"I know this must be a joke," Buffy said after a long, excruciatingly painful moment, fighting with everything inside her against sinking back down onto the small sofa and never getting up again. "Ha-ha. See? Laughing. Funny. Joke thing. Give me the punch line."

At the powers stoic silence she kicked out, sending her coffee table splintering against the wall, feeling like she was sixteen years old again and hearing Giles tell her she was going to face the master and die, as she screamed, "GIVE ME THE PUNCHLINE!"

"I'm sorry," one of the powers said, showing what seemed to be genuine sympathy for the first time since they had arrived, "But I believe we just did."

"Oh," Buffy said slowly, anger suddenly completely gone and helpless resignation the only thing she had left to cling to as she took a tiny step backward, drawing herself up to her full height. "Okay."

But even as she said the word she was dying inside, still feeling like a teenager I don't want to die, hit with the sharp realization that, much as she wanted Angel's humanity, she was still selfish enough to want to be there when he received it, feel his heart beat. Read me the signs! You're so useful, standing there with your BOOKS-

"And if I don't go?" she asked quietly, forcing herself to meet their somber gazes. "If I stay here and go… shopping-" and even as the words left her mouth she heard how utterly hollow they were, knew that even despite everything, the past crazy giddy year of partying and lovemaking, not necessarily in that order, of trying to recapture a youth she hadn't really had, she could never forget what she was- could never forget what he was to her, no matter how many times she-

"Things will go on much the same," a voice sliced through her thoughts. "I believe you know Wesley Windham Price?"

Buffy nodded mutely. "Well, unlike your former lovers, he HAS deduced that a few thousand slayers might help their chances of surviving the apocalypse somewhat. He's been in frantic contact with a Mister Rupert Giles-"

"That makes no sense," Buffy said, feeling herself grow more confused by the second. "Giles would have called me-"

"He's trying to protect you," and the powers cringed as Buffy sent a picture frame shattering.

"What is everyone's PROBLEM with trying to protect me? What part of GROWN UP is not penetrating-"

"Also, he wished to respect your RETIREMENT," one spat at her scornfully, "Which surely even you would concede you've been shoving down everyone's throats relentlessly-"

"Well excuse me for being excited that I wasn't going to die!" Buffy cried out before snorting bitterly. "Oh, but wait! Big surprise- I am." Her jaw shook slightly with barely repressed emotion as she asked in a small voice, "Did I make it the longest?"

The one with the quiet voice took a small step toward her, extending his hand. "Child, we assumed you knew you've already outlasted any other slayer in history by three years."

She smiled bittersweetly. "I suppose that's something."

"Am I to understand you will go?"

She nodded slowly, eyes wide, hardly believing her own words as she whispered, "I'll go."

No sooner had the words left her mouth than Buffy blinked in surprise at the bright sunlight surrounding her, stunned to find herself in the middle of what seemed like a residential neighbor hood in- "LA," she muttered in amazement, then snorted. "So much for a nice, long plane ride to brace myself for-

"You still have until sunset to prepare yourself," a voice sliced through her thoughts, and Buffy was unsurprised to turn and see a single power still standing there, looking at her with something resembling sadness as he seemed to read her mind, saying simply, "Go to him. He needs your strength. However, he must believe you to be ignorant of all that we have told you-"

"More secrets and lies?" Buffy asked in disbelief before squaring her shoulders, willing herself not to care. "Whatever. At least that I can do."

--

"Willow?" Buffy asked hesitantly as her friend picked up her phone, almost crying in relief as she heard her calm voice.

"Hey Buffy! Is everything okay? When we got disconnected-"

"Not really, Will, no," Buffy cut her off quickly. "I- really need your help."

"Anything. Can you just give me a few hours to-"

"I need your help NOW," Buffy said, unable to keep a slightly frantic edge from her voice and she could almost see Willow's brow pucker with concern and confusion.

"Okay, it's done. Just tell me what you need?"

"I can't explain why right now-" Buffy warned, relieved when Willow cut her off, repeating,

"Just tell me what you need."

