There is a song that inspired this chap. It's from Linken Park and is called My December. This line was something that Sands may feel or think:

I just wish that I didn't feel,
like there was something I missed,
and I,
give it all away,
just to have somewhere to go to,
give it all away,
to have someone to come home to

And many thanks to: fanfiction fanatic, for beta reading. You're the best, this chapter looks a thousand times better!

And thanks to: Sands-agentElvish dreams and smof, it's nice to know other people then myself like this story.

Chapter 13) Nothing left, for me to stay.

Sheldon, this time you've done it. You've lost everything. You have lost you're eye's. You're name, you're job, all you're money and finally you're dignity. Pretty pathetic, if you ask me…

Sands didn't bother to answer. What was left to say? He had said the truth. He'd lost every god damn thing he had ever work for. He felt so worthless.

"Hey, where back at the hotel." The girl said softly. He nodded and stepped out of the car. The girl held him very close and guided him into the hotel. She stopped walking. "Listen Sands, don't listen to that guy in the bar, he's talking shit you're not-"

"Don't, just don't. Go to you're room, and leave me alone." He whispered.

Lizz looked at him, scared. "You will come soon right?"

Sands looked at the ground. "For once, do what I say, go! Just leave me alone." He heard her walk away. He sighed, walked to a sofa and sat down. Every one in the motel was already sleeping so he was entirely alone.

Again, my question Shel, what are you going to do with you're life? You don't have family left, or friends, not even a colleague or kids left. Good thing to, you would make a lousy dad. I bet you would kill your kid if you had the chance.

Please...shut up…

What? Isn't it truth? You're a killer Shel, you killed your poor mommy and daddy. So why not kill your own kids?

I DIDN'T kill my mom! That's what he told me when he beat me. But it's NOT the truth! I couldn't help it, she was sick!

Yeah sick of you!

Shut up, bastard! She loved me! That's what she told me! She loved me more than anything, that's what she always told me!

And how many women have cheated you, or lied to you! C'mon no women could live with you! You're a very bad person you know. No-one can love YOU, and YOU can't love some one. You're incapable of love.

Sands was silent for a moment. I didn't kill her. You hear me, I DIDN'T!

You still killed your daddy. And what kind of sick person would kill his
own father!

You can't call that monster a dad. Why do you make me remember the things he did to me? Do you remember when he called me a faggot and beat me so bad that I couldn't walk for a week. All because I asked a pair of proper shoes because it was snowing? Or the time that I dropped a milk bottle. When he held me underwater for five minutes. I was fucking blue by the time he let me up and then he asked me if I had learned my lesson. Since that day I'm have been afraid of swimming. He destroyed me. I was so scared of him, I never dared to think of running away, I was to afraid of what would happen if he found me.

And….you didn't run away 'cause you didn't have a place to go. Because no one ,other than your daddy, would care for you. He saved you, Shel, and you killed him…

You can't kill some one who's already dead inside, he had no heart. I did the right thing!

Killing is never a right thing, you said it you're self. Remember, Sheriff Sheldon, he was a good kid, wouldn't hurt a fly. Where did it all go wrong.

Sands was now holding his head. Can you please, go away! I don't want to think of those things. I don't want to think of the man who dared to call himself my dad. And my mom...I can't fix those things, I can't even fix my own life…

That was where I was going, you can't fix anything, your weak Sheldon, you're a weak shitty little boy, with nothing to live for. You always have been, but you were to scared to see it. But since you can't see anymore, I'll just have to remind you. Oh, wait didn't that guy in the bar do that already. What did he say again? "Freak, why didn't your mother drown you at birth." That guy had a good point. Why are you still here? I mean what's the point? Why don't you just end it all?

Sand bit his lower lip. He didn't want it to end this way. He always thought he would die in a fight, shooting till he died in a blaze of glory. He had planned on dieing with dignity, looking at the guy who shot him and telling him 'to go fuck himself'. That was the way he had seen it.

But what was the point of that? After he died he would disappear. No one would remember him. No one would go to his funeral. Everything he had ever worked for seemed so meaningless. That realization had plagued him since he had lost his eyes.

Give him a round of applause people! He finally gets it! Your a joke Shel, remember what that women said when she saw your real face. Let me refresh your memory. She said: "I can't believe I talked to that no-eyed freak!" You're a waist of time Sands.

Sands sighed and pulled a hand through his sticky hair. Maybe the voice was right. What was his big picture now? Keeping the balance. For what? The CIA, why would he do something for someone else? For himself? What was the point, he had lost that so many times, to many times. Slowly he pulled his gun out of the holster. The cold metal felt safe.

He felt the inside of his pocket. There was only one bullet left. Why wait anymore, his life was gone. Why spend his every waking, and sleeping for that matter, minute thinking and dealing with how bad he fucked up his life?

That's the spirit, Shel, go do your thing, go with a bang!

"I don't think I can do this." He muttered.

Why not? You've killed people before, and you know how a gun works. So...use it!

He nodded and loaded his gun with his last bullet. This is it. The big
ending. Should he think of something good to saying ? No, that has never been his thing, he had never been good at saying the right things at the right time. Except when he was using his words to manipulate others, but that's different.

