Sole Survivor
Day Thirty
I don't think it would be surprising to say that I slept poorly last night. Several things kept running through my mind. First and foremost, Malfoy telling me he loves me. With no malice, no cunning, and no evil. Pushing that aside, I moved on to the fact that Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, a guy with no love lost for anything Slytherin, is apparently Malfoy's best friend.
The handwriting on the letter was perfectly recognizable. Harry's untidy scrawl had appeared on letters addressed to me for years. I hadn't heard from him in the last six months or so, but I'd be able to recognize his writing anywhere.
So, where does that leave me? Tossing and turning inside a roughly built hut, listening to the sleeping sounds of six other people. Or maybe only five. If I'm lucky, Malfoy is having just as hard a time sleeping as I am – it would only serve him right for dropping the love bomb on me. I can't tell if he's sleeping or not, since he's not in what has become his usual place, next to me. Maybe he's giving me some space. All I know is that it feels colder and emptier without him by my side.
Finally, the sky is starting to get brighter. I get up and maneuver out of the shelter, since there's no way I'm going to be able to sleep any more. By the time the rest of the group is up, I've already gathered some coconuts for breakfast, stoked the fire and started a pot of rice.
Malfoy looks disheveled, with dark circles under his eyes. Excellent. At least I'm not the only one running on too little sleep. He's keeping busy with morning chores, and doesn't seem to want to make eye contact with me. He almost seems … afraid.
I walk down the beach and sit down in the sand, shocked. Malfoy, afraid of me.
The truth is amazing when you finally realize it.
If he lied about the love, he wouldn't be afraid. He'd be pestering me, smirking at me, trying his best to get me to confess love in return, so that he could then rub his lies in my face. He'd be actively wooing me, not behaving like a puppy that expects to be hit.
I look up the beach at Malfoy. He's sitting in the sand himself, working on husking coconuts. Or at least holding a coconut in his hands as he watches me. I'm only able to catch his eye for a second, then he quickly ducks his head back down and fumbles with his coconut. He's either the greatest actor in the world, or he's genuinely concerned about my reaction.
I start back to my ruminating, but am interrupted by Kiki's bottom plopping down in the sand next to me. "Trouble in paradise?"
"What on earth are you talking about?"
"You and Draco is what I'm talking about. You seem to be avoiding each other." Kiki leans back and runs her fingers through the sand. "Of course, if this has something to do with our alliance in the game, I should be informed. But on the other hand, if it's a personal matter, I really shouldn't be snooping. But the unfortunate thing is, I'm the biggest snoop in the world."
I chuckle at Kiki and reassure her. "The alliance is fine."
"And?"
"And you're right, you're the biggest snoop in the world."
"Do you want me to talk to him?" Kiki shifts to her knees, then stands up. "I'm going to see what's up with him."
I jump to my feet. "Um … no, really, there's nothing going on. You don't need to do that."
She grins at me. "I wonder if that's what Draco would say, too? Well, only one way to find out."
Kiki turns away from me and takes a step toward Malfoy. I grab her on the arm, tugging her gently back to me. She turns to look at me, smiling widely. Trapped.
I sigh. "Fine. You win. Look at me, going over to talk to Draco." The truth is, I desperately want to talk to him. Especially after his promise to tell me everything. It's just that I don't like feeling forced into anything.
"Just remind him of how much you resemble his secret school crush. That should make him smile again." Kiki pushes me toward Draco.
That's right, the secret school crush. How could I have forgotten that? Draco letting slip to Kiki that I bear such a strong resemblance to the mysterious, bookish, brilliant girl who went to his school. But now, since Malfoy's big confession, I have the feeling that the tale of the secret crush has more than a small element of truth to it. Of course, it's just another part of the "everything" that I hope to learn from Malfoy.
I make my way over to where Malfoy is still husking coconuts and sit down on the sand next to him, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them.
"Good morning, Draco. Sleep well?"
"Um." He takes a deep breath, then chances a quick look in my eyes. He just as quickly moves his glance away, back to his coconut. "No, not really. Must be the humidity."
I look at him for a long moment, rest my chin on my knees and sigh. "You act as if I'm going to hit you."
