"OOooooh," Buffy groaned as she was slammed down onto the table, wrapping her legs around Angel's waist instinctively even as her mind whirled, screaming at her all the ways in which this could go wrong, all the ways in which this wasn't a good idea- "Ahhhh," she hissed as his tongue flicked across her throat, igniting fire and she unconsciously ground her hips against his, noting the sharp intake of breath he didn't really need as she threw her head back and gasped, feeling like an idiot as her body reacted purely based on instinct, her mind suddenly blank, having forgotten everything she'd learned about anything sexual over the past few years as she felt like a fumbling virgin again as her nails dug into his arms at the same instant that he ripped her flimsy shirt from her body.
And as he rapidly divested her of her skimpy bra and his mouth descended she abandoned any thought of trying to stop what had always been inevitable, instead starting to worry that she was going to disappoint him- that he was going to disappoint her, after all the longing and all the years-
And then, suddenly, unfathomably they were crashing through another door and onto a bed and he was murmuring her name and she couldn't think anymore.
At all.
--
Buffy felt herself waking up before she was wholly ready to do so, reaching for Angel and alarmed when she felt only sheets, jerking upward and saying his name with a certain desperation oh god, he lost his soul, and the Shanshu DEFINITELY said he has to have a soul and WHEN am I going to learn-
"I'm here," he said quietly from across the room and she almost started to cry in relief at the gentleness in his tone. She slumped backward in relief, wishing her mind would be quiet, confused by her near giddiness when the world was about to end well, I guess one thing I learned in Bio 101 was true, sex really does release endorphins-and then decided to just embrace it, when she hadn't been this happy in so many years and now would never be again-
"Well, you should be HERE," she allowed herself to pout playfully, patting the bed next to her with an inviting smile, laying back down before she suddenly realized what he was doing and groaned "oh noooo," putting a hand up to block her face, disheartened when she continued to hear charcoal sweep against the creamy paper. "Did we never have the discussion about how I look terrible when I first wake up and don't particularly want that to be captured for all eternity?"
"You look gorgeous," he said shortly, and she felt her heart flip flop in a way it hadn't since before she had died for the second time as he continued to make rapid strokes and she gave up what she realized must seem like pathetically unconvincing protestations, just savoring the moment- her lover drawing her after what was unquestionably the best sex of her life, fighting all but forgotten- and her smile faded slightly as she remembered all that was still unresolved between them, all that could never be fully resolved when there was no time- when the real fighting, the kind involving apocalypse and death, was going to begin within the next few hours- before she decided the best possible thing to do would just be to forget it, however briefly. and accept the fact that she had finally gotten to experience what her body, what her soul had been silently waiting for since she was 17 years old even though she had never been fully able to admit it… and as he ripped a page out of the sketchpad he was holding and rapidly started to outline another drawing she smirked slightly and crawled to the foot of the bed, tossing her hair backward playfully and feeling brazen, shocked at her own carefree mood, the lightness with which she was able to wield her sensuality at a moment which really should have felt tragic if she or he ever followed any rules of logic ever even as she smiled sexily.
"If I look so gorgeous," she purred, "Come to bed," surprised as he ignored her words, gazing at her intently before saying alertly, "Yes, stay like that," tearing another page out of his sketchbook carelessly and beginning another portrait. She smirked, shifting on purpose just to annoy him, shocked when, undeterred, he just ripped another page out and started another drawing.
She picked the discarded one up off the floor, expecting it to be rough and unpolished, shocked to see a shockingly detailed picture that she was pretty sure had perfectly captured the teasing look on her face-
"My god," she said quietly, almost dropping the paper in surprise. "You're really good."
"That's what all the girls say," he quipped, shooting her something that looked suspiciously like a smirk, and her mouth dropped as she realized he was feeling exactly what she was, probably just as surprised by it as she was that really shouldn't shock me me, we always were freakily in tune with one another before she let out a giggle, coming over and straddling him lightly, commenting with a smirk of her own,
"The world really must be ending if you're making jokes about sex," kissing him gently, trying not to analyze how odd it was that this really felt totally normal, as though she'd been waking up with him every day for the past-
And with that thought Buffy came slamming back down to reality, and as she heard Angel drop the sketchpad to the floor she felt him do the same, and, while moments before she had been grateful for the perpetual, perfect synchronicity between them now she cursed it as the mood in the room shifted within seconds. She fought the inevitable moment of truth, though, forcing herself to smile slightly as she asked, real curiosity in her tone as something occurred to her for the first time, "Was that what you wanted to be?"
"Hmmm?" he questioned, tone distracted, and she knew she had lost him to thoughts about what was to come that night as he glanced at the clock and cringed at the time he saw there, with unspeakable tenderness lifting her off his lap and throwing a shirt over his head.
