quietly, the guilt was obvious in his voice.

"No.", she coughed, "No, I am sorry, I should have known better than touching you in such a state. That was close. Are you alright?"

"You ask me that? You were not breathing for a hot minute. Are you alright? I didn't mean to hurt you. I was having a nightmare. The next thing I know is that my hands are… oh my, I could have killed you. You could be dead, because of me. I am dangerous for you. You should leave for your own safety." He got up and wanted to flee. She had never seen him in such an emotional state and never, not once since she had known him, he wanted to escape.

"Sensei. Stop!" The strictness in her voice made him stop, "it really is not that bad. I am alright. Truly. I just need some water." He nodded and went to the sink again. He wanted, at least now, to be helpful, and he didn't know what else he could do, so he got her something to drink and handed it to her while she was making herself comfortable at the dining table. The small light, fell on her face and on her neck and Kakashi was able to see what he did to her. Her skin on her neck was red, you could clearly see his handprint on it. It must hurt. He did this to her. He didn't bother to hide his emotions. Sakura had already seen and literally felt him at his worst. All she saw was the hurt on his face.

"I am alright, stop looking like a beaten dog." Kakashi still couldn't meet her gaze. How could she say, that she was alright? She wasn't breathing. His handprints are on her neck. Her breathing signature was unsteady. His hands were shaking and the expression on his face didn't change. She knew she needed to reassure that she really was alright. She stood up and took his hands. Still, he hadn't realized that they were shaking until she steadied them with her own. She started to caress his knuckles with her small and soft fingers.

"I am alright. It will take more than this to kill the apprentice of the fifth Hokage and the only female student of the infamous copy nin. Tsunade taught me better, even you taught me better. Okay?" He didn't respond, he felt his body shaking way too much. He needed to get this under control. There was no reason in hiding his shaking body, even if he had been able to do so. She let go of Kakashi's hands and hugged him again. Sakura pressed her body against his and let her face rest on his chest. He didn't respond to this hug, how could he? His hands were doing that to her. Even though he felt the stiffness leaving his body. Then his body stopped to shake, and he was relaxing. It felt like the first time in years.

"Are you okay? Can I let go or do you need a moment?" She asked while she pressed her head even more on his chest. He was grateful that she didn't shy away from him. On the contrary, she hugged him even tighter. He could smell her again and it calmed him. It was intoxicating again. He was sure he was going insane.

"I am fine." His voice was not as sincere as he wished it to be. She noticed, but wasn't letting him know that, so she let go of him immediately. They settled back to their previous places, but even now Kakashi couldn't meet her gaze. She wasn't pushy about it. Moreover, she knew if he wanted to talk, he would. She was fine with the silence between them. Kakashi on the other hand wasn't so sure how to face her after that incident, he wanted to get away from her. He wanted her to be safe, and she wasn't safe around him, not any more, not after tonight. Kakashi had overstepped a line tonight, and he wasn't sure how to handle it. Yes, he had nightmares before and yes his family home triggered them more than anything, but never, not once, in his life he attacked someone while being in this trance. This was new. This was dangerous. He was dangerous.

"Stop! You are frowning again. I am fine. You are fine. We are fine." Sakura stopped his intrusive thoughts.

"How can we be fine? You nearly died. I nearly killed you. When Tsunade is back on track, I will ask her for a transfer into another team."

"Stop that at once!", tears were forming in her eyes and she was audibly angry, "We will not switch teams. How could you think of something like that? This team, your team, is the only thing I have left. What are you going to tell Naruto? Sorry, but I almost killed Sakura when I was having a flashback, and now I'm too scared to face her again. I'm sorry, go and find a new family.", she paused and took a deep breath, "because this is what we are, Kakashi, a family, a dysfunctional and unhealthy family, but still a family, and for you and Naruto it's the only family you have. For fuck's sake, even for me. Do you really think having parent's equals having a family? Spoiler, it doesn't, so grow up."

Kakashi was quiet for some time. She was right, they were a family whether Kakashi liked it or not. Naruto would probably try to kill him if he was the reason the team fell apart, and given the skills the boy has now, he would succeed. He just had to learn how to deal with his guilt. He smirked internally, dealing with his guilt, as if he had already been successful with it in the past.

"Can you really, truly say to me that you aren't scared of me in any kind of way?" He asked shyly, meeting her gaze.

"I am scared of you." Kakashis gaze fell immediately. Sakura started to laugh. "You are an idiot, a genius, but still an idiot. You are intimidating and scary, and of course I am scared of you sometimes, but in a good way. I would trust you with my life without a second thought or a doubt. I will always trust you and your skill. And I meant what I said earlier, I cannot even imagine a life without you, and I don't want to. You are my family; I know you don't like it to hear, but it's the truth." In the end, her voice was sincere and calm. She usually doesn't speak in that tone, not to him any ways, but right now? Right now, it sends shivers down his spine.

"Thank you, Sakura. I know I let you down in the past, but I will try to be better in the future."

"You are a good man, Sensei. You had your reasons and I got stronger in the end, but please, never lie to me again. Do you remember that day on the rooftop of the hospital? Sasuke and Naruto were fighting each other and I wanted to stop them, but you saved me. I remember that I cried because I didn't want them to fight, and you came to comfort me. You told me that everything will be as it was before, but you already knew that nothing will be as it had been. What a cruel lie. I trusted you and you lied to me. I know you only wanted to make me feel better, but it was a betrayal. I had never much with you in common, you didn't seem to like me and I always felt like a burden to you, but you have always told me the truth and I relied on that. I mean, I trust you again, but it took me years to do that. I am strong enough to face the truth, and I would always rather have the ugly truth than a beautiful lie. That is the only thing I would like to ask of you."

