Major thanks to my Beta! She again made the chap so much better! And I luv Sands his lines:D

Disclaim: I don't own the characters from OUATIM. Just play with them.

Chapter 21) The hardest thing to say

Tiered and sweaty El drove back to his house. It was around five PM, but he still didn't feel like going back. He wasn't worried about the CIA agent, no...no he wasn't worried about him, but for some reason he felt like the fifth wheel. A stranger in his own house.

He wiped the sweat from his forehead and concentrated on the road. There wasn't much to see. Just a peaceful little village with friendly civilians. But, looks can be deceiving, El had learned that from many years of experience. El knew there was always more to something than you could see. He still clearly remembered the village where he had met Carolina for the first time. It had been, and probably still was, a very friendly looking village, on the outside at least. But after further inspection you could see kids selling drugs on the street corners and the Cartel hanging about. On more than one occasion they had tried to kill him during his stay there. Luckily he had made it out alive and with his belongings...well belonging, at that time all he had was his guitar case...and Carolina.

"Carolina…" He sighed.

Every day he missed her more than the day before, it felt like it had been an eternity since her death, but he could still see her at times, holding their daughter's hand. She looked so real, sometimes he would suddenly be able to smell her, she had always smelled like strawberries and roses. But these apparitions never lasted and each time she left he was miserable again. Each time she came and left again was another time he couldn't save them.

"But this time I won't fail!" He whispered to himself. "This time I will save her." He looked up at his house and to his surprise he saw the girl sitting on the veranda "What the...?" He parked the car and stepped out, forgetting the groceries. "Didn't I specifically tell you to stay inside!" He spat at her angry. Slowly the girl looked up. Her eyes where red and there was wet trails running down her face. She had been crying.

"I'm sorry." She sobbed sadly. El's gaze softened at the sight of the girl. He walked towards her and sat down next to her.

"What's wrong, why aren't you inside?" She looked up at him, still a little bit frightened.

"Nothing's wrong, I just don't want to stay in the same room as that hypocritical piece of shit." She looked at the front door. " I never want tosee that bastard again!" She spat as El raised both eyebrows. Last time he had seen her she had almost seemed to like Sands, so why didn't she now?

"What did he do to you?" He asked as he watched tears start to well up in her eyes. Her bottom lip began to tremble and she made an attempt to speak.

"He.. he.." She began to cry and started to talk so fast that it was impossible to understand what she was talking about. "He.. got.. mad.. I.. told.. take.. a.. shower.. He.. got.. pissed.. about.. control.. grabbed... throat... pushed.. against… wall…" Her crying got worse. " I.. got scared.. cause.. ago.. tried to… rape me.." And she stared to sob again.

"HE TRIED TO WHAT!" El jumped to his feet, filled with much more than hate as he kicked open the door, cracking the wood as he did so.

"No, no, he didn't-" He girl yelled, but El was to furious to listen to what she said. He ran into the house looked around and saw Sands sitting on thefloor in the middle of the living room.

"YOU!" El screamed. Sands didn't even get the changes to turn his head before El dragged him up by his wounded arm and slammed him against the wall. Sands yelled in pain.

"Motherfucker! Keep your fucking claws off of me!" Sands reflexively tried to kick El in the legs...it wasn't very effective, except maybe in fuelling El's rage.El pushed Sands high up the wall, holding him by the neck.

"How do you like it, bastardo!" He spit in Sands face. The man in his arm was frozen. El's eyes narrowed, and channelling his rage, he punched the man the stomach. Sands collapsed and moaned, fighting for air. El didn't feel a shred of pity.

"Why did you do it? To feel superior? Or was it so that you would be in control, like you always claim you are!" He hit Sands again then pulled the man away from the wall and closer to his face so that Sands was only being held up by El. "Guess what, I am this time!" And with that slammed Sands back against the wall, the sheer force of the action cause Sands head to snap backwards and slam into the wall.

