My Worst Fear
"Last night, you gave me a kiss,
You didn't know it, but I was awake when you did.
You were quiet, you were gonna let me sleep,
So I just lay there pretending to be.
You said some things, you didn't know I could hear,
And the words 'I love you' never sounded sincere.
It's gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leaving,
Now that I know just how much care.
You finally gave me one good reason not to go,
But staying here is my worst fear.
This morning I rolled out of bed,
Recalling all the sweet things said.
This was I was gonna hurt you bad,
Called out you name, but you didn't answer back.
I searched the house to find out what was wrong,
Like a ton of bricks, it hit me you were gone.
It's gonna make hard to tell you that I'm leaving,
Now that I know how much care.
You finally gave me one good reason not to go,
But staying here is my worst fear.
All along I knew there was something missing,
And only one thing left to do.
I had to leave behind this life we were living,
But the only thing that left was you.
It's gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leaving,
Now that I know how much you care.
You finally gave me one good reason not to go,
But being alone is my worst fear,
And staying here is my worst fear."
-"My Worst Fear" by Rascal Flatts
Lex lay awake on his large, silk-covered bed. He had woken up as soon as she slipped out of the room. That had been hours ago. He was getting too settled in this time; he knew it was time to go. He had made plans and tomorrow was the day. Chloe had no idea but he couldn't tell her he was leaving for good. He sat up and looked around the large bedroom in the house he shared with Chloe. They had been dating for close to four years and living together for almost as long. He laid back down when he heard her come back in the room.
She sniffled like she had been crying then sat on the bed next to him. She leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "I know you can never say it back but I love you, Lex, with all my heart. I'm not here for your money or your looks and I'm definitely not here for your father. I know you don't really trust me but I trust you with my life. I'm not sure I can stand it anymore, though. I guess this is the closest I'll get to actually saying this to your face but you'll never know how much I want to. If I do, you'll just try to talk me out of it and I'm stubborn this time." She let out a silent sob and laughed at the same time. He always said she could give a mule more than a run for his money then she would call him a jackass.
Chloe gathered her wits before she continued in the same quiet voice she had been using. "You'd probably give me that annoyingly sexy little smirk of yours if you heard me right now. Pouring my heart out to a man who could never feel the same way. I've never felt this way, Lex, and I'm not sure if I'm capable of loving someone like this again. You'll never know it but you broke my heart and I'm not sure anyone else could ever have it." She lied down beside and put her arm around his waist burying her head in his back. "I'm sorry." Her words were muffled but he heard them and the sob that followed.
He fell asleep that night mulling over her little speech inside his head. When he awoke much later than he usually would have the next morning, he was alone in bed. Her side was neatly made and a note was on the pillow. He opened the small piece of yellow paper. "I'm sorry," was all it said. He got out of bed and pulled on a robe. He had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach but chose to ignore as he made his way into the hall.
"Chloe?" He called out praying for any sign that she was still there. He walked through every room but never found her. The porche was missing from the garage and her suitcase was gone from the closet along with some of her more casual clothing. Lex sat on the black leather couch in the living room. She was gone. He never imagined that her leaving would ever affect him this way. He thought he would be fine without her; hence the flight to London that left in six hours that he had a ticket for.
The doorbell shook him out of his revere. He stood and answered it himself. Gabe Sullivan was standing at the door looking very nervous and uncomfortable.
"Hi, Lex, Chloe sent me here to get the rest of her things and move them back to Smallville until she finds a more permanent place to live."
Lex just nodded and showed Gabe to the bedroom. He took a few garbage bags out of his pocket and started to slowly remove all traces of Chloe from the room. Gabe paused before shoving more clothes in one bag, "Did she tell you why?"
"Not directly." All Lex could manage were concise answers that required little thought. His mind was in a jumble and he couldn't get it straight. He stood from the bed and pulled out some suitcases and proceeded to pack most of his own clothing.
"Going somewhere?" The older man asked in confusion.
"I have a flight to London in a little under four hours." He answered closing his own suitcases and calling for a limo to come by and pick up him up and take him to the airport.
"London? Wow, you got a flight fast." Gabe remarked thinking it had just been planned.
"A month ahead of time isn't very fast." Lex replied calling a realtor to sell the house and movers to make sure everything made it to London after him.
"She never said you were leaving, too." Lex sighed rubbing a hand over his bald head.
"She didn't know."
"Oh." Gabe moved through the rest of the house and, with Lex's help, packed all of Chloe's things. "She is sorry, you know." He said when he was standing outside the door with his car packed full of packed and odds and ends.
"I know." He closed the door and brought his bags down the stairs. He was going to have a hard time living his life without Chloe but he would do it. He could live with never seeing her again, never touching her skin as the moonlight shone through the window, never smelling her sweet, flowered scent.
He felt tears pricking his eyes but he refused to let them fall. He could do this. He was doing this. He didn't need her; he never did.