A/N: Ok, here by popular demand. Takumi's thoughts. I can't thank you all enough for your wonderful reviews. They keep me and this story going. I think next chapter I'm going with an actual story. We'll see. Kind of the same as before. Lots of grammatical errors. Blame my muse not me. None of this is my fault. I think you might get to see some hints of Takumi/Ryousuke if you squint hard enough. But that's about all the warnings there are for this chapter. Have fun.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Nada. Just borrowing the characters for my own evil thoughts.

Confusing Nights, Increasing Questions

Itsuki told me to write this so I'm taking his advice. It's the middle of the night and I have nothing better to do. I usually go down and visit the GS where I previously worked. My best friend, Itsuki, and my sempai Ikitani both still work there. They enjoy it but I never would have. It was too boring. I like moving around.

Back to Itsuke. He told me earlier today that it was the rage to write journals now. He said a friend of Kenji-sempai's got a girl because he told her he wrote a journal. Now everyone's doing it. I don't really care either way. I wouldn't do it except I really have nothing to do. The GS is closed and it's a weekday night. The only thing to do is the deliveries and they take place at two in the morning.

I guess the other reason I'm writing this is because I'm confused with how my life is going. I'm 19 years old with a job and I'm relationship free. As the manager of the GS place once said 'it's a shame to be this young with no attachments' or something like that.

I guess lately I've been thinking more about Mogi and how she's doing. She used to be my girlfriend until things happened. When we last parted it was mutual and she went to college in Tokyo. I'm happy for her. She sends me letters every once and a long while and it sounds like she's having a lot of fun.

Fujiwara Takumi put down his pen and sat up in bed. He reached over to his nightstand, grabbing the picture he kept there. It was of the time him and Mogi went to the beach. She had some tourists take a picture of them. Mogi was beaming a smile while he looked away. He gently put the picture back on the table. Then, after a moment of thought, he picked it up again and placed it in the drawer.

He picked up his pen and kept writing.

I just received a letter from her today. That's where my confusion begins. She wrote to me that she found a really nice guy. I guess they're in some of the same classes or something. But she wrote that she felt blown away by him. She apologized profusely to me saying she never even thought that could happen. I don't really mind. I figured something like that would happen. I read somewhere that it was nearly a guarantee that long distant relationships never really work. But I'm still confused.

I thought I'd be more hurt over this information than I am. Do I feel anything for her? Did I ever feel anything for her or was that all just a dream? How will I know when it's not a dream? These questions are plaguing me. If I don't have Mogi than who do I have? What do I have?

I suppose I have the team. That's supposed to be good enough. That brings me to my second confusion. This team turned out to be totally different than it started out being. I guess it's a good thing. I started out with the mindset that I was going to get better for myself. I still have that mindset but now it's something more. Now I want to be better but not just for myself. I want to be better so that Ryousuke will praise me. That sounds stupid even to my ears but it's true.

When I started, I raced to learn new things. Now I learn new things hoping to receive praise from Ryousuke. I do get it too. That's another weird thing. When I get the praise I know is coming, I feel all warm inside. It's a feeling I'm addicted to like I'm addicted to driving. I just don't know how to describe it further. It makes me feel all floaty and on top of the world. I've never felt this way before even around Mogi.

So I drive for that heady feeling I get with Ryousuke's praises. The other reason why I drive is for Keisuke. No one really believes that I have ambition but I do. I know the importance of having a rival. Besides, Keisuke makes it so that it's hard to not get riled up. He has this air around him that makes me not want to lose to him. I can just feel the tension around him. In one way he's amazing because of how intense he is but, on the other hand, he's hard to deal with because of his wavering emotions. With him I just can't tell when he's in a bad mood or not. It's strange.

I consider the Takahashi brothers as part of my friends. I can talk pretty easily with both of them. It's rather remarkable considering the aloof air the two carry. I didn't expect them to be so nice. But they are. At least around me and the other members of Project D.