His hands grow still, resting on top of a coconut. He stares at them. "If you did, I'd deserve it." His whispered voice has an edge to it I've never heard before. Raw, open, almost quivering on the verge of tears. Those six simple words carry the weight of a thousand apologies for a thousand wrongs, and I realize immediately that not only is it sincere, it's also more than enough.
I feel a burning in the back of my throat and in my eyes, but will myself not to cry. I reach out and put my hand over one of his, squeezing gently. I open my mouth to speak just as I hear a shuffling in the sand.
Blinking back my unshed tears, I look up to see Pete passing in front of us, glaring down at our joined hands. He shuffles past, loudly kicking sand ahead of him as he walks. Just as Pete gets far enough away that I feel I can safely speak without being overheard, I hear voices from the other side of camp declaring the arrival of our challenge notice.
Malfoy untangles his hand from mine and stands up next to me, brushing sand from his legs. He offers a hand to help me up, which I gladly take. He pulls me to my feet and for a moment we're looking at each other. His eyes are full of worry and anguish, and it hurts me that I'm the reason it's there.
"We need to go," he mutters, but doesn't move to leave.
"Look." I grab his hand again and intertwine our fingers. "I need to think about some stuff, which I'm sure you understand. But whatever big hurt you think I'm going to throw your way isn't going to happen."
He still looks at me with those pitiful eyes. "I should never have told you. There's no way I could expect someone to forgive … or forget, let alone …"
"Oh gods," I interrupt him. "You're worse than a woman." Hopefully this will convince him that I'm not about to break his tender heart. I tug his hand so that he takes a step toward me, reach up behind his neck with my other hand and pull his head down to me, planting my lips on his. He stiffens for a moment, then wraps his free arm around my waist.
It's a short kiss, but very, very nice. His lips are soft and warm, gentle but still filled with passion.
We break apart and I check his eyes. There's a little more confidence there, and less of the anguish. He smiles and pulls me toward the other side of camp, where the rest of the tribe must be.
"You still have a lot to tell me, as promised."
"I know, but now is certainly not the time."
I smack him lightly on the ass. "Yes, but I'll collect as soon as I possibly can."
We find the other members of the group reading over today's message, and learn that we need to leave for the challenge site immediately. After everyone makes sure they have their shoes on, we trek into the jungle.
We emerge from the trees to one of our familiar challenge areas, but it's been made completely unrecognizable by a series of very tall walls. Marcus is there to greet us, as always.
"For today's immunity challenge, all you need to do is navigate this maze. There are five stations inside the maze, each with numbered tile markers. At each station, you'll take one of the markers and return it to the center of the maze. You may only carry one marker at a time. In the center, there's a board with all of your names on it, and five pegs next to your name. Hang your tiles in order, one through five, on the pegs next to your name. The first person to fill their row on the board wins immunity."
We take our places in the center of the maze. When Marcus shouts at us to go, we all head off into different directions into the maze. As I run, I'm puzzling over what spell I can use. I could use the same transparency spell I used on a blindfold in an earlier challenge, but with the walls transparent, I'd run into them.
I move forward into the maze, cursing myself for not being able to think of a spell. I run into a dead end and have to backtrack and take another path. Finally, I find a board with seven tiles hanging from it, all marked with the number three. I grab one and try to remember how to return to the center of the maze. I'm not doing so well on this challenge.
I finally make it back to the center of the maze and hang my tile on the third peg next to my name. I see that Malfoy's already been here with a number five tile, Pete has left a number two and Kiki has returned a number one. I dash down another path and take the first left, nearly knocking Malfoy down. He has a tile with the number four on it.
He quickly whispers, "left, second right, left," gently touches my face and continues on past me. With his instructions, I quickly find my own tile and backtrack to the center of the maze. By now, everyone has at least one tile on the board. I add my second and choose another passage.
I take several wrong turns and am ready to turn back when Pete barrels toward me from the left, a tile bearing the number five in his hand. Obviously I don't move aside fast enough for his tastes.
"Get the hell out of my way," he growls at me.
"Real nice, Pete!" I shout over my shoulder as I take the path where he'd emerged.