"When you were- growing up," she elaborated carefully, following his lead and grabbing for her clothing, flushing as she realized it all was pretty much shredded beyond recognition and grateful as he threw her a flannel shirt and a pair of sweatpants as though anticipating her predicament which would of course make sense-
He paused, staring at her for a long moment before saying hoarsely, "No one ever asked me that before." She felt instantly contrite, opening her mouth to apologize even as he shrugged, wistful smile on his face before he continued, "Mostly I wanted to see the world, but I definitely would have drawn it- I sort of imagined myself on a ship somewhere-"
She smiled encouragingly. "It sounds nice."
"I think it would have been," he shrugged, breaking eye contact with her and pulling on shoes. "I was a pretty reckless man, though-" and he shook his head even as she looked at him eagerly, hoping against hope that he would continue, a wish that was not fulfilled as he gazed at her sadly. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I really do need you to leave. There are- things happening-"
She nodded slowly, smile fading at the reality that this was actually goodbye. "I know. I mean-" she amended with a hard swallow, "it's okay."
He took a step toward her, caressing her cheek gently and she allowed her eyes to flutter shut as she leaned into the touch, trying to savor it and not think about what she herself needed to do in the next few hours, trying just to feel- "It's not," he began hoarsely before shaking his head and trying again, "If I could-"
"I know," she whispered softly, taking a step forward and being crushed into his arms almost without realizing any of it was happening. "I would too."
He pushed back from her slightly, concern suddenly on his face as he sputtered, "It was- okay for you, right?" to her total disbelief and her mouth snapped open, then shut at least twice before she trusted herself to answer with anything resembling calm.
"Angel, that was-" she shook her head slowly, wishing she knew how to begin to express to him what she had felt as she said slowly, "I mean, when I first- when we first-" she sputtered, knowing she was blushing and unable to meet his gaze. "I've remembered that night so many times and- I mean, I always thought that I was overdoing it in my mind, that nothing could have ever been that- I mean whenever I was with," she gulped, "Other people, and it wasn't that good I always thought I was being unfair because I was just imagining- but-"
"But?" he echoed thickly and she forced her eyes to meet his before whispering,
"This was better."
And as they slowly separated she felt her heart catch in her throat, the million things she still needed to say to him crashing against her chest as she slowly retrieved her small purse, turning to look at him one last time as she reached the door.
"I-need to tell you," she began slowly, fingernails digging into her palms as she willed herself not to cry, "A lot has changed for me, you know. Lots of things from- I mean-" she bit her lip as a single tear slid despite her best efforts down her cheek. "But all this time, one thing stayed the same, no matter how badly I tried to tell myself-" He gazed at her silently, eyes alert, and she blurted it out before she could lose her nerve, the words coming out in a choked sob. "I want my life to be with you."
She ran out the door before she had to see his reaction, scared of what it might inspire her to do, to feel, now when she needed to focus her energy like never before. "Okay," she muttered to herself, resolving to just think about it later, when she could bear it, "Let's finish this."
--
Buffy took note of Spike approaching the building through the back alley how typical and dove without hesitation from the roof where she was perched, waiting. She tackled him roughly and he put on his game face instantly, growling, "This is NOT a good night to mess-" before realizing it was her, relaxing his features at once as he proclaimed, near-joyfully, "Slayer! I knew you wouldn't just let us fry!" He frowned slightly, looking briefly remorseful as they both stood. "Though I really was looking forward to finally having a real brawl- I never understand what Angel's going on about, fighting evil blah blah blah. There's evil and there's EVIL and if you want my opinion we've spent a little too long focusing on the small-
"Spike," she said softly, with a small, silent smile, raising her eyebrows imploringly and he stopped talking at once as he surveyed to look on her face, his own smile fading as he held out his arms, and she went into them without hesitation, fighting the urge to cry.
"What's going on?" he asked after a brief moment of silence and she pushed away gently, reluctantly.
"Need your help," she admitted with an ironical smile and he nodded vehemently at once.
"Anything," he declared, then frowned. "Though I am a bit in the middle of an apocalypse at the moment, so-"
She smiled grimly as she replied dryly, "No worries. Our goals coincide."
"Thought they might," he said with a satisfied nod, then gestured toward the door. "Come on in. Angel-"
"Saw him," she cut him off and Spike actually rolled his eyes dismissively, staring pointedly at her outfit.
"Even if you didn't reek of him, I didn't think you got the brooding clothes at Versace, pet, but-" he began before his eyes widened and he said in disbelief, backing away from the building rapidly, "Fuck, Buffy- Don't tell me he's turned-"
"No! No…turning of any kind!" she snapped nervously and Spikes posture relaxed once more.
"Well, good, because he's bad enough like this-" he frowned slightly as he tried to piece it together. "So- you already went to Angel and he sent you away, and now you want me to-"
"Not exactly," she muttered, not meeting his eyes. "He- doesn't know I'm here to help. He thinks-" he brow furrowed as she bit her lip delicately. "Actually, as usual I don't know what he thinks, but it doesn't matter right now. You're the one I need to help me."
"Tell me what I can do," he nodded and she almost collapsed in relief as she tried to determine how to begin.
--
I am HUGELY grateful for feedback, thank you to all who have left it in the past and to everyone who will leave it for this chapter :) I read it all and really take your ideas/suggestions/comments etc to heart :)
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!