Ryousuke is our leader and the brains of the entire outfit. It's easy to see how he's the number one driver in Japan. The more I learn about driving, the more astonished I am at the fact that I won against him when we raced. How could I have done that at that level? The more I learn, the stronger my thoughts are that I cannot be beaten on the slopes of Akina. That is if I hadn't been beaten by the Impreza and my father. Idiot Father. He just had to do that. Now my thinking is more along the line of I can't be beaten unless it's my father.

That's why I don't like driving Akina. Too unfair to the other drivers. I didn't think that way until I got an unfulfilled emotion that I won only because it was Akina. Having it sure dampened my mood. So I told Itsuki and the rest that I'd never drive it anymore and I won't… at least in an official race. I still have to do the deliveries. That idiot father of mine still thinks I need a glass of water in the car even with how good I'm doing. I don't really care, I just feel sometimes like he's still treating me like a kid.

Ryousuke never treats me like a kid. Neither does Keisuke or the whole Project D. I sometimes feel like I'm the odd one out in that group. Kind of like I'm the flawed one in a pile of gems. Ryousuke is perfect. I use that word lightly. I'm sure even he messes up sometimes but, to the outside world, all he shows is impeccability. It's sometimes daunting. He's rich, nice, handsome… wait, did I just use the word handsome? I must really be tired.

Takumi rubbed his eyes, yawing as he did so. Yes, he was feeling the time. No wonder he was writing such weird things such as that. He thought about erasing the last line or two but skipped it in the end. No one else but him would see this journal anyway.

He yawned one last time and wrote some more.

I think I'm starting to feel the stress of being on the team. I mean, I always have felt the stress but it never really got to me physically like it is now. I can feel the tension running through my body as if it were humming. I wonder if Keisuke is feeling the same way I am. I enjoy the battles but, with friends like mine, it's hard not to get stressed. It'd be truly horrible if I were the cause of Project D's loss. I'll have to agree with Keisuke on that one.

It looks like I'll have to agree with Keisuke twice. He came up to me right before I had accepted the offer to be on the team. He told me he was taking the year to be under his brothers' tutelage and then he was aiming for the pros. At the time I thought 'wow, what amazing people.' After all, he already had a goal clearly stated in his mind and it was huge. I didn't have a single goal in my life. At the time, all I had was a job. I had nothing to look forward to, only my three friends to hang out with and no girlfriend. So him saying as much to me blew my mind away. I've been thinking about that ever since.

Ever since I've been driving in Project D, I've been thinking about what I want to do with all this knowledge I get. I think I've come to the conclusion that I want to follow Keisuke's dream. I want to turn pro. I think I can do it. Actually, I think we can both do it. If we grow exponentially from how we've been doing… well we'll be a lot better. That much I can say. How much better, I'd have to go ask Ryousuke to tell me the exact numbers. He's good at that. In fact, he's good in just about everything. But that's getting off subject. I haven't told anyone about my decision because I want to savor it. I know that telling my idiot father would only get a grunt and a nod. Just like him to kill all emotions like that. If I told Keisuke, he'd get all fired up. I don't need that right now. I might tell Ryousuke but, chances are, he already knows.

Time to wind things up. Tonight I've just had a lot going on through my head. Itsuki thinks that I never think and I'm a blockhead but I do. I'm like every semi-normal teen there is out there. After all, how could I not think? It's just all those late night runs that my father makes me do that give me the odd face that makes Itsuki think I'm not thinking. And, perhaps, it's because whenever he asks what I'm thinking, I tell him that I'm thinking of nothing. He's gotten so used to that answer that he believes that it's real. Oh well. I don't really care. It keeps him from prying too much into my thoughts.

Takumi put his pad and pen in his drawer and closed it. He flipped off the light, flopping back onto his bed. He looked at the moonlit ceiling deep in though. He wondered what tomorrow would bring. One thing was for sure, he felt better now that he got his thoughts down on paper. Perhaps tomorrow would give him some answers to his questions. Maybe. Just maybe.

He closed his eyes, instantly falling deep asleep.