He snarls at me, but right now the challenge is more important than being an asshole to me. He runs back toward the center of the maze, and I quickly find my number five tile. I return to the center of the maze at the same time as Sheryl, who's also placing her third marker on the board. I quickly check and see that Malfoy and Pete both have four tiles on the board, and are both missing tile number one. As I turn to decide where to go next, I hear a shout from one of the passages. I run over and am almost knocked down by Pete, running toward the tally board at full tilt. Moments later Malfoy comes running out the same passage, but he's too late. Pete has placed his last tile on the board, and Marcus congratulates him for winning immunity.
Malfoy drops his last tile onto the sand and leans against the nearest wall of the maze, catching his breath. After everyone has rested briefly, we're shown the way out of the maze and slowly make our way back to camp. Malfoy falls into step with me.
"He knocked me over."
"Isn't that against the rules?"
"We were running neck and neck, and he stumbled as if he'd tripped over something. Very clever, that Pete. He ran into me, made me off-balance and I hit the sand. Meanwhile, he kept on running."
We fall back behind the rest of the tribe on the trek back to camp, discussing who to vote out, since Pete is now off-limits. We reach our decision by the time we return to our beach. Malfoy goes to find Sheryl and discuss the vote with her, while I find Kiki and Ellen, tossing the plan idea around with them. Both women say they agree with our reasoning for the vote.
We have a short time to eat dinner and gather our belongings and torches before we must again leave camp for Tribal Council. Everyone has taken on a somber and quiet air as we get ready to lose another member of our team.
Marcus has changed clothes from one tasteful safari outfit to another, and as usual he hits us with pertinent questions about the past three days on the island. He has yet to mention anything about me and Draco, but I'm sure that will be coming eventually. So far, we've been lucky with timing and mysteriously broken cameras.
"So, tonight we'll add another member of the jury, and your group will be down to six. Kiki, any thoughts about which way you're going to vote tonight?"
Kiki shifts uncomfortably. "Well, I have to consider who's likely to beat me in challenges."
Marcus smiles. "Ah, so you're planning on voting out someone with more physical strength?"
"Um … well, not necessarily. There are also mental challenges, and … um … I have to take that into account."
She fell for his trap, practically admitting her vote, but the target of that vote doesn't seem to have caught on.
The questioning over, we make our way one by one to the voting area. I write down the name we've agreed upon, say some pleasantries to the camera, and return to my seat. After we've all finished, Marcus brings the container full of votes back up to where we're sitting.
He pulls the first vote from the container. "DRACO" is written in Pete's familiar bold handwriting.
The second vote is pulled. Marcus says the name on the slip. I don't think I've heard him right, but he turns the slip around, and I can see a second "Draco," written in a much calmer hand.
I suddenly feel lightheaded. There's a faint buzzing noise in my ears. I can hear my heartbeat hammering in my head. My planning has gone horribly wrong. They've turned against us. My alliance is trash.
The third name is pulled. Beyond the buzzing noise, Marcus' voice has become distant.
"Chet."
I have to force myself to breathe. But it doesn't feel like there's any air.
The fourth name comes out. My own handwriting. "Chet."
"The vote is now tied, two for Draco, two for Chet," intones Marcus.
The fifth vote is pulled, read and shown. "Chet."
Three to two.
A sixth vote is pulled out. Marcus regards it silently for a moment.
"The tenth person voted off the island, and the third member of our jury." He shows the slip of paper. "Chet, the tribe has spoken."
The buzzing fades. Suddenly, the world is full of air, and I can easily breathe it. My heartbeat gradually slows down. Two votes, that's all it was. Pete and Chet voted for Malfoy. My alliance is still intact. And Malfoy isn't leaving.
The remaining six of us gather our things and return through the dark forest to camp. After tending to the fire, we all make our way into the shelter. Malfoy takes his old spot next to me. I offer him half of my pillow, which he silently accepts. He puts an arm under my shoulders, and I press myself against his side, wrapping an arm around his chest and a leg around his legs, clinging to him as if I'm drowning. I feel the familiar burning in my eyes and throat, but here, in the darkness, with him holding on to me, I can let the tears fall.
I cry quietly, wetting Malfoy's t-shirt with my tears, until I've finally released all of the pent-up emotion from my panic attack. The sensible part of my brain warns me to wait, to find out his secrets, to put all the pieces together, to analyze why he's here and what he did with his past before making any rash decisions. But it would appear that my heart has overruled my brain. My emotions have already decided.
I fall asleep held securely in the arms of a man I just might be falling in love with.