"I understand, and I am really sorry that I lied to you in the past. I will never lie to you again. I can promise that." She smiled at him. He took a deep breath. Her smell hit him again. It made something with him, but not as he feared in a sexual way. Her smell felt different to him, more like home and safety. Like a safe space in which he can be himself and let go as much as his ninja senses allow him, and that isn't something bad, he assured himself. This was actually something good. So he didn't go crazy after all.

They sat in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes, but then she yawned loudly.

"I should go to bed. I am still tired. Will you be okay?"

"I think so."

"And if anything is the matter, you know where I sleep, you can always wake me up."

"Thank you."

"And I mean it, Sensei. I am your friend and I will always help you if I can." Kakashi gave her his eye creased smile, and she went to 'her' room. He did the same.

The next morning was quite uneventful, Kakashi woke up and had a severe headache. He had one of his episodes last night, but as usual he couldn't remember much. So Kakashi stood up and made himself a tea. He slept not well, but he got some sleep in the end. He was wondering if everything was alright with Sakura? Should he check on her? She is nearly an adult, she can take care of herself, he reassured himself. It took only a couple of minutes before Sakura left her room. He wished her a good morning, and she nodded in his direction. It really was uneventful, until Kakashi could see the bruises on Sakuras neck. With that, the memories of the last night hit him. They hit him hard. He nearly killed her, and he caused these bruises. They got even darker overnight, and now they are purple-ish. Kakashi was furious with himself. Sakura could sense his fury, but before he or Sakura could react, Pakkun appeared.

"Hey Boss… oh hey Cherr- OH MY GOD! What happened to your neck? Are you alright? Who did this to you? Kakashi do you need the pack to really work this guy up?"

"No Pakkun there is no need. I was careless and Kakashi-sensei thought I am the enemy. It was entirely my fault." Sakura stepped in, before Kakashi could even think of a response. How could she say it was her fault? She was badly injured and still believes he was not to blame. He, of all people, without fault. Kakashi would have laughed, but he didn't want to make Sakura angry. Pakkun eyed them both, and before he could say something again, Kakashi intervened.

"What is the matter, Pakkun? Why are you here?"

"We had no connection to you yesterday. It just vanished, and I wanted to make sure, that everything is alright. What had happened?"

"I died.", Kakashi answered dryly.

"You what?" Pakkun wasn't up to any bullshit. He was scared. He couldn't sense Kakashi yesterday, and that never had happened before.

"I died. I fought and I lost. Naruto somehow managed to get the most of us back to life. Don't ask me how, because I don't know. The village is destroyed and most of the people are homeless. That's why Sakura is here. She had nowhere to go, so I took her in."

"You voluntarily brought her here?"

"Yes, I couldn't let her sleep defenceless outside. I was raining last night."

"Cherry, defenceless?"

"She cannot use any of her chakra for the next couple of days."

"Really?", asked Pakkun shocked, as he turned his head to Sakura looking for conformation.

"Yes, it is true. I cannot use my chakra for the next days."

"I see. So everything is alright?"

"Yes.", answered Sakura. Kakashi simply nodded.

"I want to see the village, if you don't mind.", said Pakkun slowly.

"I wanted to go to the village, too. You can join me, if you want.", said Sakura happily, "I am just going to grab my clothes and change." Pakkun nodded and Sakura went back to her room.

"Are you stupid, Kakashi?! You know what happens when you sleep in this house, and you didn't warn her about it? She could have been seriously hurt. Why isn't she with her parents?"

"I know; I feel guilty enough. I don't need you to guilt-trip me even more. You have heard her, she is alright."

"I hope she really is alright. Do you think you can let her here?"

"I think so. Her parents will not be here within the next two days. She knows now what can happen, and she isn't stupid. She won't engage with me right away now, but I share your concern."

"As long as you do."

Sakura came back from her room and not for the first time she was happy, that she wore a turtleneck. She zipped her up, and the marks that Kakashi had left on her weren't so obvious any more. It didn't go unnoticed by Pakkun and by Kakashi, that she was covering the marks in her neck. She gave both of them a genuine smile and her and Pakkun made their way into the village.

It was just like Kakashi described. The whole village was destroyed. Hardly a house still stood in its place. It was a war scene. It was horrible.

"Kakashi told me your parents were not in the village, is that right?"

"Yes, my mother was already out of the village and my father left an hour before the attack. They are hopefully safe. I want to write them a letter that I am alright, then I want to help in the village. Is there anything in particular that you are up to?"

"I just wanted to walk through the village and have a look around."

"And look after me because I don't know when I overdo myself."

"You are smart, Cherry."

"I know.", she smiled at him as they walked further into the village. It was a weird feeling to see all the known places destroyed and even a weirder feeling to know, that most of the people they are passing on the street would be dead right now. As they passed the former market, someone called out for Sakura. She turned round and saw Yamato. He looked sad.

"Sakura, I have found you, where have you been? – Oh hello Pakkun."

"Yamato-taichou, I am staying with Kakashi-sensei. What is wrong?"

"Sakura, it is your father, he was found dead, outside the village. I am so sorry." Sakura froze. That was impossible. He was away. An hour away, to be precisely.

"Where is he?" She asked, her voice was cold. This tone was new.

"In the morgue. He had been brought there a couple of hours ago." She nodded and made her way directly to it. The hospital was destroyed, but the morgue was in a different place, on the rim of the village. She walked there hurriedly. She had a tunnel vision. She didn't even notice that Pakkun was following her. This couldn't be true. They were wrong, they have to be wrong. She didn't stop until she was standing in front of a dead body. It was still covered by a pall. Her hands were shaking. She moved closer to the metallic table. She reached out her shaking hand. She lifted a pall. A scream escaped her, and she went to the ground, her legs were not strong enough to hold her any more. She was crying uncontrollably. Yamato was right, it was her father…