Receptionist: (overly perky) Welcome to J'adore, name please?
E: uh…Erik.
R: Ah! We were expecting you Mr…
E: Erik.
R: Right, Mr. Erik! The vicomte is over there waiting for you (motions to Raoul flirting with all the salon girls to mooch free hair products off of them).
E: Thanks.
Raoul: Phantom old buddy! How are you?
E: (growls)
Ra: I'm good thanks! Ready for our hair appointments? These appointments are the highlight of my week. I mean this one time…
E: (tunes Raoul out and sits down in salon chair)
Ra: Wheeeeeeee! Look its spinny! Wheeeeeeeee!
Salon lady: So, let me just fit this wig on and we can trim the sides.
E: (gives evil threatening glare)
SL: (walks away to get scissors)
Ra: (is still spinning)
SL: (trying pitifully to start a conversation) So where do you live? (tries to avoid the glares).
E: (still glaring)
Ra: (has finally stopped spinning)
(This goes on until they are both finished)
R: Your total will be 3000 francs.
E: What? That's a total rip off!
Ra: that's fine I'll pay (pulls out American Idol wallet)
E: (tries not to notice but American Idol obsession is too strong) You like AI?
Ra: Hell yeah! I've never missed an episode.
E: OMG ME TOO! (screeches like a little girl)
Ra: NO WAY! (jumps up and down)
E: LIKE TOTALLY WAY!
(Spend rest of time debating the best way to kill Simon)
(Erik finally reaches the lair)
E: Christine you'll never guess…
C: So you like it?
E: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE? ARE YOU INSANE? THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (theme music ensues in background) CANNOT HAVE A LAIR THAT INCLUDES PINK LACEY CURTAINS WITH (pauses and examines curtains) FLOWERS ON THEM!
C: (starts to cry) They are roses honey, just like the ones you used to give me. You don't like it? I thought they would mean something to you!
E: (softens face) oh honey no, I'm sorry, I do like them, really I do.
C: You're lying! (runs to her room and locks herself in)
E: Oh c'mon Christine you know I get moody sometimes.
C: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
E: C'mon I have surprise for you!
C: (sniffs) What?
E: I'm applying to be a judge on American Idol! Apparently Raoul has connections.
C: SO?
E: Well, with the extra money…(drains every last bit of his strength to say what he does next) we could buy a couch set that goes with curtains.
(door to bedroom is flung open)
C: Really! (Kisses Erik on the lips).
E: Yep! (Puts on his happy face…although not literally if you know what I mean…oh never mind just keep reading)
C: YAY! (skips around lair)
E: (collapses into a chair) Well, at least she hasn't mentioned kids yet…