How Far

"There's a boat; I could sail away,

There's the sky; I could catch a plane.

There's the train; there's the tracks,

I could leave and I could choose to not come back.

No, never come back.

There you are giving up the fight,

Here I am begging you to try.

Talk to me, let me in,

But you just put your walls back up again,

Oh, when's it gonna end?

How far do I have to go to make you understand,

I wanna make this work so much it hurts,

But I just can't,

Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are.

So, I'm gonna walk away,

And it's up to you to say how far.

There's a chance I could change my mind,

But I won't, not 'til you decide,

What you want, what you need.

Do you even care if I stay or leave,

Oh, what's it gonna be?

How far do I have to go to make you understand,

I wanna make this work so much it hurts,

But I just can't,

Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are.

So, I'm gonna walk away,

And it's up to you to say how far.

Out of this chair, or just across the room,

Halfway down the block, or halfway to the moon.

How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts,

But I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away and it's up to you to say
Yeah, I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far."

-"How Far" by Martina McBride

Chloe Sullivan sat in the bay window of the house she shared with Lex crying her eyes out. Her life wasn't what she had thought it was going to be. She was in love with someone who would never love her back and would never admit it if he did. Luthors did not show weakness; love was a weakness. The rain was pounding against the glass where she rested her forehead. The tears had long ago dried on her cheeks leaving them red and streaked with lines. She hadn't opened her eyes in hours nor had she uttered a single syllable.

She was gathering her thoughts and came to one conclusion; it was over. She wasn't sure what "it" was but she knew she would have to leave to find out. She didn't want to live this life anymore. She barely saw her friends and family and she lived in a house just a cold as the man who owned it. She had wasted years of her life trying to get him to feel something, anything, she didn't care if he hated her, but he was a lost cause. Six months earlier she had realized it but, for her own stubbornness, had refused to admit it. Lex was a Luthor in every sense of the name; he was cold, demanding, and completely incapable of falling in love.

Chloe's eyes popped open suddenly two stray tears leaking out the sides. She wiped her face before scurrying to the bathroom to wash it. The sun would be rising soon and Lex liked to wake early; she had some things to take care of before then. She walked back in the bedroom to see him sleeping peacefully on his side of the bed blissfully unaware of her disappearance. Chloe broke down. Everything she had kept in side for nearly a year came spilling out, almost to his face. She wasn't even aware of her own words or the fact that she was crying again.

She ended her dreadful display be burying her face in his back and letting out a final sob. He remained asleep never moving from the spot near the edge where he so often drifted to in the night. She never realized before how odd it was that they moved to opposite edges of the bed in their sleep while other lovers moved closer together. Tonight she noticed and chalked it up to one more reason why they could never work.

Chloe fell into a light, tormented sleep and awoke earlier than even Lex would. She pulled a suitcase from the closet as quietly as possible. She quickly packed clothes she usually wore leaving some of the nicer dresses and more conservative suits behind. She was nearly out the front door when she froze and dropped her luggage. She couldn't leave like that. It wasn't like her to give up on anything she wanted ever. She debated with herself for nearly an hour finally deciding that she couldn't keep hating herself for staying and hating him for unknowingly forcing her to stay. She had to do something for herself for once; not everything could be about him no matter how much she hoped it could. She couldn't stay just for love; she needed compassion. She needed to feel something other than a painful stab in her heart. She needed to get back in touch with the reality she was once familiar with. And she needed it soon before she drove herself insane.

She hurriedly tore a piece of yellow lined paper from the pad on the kitchen counter and grabbed the purple pen with the fuzzy end out of the drawer. She froze dropping the pen suddenly. That was the first gift Lex bought for her after she realized she loved him. He had insisted she needed a new pen for her new job at the Smallville Ledger. He had grabbed the pen off the counter in the small general store and showed it to her. She shook her head and tried to look disapproving but it was ruined by the wide smile on her face. He had purchased the five dollar pen against her wishes and she had kept it ever since. That was three and a half years ago.

Chloe slowly reached down picking up the pen from the floor. She scrawled the words "I'm Sorry" across the paper and left it on his pillow before scrambling out the door with the fuzzy, purple pen. She took the Porsche out of the garage and drove it to her father's home in Smallville. They had moved to the city two years earlier so Lex could be closer to work and Chloe could start working at a larger newspaper. The drive seemed to pass by in a flash when she was left to just he silence of her own thoughts, regrets, and insecurities. Lex would, no doubt, be waking up soon.

She pulled into the driveway and grabbed her suitcase from the back. She took a deep breath before knocking on the door. It took three doorbell rings and six more knocks before he opened the door in a bathrobe his hair sticking up at all angles. Chloe felt tears prick her eyes again before wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug.

"I love you, Daddy," She mumbled before breaking into sobs. He stood stunned for a moment before hugging her to him.

"Honey, what's wrong?" He kissed his only child on the top of her head. She pushed away from him and bit her lower lip, a nervous habit she had yet to realize she had.

"I left him." She said it so softly Gabe wondered if she said it at all but the look on her face and the pain in her eyes was all the conformation he needed.

"What happened?" He asked knowing she needed to talk about it.

"Why don't I tell you over breakfast?" She smiled brightly but the light was missing from her eyes giving her an empty look. So, she poured her heart out over pancakes not skipping anything. She told him about the cold, hard look in his eyes after they made love, about the way he silently disapproved of things she did making her more uncomfortable then she had ever been, about the way she faked happy to everyone including Lex but cried alone at night in the corner of the window. She told him everything then asked him to collect the rest of her things from the large house just outside the city.

"Just…just don't tell him." Were her departing words to her father as he got in his old car and drove to the one place he thought his daughter would always be safe. So much for happy endings.