Sands head dropped slightly forward as he tried to clear his foggy brain. As he did this his sunglasses slowly slid down his nose, coming almost completely off. Totally unaware, he raised his head up again and 'looked' at El.

El's watched as the man before him slowly raised his head, and El could see behind Sands sunglasses. What he saw made him gasp in terror. He quickly released Sands and stepped backwards as the man fell to the floor, his sunglasses separating from his face.

"Estimado dios!" His mouth dropped. "El no tiene ojo!" Sands cocked his head.

"What? Why did you stop hitting me? I'm not dead yet, and I'm not even close to screaming for mercy." He smiled coldly using his good hand to swipe his hair away from his face. He momentarily froze. Quickly he touched the upper area of his face.

"Fuck!" He 'looked' in El's direction and paled. "Fuck!" Sands scrambled towards the wall in an attempt to get up, smashing his sunglasses in the process. "Fuck no! You can't! You can't know!" And without any warning Sands fell forward, passing out.

"Jerk! Look what you've done!"

El turned around just in time to...get smacked in the face. He took a step backwards, rubbing his stinging cheek. He looked down into the furious eyes of Lizz.

"Idiot!" She kicked him. "How could you!" She tried to hit him again, but Elwas faster and caught her fist.

"What's your problem. That man tried to rape you." El said, catching her other fist.

"No, idiot! He didn't! He only threatened me like he does every fucking day,only this time he reminded me of my step dad, and that's what I was so upset about!" She started to sob again. "I already got even with him earlier, I just didn't want to talk to him, I wanted to be mad for a while, that's all! And when I get upset I can't speak proper English, and I stammer...a lot." She pulled her arms loose and stepped back. "Now look what you did to him!" Tears rolled over her cheek. "You almost killed him!"

El turned to Sands. Okay, so that wasn't the best decision he had ever made. The girl walked past him and knelt down next to Sands.

"He's bleeding again." She told him. El sighed and walked towards Sands. He looked at the unmoving man and knelt next to him and Lizz. Slowly he turned the man on his back and quickly looked away when he saw the hollow eye sockets.

"How'd...that...happen? He asked a little more than a bit disturbed.

"He never told me in details, but I think the Cartels drilled his eyes out right before the coup started. He never told me why, he doesn't like to talk about it. He…" She took a moment to find the right words. "He doesn't want to talk about it, he's afraid of what people will think of him." She noticed El'ssurprised look and continued after a short pause.

"Ow yes, he's scared." She nodded. "He's afraid of rejection, I think that's why he keeps his distance, so that he doesn't have to worry about being rejected." She looked back at Sands. "I think that's why he tries to hurt me sometimes, so I'll go away. He has a right to think everyone is going to leave him, ya know, 'Cause that's what's happened his whole life, everyone he cared about either left or betrayed him." She bit her lip. "It's pretty sad because I think that is what is really hurting him...not knowing what to expect of people. He doesn't know what other people will do if he drops his guard, or what he should do if they stay."

El listened breathlessly to the little girl. That couldn't be it. Sands wasn't like that. He was just an ignorant killer that thought about only one thing...himself. He did have a bit of pity for the man, though, even Sands didn't deserve to have his eyes drilled out. He was also a little guilty about beating a blind man half to death.

"Let's carry him to the sofa." The girl nodded slowly, not looking away from Sands. They carried Sands to the sofa and laid him on it. His face was set in a grimace, he was as pale as death and he didn't seem to know what was going on.

"I'll get some warm water." El said, standing up. "His head is bleeding."Lizz only nodded and didn't look up.

"And…" El cursed himself for saying it but he had to. ".. I'm sorry I beat Sands, it was a stupid thing to do without knowing what had happened." 'Of course it was about time that Sands got paid back for some of the things he's done.' He thought, but saying it out loud was probably not a good idea.

Lizz shook her head.

"Don't tell me that, tell him when he wakes up." She said looking back at Sands.

