A/N: Ok here is the first American Idol chapter, I had to ask my AI obsessed friend for some opinions on how to make fun of the show and stuff, and one of the things she said was that there were so many commercials during the show…which in the story I took a bit to the extreme. I start school soon, and have been really busy with pre- school stuff lately so this chapter will probably get better/funnier as the week progresses. Oh and if you have a specific song you want to sing just tell me, Erik for President I could change yours if you like. Don't worry other contestants; there will be another chapter coming soon with you guys in it. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own American Idol, any of the judges, or Ryan Seacrest. I also don't own the "Star Spangled Banner"

Ra: Ok, Big E here's what's going down-

E: Excuse me?

Ra: C'mon it's the cool way to talk…all hip young people talk like this.

Random Hip Young person: No we don't, what century are you from?

Ra: The -

Random Hip young person: Dude, it was a rhetorical question, get with the program. (Saunters off)

E: Oh yea…your sooo hip (rolls eyes).

Ra: (pauses for a second) So like meet me back here when it's all gone down, and don't forget to bring the bling! (Pops collar and walk off).

E: (sighs and walks into the studio)

Ryan: Hey! You must be the new celebrity judge, it's a pleasure to meet you I'm Ryan Seacrest! (Holds out hand for Erik to shake)

E: (stares blankly eager to meet the real stars of the show)

Ryan: Great! Ok so lets start with a little tour and then you can meet the other judges.

(As the tour progresses Erik just stares in awe, and cannot believe the fact that he is in the American Idol studio, totally ignoring Ryan whose blabbering on about absolutely nothing trying to escape the fact that he is only the host, not that important and doesn't get paid like the rest of the others)

Ryan: (leads Erik into the main AI stage) These are the other judges you'll be working with! (Points to Paula, Randy, and Simon).

Paula: Hello! Aren't you handsome!

Randy: Yo! What's up dog?

Simon: (in stupid British accent) That mask is horrendous!

E: (fingers Punjab)

Paula: Oh be nice, I think the mask is quite lovely!

Simon: (rolls eyes)

E: It's such an honor to finally meet the judges!

Randy: Dog, it's a pleasure to have you with us dog.

Producer: Kay guys were starting now.

E: (confused) I'm not a dog!

(American idol theme music plays)

Ryan: Welcome to American Idol! I'm Ryan Seacrest, and boy do we have a show for you tonight…(once again blabbers off about nothing, until a security guard grabs him and drags him off stage) But I am important I really am!

(audience cheers)

Simon: Ok first up Erik for President, What kind of name is that?

Paula: A beautiful name!

E: President? Well I guess I could run….

Randy: So where are you from?

Erik for President: uh…Iceland

Simon: Iceland?

Erik for President: Iceland…although contrary to popular belief Iceland is really green and nice while Greenland is the one---(looks up and stops when she realizes no one's listening to her).

Erik: (randomly) Does anyone have gum?

Randy/Paula/Simon: No.

Random person in audience: I do!

(By the time the gum situation is figured out…for Erik cannot just chew one piece, Erik for President is clearly annoyed that everyone seems to have forgotten about her, and proceeds to doing the Macarena in the middle of the stage)

Paula: (finally remembers Erik for President) Oh, sorry hon' what will you be singing?

Erik for President: (stops immediately) I'll be singing the star spangled banner! Oh…say can you seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, by the dawns early light—

Random T.V announcer: We'll be right back after these messages from our sponsors!

(messages from their sponsors end)

Simon: Horrible! Horrible!

Audience:(angrily boos Simon)

Paula: Let her finish! Her voice is so amazing!

E: Do you ever say anything bad?

Paula: NOPE! (Does her annoying clap and smiles stupidly)

Simon: Absolute crap!

E: I actually thought she had a good tone and-

Randy: Not bad dog, not bad.

Erik for President: (whines) I didn't' even get to finish! What so proudly we hailed at the twilights last gleaming….

Simon: (yawns)

Random announcer on the T.V: Stay tune we'll be right back after a few more messages from our sponsors (segues into more commercials)

(commercials end)

Erik for President: (glares evilly at Simon) Whose broad stripes and bright stars were so gallantly streaming---(is interrupted by another commercial) Damn commercials! (curses under breath).

Paula: Wonderful Hon' you really have talent!

Randy: I thought it was good dog.

Simon: I have never heard anything worse in my life! (Audience boos at Simon).

Paula: Like you can sing any better (claps annoyingly).

E: Well, I think-

Ryan: (finally back on stage) Now that I've finally taken my medicine…I mean…umm…uh…our next contestant is little lemon!

Erik for President: (walks off to the side of the stage muttering and mumbling) I didn't even get to finish….

E: WAIT!

Audience and judges: What?

E: I'm the Phantom of The Opera! (Theme music ensues in background) I HAVE OPINIONS!

Randy: but—

E: SILENCE! Erik for President COME HERE!

Erik for President: (happily skips back on to the stage giddy with happiness to actually have been summoned by the phantom.) Yes?

E: (blissfully unaware of the phangirls/fanfic authors behind the stage and the millions of phangirls watching at home) I think that your voice is good, you're obviously not a trained singer, but I would be happy to teach you.

(Phanfic authors behind stage let out an enormous uproar of jealously, little lemon, leotabelle13, and phantomluvr even go as far as rushing out onto the stage with baseball bats, only to be subdued by a tranquilizer gun. Meanwhile phangirls at home throw tantrums and various objects at the T.V screen)

Erik for President: Oh… my… gosh…(faints)

C: (watching at home) That's it! (Runs to book a flight to LA).

A/N I hope you liked it the next chapter will be up as soon as possible! (I'm sorry if I'm referring to you as a "she" not a "he" or vice versa in any of the following chapters just tell me if it bothers you and I'll change it) Also, if your disappointed with this chapter please tell me if there are any ways I can make this chapter more funny…thanx!