"Um- well, for starters, Angel's most current address."

"Oh," Willow said, sounding even more confused but slightly relieved. "Sure. I mean, that's easy enough… just let me just- hmmm," she mused, and Buffy could hear her franticly typing some words onto a keyboard. "He never was very easy to- oh! Okay, here we go!" She reeled off an address rapidly and Buffy sighed in relief, committing it to memory before beginning to talk quietly and rapidly. "Willow, very bad things are happening and I have to… I don't have time to organize this right now. Can you call some people for me?"

"Of course," Willow said gently and Buffy sighed in relief.

"This is what I need you to do-"

--

Buffy paced back and forth outside Angel's building for what must have been the fiftieth time. Despite her best efforts not to think about anything, to be fearless, she found herself practically trembling as she contemplated the grim reality of the situation, trying to prepare herself to face her ex lover even as she knew there was nothing she could do that would make it less difficult, no possible way it could end that would not leave her feeling like her heart had been yanked out of her chest and stomped on, even if he was nice to her who am I kidding, especially if he's nice to me, in that polite distant way he's gotten so good at, oh god, PLEASE, give me anything but that-

And as she once more began to walk back and forth, the doorman staring at her as though she were insane aren't I? she wondered what good it could possibly do to see him, when the best case scenario she could envision involved devastation pouring off both of them in waves. She almost turned to walk aimlessly away until she found some quaint little coffee shop, dimly lit, where no one would ask any questions and she would be free to spend a few hours nursing a cappuccino, take out the memories slowly, one by one, of a simpler time when she had believed love was enough and had known without hesitation, without doubt, that he loved her with everything inside of himself, that she-

"Oh god," she muttered, knees almost buckling despite herself as the doorman continued to look at her strangely. "It's so unfair- I don't even know how to- oh god."

The doorman stepped outside, and Buffy braced herself to be yelled at, surprised when he only looked at her with concern. "Are you alright, miss?"

"I- will be," she said slowly, forcing herself to gain some semblance of dignity as she squared her shoulders. "It's just- some people you'll never know how to say goodbye to, you know?"

He looked at her keenly. "Then maybe that's not what you should say."

She frowned at him for a brief moment before she let out a shaky laugh, remembering other times- other goodbyes... How's forever? Does forever work for you?

"I never was very good at it," she admitted softly before seeming to realize something for the first time, looking self-consciously down at herself and hating how, even at a moment like this, she cared deeply what the answer was. Cared deeply how Angel would perceive her- "Do I look okay?"

"I think I can say with total confidence that that's an understatement," he said with an appreciative arch of his eyebrow and she smiled warily, in what she somehow knew was the old way, saying dryly,

"Thanks."

"So," he asked, with a small grin. "Was there someone in particular you were thinking of saying this non-goodbye to, or have you just been randomly pacing outside for the past hour?"

"There's someone in particular," she said in a small voice, hating how the very act of being this close to Angel could make her feel like she was still some hesitant, uncertain kid when-

"Then maybe you should come inside," he disrupted her thoughts and she blinked once before nodding slowly, allowing him to open the door.

--

Exactly two and a half minutes later, as Buffy knocked on Angel's door, makeup freshly applied and bright, seemingly genuine smile on her face, no one would ever have guessed she'd been approaching a nervous breakdown practically moments before, or even that she thought she had any problems bigger than which pair of shoes to wear tomorrow-

She was snapped out of her maudlin reverie, however, as she heard Angel bellow "I told you to take today OFF" from somewhere deep inside the apartment before she banged on the door again, louder.

"Does no one have any conception of LEISURE TIME anymore?" he growled, swinging the door open, and despite her best efforts her smile wavered slightly at his hellish appearance as he wielded a scotch loosely in his hand, face drawn and tired despite the fact that he had to have gained a good fifteen pounds since-

And then, to her gratification, she saw something resembling hope flash in his eyes as he realized it was her, almost dropping his drink as he gasped "Buffy?"

--

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