El glared at the man's inert form. 'No way am I telling tell him I'm sorry'. "Fine." He said without enthusiasm, but Lizz wasn't paying much attention to El.

"Jesus…" She whispered when she saw a line of blood roll over the left side of his face. "I'm sorry Sands, I didn't want this to happened to you." She tried to hold back her tears. "I'm so sorry this happened. I was just upset about what you had done. I didn't want El to… I'm so sorry…"

"Well, 'can't blame ya." Lizz eyes grew wide.

"Sands! You're awake?" A painful grin appeared on his face.

"I can't see a fucking thing." He shook his head. "I feel like River Dance is being held in my head, and I can't feel my arm." His grin got bigger. "Yeah, I'd say I'm awake."

"So I guess...you did hear what I said then." Lizz shut her eyes, not wanting to know the answer.

"It was pretty fucking hard to miss girl, you where practically on top of me."

"Fuck it, the one time I do say I'm sorry when you get hurt, you're awake. Great." She rolled her eyes. He laughed.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I must say it was a lovely speech. " He joked sounding like his old self.

"You're never going to let me forget this, are ya?" Lizz asked looking like she was in an immense amount of pain. Sands laughed.

"No. FUCKING. Way. I wish I had gotten it on tape!"

"I could ask El to knock you out again, then I could tape it for you. It might not be as convincing as the first time though" She replied. At the name 'El' Sands tensed, he tried to hide it.

"Speaking of almighty El, where is he?" His brain stopped for a moment. El knew! El fucking knew he was blind. A blind eyeless freak. And he had let El take control. No, he had let him beat him. Beat the shit out of him. Sands stopped breathing. He knew from experience what happened when someone knew they were stronger than you. He had learned from the master.

"Listen, don't tell El I woke up. Just tell him to fuck off, don't let him close to me. I… I can't..." He stopped. "Don't let him close." Lizz nodded.

"Okay, I won't."

"Good." He sighed. He still had one more thing to say. The only problem was the one thing had always been a difficult thing for him to say. In fact it was one of the most difficult. It was up there with 'I love you.' and 'I forgive you.". He would have preferred to be standing in front of a firing squad instead of attempting to say it. 'But I have to', he thought, 'No I won't...But I have to.' He gritted his teeth. 'Okay, fuck it, I'll say it now, before I can think clear again. "Lizz.." He started.

"Yeah?" She said surprised, probably because he was actually using her name, and not some randomly devised nickname.

"Okay, I'm only going to say this once, so listen good." He paused. "This is just my concussion talking, don't get any ideas...okay..."

"Okay…" Her voice sounded ten times more surprised and curious. 'Shit, now I have to say it.' He struggled to find the right words, the ones that would fit. But, oddly enough he could think of anything...anything good at least.

"Okay, listen, I didn't mean to make you upset or...fuck...I mean, mad or anything and I especially didn't want you to start sobbing and shit... and…uhh that stuff you yelled about how I was acting..." His hands turned into fist. 'Fuck, I'm rambling like a imbecile'. "But anyway… I'm…" He coughed. "Sorry."

A silence like no other before it filled the room. 'Was it that bad?' He began to wonder. Well...Fuck her! I'm not saying something like that ever again! It was a one time deal. Hell, I'm not even thinking about saying something like that again! Then she started to sob and he nearly jumped. "WHAT!" He growled in frustration.

"Nothing…" She laugh. "Just scared to death! Normally you shout, scream or yell threats at me.It is just so shocking. She chuckled. "Where's a camera when you need one."

"Don't get any ideas, Lizzy-O. First, last, and only time, I fucking swear." Stiffly he held up his good arm. "I swear." Then strangely enough he fell asleep.

Okay, if Sands gets OOC, right now, TELL ME! Man, you have no idea how long it took me to come up with something decent to let Sands say at the 'sorry part'.

El's Spanish lines, I think smart to know what he said:

Estimado dios Dear god.
El no tiene ojo he has no eye's!

Luvzzz /Sue-AnneSparrow.