Disclaimer: it pains me to admit it. But I do not own Harry Potter
It was the middle of the night, and Voldemort was walking around, obviously drunk on sugar (again), because 1) he didn't have his wand and 2) he was wobbling like a drunk man, and singing like one too.
"29 bo'les o' coke on deh wall, 29 bo'les o' cooooke." Voldemort sang off- key as he stumbled down the street before hiccuping giddily.
Suddenly a muggle with a big golden cross on a chain, a necklace of garlic and a stake (the wooden kind, not the meaty kind) jumped out from an alleyway, waving the cross at Voldemort. The Dark lord stopped, confused.
"You're a Vampire, ain't yah? You bloody-er-bloodsucker!" The strange muggle yelled, pointing at Voldemort accusingly with the cross before swinging the heavy metal cross around on its chain before bringing it down on Voldemort's head.
The insane muggle ran off shrieking into the night. "I won against a vampire! I won I won!"
Voldemort laid facedown on the roadway, then sat up and stared accusingly at the author. "I didn't die this time!"
A Meteorite fell out of the sky and crushed Voldemort. End.