He placed his gun against his temple. His hands were shaking and he was starting to sweat. "C'mon Sands, don't be so weak, you can do this." He took a deep breath. "Let's get this over with". He whispered. He almost pulled the trigger, but then there was a voice.

"Please, don't do that!" It begged, the voice seemed so far away.

He started to laugh. "Yes, 'course, another voice, just what I needed!" But the strangest thing was, this voice smacked his gun out of his hand. That wasn't good. He needed that gun. He wanted it back!

"Why did you do… that!" Sands tensed. The voice was very close and he knew whose voice it was. That fucking little girl. Why couldn't she do, just one fucking time, what he asked her to do? Why didn't she go away and forget about him!

"Why do you want to kill yourself? Is it because of that guy! Hell, he was talking shit!" She was silent for a moment. "Say something!"

"Why do you care!" Sands said. "You don't know me, you don't know anything about me!"

"Well, maybe that's because you don't trust me, and you have never told me anything about yourself! And that doesn't make any sense! I told you my fucked up life story, and I have never shot you or lied to you, but still you don't trust me!" She snapped.

Sands clenched his fists. "You want my life story, fine, here it is! I was born, fucked up everything I had, and hopefully I will die soon. THAT'S my life!" His voice was cold and careless.

"You are really good with the details, ya know!" Lizz said. "And if you don't want to tell me, then don't, but don't blow your head off. I still need you."

Sands looked away. "Yeah, for protection. A blind half-dead man for
protection, don't you get it? You can find lots of good gunfighters to help you, this one is broken, out of order. So hop away, find a nice gunfighter, get your fortune, and live happily ever after."

"I don't want another fucked up shooter. I want you!" This surprised Sands more than anything. "You're the first guy, ever, who didn't treat me like shit, and you saved my life. You've done some stupid things, but hey, you're human."

Sands didn't like where this was going. She sounded like she
cared. That was the danger line, she had to back up, go away. And apparently she wasn't planning to go anywhere herself, so he had to help her a little bit. "Stupid things are far from what I did, little girl. If you knew the things I have done, you would blow my brains out."

Lizz didn't like Sands' tone. Slowly she picked his gun up, but kept looking at him. "Couldn't be that bad."

Sands remand still. The way he looked at her disturbed her. "Believe me on this one, it can be that bad."

"So, why don't you tell me? It's not like we have something important to do." She said.

Sands frowned. There was that 'we' thing again. Didn't she understand that there was no 'we'? Was it that fucking hard for her to understand that he didn't give a shit about her? He had to make her go away. He wouldn't shoot her, it wasn't because he cared, he owed it to her. But she had to go.

"Fine, you wanna know some of the things I have done? Do you know about the torture techniques that the CIA use to make people talk? I was one of the people who invented them and used them. I even liked using them. I'm one of those people who would kill
and betray ever fucking person on the planet to get what I want. And
believe me, I did kill and I did betray many, many people. I'm a guy no one wants to be around." Sands grinned at the girl" I'm the guy, you shouldn't be around."

It was silent for a moment.

"Dude, and I thought I had low self-esteem." The girl replied.

Sands looked furiously at her...well the in her general direction at least. "Did you understand anything of what I just said! Jesus Fucking Christ! Normal people would turn around and walk away. Smart people would aim the damn gun and shoot me! So what's so fucked up about you! Why don't you get that I'm the bad guy, not the I-should-help-him guy!" He yelled, very pissed off.

"Because your talking shit about yourself." She answered. " Why would you do those things you just said? No one would do something like that, not without a good reason."

He gave her a wicked smile. "Luv, I don't need a good reason. It's who I am, and what I always will be. So fuck off!"

"No, I won't ' fuck off ', I still need you, I need you to be around. I'm sure your gonna laugh at this, but your cool company. With the sarcastic comments and all. And…I feel safe with you around." She explained.

Clearly the girl had lost her mind. Feeling safe, with him. This shit has to end, now! Slowly he stood up, and walked in her direction. He stopped when he felt her bodyheat. "You've been stupid girl, now you have to pay the price." Quickly he wrapped his hand around her wrist and with his other hand he grabbed his gun out of her hands. He smiled when he felt the cold metal in his firm grip.

He pushed the girl against the wall. "Now listen good. "He switch the safety off. "I'll give you two options, something I never do, so listen very closely. Option one, you turn around, walk away and live happily ever after. Option two, I shoot you, right here, right now."

The girl froze. "You can't shoot me! I helped you!"

Sands smirked and tapped his gun against his shin. "Corrupt CIA agent, savvy?"

"But, that's not fair!" She yelled.

"Life, is never fair, girly, you should know that by now… But your right shooting you is very low, only because I owe you. So I'll let you go, your the first, congratulations!" He pushed her away. "Ciao!"

He heard her walk away, was she sobbing? He didn't care. Pleased with himself because he had solved his annoying problem, he sat down on the sofa. Then he heard screams and someone running.

"SANDS! HE FOUND ME!" He heard the girl scream. He jump up, a little bit shocked, not knowing exactly what she meant. He pulled his gun and then ...someone knocked him out.

What an ASS! I wanted Sands to open up a little in this chap. Do you have ANY idea how fucking hard that is! I swear there is just no talking to that guy! sighs What an ass!

And sorry for the lame POTC quote.

Luvzzz, Sue-AnneSparrow

-TBC-