K/F: Okay peoples, thanks for all the reviews that I've been getting, and I hope that you will keep them coming. And yes, Urahara and Byakuya will come in later. The title of this is Shinigami's Interview therefore; all who were or are still shinigami get on this show. Isshin? Maybe, but we'll have to vote on it. If he does get on the show, he'll be near the end, but I'm not sure if I would be able to dedicate a full chapter to him.

If you've been hearing any rumors about Hitsu-kun, then they're probably true. That's all I'll say. If you have no idea what I'm talking about. SEARCH! No, just kidding. And on with Episode 3!
Grand Disclaimer: Nuh-uh.

(Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Mushroom, Mushroom)

"So, what happened to your Ferrari? I mean, it's all beat up and stuff," Ichigo asked, again backstage.

"A couple of gangsters beat it up. And then they ran away when I brandished my sewing needles. They were probably scared at my threat," Ishida replied proudly.

"Anyone would be scared to see a male dork hold up sewing needles," Ichigo retorted.

A crash was heard as Icki started to mercilessly whack off all fan girls that attempted to climb up the studio stage. One of her hands was holding the mic stick whacking fan girls while the other hand was holding a sign that read, "DIE". Aki was with her camera drinking green tea, calmly unaware of the disaster going on onstage. Good thing the camera wasn't running. Looking at her watch she snapped to Icki while she finished off all the remaining fans and held up another sign that said "Get onstage B4 things get ugly."

Happy to comply, everyone returned to their respective places and Ishida got onstage to do his welcoming speech.

"Alright everyone, welcome back to Shinigami's Interview with Yamada Hanatarou of the 4th division!" As usual, clapping ensued. Ishida then cleared his throat, "Okay, now we will just get on with-"

But Ishida never had time to continue, for a loud 'THUD' was heard on the speakerphones followed by the high pitched dinging noise from the speakers being too close to the mic which was also followed by a high pitched squeal of delight. Seconds later Hanatarou found himself getting squeezed to death by none other than the mic holder, Icki. Backstage, Aki was clutching her ears after she was finished removing the headphones.

"Oh my gosh! He's so CUUUUUUUUUTE! And I get to hug him because I'm the mic holder!" Icki squealed in a voice loud enough to contact the UFOs. In the front row Ichigo covered his ears while hollering, "You are so right! When she talks she IS loud."

"Icki, get your tushie back here with the mic and let's continue with the show. I promise you will get to hug him later," Aki said dragging Icki back by her collar.

"Phew, now that that's settled, we can get back to the show," Ishida said, sitting down followed by Hanatarou.

"All right, now Hanatarou, you seem pretty clean. No grime to flush out whatsoever so we'll just have to-"

"Oh, of course I'm clean. I take a shower every morning and evening as is common practice of the 4th squad," Hanatarou answered happily, clueless to the real meaning of the statement.

"No, that's not what I meant but, oh, I have one. Do you have a crush on your captain, Unohana-taichou?"

"Crush? Why would I ever even want to hurt, much less crush, Unohana-taichou?" Hanatarou asked, utterly horrified.

"No, no! Crush as in do you like her," Ishida tried to correct himself.

"Of course I do!" Hanatarou said brightening up altogether, "I like her as every subordinated should like their captain!"

"Wha-?" Ishida smacked his forehead, "Do you love your captain then?"

"I love her because she's like a mother to me," Hanatarou answered, still not getting the point of all Ishida's questions.

"Oh boy. Look kid, do you like your captain like a girlfriend?"

"But, I'm a boy!"

Ishida smacked his head once more, but gave in to giving up on the subject and tried a new approach.

"So Hanatarou, are you a virgin?"

"Huh? What's a virgin? Isn't that like a constellation?"

"Um no, that's Virgo you fool."

"Oh really? I never knew!" Hanatarou exclaimed.

"Okay, then, well, recently, there have been rumors flying around. Is there anything going on between you and Shiba Ganju?" Ishida asked, hoping to hit a weak spot.

"Ganju? Oh nothing is going on between us. We're just gangsters," Hanatarou happily said.

Silence.

"Ok, well, do you know of anything, 'cause my Ferrari got totally beat up by these gangsters this morning."

"Oh that's funny. Because this morning we beat up this dork's Ferrari and he started flinging around sewing needles and we thought that guy was wrong in the mind so we left him be. But, he looked a lot like… you." Hanatarou paused with sudden realization. "Oh, so it was you wasn't it? Uh oh, GANJU!" Hanatarou yelled. Immediately after, a sandy hole appeared behind them and Ganju rode out of the hole on a boar, grabbed Hanatarou and ran. Before that happened Ishida said, "Gangsters don't ride boars."

Hanatarou just answered, "Boar riding is cool! Much better that those metal bikes!" and rode away from the studio.

"Security, after them!" shouted Ishida, flinging his arms forth. As ten security guard people ran after them Ishida brought up a radio from out of nowhere and began to turn the dials. Turning it on to the loudest volume the entire conversation between Ganju and Hanatarou was heard by the whole audience. You see, when Ishida made security go after the duo, he shot a bugging device. How, we'll never know.

Outside the studio w/ Hanatarou and Ganju:

"Hey Ganju, what's a virgin?" Hanatarou asked suddenly.

"What the-? Kid, you should just ask your mommy when you get back home," Ganju replied.

"But the only person that I would consider as my mom would be Unohana-taichou."

"Then ask her."

There was a pause, and then, "Ganju, are you a virgin?" asked Hanatarou innocently.

Pulling the boar to a complete stop, Ganju answered, "Actually, not really. Mine was shattered with the coming of Yoroichi-san."

"Oh, so that means that when you meet a girl for the first time then you're not a virgin?"

"No, no. You know how Yoroichi-san is really good friends with my sis right? Well I always thought she was a cat until that day," Ganju shuddered at the thought.

"Oh so that means you lose your virginity when you like to fight?"

"Uh, no. Well, um, Hanatarou, just ask your captain. Males are not fit to ask or answer the question of virginity unless they are gender-confused or have recently lost points in manliness," Ganju said, relieved that he could get off the subject.

"Fine," and another long pause followed. "Ganju?"

"Yes?" Ganju waited tensely.

"What's that silver thing on your shoulder?"

"Huh?" looking at his right shoulder he saw a circular silver thing and realized what it was. "What the-? They've been bugging us!" He crushed the mini-mic and let its remains fall to the ground. Then the two rode off into the distance again.

Both flung their hands into the air, waved back at the pursuing security guards and yelled, "We will conquer the Donut Peoples!" Then they ripped off their outer garb to reveal the gangster clothing beneath.

Back at the studio:

Over the radio, everyone heard Ganju's last comment before the connection was lost. They all silently agreed that Hanatarou was more than meets the eye, but was definitely too innocent to be gangster.

Straightening up Ishida took up his usual spot in the center of the studio.

"Ah well, at least we heard their little conversation!" smiled Ishida brightly, "and stay tune later for another episode of Shinigami's Interview with the vice captain of the 11th division, Yachiru!"

(Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Mushroom, Mushroom)

K/F: And here comes the end of another chapter. Five reviews before the next. It's okay, if you burnt the cookies. ANYWAY, don't think that just because the people interviewed aren't onstage that they won't come back later. Oh they will. They will. I'm getting wickeder with each coming chapter. Hehe. Here, decipher the following words and it'll give you a clue to one of the chapter's that are to come. This'll be easy but they'll get a little bit harder to decipher later.

Ikaraz Atsgnag.

Because I let Icki hug Hana-kun, I'll let you fans get to hug someone too! If you want to hug 'em then you'd be in the audience. Before, after, or during your favorite character's interview you get to hug someone. However I can only allow three hugs per character per chapter.

R&R!